Big Ach representing the college-aged bodybuilding douche with pride, and perhaps a tiny nugget of regret mixed in for good measure.
I would make fun, but alas, I cannot.
I too shamed myself at many a dance club in sophmore through senior year with the spandex shirt (usually short-sleeved, to show forearm veins, which I was convinced would set the ladies hearts alight with lust), tight leather club pants and "Stallone Lift" shoes (to get me up over 6' from my usual 5'10"). Replete with fake gold chain (who can afford real gold in junior year?), fake gold watch (again...money went to trenbolone and clen in those days, so fakes had to do), and carefully shaved forearms and chest to maximize muscular definition...for the ladies, I told myself.
All for the ladies. Famous last words.
Odd that I never became introspective as to why I never really got hit on by that many girls. I just assumed they were frigid girls too intimidated by my raging muscularity. I do remember having to talk to a lot of guys interested in how I got that big. Apparently, I had zero gay-dar in college. Clearly now, the reason I didn't get hit on was because every girl in the club assumed I was flamingly gay in that garb. Who could blame them? I looked like 10 pounds of meat in a 7lb bag with arms akimbo, trying to look relaxed as I leaned on the back of chairs so I could flex my chest and triceps and bring out striations, whilst still looking relaxed and "natural".
What in the world possessed me to think that would attract girls? Probably the "Hot Bodz" clothing pages at the back of my Muscular Development magazine. Hey, I thought Mike Dragna (he of the ubiquitous model shots) in the ads would get all the chicks looking like that. Figured it was a sure thing...how could I lose. The mags promised it would happen, so I just sort of assumed it would. All I needed was the right clothing to show off to the girls and then there would be no doubt that they would know I was pure alpha.
Thanks Mike...and thanks Hot Bodz.
I only wish I had getbig back then. My fat friends on the offensive line went home with chicks all the time. I took a cab back home, mixed my tuna with fat free mayo, and told myself I probably needed a bit more size on my rear delts to really get the ladies to notice...my symmetry was what was putting them off.
It's a wonder I survived at all.
