LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, WELCOME TO THE MACHIDA ERA
"Karate is back!" - UFC light heavyweight champ Lyoto Machida, following his second round KO over Rashad Evans at UFC 98. (UFC 98 Telecast)
"Now, I'm going to keep this belt for a long time." - Machida, ushering in the Decade of Machida?
"If you have a dream in your life. Go ahead! It is possible!" - Machida, like Frank Mir but without the spectre of pretense and cloud of douchiness.
FATHER KNOWS BEST
"A lot of times the fighter enters the ring nervous, not knowing what his opponent is thinking." - Lyoto's father Yoshizo Machida, incidentally forecasting the mindset of Rashad Evans entering UFC 98. (Sports Illustrated)
"Let's not pretend it's a punch. Let's pretend it's a sword. If you would have been hit by the sword, you'd be dead." - Yoshizo Machida, outlining the framework of Machida Karate.
"So, with that being said, that is where Lyoto is going to go after Rashad. He will attack his spirit." - Yoshizo Machida. Fortunately, Evans' spirit rests somewhere on his chin.
MUST HAVE BEEN THE URINE BREATH
"I wonder if they're doing testing for that. That shouldn't be allowed. I'm going to be in the clinch with him, smelling his breath." - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Rashad Evans, commenting on Lyoto Machida's morning urinary habits. Must be where the dragon gets his fire-breathing. (Cage Writer)
"I have been in there with someone like that. It's disturbing sometimes. It kind of startles you. You're thinking about the fight, next thing you know you're like 'dang is that me (that smells)? This dude didn't even try to wash nothing.' It's not pleasant at all." - Evans. Let the guessing game begin. My money's on Sean "Spicy" Salmon.
"'Rashad, Rashad, Rashad. I don't like all that trash talking shit.' She started cussing me out. How can you get mad at me when you taught me how to cuss?" - Evans, don't say that, Rashad. (Cage Writer)
IN ADDITION TO BEING THE DUMBEST FIGHTER ALIVE, SEAN SHERK SAYS SOME WEIRD SHIT
"I don’t think my size is going to be a factor. He’s never been manhandled." - Former UFC lightweight champ Sean Sherk, on UFC 98 opponent Frankie Edgar. Sherk decided to skip Edgar's fight with Gray Maynard. (MMA Weekly)
"I’ve been eating baby food for years. I’ve probably eaten more baby food in my lifetime than any baby out there." - Sherk, no shit. That's not really something I want to be bragging about either. (Sherdog)
"If you were Gerber wouldn’t you want to sponsor Sean Sherk? You get your name on my ass, and now you start branding yourself as clean healthy food." - Sherk. Maybe Gerber doesn't want to be misconstrued as a steroid supplement?
"You can't wear pants, so guess what? You're in some trouble." - Sherk, unfortunately not speaking about some cool swinger club in Minnesota. He is speaking about Shinya Aoki, though, who would probably outbox Sherk for 15 minutes, too. (Cage Writer)
SPEAKING OF WEIRD SHIT, IT'S THE STRIKEFORCE PRESS CONFERENCE
"YYYYYYEAAAAAAAHHHH!! LET'S GO THEN." - Kevin Randleman, verbatim. Rafael Cavalcante was not in attendance. (Cage Writer)
"Considering the guys I train with at Xtreme Couture, I get beat up on all the time." - Randleman
"I just recently learned that my old trainers are training [Randleman]. That doesn't bother me. There's not too many X's and O's in fighting." - Mike Whitehead, technically correct as there's only one X and one O.
"I fucking hate everyone at the 170-lb weight class. If you're a professional fighter, and you weigh 170 lbs.? I hate your fucking guts. I wanna fucking kill you. I hate Joe Riggs." - Phil Baroni being Phil Baroni.
"I asked my agent – I said ‘hey get me a southpaw to fight.’ My agent’s pretty stupid. He said ‘What’s that? He didn’t know what a southpaw was. So, I said ‘It’s a fucking left-handed fighter.’" - Baroni, a fucking legend, bro. (MMA Mania)
WILD BOYS
"I want to say thank you Mr. Dana White for your interest and for an invitation back to the UFC. I owe you a lot from our first deal, and I’ll make it up to you." - Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic, who will make his UFC return at UFC 99 against Mustapha Al-Turk. (MMA-id)
"I feel good. I feel like I've got the tools and the know-how and the skill to deal with him and beat him." - Al-Turk, while practicing his groin strikes on the heavy bag. (Mirror UK)
"You know, I've got a good stand-up game - probably not as good as his." - Al-Turk, expert analysis.
SOMEONE AXE FRED DURST BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
"We are proud that our first show in the USA with the original line-up in eight years will be in Las Vegas at UFC 100. The ultimate fighting music has finally found its home with the Ultimate Fighting Championship." - Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, announcing the band's "long awaited" return. (MMA Mania)
"Music is one of the things that makes the UFC experience so exciting, and I've always been a big fan of Limp Bizkit, so we are excited to have the group perform at UFC 100 event weekend." - UFC President Dana White, who has the musical tastes of an angsty 13 year old from 1998. Why not reunite Creed while you're at it? Christ, could they have made any other choice more out of touch than Limp Bizkit? (MMA Junkie)
NOTHING LIKE LOSING A HAND OVER A TRIP TO THE BATHROOM
"Alistair attended some famous dance club with his brother Valentijn. Went to the toilet and did not have coins to pay the toilet woman." - Golden Glory manager Bas Boon, on Alistair Overeem's removal from the June Strikeforce show. For the less cultured, public restrooms are not a free service in Europe. (Fighters Only)
"Then the security guard who was near by started to get involved. Valentijn saw the incident and also started asking what the problem was." - Boon
"Valentijn still was discussing the situation on his way outside with one of the security guards hit Valentijn in the face with a flash light." - Boon
"Three security guards dived onto Valentijn and brother Alistair wanted to go back inside to help his brother. This resulted in five security guards in the hospital." - Boon. I love that this is said so matter-of-factly.
"It was only because of the management pushing him to go to the hospital that he saved his hand. They told him if he would have come any later he would have lost his hand." - Boon, on an infection that developed in Alistair's hand following the fight.
THE LAND OF THE DELUDED
"I don’t even know whether my punches can reach Choi’s head or not. While having a tight defense and using my footwork well to move around, I will take him down and end it on the ground with a submission." - Steoid savant Jose Canseco, on his Dream 9 fight with Hong Man Choi. I still can't believe I have to type that sentence with a straight face. (Nightmare of Battle)
"It's nice to see that one guy I almost submitted will be the champ and the other that I beat is the champ. I’m still a force to be reckon(ed) with." - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Tito Ortiz. I love that there's an editor correction in there. (Punch Drunk Gamer)
WHITE NOISE
"We're coming whether they like it or not." - UFC President Dana White, on the UFC entering Japan. This may end up as poor a strategy as Hitler fighting a two-front war, Napoleon at Waterloo, or Sean Sherk eschewing wrestling. (MMA Fanhouse)
"As far as his fighting career, I don't know. He's 40 years old. (Michael) Jordan turned 40, all the greats have turned 40 and Liddell's there now too." - White, taking a page from Tito. (Cage Writer)
"We didn’t not pay for his (surgery). The insurance company denied his claim because that fucking monkey gets out there and starts saying after the fight is over, ‘I was injured before this fight. That’s why I looked like shit.’ He’s always had an excuse for why he’s losing. Because he said he hurt his back before the fight, the insurance company said, ‘We heard you say you were injured before the fight and we’re not going to cover your claim.’" - White, on Tito's insurance grievances. (Boston Herald)
"It’s not my fault Pat Miletich is a fucking dummy." White. Pre- or post-WAMMA?
PARTING SHOTS
"I haven't had pasta for three months. I'm dying, Joe." - Matt Serra (UFC 98 Telecast)
"I may be older but I'm very healthy. I haven't taken very many shots to the head at all." - Former UFC heavyweight champ Mark Coleman. Is that so? (Cage Writer)
"For me Keith Kizer can't be trusted, the head of the Athletic Commission can't be trusted. I never want to fight under the Nevada State Athletic Commission again." - UFC lightweight champ B.J. Penn, continuing to irk the MMA community. Meanwhile, I don't really care. (Cage Writer)
"Money is no object for me anymore. But of course I won't fight for free." - Mirko Filipovic (MMA-id)
"I have heard it from Matt Hughes mouth that this will be his last fight win or lose." - Stephan Bonnar, file under "whoops." (Watch Kalib Run)
"If I’m thinking with my balls, I’ll take any fight that comes up." - Martin Kampmann, who wasn't thinking with his balls when he turned down a fight with relative unknown T.J. Grant. (Versus)
