I was up late last night celebrating the losses of Karo Parisyan, Joe Lauzon, and Houston Alexander at Ultimate Fight Night and having a few shots of Knob Creek. Anyway, after watching the LIVE show at 7pm and the replay at 1am, I didn't get to bed until around 4am. When my alarm went off at 6:30am to wake up and take my grandmother back to the nursing home for breakfast, I was so tired I hit 'SNOOZE' and wonked out again.
I woke up to the lovely feeling of a set of high-powered Hoover lips fellating me. With my eyes still closed, I reached down to feel the soft hair of my girl, but instead felt something closer to steel wool. I opened my eyes and saw my grandmother face down, her face in my lap, my cock buried in her throat and her false teeth resting on my stomach.
"GRAMMA!!!!!" I screamed.
"Norman??" she asked, squinting up at me, while still stroking the shaft.
Oh Christ! Norman was my grandfather, who's been dead for 11 years.
Rather than deal with the awkwardness of the moment and embarrass Gramma, I put on my 'old man voice' and said, "Feels good honey, now keep at it!" and watched her go back to work. By the time I gave her the recommended RDA of protein for her age group, I was overwhelmed with guilt and shame. I politely Cung Lee'd her in the gut and heard her tumble onto the floor, then jumped up and ran into the shower. I was sandpapering my cock for the eleventh time when I heard Gramma enter the bathroom.
"Norman, your electric razor won't stop BUZZING!"
I wiped off the foggy glass and saw her holding my Musclephone.
"That's not my razor, that's my Musclephone!" I shouted, but it was too late. She opened the door and after "shaving" my back a few times, dropped the phone on the wet floor.
I picked it up and could immediately tell it was already ruined. The screen was jumbled with a mix of colors and characters last seen in a Spike Lee joint. "FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCC
CCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!" I screamed, "you fucking ruined my Musclephone you toothless whore!"
Completely oblivious to my rage, she smiled at me and said: "Did you know Kai Greene puts grapefruit slices in his Rice Krispies?"
Thanks Musclephone!