Bill O’Reilly Arrested For Assaulting Department Store Santa

[Primemuscle]

Fox News host Bill O'Reilly was arrested in New York today for assaulting a department store Santa Claus at Macy's.

According to local reports, the 63-year old conservative pundit was shopping at the venerated Manhattan landmark for a last-minute Christmas gift and became enraged when the on-site Santa wished him "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas".

Witnesses say that after a brief argument O'Reilly punched the Santa Claus in the face and wrestled him to the ground before a throng of onlookers. The two then traded blows for close to a minute before security guards broke the fight up.

The Santa Claus, a 47 year old man from Newark, NJ, is recovering at NYU Langone Medical Center from injuries sustained in the brawl and expected to undergo several surgeries tonight to repair nerve damage in his nose.

'Merry Christmas mother-fucker'

Sheila Johnson, a 33-year old computer programmer from Long Island, witnessed the entire ordeal and describes what she saw:

"The Santa was wishing everybody 'Happy Holidays' as they passed by. And most people were in a good mood, so they said 'Happy Holidays' back. But when he said it to O'Reilly, the dude went ballistic."

Johnson says that immediately upon hearing the phrase "Happy Holidays", O'Reilly dropped the package he was holding, turned to face the Santa, looked deep into his eyes and unleashed a verbal tsunami of anger.

"What the fuck did you just say to me? What the FUCK did you just say?" O'Reilly screamed, "Did you seriously think you could get away with insulting me - ME! - with your anti-christian, secular 'Happy Holidays' filth?"

"Hey buddy, I don't know what your problem is," the Santa replied, "But its my job, I can say whatever I want."

"Oh really?," O'Reilly retorted as he stepped into the Santa's face "You think you can just abandon the Judeo-Christian values that made this country great? Fucking say whatever dumb fucking communist phrase that comes to mind?"

"Pretty much," replied the Santa.

"Oh yeah? Well I got a little present for you Karl Marx," O'Reilly threatened as he raised his fist, "Merry Christmas guy." He then connected a punch straight to the Santa's nose.

O'Reilly is well known for his 'War on Christmas' segments on his eponymous television show, in which he argues that the phrase 'Happy Holidays' is destroying America.

His program has been canceled tonight and replaced with a special edition of the morning show Fox and Friends. He was arrested at the scene, released on a $10,000 bond, and is expected to face charges of assault.

[Jack T. Cross]

These stories are coming from a satirical website (in case you didn't know).

[Primemuscle]

These stories are coming from a satirical website (in case you didn't know).

Duh, you think?

[Jack T. Cross]

Duh, you think?

So were you hoping to mislead people, or...?

[Primemuscle]

So were you hoping to mislead people, or...?

Absolutely not. I give people (even on Getbig) more credit than that.

Another Getbigger posted a story about Lance Armstrong cutting off his own testicles from The Daily Chronicle. When I checked the link, I found some of the other stories rather humorous too so I posted them here for others to read and have a good laugh.

Are you always so serious? Maybe Christmas just brings out your serious side.

[Jack T. Cross]

Absolutely not. I give people (even on Getbig) more credit than that.

Another Getbigger posted a story about Lance Armstrong cutting off his own testicles from The Daily Chronicle. When I checked the link, I found some of the other stories rather humorous too so I posted them here for others to read and have a good laugh.

Are you always so serious? Maybe Christmas just brings out your serious side.

As you can tell from the Armstrong thread, the poster apparently didn't understand that it was from a satirical website.

[Jack T. Cross]

I see after we began discussing this, you chose an obviously false Justin Bieber story to post.  Good job.

[Primemuscle]

As you can see from the Armstrong thread, the poster apparently didn't understand that it was from a satirical website.

If you are right then the poster rather "owned" himself.

[Jack T. Cross]

If you are right then the poster rather "owned" himself.

And there's no way you'd try to set the stage for anyone else to do the same.  

[Coach is Back!]

The David Gregory story, however, is real!

[funk51]

won't surprise me one bit. it was probably caused by obama winning the election.