1.
Tailgate big rigs and SUVs like nobody’s business. Mythbusters proved you can increase MPG by up to 40% depending on how close you are. It’s not like they can put on the brakes as fast as you can anyway.
2.
Drink tap water. It’s not THAT bad for you. I’ve been doing it for years and I’m healthy as a horse.
3.
Consider all co-worker and classmate food ‘community food’ if it’s left out. Look, if they really didn’t want you to have any they wouldn’t leave it where you can find it, right?
4.
Buy a crap phone and get crap service. Forget $100 phones and $100 per month plans. Do you really need a computer in your pocket? It’s bad enough that I have a phone that goes with me everywhere I go already so I really don’t need to have five more applications increasing my availability also through said phone. I’ll stick with Tetris and no email for $45 a month. If I need to call you I’ll call from the work phone.
5.
Don’t go into debt for anything. What kind of asshole finances a TV? My bills are monthly apart from my mortgage (the one good use for debt). Other than that I’ll deal with an $8,000 car as long as I don’t have to keep paying for it for 4 years. Not only is interest a rip off to begin with but by the time you pay the damn thing off you will want something else anyway.
6.
Dollar menus. Don’t even pretend that anything else you could get at McDonald’s or BK is healthier by any margin. For four dollars you could get four glorious Whopper Juniors or McDoubles equaling a thousand, satisfying calories or you could spend $6.50 for one measly sandwich, fries, and beverage. Four bucks for a half days’ worth of energy? Where do I sign?
7.
Mooch off your parents. Not the most glamorous or impressive way to go but if you want to save some green it’s the bee’s knees. Think about it.. Until you’re ready to buy a house you’re going to blow $600-$1000 per month on renting an apartment and that’s before you pay the bills and buy food. You could save that much every month towards a house by eating your parents out of their home, paying a next-to-nothing rent of maybe $200, and having virtually no bills to speak of. They may whine about the ‘creatures’ you bring home once in a while and what time you’re coming home in the first place but it’s a small price to pay to own your own place by 26 years old. And then they’ll think you’re ‘financially responsible’ for your age. Win-win, folks.
8.
Be a pirate. Despite the appealing nature of grabbing wench booty and skewering hapless seamen I am talking about pirating music. Is stealing wrong? Of course. But if you don’t want someone to steal your car you don’t leave it in the Wal-Mart parking lot unlocked with the keys in the ignition. ‘Stealing’ music via download is as bad as right-clicking and saving some great artists painting on the internet because I want a cool background on my computer. Everyone reading this knows I loathe people who take other’s things but there are exceptions to EVERY rule. $16 for a CD is stupid and to date I have yet to meet someone who cares.
9.
Use gyms at colleges. Most college gyms have NO ONE at any desk checking student IDs. If they do I bet nine times out of nine and a half that they are a student working part time and I’ll be damned if they’re checking anything. I used to show my student ID anyway but I realized that if I just kept walking and didn’t show anything they never had the balls to actually try to demand to see it. Most of them are too busy tweeting how much herpes put a damper on their Friday night plans to give a fuck all about who is using the damn gym.
10.
Make three new friends. Ebay, Craigslist, and Amazon. I used to be addicted to Ebay until Craigslist came along. Then I found out Amazon was selling more than just books and I about came in my pants. I find books that cost $60 new for FOUR MOTHERFUCKING DOLLARS!!! Seriously, the internet is my bitch. Bring me what I want you sweet little whore.
Hope this helps!
