I posted this in another thread but it fits so nicely right here
Getbig!
View Profile Email Personal Message (Online)
New gym rules
« on: March 26, 2005, 09:11:04 PM » Reply with quote Modify message Remove message
Okay, I have some new rules for some of the people at my gym. Tell your freinds
#1 the lady using the thigh-machine as furniture.
>those might look like chairs, lady, but they are for exercise. You might think that doing 1/20th of a rep with 5 lbs while havinng a conversation justifies you staying seated there for 15 f**king minutes at a time- let me assure you- the real athletes in the gym are peeee-yist at you for stealing their equipment. Try talking in the locker room or in the hallways. God forbid you actually USE those the equipment for fitness purposes
#2 Mr. freindly
>You may notice I am wearing headphones. that is so I can't hear people talking about their girlfreinds, jock itch, their parents...
If you see me working out do not talk to me in the middle of a set to ask me how I got so big, learned to move quickly became flexable, are you a black belt- in fact unless my hair is on fire, don't talk to me. If the gym is on fire, I will take care of myself(certainly not you). If you want to know how to get big, watch reading rainbow and learn how to use a f**king library.
If you want to talk to me in the locker room, the hallways or when it looks like I am resting, I may respond politely. if you stop me mid-set for anything, I expect a catastrophy of 9/11 proportions
#3 the jokester.
>When you see me doing windsprints, or kicking in a strait line do not run in front of me. there is a reason I go to the most secluded part of the gym for these exercises. If your face plows into my foot at 90 mph and I kick the stupid out of you- it looks more like it must be your own fault.
Mayby, if you were fourteen and drunk it could be a little bit funny. But if I plow into you or accidentally kick you because you are snickering when you should be dodgeing me only one of us is going to get into trouble, and I am not completely sure its going to be you. If you want to know what it feels like to be kicked in the face, let me know (between sets) and I will kindly take you out back.
#4 the old fat lady with the playboy tatoo
>Wear more clothes. That is all.
#5 The skinny guy swinging a dumbell half of his weight at seven reps a second.
>You know what? Keep up the good work. sure. I mean, we have a red telephone in the corner of the gym, what is the worst thing that could happen?
#6 The fat fitness instructor.
>Do not come up to me in the middle of a set and tell me I am using too much weight. My reps are slow and controlled. I lift the full stack on most of the leg machines simply because I train heavy and because I train smart. If my form ever slips all of the real weight room attendants (You can recognize them because they look like bodybulders) will jump on me, quickly.
In fact, I will make you a deal. If I ever want to look fat and old, you will be the very first person I go to. Till then, keep to your scrawney out of shape cronies.
Thank you
the guy in the last rule pisses me off the most because he leads an aerobics/ cross training class three times a week during primetime. not only can I not use anything for an hour while he is teaching (weak shitty exercises too) but when he is done and I can use the weight room again it is contaminated- no - saturated with out of shape newbs that swear that circut training is the way to go. most of the guys in my list are a problem immidiatly following this fatasses class