What Constitutes Sexual Harrassment at Work?

[Deedee]

This morning I passed by an older guy at work who was all dressed up...crisp shirt, tie, jacket and he looked really good. So I said "you look really nice today," knowing he wouldn't take it the wrong way. But then one of the women who overheard told me that constituted sexual harrassment as per company policy. I was floored and thought that was so nothing compared with some of the harrassment women endure and put up with... some of the stories I've heard from my girlfriends are absolutely shocking.

Two of mine, not so bad:

Getting hauled into the old, trollish president's office (three weeks after his wife passed away and he was having 6 martini lunches every day) and him telling me he heard I worked out, so I should take off my clothes and show him. 

Hugged and squeezed by an older co-worker and told "I love all my girls" when we were both working late one night and no one else was around.  (btw: he ended up having a one night fling with the office lunatic who ended up leaving him 80 voice mails and stalking him outside the office.)

Is telling someone they look nice, really sexual harrassment? 

[Always Sore]

It all depends on the relationship with the person, the context of how it was said and the preception of other co workers. If you only complement the pretty girl at the front desk..its wrong. If you notice someones new haircut and comment it looks nice its fine. Its not hard and fast its very grey.

[Old Pig]

you made a comment about his being dressed up, looking sharp and it seems to have been straight forward without any type of innuendo etc.

to be sexual harrassment, there needs to be a victim and if the guy didn't get offended, you're good. i cannot see anyone reasonable would see this as sexual harrassment, nor do i think your HR dept would consider it harrassment.

but what is kosher to you, may be over the line for someone else but I cannot even see you being close to any line. i find your office mate to have more than a couple of issues if she thinks your compliment constitutes harrassment! her comment is plain silly!

[jaejonna]

Girls at my work (more like women) like to joke around with me and ask me to change the Water in the cooler cause im "buffed". I gave a co worker an apple and she told others that when she was talking to her husband about fasting for ramadan that she did eant an apple she got from some buff guy at work. I feel uncomfortable yes, and the girls all laugh like Im cool with it but deep inside i know that I can not get away with making off hand comments like..oh yeah you dont need to squat, your ass is fine! So i guess the biggest prob is that it is not a two way street. But when has it ever ?

[Butterbean]

I would say the two different bosses I had that grabbed my boobs committed sexual harrassment

[Butterbean]

   assbags!!         Did you sue?

lol  no.  These weren't really "corporate" settings.  One was at a food place I worked at and the other was an office setting but at a small company w/4 people in the office.  I punched the food place guy and the other one did it when his wife was in the room (she didn't see it)!  I just glared at him and he knew he was in trouble.  And get this.  When he did it, I was in front of my computer, but my eyes were closed because I was PRAYING at the time!

[Deedee]

lol  no.  These weren't really "corporate" settings.  One was at a food place I worked at and the other was an office setting but at a small company w/4 people in the office.  I punched the food place guy and the other one did it when his wife was in the room (she didn't see it)!  I just glared at him and he knew he was in trouble.  And get this.  When he did it, I was in front of my computer, but my eyes were closed because I was PRAYING at the time!

It always happens at the smaller "non-corpie" places...     Mine did too.

[The BEAST]

  I punched the food place guy

I'm so proud of you   Sorry that it happened though.

And it doesn't ound like sexual harrassment to me Deedee, I think the other woman has some issues to work out.  You can always ask the guy if you made him uncomfortable and ask for an honest answer so you know. 

[Lord Humungous]

I think I'll take a nap and think about it

[Dos Equis]

This morning I passed by an older guy at work who was all dressed up...crisp shirt, tie, jacket and he looked really good. So I said "you look really nice today," knowing he wouldn't take it the wrong way. But then one of the women who overheard told me that constituted sexual harrassment as per company policy. I was floored and thought that was so nothing compared with some of the harrassment women endure and put up with... some of the stories I've heard from my girlfriends are absolutely shocking.

Two of mine, not so bad:

Getting hauled into the old, trollish president's office (three weeks after his wife passed away and he was having 6 martini lunches every day) and him telling me he heard I worked out, so I should take off my clothes and show him. 

Hugged and squeezed by an older co-worker and told "I love all my girls" when we were both working late one night and no one else was around.  (btw: he ended up having a one night fling with the office lunatic who ended up leaving him 80 voice mails and stalking him outside the office.)

Is telling someone they look nice, really sexual harrassment? 

Absolutely not.  There are two types of sexual harassment:  quid pro quo (have sex with me or you're fired) and hostile work environment (inappropriate and unwelcome comments, touching, etc.).  Telling someone they look nice is certainly not inappropriate at all.  That's ridiculous.  The other two examples you cited are textbook hostile environment sexual harassment.   

[Playboy]

This morning I passed by an older guy at work who was all dressed up...crisp shirt, tie, jacket and he looked really good. So I said "you look really nice today," knowing he wouldn't take it the wrong way. But then one of the women who overheard told me that constituted sexual harrassment as per company policy. I was floored and thought that was so nothing compared with some of the harrassment women endure and put up with... some of the stories I've heard from my girlfriends are absolutely shocking.

Two of mine, not so bad:

Getting hauled into the old, trollish president's office (three weeks after his wife passed away and he was having 6 martini lunches every day) and him telling me he heard I worked out, so I should take off my clothes and show him. 

Hugged and squeezed by an older co-worker and told "I love all my girls" when we were both working late one night and no one else was around.  (btw: he ended up having a one night fling with the office lunatic who ended up leaving him 80 voice mails and stalking him outside the office.)

Is telling someone they look nice, really sexual harrassment? 

Absolutely not, Deedee. As long as you do not flirt with him or word it in any way that he could take as being "hit on". Never the less do yourself a huge favour and just go to work to work, save the play for later. What you did was completely harmless but in today's day and age, you never know what people will do to get rich quick.

I once had a co-worker grab my ass every single time we met up at the fax machine that was hidden in the corner of the office. She was married and about 40 years old and looked great. Of course I never complained (hey, I only was 23 and all I had on my mind were women, sex and more women).  
Just be carefull there Deedee. You never know. I see nothing wrong with a sincere compliment. But sometimes compliments are taken the wrong way.

PB

 

[Playboy]

Girls at my work (more like women) like to joke around with me and ask me to change the Water in the cooler cause im "buffed". I gave a co worker an apple and she told others that when she was talking to her husband about fasting for ramadan that she did eant an apple she got from some buff guy at work. I feel uncomfortable yes, and the girls all laugh like Im cool with it but deep inside i know that I can not get away with making off hand comments like..oh yeah you dont need to squat, your ass is fine! So i guess the biggest prob is that it is not a two way street. But when has it ever ?

Very good point there. Well said.

PB

[YoMamaBeenLurking]

This morning I passed by an older guy at work who was all dressed up...crisp shirt, tie, jacket and he looked really good. So I said "you look really nice today," knowing he wouldn't take it the wrong way. But then one of the women who overheard told me that constituted sexual harrassment as per company policy. I was floored and thought that was so nothing compared with some of the harrassment women endure and put up with... some of the stories I've heard from my girlfriends are absolutely shocking.

Two of mine, not so bad:

Getting hauled into the old, trollish president's office (three weeks after his wife passed away and he was having 6 martini lunches every day) and him telling me he heard I worked out, so I should take off my clothes and show him. 

Hugged and squeezed by an older co-worker and told "I love all my girls" when we were both working late one night and no one else was around.  (btw: he ended up having a one night fling with the office lunatic who ended up leaving him 80 voice mails and stalking him outside the office.)

Is telling someone they look nice, really sexual harrassment? 

Love button, you were'nt twirling your hair and licking seductivley on a lollipop at the time were you? 

[Deedee]

Love button, you were'nt twirling your hair and licking seductivley on a lollipop at the time were you? 

Uh oh. Are you him Sugar Lips   

Just kidding.  Today I'm doing the school marmie look, high collared, starched to death white blouse. 

[Oldschool Flip]

BTW STella and Deedee, I plan to open a small office and need some girls to come and work for me. I thought of you 2 first!

Okay you know this is a joke right?

[Deedee]

Absolutely not.  There are two types of sexual harassment:  quid pro quo (have sex with me or you're fired) and hostile work environment (inappropriate and unwelcome comments, touching, etc.).  Telling someone they look nice is certainly not inappropriate at all.  That's ridiculous.  The other two examples you cited are textbook hostile environment sexual harassment.   

I know, but I asked HR about it today.  They said that to avoid grey area-ish complaints, and misunderstandings, the employees are encouraged not to make any personal comments to each other.  How depressing that it's gotten to that point. 

[Always Sore]

BTW STella and Deedee, I plan to open a small office and need some girls to come and work for me. I thought of you 2 first!

Okay you know this is a joke right?

The actuall joke is you giving up the cushy stay at home life to get back in the office...

[YoMamaBeenLurking]

Uh oh. Are you him Sugar Lips   

Just kidding.  Today I'm doing the school marmie look, high collared, starched to death white blouse. 

School marmie?  LOL. 

Actually your question is a good one and I think it was answered before.  Unless it's flagrant as I was purposely displaying in my post, it really is about how the comment effects the person it was towards.

True story from way back, I was being hit on by a female coworker who was promoted to manager.  I never looked at her in a sexual way, was very happy at the time with the first wife and simply was going through life with blinders on at the time when it came to other women.  Anyway, she got more and more obvious and I began to find her irritating and uncomfortable to be around.  It came to the point where I realized that the shoe was on the other foot and I was being harrassed.  Perhaps if I did not have my head so far up my first wife's ass at the time I would have seen, thought or acted differently, but the situation was what it was and that is how I felt. 

[Butterbean]

I know, but I asked HR about it today.  They said that to avoid grey area-ish complaints, and misunderstandings, the employees are encouraged not to make any personal comments to each other.  How depressing that it's gotten to that point. 

Maybe  "You don't look like crap today" would be acceptable to HR?

...........but I guess to be safe you'd have to state it in a monotone...like a robot

[Deedee]

True story from way back, I was being hit on by a female coworker who was promoted to manager.  I never looked at her in a sexual way, was very happy at the time with the first wife and simply was going through life with blinders on at the time when it came to other women.  Anyway, she got more and more obvious and I began to find her irritating and uncomfortable to be around.  It came to the point where I realized that the shoe was on the other foot and I was being harrassed.  Perhaps if I did not have my head so far up my first wife's ass at the time I would have seen, thought or acted differently, but the situation was what it was and that is how I felt. 

Well, it can soooooo blow up in your face.  The "I love all my girls" guy I was talking about, married with two kids, finally got the office luney tunes/hoe into bed. (She told me the next day it lasted all of three minutes and then he was gone.) He didn't want anything else to do with her and like the proverbial woman scorned, she proceeded to leave 80 voicemails over the weekend.  The following week she got his address and started hanging out in his neighborhood. Then she wouldn't leave him alone at work. She eventually was fired and when they did some digging found out that she had pulled the same scenario at her last place of employment.  The company lawyer got involved and I was the key witness because the luney tunes sat next to me and confided in me all the time. He got sent away to some outreach post in Druckessville.

[Butterbean]

she proceeded to leave 80 voicemails over the weekend.  The following week she got his address and started hanging out in his neighborhood. Then she wouldn't leave him alone at work.

reeee!  reeee!   reeee!

[YoMamaBeenLurking]

Just trying to share and relate in a positive aspect "jerk"




















ROFLMAO

[Always Sore]

Just trying to share and relate in a positive aspect "jerk"


ROFLMAO

 

[Colossus_500]

I worked for a company where a guy was reprimanded for a statement he made on the elevator.   I got called in because I was on the elevator.  The guy complimented a woman on the elevator by saying, "your sundress is very pretty."  He then said "I loved sunny days."  I got pulled in because they wanted to know how he said it, and if he was making eye-contact with her.  I told HR that I could understand how the lady could have taken the "I love sunny days" comment the way she did, and honestly said that he would looking up when he made the comment and that she had her back to him.  I did not like being in that situation.    It was like i was put in the middle of a "he said, she said."  He was mad at me for telling the truth, and she was mad at me because she thought I was covering for him.  

I worked in the IT department for a furniture company a few years back, and I've NEVER witnesssed so much harrassment in my life.  My boss put me upstairs with the merchandising department where the buyers worked.  The vendors were often upstairs to visit the buyers.  Here's some of the comments I overheard/witnessed:

"Kiss my ass!"  (Celeste was famous for hiking up her skirt/dress or slapping her butt if she had slacks on)
"Who's a girl gotta sleep with to get stuff done around here?"  (I never got used to Celeste asking this question)
"I have a cure for that sore throat of yours"
"Can I have a piece or your candy?"
"Your chest is looking impressive today.  You been working out, girl?"
"My wife's afraid of my one-eyed monster"
"Give me a good deal and I'll sit on your face"  (heard her say this often)
VP of Merchandising to a vendor "Cut us a deal and I'll have one my girls take care of you."


Needless to say, I was NOT comfortable working up there.  

[YoMamaBeenLurking]

I worked for a company where a guy was reprimanded for a statement he made on the elevator.   I got called in because I was on the elevator.  The guy complimented a woman on the elevator by saying, "your sundress is very pretty."  He then said "I loved sunny days."  I got pulled in because they wanted to know how he said it, and if he was making eye-contact with her.  I told HR that I could understand how the lady could have taken the "I love sunny days" comment the way she did, and honestly said that he would looking up when he made the comment and that she had her back to him.  I did not like being in that situation.     It was like i was put in the middle of a "he said, she said."  He was mad at me for telling the truth, and she was mad at me because she thought I was covering for him. 

I worked in the IT department for a furniture company a few years back, and I've NEVER witnesssed so much harrassment in my life.  My boss put me upstairs with the merchandising department where the buyers worked.  The vendors were often upstairs to visit the buyers.  Here's some of the comments I overheard/witnessed:

"Kiss my ass!"  (Celeste was famous for hiking up her skirt/dress or slapping her butt if she had slacks on)
"Who's a girl gotta sleep with to get stuff done around here?"  (I never got used to Celeste asking this question)
"I have a cure for that sore throat of yours"
"Can I have a piece or your candy?"
"Your chest is looking impressive today.  You been working out, girl?"
"My wife's afraid of my one-eyed monster"
"Give me a good deal and I'll sit on your face"  (heard her say this often)
VP of Merchandising to a vendor "Cut us a deal and I'll have one my girls take care of you."


Needless to say, I was NOT comfortable working up there.   

See now this is the twist of life.  I think at this point I would have a blast working with Celeste