Thank you for all the thought, but I am a lost cause.
A sex thought crosses my mind approximately once every five days, or slightly less. Since maybe some weeks that happens more frequently, I might be able to call it every five days, as an average.
I've had sex five times in the past twenty months because I've hunkered down and disappeared so efficiently during the pandemic nonsense while recovering from these personal issues, that women need to literally hunt me down and ask me directly to fuck. And even those who want to hunt me down don't know how to get a hold of me because I'm keeping such a low profile [I don't use my full name on Facebook, and I cancelled my cellphone plan, and pick up a burner phone here and there, but that's about it].
Take a look at the times on the message below - you can see how completely uninterested I am here, even when I am just short of asked directly to fuck - finally when she pretty much did ask me directly, I had fallen asleep on my couch watching TV, and by the time I replied, she has gone to sleep herself. And as I said, I just don't care enough to put any effort in.
On the plus side, strength is very good - I have absolutely no doubt that I'll hit a bench press over 350 if I run some minimal gear. I've also come to realize that a proper steroid cycle and full dedication to an excellent diet may be the only thing to snap me out of this. I know if I get a physique that the average person will turn and look at, that I will feel a lot better [and you do not need to be a heavyweight to get that sort of attention].
But like Phantom Spunker said - I just don't do anything any more [start projects]. After my very best efforts failed so spectacularly with a woman because she was a drug-addicted feminist who dates weak men in order to control the outcome of the relationship, I now worry that any effort I put forth in anything will fail - specifically due to being misled about the actual nature of things.
Even YouTube - why go back to YouTube after their Terms of Service have changed that allow them to ban you for ANY reason at ANY time? The Canadian government is now seizing the bank accounts of citizens who donate to anti-government protests, and JAILING those who organize those protests [Tamara Lich - and Pat King was STILL in jail last week, and Pastor Artur Pawlowski JUST got released from jail ten days ago for holding his church service during the pandemic].
I guess I just don't want to take risks anymore.
No chance I can tolerate a soul-draining 9 to 5. Instead, my soul is being drained from not having meaning in my life.
If gyms stay open, and if Strongman contests start again, I'll get back some meaning in my life. Basically, I have my kids - they are the only thing I think makes life worth living. I feel like I'll be able to recover from this...but if we go back into lockdown again, I feel like I'd be happier in JAIL.
I'm crossing my fingers hoping we have some semblance of normalcy for at least a couple of years. But Canadians seem to want to be controlled by government, so who am I to fight that?
