Author Topic: Humor  (Read 21061 times)

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #50 on: April 08, 2012, 05:07:26 AM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #51 on: April 08, 2012, 05:08:50 AM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #52 on: April 08, 2012, 05:10:52 AM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #53 on: April 08, 2012, 05:13:26 AM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #54 on: April 08, 2012, 05:21:47 AM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #55 on: April 10, 2012, 05:32:49 PM »
A husband and wife decided they needed to use code to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell Daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #56 on: April 10, 2012, 05:34:24 PM »
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, “Bruce! Bruce!” and he came running in.
“Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor,” she said.
“S’truth, Sheila!” Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. “You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber.”
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor.
“No way, we can’t do it!” Cobber said, “So let’s try Plan B.”
“Plan B?” exclaimed Bruce, “What’s that?”
“I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her.” replied Cobber.
“Spot on.” Bruce said, “While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples.”
“Play with her nipples?” Cobber said, “Not exactly a good time for that mate!”
“No…” Bruce replied, “But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper!!!”

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #57 on: April 10, 2012, 05:35:50 PM »
This guy visits the doctors and says, “Doc… I think I’ve got a sex problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore.” The doctor says, “Come back tomorrow and bring her with you.” The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, “Take off your clothes and lie on the table.” She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. He pulls the guy to the side and says, “You’re fine. She doesn’t give me a hard on either.”

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #58 on: April 10, 2012, 05:36:53 PM »
I’m about three years into my relationship now and I’ve started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is. She bought me some Viagra, and I’ve bought her a treadmill.

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #59 on: April 11, 2012, 09:17:50 AM »
"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #60 on: April 14, 2012, 01:47:52 PM »
An old man of 70 married a young girl of 21. When they got into bed the night after their wedding, he held up three fingers. “Oh honey!” said the young nymph, “Does that mean we’re going to do it three times?” “No…” said the old man, “It means you can take your pick.”

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #61 on: April 14, 2012, 01:49:28 PM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #62 on: April 14, 2012, 01:54:04 PM »
Depth limit for recreational divers - 12 metres
Depth limit for experienced divers - 18 metres
Depth at which nitrogen bubbles develop in your blood - 30 metres
Scuba diving world record - 137 metres
Depth my $14.99 watch will operate up to - 500 metres
Cheers Casio, that's a relief

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #63 on: April 16, 2012, 07:45:25 PM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #64 on: April 20, 2012, 01:10:07 PM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #65 on: April 20, 2012, 01:11:33 PM »
With girlfriend
Without girlfriend

mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #66 on: April 20, 2012, 01:14:21 PM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #67 on: April 22, 2012, 05:58:07 PM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #68 on: April 25, 2012, 12:20:44 PM »
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mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #69 on: April 29, 2012, 02:41:43 PM »
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garebear

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Re: Humor
« Reply #70 on: April 30, 2012, 04:32:54 AM »
Great thread!
G

El Diablo Blanco

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Re: Humor
« Reply #71 on: April 30, 2012, 12:41:26 PM »
I’m about three years into my relationship now and I’ve started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is. She bought me some Viagra, and I’ve bought her a treadmill.

QFT

Primemuscle

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Re: Humor
« Reply #72 on: April 30, 2012, 02:19:53 PM »
I’m about three years into my relationship now and I’ve started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is. She bought me some Viagra, and I’ve bought her a treadmill.

It is not unheard of that some folks lose interest in their partners overtime. Sometimes it is because they have become unattractive, but often it is just sexual boredom. Viagra only works if you are sexually excited. If someone doesn't turn you on, you are not going to get an erection regardless of whether you take Viagra or Cialis.

After three years of a relationship there should be more to it than just the sexual aspects. Sex can be an expression of love. There are many ways to make love that don't require an erection. Fortunately, many women enjoy intimacy in a variety of ways beside coitus.

ARMZ

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Re: Humor
« Reply #73 on: May 04, 2012, 10:19:23 AM »
Makes your eyes tear up, so fukkin funny..




mantronik

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Re: Humor
« Reply #74 on: May 04, 2012, 08:30:23 PM »
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