Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...

[Primemuscle]

Adam Sandler isn't a millionaire hundreds of times over because he's making "Gone with the wind" type movies

Believe it or not, some folks don't find Adam Sandler funny.

[The Abdominal Snoman]

Believe it or not, some folks don't find Adam Sandler funny.

True. But anyone who doesn't think Happy Gilmore was funny, probably has contemplated suicide more than a dozen times in their lifetime. The same type of people who walked out of the movie theatre during the original Animal House.

[Primemuscle]

True. But anyone who doesn't think Happy Gilmore was funny, probably has contemplated suicide more than a dozen times in their lifetime. The same type of people who walked out of the movie theatre during the original Animal House.

I don't know if Happy Gilmore is funny or not since I haven't seen the movie yet. Anyway, I'm still good because I haven't yet reached a dozen suicide contemplations.

[Powerlift66]

Ok, my friend Roy, big time Stoner, big fat belly on him, goes to his girls house for the 2nd time after their 1st date.
His girl was going to a wedding, she was there all done up in a dress, with all the brides maids over, partying...

He decides its time to go, he drives away. On the highway, he realizes he has to blast (his term for crapping), pulls over on the highway, cant wait.
There he is, in the woods, squatting, getting ready to do his thing... The whole party of girls drive down the same highway, see his car in the breakdown lane, and pull over.
They think he's messed up, because they dont find him near the car. (He only went like 15 feet into the woods). All of a sudden, in mid-blast, he hears Jean calling his name?
He can see them coming toward him (sort of) a bunch of girls in nice dresses, calling to him, worried, etc..

He ducks down a bit more behind the tree, does his thing, wipes his cheeks with his underwear, then pops up and goes over to them like he was just taking a leak.
(Of course he tells the whole real story in from of her now, 20+ years later and married).
The way he tells it is classic of course, funny stuff...

Now 20 years later, he recently had esophagus cancer. Not a fun time, he just made it. They removed most of his esophagus, pulled his stomach up and sewed it into his throat.
His stomach sits right between his pecs these days, so he can only eat like 2 chicken wings,a nd he's full. (Still got the big stomach though, I don't get it)?? Maybe all the beer and booze.

So, he comes home from his surgery, sits on the bowl, blasts away (his term). Realizes he cant bend to reach his ass-neck.
He was just about to call Jean in to do the dirty work, but instead, he grabbed the toilet brush sitting near the bowl. He wrapped it up with lots of TP, then wedged it between his cheeks a few times til all was clear..

He's doing great these days, but his stories are F'in great at parties...

[gracie bjj]

True. But anyone who doesn't think Happy Gilmore was funny, probably has contemplated suicide more than a dozen times in their lifetime. The same type of people who walked out of the movie theatre during the original Animal House.

happy gilmore was awesome, i think it was sandlers best movie

[ritch]

Happy Gilmour is a classic. I watched that on VHS when it was out. Hilarious movie, almost every scene. Gotta love Shooter! Plus he looks so much like Bob chick and both are pricks...

[funk51]

Anybody?  Any funny stories?

My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the restaurant on their first date.  He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride.  Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car.  As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down.  He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking.  And she is satnding there waving and watching him.  So, he doesnt let on that anything happened.  Sits in his shit, and drives away.  He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster.  The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag.  So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper.  The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still.  He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks.  He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel.  He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame.  We still call him shitbag to this day.

what can you do SHIT HAPPENS>