Morbidly inappropriate question ahead (feel free to delete):
When a 280-300 lbs. Rich or Dallas passes on, with the added weight of a casket, is this the poundage pallbearers will be forced to carry at the service? Without getting too graphic, does the deceased's physical funeral prep in some way lighten the load?
The 5% Penguin Brigade will undoubtedly drain Rich's carcass of excess liquids which in turn will be made into biodiesel and used to power the hearse. Once at the cemetery the same 5% Penguin Brigade will waddle from the hearse to the grave site for the service carrying the sacred sarcophagus above their heads (approximately 4 feet above ground level).
Post eulogy and with heads bowed in total reverence for their fallen heroine, the Pengies will then lower the flaccid carcass of Piana (buried appropriately in a Baby Grand crate) to his final resting place.
Three days later they will return to the site and find the headstone tipped over, 20 empty testosterone vials, a single used syringe, an empty 5% jug, a large but empty helium cylinder normally found at circuses and a radiant being of black light (the orginal light was BLACK...FACT!) resembling a shrunken Ronnie Coleman dressed as Schmoeses standing beside it. The angelic being will utter five simple words that will forever change bodybuilding...
"He be re-inflated...'n' sheit."
And the world will never be quite the same...'n'sheit.
