Getbig Bodybuilding, Figure and Fitness Forums
Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Cap on November 28, 2006, 05:45:22 PM
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To get your girlfriend to lose a little weight without being a prick or being obvious. I am very health conscious and like to workout. My girlfriend has gained a few pounds and I love her no matter what but I think it has affected me being as turned on by her as I used to. I am serious about this and hope I get constructive answers and not the usual "dump her for a hotter chick", etc. Thanks in advance.
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I would take the approach of lets do this together, because after all it is a lifestyle. Ask her to go to the gym with you, whether your workout partners or not......it can be an activity that you do together. Same thing with eating habits, go grocery shopping together and only get healthy groceries.
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To get your girlfriend to lose a little weight without being a prick or being obvious. I am very health conscious and like to workout. My girlfriend has gained a few pounds and I love her no matter what but I think it has affected me being as turned on by her as I used to. I am serious about this and hope I get constructive answers and not the usual "dump her for a hotter chick", etc. Thanks in advance.
I think you need to be honest with her and tell her that her gaining the excess weight has started to affect your desire for her sexually. She's not stupid, she knows she's gained weight. It's simply a matter of whether she is willing to accept it or do something to change it. I would honestly be worried if she opted for the former, because that would signal to me that she isn't concerned with you finding her attractive and that would mean there are other issues affecting the relationship as a whole.
If she's willing to listen, start encouraging her to eat healthier and make it a cooperative effort. Get her in to a physical activity she might enjoy. In the end, she's going to have to want to do it for herself and to a lesser degree (hopefully) your sex life.
It is what it is.
If I were in your shoes, it wouldn't have gotten to that point....
DIV
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If I were in your shoes, it wouldn't have gotten to that point....
DIV
Of course it wouldn't . . . only a weakminded man would date a woman who gained a few pounds.
Word.
AL-G
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Of course it wouldn't . . . only a weakminded man would date a woman who gained a few pounds.
Word.
AL-G
I never said all that, now.
But the guy is complaining that he's not attracted to his girlfriend because she's gaining weight.
If it was that much of an issue, why'd he let it get to that point before addressing the issue?
That is the better question.
DIV
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She stopped going to the gym as much because of scheduling issues but her diet kills her just as much. I know she has zero personal drive to go to the gym by herself or do cardio at her apartment gym. I just think I don't know the appropriate way to help her because she doesnt always listen and thinks losing 5-10 pounds is impossible in 3-4 months for vacation. It's not that I'm not attracted to her but not as much as before. I just don't want to be superficial either.
Look......
Stop sugarcoating it and just deal with it.
It's obviously an issue if you're bringing it up.
Confront her with it and leave the ball in her court.
She's either going to address the weight issue or blow it off.
How she responds will go a long way in telling you how much she cares about the relationship.
DIV
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I think you need to be honest with her and tell her that her gaining the excess weight has started to affect your desire for her sexually. She's not stupid, she knows she's gained weight. It's simply a matter of whether she is willing to accept it or do something to change it. I would honestly be worried if she opted for the former, because that would signal to me that she isn't concerned with you finding her attractive and that would mean there are other issues affecting the relationship as a whole.
If she's willing to listen, start encouraging her to eat healthier and make it a cooperative effort. Get her in to a physical activity she might enjoy. In the end, she's going to have to want to do it for herself and to a lesser degree (hopefully) your sex life.
It is what it is.
If I were in your shoes, it wouldn't have gotten to that point....
DIV
That's IMO a bit cold. I would encourage her to get involved by leading by example. A bit of latitude either way is needed in a happy relationship.
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It's not that I'm not attracted to her but not as much as before. I just don't want to be superficial either.
nothing wrong with being superficial... ;)
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nothing wrong with being superficial... ;)
if you still believe you're going to live forever . . . ;)
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How about this: Increase the number of times you are having sex. Do it late at night and try to get her to do all the work where she will burn off calories and then make her go to sleep without eating.
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How about this: Increase the number of times you are having sex. Do it late at night and try to get her to do all the work where she will burn off calories and then make her go to sleep without eating.
Man, thats friggen genius ;)
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How about this: Increase the number of times you are having sex. Do it late at night and try to get her to do all the work where she will burn off calories and then make her go to sleep without eating.
Lol.
Maybe let her have a little "protein shake" for closure.
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I agreee with GB, encourage her by working out together, it's always more fun working out with someone rather than on your own anyway....
Dont just tell her she's putting on weight! Be a little subtle about it lol.
Make exercise/working out something you can do together. And I'm all for the sex idea too. Put both together and problem solved lmao ;D
Oh and btw, there is no 'nice' way to tell someone you love that they have put weight on ;) Just be subtle, and try to get her to do things with you
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Lol.
Maybe let her have a little "protein shake" for closure.
It should be a staple in every woman's diet ;D
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To get your girlfriend to lose a little weight without being a prick or being obvious. I am very health conscious and like to workout. My girlfriend has gained a few pounds and I love her no matter what but I think it has affected me being as turned on by her as I used to. I am serious about this and hope I get constructive answers and not the usual "dump her for a hotter chick", etc. Thanks in advance.
Thats a very touchy subject in a relationship. You can't just tell her she gained weight because for one it'll hurt her feelings and really discourage her and two it'll piss her off and you'll be sleeping in the dog house for a while.
I would ask her to join you at the gym and slowly coax her into getting back into it. Make it fun for the both of you so she enjoys it more. Once she is into it then she can do her thing while you do yours. After the first few of workouts tell her that she lost a couple of pounds and is looking great. This will encourage her to keep on going.
PB
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assuming there is no medical reason for it, extra weight can be gotten rid of easily enough.
try to work out together, that should be more motivating for her than doing it by her lonesome.
if not, try having sex more. for real. you get off, she gets off and calories get burned.
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How about this: Increase the number of times you are having sex. Do it late at night and try to get her to do all the work where she will burn off calories and then make her go to sleep without eating.
exactly what I was going to say.
so we're unanimous
sex = the best workout
xL
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tell her that her gaining the excess weight has started to affect your desire for her sexually.
don't !
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How so?
In general, I try to bring it up subtly but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. I will try to encourage more but if it gets to me more then yes I think I will bring it up more bluntly. I don't just care about looks but being younger they do still matter.
Don't be blunt and tactless, cappie, but realize that tiptoeing around the issue won't help here.
It is what it is.
If her gaining weight is affecting your desire for her, you need to be real about this.
It's all in the delivery, but you still need to be honest or this problem will linger and lead to larger ones down the road.
Thats a very touchy subject in a relationship. You can't just tell her she gained weight because for one it'll hurt her feelings and really discourage her and two it'll piss her off and you'll be sleeping in the dog house for a while.
PB, I think he needs to confront the issue headon.
He can address it without making her feel badly, but he does need to relay the fact that it is an issue.
I don't know what kind of women you date, but the type I attract tend to prefer the honesty, albeit with tact.
I am not the type to let an issue fester, that is only counterproductive.
If he's sincere and gentle and she still overreacts and gives him the passive-aggressive treatment, there are bigger issues at work and her losing weight is the least of them.
DIV
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no win situation here
find a new girl ;)
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To get your girlfriend to lose a little weight without being a prick or being obvious. I am very health conscious and like to workout. My girlfriend has gained a few pounds and I love her no matter what but I think it has affected me being as turned on by her as I used to. I am serious about this and hope I get constructive answers and not the usual "dump her for a hotter chick", etc. Thanks in advance.
How old are you?
How long have you been in this relationship?
How much weight is a "few pounds"?
And do you really love her or not?
This is not about her gaining a "few pounds" and you finding her less desirable, get real. If you're into this for the long haul then a little extra meat on her bones should not be an issue. Time to check yourself and think about just how vested your interests are here. Don't make the mistake of staying with someone for comfort's sake only to find years later that you would have been happier parting ways a long time ago.
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That's true YMBL, but on the other hand, if you love someone, you want to help them and be supportive in every way. It isn't healthy to be overweight, and once the weight starts to go up, it usually continues on that track.
That having been said, probably the best people to ask how to approach the subject, are personal trainers who work with women. They know how to be firm but supportive and probably know all the right words to use.
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That's true YMBL, but on the other hand, if you love someone, you want to help them and be supportive in every way. It isn't healthy to be overweight, and once the weight starts to go up, it usually continues on that track.
That having been said, probably the best people to ask how to approach the subject, are personal trainers who work with women. They know how to be firm but supportive and probably know all the right words to use.
I am a personal trainer and most of my clients are women and when they ask me about their diet (because they want to lose weight) I give it to them straight.
No sugarcoating...
I tell them what needs to be cut out and what needs to in included.
It's very cut and dry.
......and I would do the same in a relationship.
DIV
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Oh. I used to be a personal trainer and although I was very honest and straightforward with women about their weight and how long it would take them to get it off and how hard they would have to work, I was also very supportive and encouraging. Mostly I tried to make them enthusiastic about being in shape and in better health, rather than looking at dieting as a punishment or torture.
(I also had many middle-aged male clients who had never trained before... guess I was less intimidating. :) It was hilarious and yet you could count on it like the hours in the day. Each time a new one would come in, first thing he would do was look to the back of the gym where the big guys were training. Then he'd catch a side view of himself in the mirror and kind of lift up his shirt, and touch his belly... almost as if it was some alien thing that didn't belong to him, and he wondered how it got attached there. Lol!)
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Oh. I used to be a personal trainer and although I was very honest and straightforward with women about their weight and how long it would take them to get it off and how hard they would have to work, I was also very supportive and encouraging. Mostly I tried to make them enthusiastic about being in shape and in better health, rather than looking at dieting as a punishment or torture.
(I also had many middle-aged male clients who had never trained before... guess I was less intimidating. :) It was hilarious and yet you could count on it like the hours in the day. Each time a new one would come in, first thing he would do was look to the back of the gym where the big guys were training. Then he'd catch a side view of himself in the mirror and kind of lift up his shirt, and touch his belly... almost as if it was some alien thing that didn't belong to him, and he wondered how it got attached there. Lol!)
That's not funny.
;D
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Then think real hard about that deeper issue. That's probably the root of your feelings. You never answered and you don't have to be specific, but how old are you? How long have you been with her?
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And everyone around you two are getting married and making plans for the future right? And it feels like you are supposed to do that too? Don't.
If you are losing interest in her physically that is the precursor to other women catching your eye. Like the old saying goes..."Plenty of fish in the sea". Say you help her to drop the few pounds. Then all is peachy and next thing you know you wake up one morning with a ring on your finger and her having packed that weight back on and maybe more. Now you are unhappy for sure and being that you are not going anywhere easily, most likely she will not be so apt to quickly try to cut down again. Human nature.
Sort your true feelings my friend. Again, a few pounds should not be the end of the world as far as attraction. Unless of course you mean a lot more than a few pounds and are just not saying it here.
Good luck. :)
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I made a bet with her. I told her I would pay for part of our trip this summer if I gained ten pounds of muscle and she lost ten pounds. I think the point is there but I will take DIV's advice if she doesn't take it serious. I love her, but in reality I don't want her to become overweight like my mom. My dad is extremely fit and my mom is well...not and I don't want to end up like that. I think that is the deeper issue IMO. ???
Because the core issue here is your wanting her to avoid the slippery slope of a few extra pounds to morbidly obese like your mother, I think you need to be honest with her about your thoughts.
Tell her you don't want a situation like the one your parents are in because it would absolutely ruin your sex life.
Yes, women are sensitive regarding their weight, but that doesn't change the reality of the situation.
If you don't deal with this now in a way that nets results, you will be dealing with it later and it might be a dealbreaker at that point.
Be tactful, but be real....
DIV
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Because the core issue here is your wanting her to avoid the slippery slope of a few extra pounds to morbidly obese like your mother, I think you need to be honest with her about your thoughts.
Tell her you don't want a situation like the one your parents are in because it would absolutely ruin your sex life.
Yes, women are sensitive regarding their weight, but that doesn't change the reality of the situation.
If you don't deal with this now in a way that nets results, you will be dealing with it later and it might be a dealbreaker at that point.
Be tactful, but be real....
DIV
I agree, can't let it go too far, don't wait to long to do something. But the way you tell it is important as well.
My mother is fat. She's constantly bitching about it, but doenst have the guts to do cardio/diet. That's simply because for her first 30 years she didn't do anything, but still remained slim. Then they start gaining some weight slowly, thinking "i still look ok". But each year those extra pounds stay on, the harder it will be to lose them.
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I am a personal trainer and most of my clients are women and when they ask me about their diet (because they want to lose weight) I give it to them straight.
No sugarcoating...
I tell them what needs to be cut out and what needs to in included.
It's very cut and dry.
......and I would do the same in a relationship.
DIV
Div, there is a difference between your personal trainer telling you that you need to lose a few pound than haveing someone who's supposed to love you for "who you are". I dated a guy that had NO problem telling me where something "he felt" was something I shouldn't be eating was going on my body, and did so without haste, without a single thought as to my feelings.......let's just say he's out of the picture and has been for some time.
Caps girl needs to be introduced into the fit way of life on "her own terms". She has to do it for her, not for him. I definitely can understand how when a person's weight effects the relationship "physically", but she isn't going to do it because "he says she's gotten fat". He might say something alongs the lines of "remember that outfit (describe something she looked hot in that she can't fit in anymore), damn you look so beautiful in that. We should go to "such and such place" so I can see you all dolled up in it again and relive that night." Althought she knows she can't fit in it, you have planted a seed in her brain reminding her of how she looked, the heads she turned, how much you loved it AND gives her a thought of "I would love to go to that place again, relive that night, I need to get back into the dress again". At a later date (couple days later) mention that you think you put on a few pounds and things feel a little tight on you and are going to kick up your cardio a bit and change your diet...she may wanna follow suit.
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Div, there is a difference between your personal trainer telling you that you need to lose a few pound than haveing someone who's supposed to love you for "who you are". I dated a guy that had NO problem telling me where something "he felt" was something I shouldn't be eating was going on my body, and did so without haste, without a single thought as to my feelings.......let's just say he's out of the picture and has been for some time.
Caps girl needs to be introduced into the fit way of life on "her own terms". She has to do it for her, not for him. I definitely can understand how when a person's weight effects the relationship "physically", but she isn't going to do it because "he says she's gotten fat". He might say something alongs the lines of "remember that outfit (describe something she looked hot in that she can't fit in anymore), damn you look so beautiful in that. We should go to "such and such place" so I can see you all dolled up in it again and relive that night." Althought she knows she can't fit in it, you have planted a seed in her brain reminding her of how she looked, the heads she turned, how much you loved it AND gives her a thought of "I would love to go to that place again, relive that night, I need to get back into the dress again". At a later date (couple days later) mention that you think you put on a few pounds and things feel a little tight on you and are going to kick up your cardio a bit and change your diet...she may wanna follow suit.
Laura,
I understand your perspective, being that you are a woman, but I think your way of dealing with the situation is counterproductive and slightly passive aggressive in nature.
I'm a direct type of person......whether it's training people in the gym or hashing out relationship issues.
It's just my way, and it works.
DIV
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Laura,
I understand your perspective, being that you are a woman, but I think your way of dealing with the situation is counterproductive and slightly passive aggressive in nature.
I'm a direct type of person......whether it's training people in the gym or hashing out relationship issues.
It's just my way, and it works.
DIV
You understand my perspective, being that I am a woman?? Hello?? That is what this is about, is it not. How to talk to a woman. You can not dictate how a woman should be spoken to on such delicate matters Div. I'm sorry, you are wrong here. You may know a lot about people, but you are NOT a woman and can not EVER know what it is like "as a woman" to be told by your lover that you are getting fat and unappealing. YOU can never know. Just like I could never know what it would be like as a "man" to be told my dick is too small. >:(
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Laura,
I understand your perspective, being that you are a woman, but I think your way of dealing with the situation is counterproductive and slightly passive aggressive in nature.
I'm a direct type of person......whether it's training people in the gym or hashing out relationship issues.
It's just my way, and it works.
DIV
Div, you may be a direct person, ...and that may be your way, ...but Laura's way is brilliant! It's inspired me!
Now Laura, do you have any advice about how to fit into that bra I used to wear in high school? ;D
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You understand my perspective, being that I am a woman?? Hello?? That is what this is about, is it not. How to talk to a woman. You can not dictate how a woman should be spoken to on such delicate matters Div. I'm sorry, you are wrong here. You may know a lot about people, but you are NOT a woman and can not EVER know what it is like "as a woman" to be told by your lover that you are getting fat and unappealing. YOU can never know. Just like I could never know what it would be like as a "man" to be told my dick is too small. >:(
Maybe I'm different, but I'd rather hear the truth no matter how brutal than have it be sugarcoated for the sake of my ego.
If my cock was too small for a woman, I'd rather know than have her think it to herself and not tell me...
That's me, though......
My ego can take it.
I'm not sure most guys can deal with that type of revelation.
DIV
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Maybe I'm different, but I'd rather hear the truth no matter how brutal than have it be sugarcoated for the sake of my ego.
If my cock was too small for a woman, I'd rather know than have her think it to herself and not tell me...
That's me, though......
My ego can take it.
I'm not sure most guys can deal with that type of revelation.
DIV
But Div, ...we weren't talking about you or your tiny peepee.
We were talking about how to help cap86 broach the subject with HIS girlfriend.
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But Div, ...we weren't talking about you or your tiny peepee.
We were talking about how to help cap86 broach the subject with HIS girlfriend.
I'm just commenting.......
Can I do that?
DIV
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I'm just commenting.......
Can I do that?
DIV
Sure Div, you can comment, ...and make it all about you... again,
I just thought you wanted to provide him with a solution that would work in his situation. ;)