Friends and coworkers of local bodybuilder Vince Goodrum confirmed Wednesday that whenever they feel discouraged or depressed, they need only think of their 38-year-old acquaintance to put everything back into perspective, a fact to which Vince, by all accounts, remains completely oblivious.
According to sources, Vince is unaware that each of his friends bring his burnt-to-a-crisp visage to mind when facing personal obstacles, relationship troubles, or a general sense of dissatisfaction with their lives, using the unmarried, trailer-dwelling troglodyte as a valuable reminder that they should be grateful for what they have.
“If I have a rough day at work, or my girl and I get into a fight, I can always take a step back and be thankful that I’m not in Vince's shoes,” longtime getbigger Chaos said of Vince, who reportedly lives by himself, eats Ramen noodles with mayonnaise every night, and spends his weekends collecting coupons. “It really helps put my problems into context. All I have to do is PM him and listen to him talk about the latest Caliber Nutrition product -- fermented goat jizz for massive gainz or some such -- or some new digital currency investment scheme he read about online, and I realize that I’m actually in pretty good shape.”
“Just thinking about Vince helps me remember how truly lucky I am,” Chaos continued.
As verified by multiple sources, with his dead-end careers, lack of personal interests, and the frequency with which he still photographs himself shirtless in a delusional stupor, Vince has for numerous years unknowingly enhanced the self-esteem of almost everyone who knows him. Indeed, Vince's acquaintances claimed that frustrations and anxieties concerning their own financial woes, health issues, and other difficulties invariably melt away simply by picturing Vince sitting in his unadorned trailer, getting anally gaped by a cross-eyed cross dresser of peace.
“I’ve had days where I feel just about ready to give up, but all it takes to get out of my funk is for Vince to show up with that faint old cheese odor and herpes sores of his, take out a stack of 5% off coupons out of his trench coat pocket, and spend an hour in line figuring out how he'll afford the groceries, and I feel a lot better about myself,” said local resident Fitness Frenzy, who explained that taking a few seconds to consider Vince's day-to-day existence has helped him surmount dozens of periods of despondency and self-doubt.
When reached for comment, Vince told reporters that while he’s endured his share of difficulties in recent years, he appreciates having so many people in his social circle who take an active interest in his life.
“My friends are really amazing; they make a big effort to keep in touch. I usually get a call or PM from them at least once a day, and they’re always really interested to hear me talk about my new bee pollen formula or latest competition plans. I can talk about whatever’s going on in my life with them, which is great.”
