Women blink twice as often as men.
Why Dogs Are Better thanWomenMEN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs understand that you are their master.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs think you sing great.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
Dogs don't mind when you shop.
Dogs don't want to know about every other pet you've had.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs ask for directions.
A dog's parents never visit.
The later you are from shopping, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog
Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs take care of their own needs.
Fixed
blinking is the bodys natural reaction when the brains thought process comes to a grinding halt:-[
haha didn't see that one coming ;D
Banned from Wal-Mart
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Sincerely,
Wal-Mart
;D
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
no funnies today
:(
:D ?
That's awesome!! ;D ;D;D !!!
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
I rather have the ability to turn back the clock.
sorry, but no funnies from me for a while.
Something not right Migs sweetie?
tons, but the biggest was losing some one very dear to me, becuase I am an idiot. Needles to say, I haven't found anything funny or pleasurable since i found something out.
My advice to you dear is not to look turn the clocks back but embrace the future as an old enemy and challenge it and win!
What little I have seen of you on here I would be proud to call you friend.
A quote I heard somewhere (I can't remember)
In this Galaxy there is a thousand planets like earth and in the universe a million times that
and in all that there is only one of any of us.
Don't destroy the one named Migs.
the problem with that is that the future i want is seeded in the past. Not much I have to look forward to in the future. Thank you for the friend comment.
the part of me that hoped is gone. Now it's muddle through the day and expect nothing from myself.
I understand all to clearly my sweet. Take my advice as I have had far too many broken hearts in one life time.
Time truly does heal all wounds. I know your are intelligent enough too know all of this so please forgive me as I don't wish to come off as superficial
but what I have seen of you is worthy of far greater things than I. There is a time for dark thoughts and they are needed and have their purpose
but try to find what made you, YOU - before her. Find what interests intrigued you back then and use then as true passions today.
I know my words sound hollow and pain is true and real and I really wish I could do more, but you hold the answers and they will become clearer and more pleasant. Challenge the future! Take those obstacles that we all have and destroy them. Focus on that and eventually the past will be seen as your gateway to a better future.
Trust me, I have lived this, several times, and a million tears.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
I think I might have to do the alarm clock one..it would be childish but amusing
When I go to pick up my new handgun at a local sporting goods store...I'm gonna ask a form of this question to the clerk...just to see if she catches on.
I wasn't voted class clown for nothing.
I wasn't voted class clown for nothing.
I wonder if the majority of the posters on getbig were considered class clowns :D
some were..and some are...but, ass clowns don't count.;D
i was always the funny one in my class. my math teacher said i should go into comedy. I always had him cracking up.
I don't know about laughing...but your avatar brings a smile to my face ;D
It reminds me of this...
rodney carrington is hilarious
don't make me take you to the back of the mall and give you a mushroom bruise, m'kay.
b*tch
kidding
is it time for tiramisu yet?
:-*
it's not the cream in the tiramisu i'd be worried about. I'm latin, you know all we have to do is walk by any fertile woman and bam!
ha funny cause it's true. Watch a woman do something very similar yesterday.
Did she do a #23 on you?
tada! ;D
question : why is my poop green?
answer below!
http://www.poopreport.com/Intellectual/Content/Dye/dye.html
I knew about the grape kool-aid effect but didn't know exactly why!
tada! ;D
question : why is my poop green?
answer below!
http://www.poopreport.com/Intellectual/Content/Dye/dye.html
what if it's rainbow colored?
what if it's rainbow colored?
The it means you've got a pot of gold up your ass...
:D
i can poop gold!This reminds me...I found a duck egg in my yard!
This reminds me...I found a duck egg in my yard!
that'll go well with the left over mushrooms and some chives you have on the back left corner of the fridge....lower right shelf.>:(
;D
>:(
or a nice mushroom trifolate with a spring salad, toasted goat cheese crutons and spiced almonds or walnuts. A drizzle of lemon and basil oil. Nice light lunch. Better?
I swear my stomach just growled as I read your post.
I think STella is letting you slide with the duck breast remark Migs :-\
Have you seen her in the mean thread ? or on the X with Dan-O ?
you're gonna be sorry if you make her go all caps on yo azz ;D
or a nice mushroom trifolate with a spring salad, toasted goat cheese crutons and spiced almonds or walnuts. A drizzle of lemon and basil oil. Nice light lunch. Better?:D
yeah it's good stuff. then again all food is good stuff. Except for indian, ethiopian, 99% of middle eastern food. Those just suck. We should mount a culinary jihad on the cuisine.
eating with fingers is not the problem. It's the fact that all their food is shit. I'm from the south, were we have finger licking good food. if your lucky we'll lick other stuff too. Yeah i went there, so? I'm in need of lovin damnit!
hmm linky no worky >:(
bad jaggy, very bad...(http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/em/angel2.gif)
rofl, that made me laugh. Just like when a tramp chooses a white wedding dress. Not saying your a tramp or anything. lol.
or what huh! bring it..and some ice cream for later please.
:o
can we still have ice cream?