The Tragedy of Titus Craiggers (an Early Tragedy)
In my opinion, this is the most gruesome play Shakespeare wrote.
Graphic content warning.
In Las Vegas, all gather to see the late Olympian buried with a torn appendage. Cutlerus, his eldest competitor, declares he should be the next emperor, but his arch-enemy Gustavion wants to hold an election, hoping himself to be elected. However, Titus' brother Kamalian (the Tribune of Arabia) announces that the Senate has elected Titus the new emperor of the Olympians, as reward for long years of service as the entertainment connoisseur. Cutlerus and Gustavion seem to peacefully withdraw their claims. Titus Craiggers then appears, back from the 10 year war with the IFBB, in which he killed the Goth king, King Weider, and captured the queen Barbaraiana and her three sons, Sloth, Vice, and Excusus.
Titus Craiggers had vices, like all men of his day. His frequent romps with Slutus Fitnessa were well known in the sand circles- but not to his Queen, oblivious to the matter, inept due to her own groundhog obsession.
Then fate intervened early one winter morn. Queen Barbaraiana, on her way to the thrice daily enema, encountered a mausoleum in the Vegas courtyard. In it, she heard the moans only affable when a phallis penetrates an anal cavity. The Queen unfastened the door and to her surprise, the King was prone on all fours as the handheld staff penetrated the royal sphincter. At the helm of the device was the one and only Slutus Fitnessa.
Without thinking, Queen Barbaraiana drew a phallic inserter of her own, much longer and darker than that of the more feminine one. A battle ensued, with the massive Queen quickly taking the upper hand and impaling the poor offering on her well-used buttress. To hide her shame, the Queen quickly harnessed the lifeless remains of the harlot to an ass and marched the beast into the desert. Mandeth Fitny, the Queen’s tattered servant, quickly ran to the village to share the news with the peasants…