I kind of feel badly stating this, almost as if I'm giving up a confidence that was given to me some 6 years ago...
But, I have to say, this scenario, minus the actual harming/ murder of a human being, was not a new one to Kelly... A much lighter version of the same, happened to her in the mid-late 90's prior to Craig - 2 boyfriends removed.
She was once involved with a thugish nobody from the gym - just prior to when I met her - probably around 97 or 98, before she turned pro and was a well known entity. He, too, was a fairly isolative, abusive, emotionally unavailable fellow, with whom she did too much blow. By her own admission, she had had a somewhat sticky time getting away from it, and him. In fact, after that, she really shied from situations where blow was, because she was afraid of the power it had over her in that situation.
She went clean for awhile, and seemed to come out of that minor skirmish intact. We all make those kinds of bad choices at least once in life, so, no harm no foul. It was to her credit that she extricated herself finally and got on a better track.
But...
I think this drug "hook" was looming all along for her.. Something in her self-esteem always sought the unseekable, always sought acceptance from the unacceptable, and something in her chemical make-up was attracted to the unfinished business I just described.
"Cunning, baffling and powerful" - that is the AA, NA and all the other "anons" way to describe the lure, addiction, and self-destructive powers of drugs - I'd say this is the pinnacle of that and more. And by the way, I say this not as a saint myself - far from it! I say it because I know both sides of the coin... I know that if it were easy for her to refuse Craig, drugs, that life, etc.., she surely would have done it. But it wasn't easy for her, and she didn't get out in time. That happens on occasion, and consequences of varying degree loom.
As much as I know that she is a big girl, and must face the music, my heart really still very much breaks for her and the course her life has taken. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and certainly not on someone with whom I once had a fun friendship.
But do I feel as some of you, that Kelly couldn't have possibly done this?
Well, I actually do believe that she could have, and think it's a likely scenario. In fact, saying that "embezzlement" was the motive is much weaker than choosing "jealousy"... but I think the prosecution believes that it's unlikely a jury will believe that a "dyed-in-the-wool swinger" would be susceptible to jealousy. (Ironically, however, there's always one person in every swinging couple who doesn't want to be doing it, and holds back a rage right below the surface of the skin, that is nothing short of mighty).
Anyway, my belief that she is capable and that it's likely it was here, isn't to crucify her, but only to say that I do believe she had some very dark, unfinished business -stuff she didn't show to most people - and chose every day to cultivate her growing rage by living with someone who gave her reason to hang on to it, and nurture, it until it exploded. Loving and loathing every minute.
Do I believe she would be in a jail cell had she hooked up with any other person? Probably not. These were extraordinary circumstances. But, I do think that she would have continued to repeat some of this stuff over and over again - as we humans do - until she got it right. Only thing is... "it" got her first. That is always the worst possible outcome.
But then again, maybe it's the only outcome that would have gotten her attention. You never know... Only she and the God she prays to - (and if she doesn't yet, she surely will) - knows for sure.
