Can cheap men be trusted?

[Deedee]

I think there's a difference between being frugal/wise with cash and being cheap.

That having been said, here's what happened yesterday.  A supplier came in with a huge bouquet of flowers which he dumped on my desk, but technically they were for everyone. (I'm the only female)  I put them out in the main area, but the guys complained that they "smelled" so I brought them back to my desk.  All of this back and forth attracted the attention of a really junior guy who is basically a schlepper, but he makes decent money and lives at home, so doesn't really have any financial obligations. He wanted to take them to give to his girlfriend.  None of us really wanted them, so we said sure...

Today he's all smiles and walking around with his pecs stuck out because his girlfriend went out of her way to "appreciate" him on V-Day, since she was under the impression that he spent well over $100 on flowers for her.  He told us he lied, and finds nothing wrong with that.

I find this the height of cheap.  And if he's willing to lie to save a few bucks, what else will he be willing to lie about?  I think people who are cheap with money, are also cheap when it comes to affairs of the heart.  Am I wrong? 

[MiniMiggy]

  I think people who are cheap with money, are also cheap when it comes to affairs of the heart.  Am I wrong? 

yes.  the problem is that he lied, not that he's cheap.

[Deedee]

yes.  the problem is that he lied, not that he's cheap.

But the lying was inspired by his cheapness.  He admitted to us that he had the money to buy her flowers, but he preferred to lie so he could save a few bucks.

[MiniMiggy]

But the lying was inspired by his cheapness.  He admitted to us that he had the money to buy her flowers, but he preferred to lie so he could save a few bucks.

Frugality is not a bad thing. He could have told her that he was saving for his own place or whatever, but that he sitll wanted her to have something pretty. 

[Deedee]

Frugality is not a bad thing. He could have told her that he was saving for his own place or whatever, but that he sitll wanted her to have something pretty. 

Yes, I agree about frugality being not a bad thing. I'd rather go to White Castle on V-Day with an honest frugal person though, than be with someone willing to lie to save money.  To me that's the difference between being frugal and cheap.

Plus, don't you think it's doubtful that he would have gotten the kind of reaction from her that he did, if he would have admitted that these were in fact flowers purchased by someone else for other people.  Would you be impressed? He should have just brought them home and said, "look, free flowers."  But he knew he'd make the flowers work for him if he lied.

[MiniMiggy]

Yes, I agree about frugality being not a bad thing. I'd rather go to White Castle on V-Day with an honest frugal person though, than be with someone willing to lie to save money.  To me that's the difference between being frugal and cheap.

Plus, don't you think it's doubtful that he would have gotten the kind of reaction from her that he did, if he would have admitted that these were in fact flowers purchased by someone else for other people.  Would you be impressed? He should have just brought them home and said, "look, free flowers."  But he knew he'd make the flowers work for him if he lied.

Perhaps you are right.  But if I lived in the country, I would appreciate it if somebody picked flowers for me.  So, if somebody told me that they saw these free flowers and thought about me, and then brought them home because they thought that I would like them around the house, I would be grateful.

Perhaps the problem is that we live in a materialistic culture, where spending a certain amount entitles you to certain "favors" from a woman?

[Deedee]

Oh sure, I'd love it (and do) if someone thought of me out of the blue and spent the time to pick flowers for me... or raspberries, or whatever. It shows thoughtfulness.

I don't know what he told her with regard to the cost of the flowers.  It was a huge bouquet and I'm certain it was worth what I said... but I don't know that it's the $$ value of the flowers that encouraged her to spoil him in bed, but rather her melting with emotion, thinking that he cared for her so much that he went to the effort of choosing beautiful flowers and schlepping them home.  That they were expensive may have crossed her mind in that she thought he made a cash sacrifice because he cares for her and wanted to make her happy.  I don't think people usually interpret these things as straightforward bartering for sex.  Do they?

[ToxicAvenger]

i didn't read the original post starting this thread cause i know the answer..

can cheap men be trusted?

NO...

and i have tonnes of experience of mooches and ex friends to give as examples...except thats too much typing..

soo..i'll stick with..NO

[Playboy]

I think there's a difference between being frugal/wise with cash and being cheap.

That having been said, here's what happened yesterday.  A supplier came in with a huge bouquet of flowers which he dumped on my desk, but technically they were for everyone. (I'm the only female)  I put them out in the main area, but the guys complained that they "smelled" so I brought them back to my desk.  All of this back and forth attracted the attention of a really junior guy who is basically a schlepper, but he makes decent money and lives at home, so doesn't really have any financial obligations. He wanted to take them to give to his girlfriend.  None of us really wanted them, so we said sure...

Today he's all smiles and walking around with his pecs stuck out because his girlfriend went out of her way to "appreciate" him on V-Day, since she was under the impression that he spent well over $100 on flowers for her.  He told us he lied, and finds nothing wrong with that.

I find this the height of cheap.  And if he's willing to lie to save a few bucks, what else will he be willing to lie about?  I think people who are cheap with money, are also cheap when it comes to affairs of the heart.  Am I wrong? 

You are 100% right on this on Deedee.
Every woman that I have ever been with has always had a story about a cheap guy that they dated and they got rid of them in a hurry. I feel sorry for this fellows girl 

PB

[babydoc]

Cheap men CANNOT be trusted.  Period.  End of discussion.

[MiniMiggy]

I'll never understand any of it. I just don't care anymore, like I said, love does not exist......It's just people using other people.......

Love does exist.  But it seems like fewer people are capable of it these days. 

[MiniMiggy]

why are relationships so TOUGH??

Relationships are tough.  They are tougher if you make the other person bear the weight of all your expectations and dreams. 

I have been in a successful relationship for the last four years, and I think it's because I found out what I believed in and what mattered to me in the single years that preceded them. When I got into my current relationship the world didn't revolve around the new person in my life.  Strangely, it helped make me a more open and giving person than when my significant other was the focus of all my attention. 

[arigato]

i don't think thats being cheap... who cares where he got the flowers? do u really think she was happy because he spent over 100 or because he got her the flowers?
if she likes him because he spends money? well than that hooch mama gotta go like a bad habit!
no girls should love a man just because he spends money on her, unless shes a hooker!
it's the thought that counts!  maybe some of u whose pissed off didn't receive any flowers yesterday? lol haters...

[24KT]

Never trust a cheap man, never trust a liar, ...run like hell from a cheap liar! 

[Cap]

A cheap man obviously cares about finances which is good....lying is not.

Why never trust a cheap man, because he doesn't piss away money?

[24KT]

A cheap man obviously cares about finances which is good....lying is not.

Why never trust a cheap man, because he doesn't piss away money?

There's a difference between a man who is frugal and a wise investor of money and one who is cheap.
I'd take a frugal man, even a broke man, over one who is just cheap.

[Cap]

There's a difference between a man who is frugal and a wise investor of money and one who is cheap.
I'd take a frugal man, even a broke man, over one who is just cheap.

What's your point of distinction?

[littleD]

It's not the cheapness....it is the lying part that is wrong.

[Cap]

It's not the cheapness....it is the lying part that is wrong.

Exactly

[Deedee]

What's your point of distinction?

I agree with Judi here.  To put it in terms of a relationship... a frugal man is someone who saves money or at least doesn't throw it around, because he's planning for their future, cares enough to want something in the back in the event of a financial setback, or wants to save for something they can share, like a home, vacation, etc.  A cheap man is someone who thinks other people aren't "worth" spending his money on. Someone who is "cheap" is selfish.

[Cap]

I agree with Judi here.  To put it in terms of a relationship... a frugal man is someone who saves money or at least doesn't throw it around, because he's planning for their future, cares enough to want something in the back in the event of a financial setback, or wants to save for something they can share, like a home, vacation, etc.  A cheap man is someone who thinks other people aren't "worth" spending his money on. Someone who is "cheap" is selfish.

I don't think anyone is really worthy of my money.  What did they do to earn it?  Does my girlfriend earn nice dinners?  Do I earn a home cooked meal?  It's not a matter of earning, deserving, etc....it's a matter of personal choice of how to spend my funds.  If I never want to pay to eat out again, it makes me cheap but not selfish.

[Deedee]

I don't think anyone is really worthy of my money.  What did they do to earn it?  Does my girlfriend earn nice dinners?  Do I earn a home cooked meal?  It's not a matter of earning, deserving, etc....it's a matter of personal choice of how to spend my funds.  If I never want to pay to eat out again, it makes me cheap but not selfish.

Actually, that makes you frugal, not cheap. As for the rest of it, usually when you care for someone you want to share things with them, and do things for them to show your appreciation that they are in your life, and that generally includes offering to take them out occasionally, treat them to something, whatever. The same goes for women too, so I'm not making any distinction that only men should dig into their pockets. Would you lie about where you got flowers (because you didn't want to spend the money) to impress or manipulate someone? Don't you think that's cheap?

[Cap]

Actually, that makes you frugal, not cheap. As for the rest of it, usually when you care for someone you want to share things with them, and do things for them to show your appreciation that they are in your life, and that generally includes offering to take them out occasionally, treat them to something, whatever. The same goes for women too, so I'm not making any distinction that only men should dig into their pockets. Would you lie about where you got flowers (because you didn't want to spend the money) to impress or manipulate someone? Don't you think that's cheap?

I've used roses from my grandma's rose bush before, never said a word.   

[babydoc]

Cheap is when you steal toilet paper from work to take home with you. 

Cheap is when you re-gift something to someone you love.

[tu_holmes]

It's not about him being cheap... He's a liar... that's it.

He happens to be a liar who's a cheap fucktard too... but really it's two seperate issues.

This yahoo would lie to anyone about anything... stay clear of this "winner". He'll lie about you too...