Interesting read.
I don't mean to sound outrageously petty, but his description of the despair he felt as he tried thing after thing in order to escape "the darkness" really does remind me of how I felt about bodybuilding for a long time. I was completely obsessed with building a body I could be happy with, and when I started running into trouble I would try EVERYTHING, only to be met with failure and despair, time after time.
Finally I gave up, and a couple of days later, by chance, realized how my pelvic tilt had been impinging nerves, shutting down large portions of my muscles on every lift. I feel lucky to have found the solution to my problem, unlike him, and it only haunted me for about five years, not twenty three.
That said, I can definitely relate to the feeling of helplessness and despair, as you stumble hopelessly through life trying to find the reason you're unable to do something which is so natural and effortless for others. It's very degrading and unhealthy, and seeps into every aspect of your life, corrupting everything.
Anyone who reads this and blithely comments "eh, everyone is responsible for his / her own actions" is unaware of how complex the world really is... Zeller even admits to this belief himself, but he's wrong. The decisions we make can never be separated entirely from our circumstances, and our successes and failures are based only partly based on our will.
