85 Year Old Lady Got Smoked by an Alligator in Florida

[The Scott]

So then...Let me see if I get this right...The "authorities" immediately hunted down and shot and killed the alligator for killing one old white woman?

St. Louis.  Detroit.  Los Angeles.  Chicago.  San Francisco...

I've been in Florida.  One time I was near one of the many Floridian waterways and was warned to stand clear because of alligators and my being handicapable I would not be able to move fast enough to remotely look like I could survive a 'gator attack.

There was however a large feral cat just sitting there by the water's edge.  They said it would regularly slap the shit out of the alligators and easily elude them. 

The moral of both cautionary tales?

Even a pussy can bitch slap a 'gator.   So how come Law Enfarcment the authorities can't take care of bidness in the aforementioned cities?  Answer?   'gators ain't on the Endangered Feces Act.

[oldtimer1]

I once brought this chick from Mass. to Port St. Lucie Fl, when I lived there......she kept fucking with this gator on Club Meds golf course.....I warned her, but nothing happened,luckily for her cuz her ass was on her own  .....she was close to it while it was in the water but not yours truly.

They can run for for a short burst at 35 MPH but can`t last long....the best way to get away from one is to zig zag while running.

I thought you had to flip them upside down and rub their belly?

[Agnostic007]

I was in a bar down there and they had a stuffed 30 footer hanging from the ceiling......fucking thing was a monster.

Damn near twice the size of any officially measured alligator in Florida..

[oldtimer1]

Damn near twice the size of any officially measured alligator in Florida..

Alligators are  just like bodybuilders measuring their arms and dick measurers lie about their size.

[Agnostic007]

Alligators just like bodybuilders measuring their arms and dick measurers lie about their size.

 

[AbrahamG]

Damn near twice the size of any officially measured alligator in Florida..

Lmfao.

[Agnostic007]

Horrible story but everything considered it’s pretty amazing this lady made it to 85 years old.

Kind of agree. As a person who had dogs I would risk my life for, I would NOT walk my dog near a body of water in Florida. Hell I live in Florida, had a Yorkie and made a point of staying 50' from any significant water while walking her. I just didn't want to find out the hard way I valued my own life more than hers, or visa versa 

[irishdave]

Kind of agree. As a person who had dogs I would risk my life for, I would NOT walk my dog near a body of water in Florida. Hell I live in Florida, had a Yorkie and made a point of staying 50' from any significant water while walking her. I just didn't want to find out the hard way I valued my own life more than hers, or visa versa 

What a sissy you are detective. First of all, Yorkies are for old women and queers (of which you are the latter). You wouldn’t take on a 6 foot alligator for your animal? Cowardly too.

I’d say you were laughed at in the interview room.

[Taffin]

I once brought this chick from Mass. to Port St. Lucie Fl, when I lived there......she kept fucking with this gator on Club Meds golf course.....I warned her, but nothing happened,luckily for her cuz her ass was on her own  .....she was close to it while it was in the water but not yours truly.

They can run for for a short burst at 35 MPH but can`t last long....the best way to get away from one is to zig zag while running.

I thought you had to flip them upside down and rub their belly?

Chicks from Massachusetts..?

[wes]

Damn near twice the size of any officially measured alligator in Florida..

I wasn`t lying,just not that great at estimating size,that`s Bevos job. 

[Cook]

I can think of many ways of death I would choose way before getting eaten by a fucking alligator.Like Richard Pryor said I would be in that long Mf-ing line.

[GymnJuice]

So then...Let me see if I get this right...The "authorities" immediately hunted down and shot and killed the alligator for killing one old white woman?

St. Louis.  Detroit.  Los Angeles.  Chicago.  San Francisco...

I've been in Florida.  One time I was near one of the many Floridian waterways and was warned to stand clear because of alligators and my being handicapable I would not be able to move fast enough to remotely look like I could survive a 'gator attack.

There was however a large feral cat just sitting there by the water's edge.  They said it would regularly slap the shit out of the alligators and easily elude them. 

The moral of both cautionary tales?

Even a pussy can bitch slap a 'gator.   So how come Law Enfarcment the authorities can't take care of bidness in the aforementioned cities?  Answer?   'gators ain't on the Endangered Feces Act.

[illuminati]

but what would Bhanks do?

Bianca can easily rag doll 30ft+ Alligators & has done so in Mexican prisons
His stare is enough for them to know not to go near him.....

Then he woke up. 

[irishdave]

I can think of many ways of death I would choose way before getting eaten by a fucking alligator.Like Richard Pryor said I would be in that long Mf-ing line.

It’s very rare you’ll encounter an alligator big enough who will try to kill you unless you’re small framed like bhanks

crocodiles on the other hand have been known to stalk and time preys drinking/bathing times down at the local pond. Them fuckers kill you on sight whether they’re hungry or not. They don’t care. Much more dangerous than sharks

Gustave may have eaten 300+

Who knows how accurate this is but during their civil war they think he got a taste for human meat as they dumped corpses and probably live people into him


Rumour has it he’s not been seen in 10 years and probably made into boots and jackets for a Russian oligarch