Officer A Griffin Badge OU812
1030 Hrs
At 1030 Hrs 11 Jan 2012 I, Officer A Griffin received Code 1 Dispatch to local Debt Collection Agency in re: disturbance.
Upon investigation this Officer found the following pertinent facts:
1. New employee, of Pakistani origin, propositioned coworker known alternatively as "Average Gym Rat" and "Man of Steel" for acts of homosexual nature e.g. frottage and "reacharounds"
2. Coworker AGR/MOS, while reluctantly agreeing to said acts, posted derogatory information regarding the new employee on a popular "bodybuilding" website, to-wit,
www.GetBig.com3. A third coworker, self-identified as "Army of One" who claimed unusually and disproportionately large quadricep muscles, to-wit, 32 inches, did, with malice aforethought, proceed to "bitch slap" both the new employee and AGR/MOS into oblivion, as well as kick their teeth in.
Based on these facts, aggravated by the epic pha ggot ry displayed by the new employee and AGR/MOS, this Officer found no reason to charge "Army of One" with any criminal citation, as his acts performed a Service for the Public Good. The employer involved, "Debt Collection Agency" declined to provide any further information.
End of Report Officer A Griffin Badge OU812
