Well, last night I was drinking at a friends house and around 2am I decided to drive home like an idiot (thought i was fine to drive), so about 5 miles down the road I see highbeams in my rearview and theyre approaching fast. keep in mind that i live in small town USA and anyone driving past 12am is sure to get harrassed by the fuzz, So these headlights are right on my ass and now im getting pissed off so I slam on my brakes (BIG MISTAKE,wasnt using my head) sure enough the blues come on and I pull over.
This jerk cop with an attitude comes up to my window and asks me for my license and registration, which I politely hand to him, and then he asks me why I suddenly stepped on the brakes and I told him it was because there was a PIG on the road! He kind of gave me a look and then he asked me if I've had anything to drink this evening. I told him I had one or two beers (try fourteen) and that I wasnt drunk. He then asks me to get out of my car and I did. This is around the same time another cop rolls up, so as the cop whos dealing with me starts walking to see the other officer , I decide to run into the woods.
Both of these guys start chasing me but i got the jump on them and then stupid me starts taunting the cops by saying cant catch me im the gingerbread man! I did lose them in the thick brush, and im relieved that I got away and then it hit me, the damn cop has my drivers license and my car! Now this is why I try and stay away from the booze because for some reason I thought that if I took off all my clothes except my underwear, they wouldnt be able to ID me if they saw me walking down the street.
So I finally make my way out of the woods and onto some road and im walking down the street and I see headlights coming toward me so I figure its a passerby and ill get a ride home so I stand in the middle of the road and start waving my arms and this car slows down in front of me so I run to the drivers window and if it aint just my bad luck its the cop I ran from half an hour before. so he jumps out of the cruiser and orders me to the ground at gunpoint. now this jerk cop is real mad at me now and he puts all his weight on my back with his knee while he puts cuffs on me, and then he stands me up and asks me why I ran and what happened to my clothes. I told him I didnt run from anyone, I said I was golfing up the street and some crazy guy came up to me at the 8th hole and demanded my golf clothes and my gold mastercard at knifepoint so I was able to escape him and run down the road to look for help, but the cop didnt buy my story, something about golf courses not being open at 3am. so anyway I was arrested and charged with dui, resisting arrest, lying to an officer, fleeing.
you guys think im gonna do any time?
