Author Topic: What is the most retarded thing(s) you have seen in the gym (Read 34854 times)

dmorgan41178 · « **Reply #75 on:** January 07, 2006, 06:05:36 AM »

My wife and I recently moved to the coast of NC from Charlotte. There is a huge difference in the gyms atmosphere and members.
She was training for Natls. and we were hitting legs. the equipment is nice but scattered throughout the gym. The leg ext. machines are by the cardio equipment.
We were warming up and got a bit carried away with heavier weight. My last set was the stack and on the last rep bounced down clanking the plates. My wife points out a senior citizen that had been sitting on the seated ab machine for like 30 minutes. This guy has an oxygen tank and shit on. So he is staring us down. As I walk by him he reaches out to me and motions for me to lean down to him. So I did, and he tells me that my wife and I dont care about him. Im like what? He tell us he has a condition that loud clanking noises make him nervous and causes him stress. Im sitting there like WTF. Im like well it is a gym and the weights are metal? So he keeps going and Im like we are going move over to the other side for now, ok? but no he follows us throughout the gym. I told my wife hey, he got his senior citizen freebie, he starts up again im gonna call his nurse.
So a few days later we were hitting back. doing lat pulldowns on the cybex towers. he decides to come over and linger around while im pulling some heavy weight. i decided i wasnt gonna strain myself another rep to ease it down and let the last one crash. just so happens he was bent over by my stack. he pops looking crazy. two minutes later he comes over and says lets draw a truce. i was like hey its a gym and weights will make noise even without trying to be loud. since then, he leaves us alone, but im like damn. I have been transported by aliens into some strange retartded world.
1. I HATE CELL PHONES IN THE GYM. anyone using one in the gym is screwed.

2. girls that do two days of cardio straight and refuse to eat and are straight skinny beanpoles and never changed shape in like years.

3. custom exercises that make you want to run over to someone and say hey stop! someone is gonna get hurt.

4. The infamous 1/4 inch bench or squat.

5. the guys squatting 135 and moaning and yelling like the earth is shifting

6. the guy or his crew that rolls in on lunch break from job with nasty t-shirt and dirty jeans and workboots to get a few sets of curls and then walk around swoll.

7 the girl at our new gym that runs sideways doing jumping jacks on the tread and backwards and forwards dancing.

8. the guys who never workout but sit around targeting innocent people to harrass about their vast fitness knowledge and that one day when they get their weight and size right they will compete. when asked why dont you diet and compete now, they say i want to know ill win.
they know everything about competing and critique every competitor in the gym but never got a pair of trunks himself. i hate that MF. "if you must critique; you must compete!!"

9. the chick with the gut that always wears the midrift shirt with her gut hanging out and watches constantly to see if some schmoe is checking her out.

10. that SOB that is always on the machine you need next and is using one plate and takes 15 minutes between sets.

damn im getting furious now thinking about it. i may just go to the gym and hit someone with a 10 lb plate.

oh

11. someone mentioned this dick earlier. his stainless steel cofee mug and slugs around on machines sipping his coffee like hes just getting up.

DID I MENTION CELL PHONES

sarcasm · « **Reply #76 on:** January 07, 2006, 07:46:30 AM »

theres a clown in my gym who has to scream and almost smack himself to psych up to sqaut 225 for 15.

dmorgan41178 · « **Reply #77 on:** January 07, 2006, 07:54:48 AM »

one time in this new asshole gym we are at. wife and i are knocking out some leg presses. we had like 5 plates a side for her and we were getting ready to load more plates for my set. this guy walks over and steps between my wife and the weights and grabs a plate. Now he is up to two plates on the other leg press and before i can say anything my wife is like you fucking asshole you put that shit back. i was like oh ok she got it. i mean they were evenly matched in size and stuff. well wife was obviously stronger. i would have pulled her off before he was hurt too bad. but he stood there like what did i do. he looked at me and i was like youre gonna get your ass kicked. we have not seen him since. thank God.

oh

12. people that leave stupid weight on machines. we go to the one leg curl where the plates go on each side. someone left a 10 on each side. im like who even uses a fucking 10 on a plate loaded machine.

sacarsm they have to stop this thread its getting me amped up just thinking about. everyone on this thread will hit the gym ready to strangle the next screw up dumb ass. there will be assault cases across the nation and the media will link it to roid rage. LMAO

sarcasm · « **Reply #78 on:** January 07, 2006, 07:56:57 AM »

WHAT ABOUT THE TOOLS WHO STRETCH THEIR CALVES ON THE INCLINE PRESS SPOTTER PLATFORM FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF, HAHAHA.

buffbodz · « **Reply #79 on:** January 07, 2006, 07:59:31 AM »

Quote from: Karl Kox on January 06, 2006, 01:41:43 PM

two things

Today I saw a guy standing on the bench of the bench press doing shoulder shrugs with the bar from the bench, which I thought was kinda retreaded in it's self, but then the dumb mother fucker fell off with the bar and everything. He did not get hurt but he was very embarrassed.

The other thing I saw yet another skinny little f**k in the gym today who spent more time looking at him self in the mirror then he did lifting. I am not trying to be raceset but most of these skinny fucks I see walking around doing this are Mexican.

1 walks around as the lookout, while his 2 amigos pilfer the locker room for any unlocked lockers.

phyxsius · « **Reply #80 on:** January 07, 2006, 08:00:39 AM »

yesterday I saw a guy doing curls and when he's stuck in the middle, he stomped like a girl (leg movement from knee and below) to get the EZ bar up.

I find it funny because everytime he got stuck, he stomp like a girl and his face expression, like someone just stole his candy

sarcasm · « **Reply #81 on:** January 07, 2006, 08:08:18 AM »

how about the guys who try to use 5 or 6 plates on the t-bar row with the chest support pad and end up practically standing up with the weight.

bigdumbbell · « **Reply #82 on:** January 07, 2006, 08:20:14 AM »

how about all the perverts who wear tight clothes !

Mars · « **Reply #83 on:** January 07, 2006, 08:32:58 AM »

What about these little fucks who say they don't train leggs because they already work them with the heavy construction work they do hahahaha.

sarcasm · « **Reply #84 on:** January 07, 2006, 08:34:00 AM »

there was a douchebag in last week who had two plates and some change on the hack squat and would lower the weight all the way down so low that the machine was resting on the stops and he would pause and squat it for sets of 1 rep, hahahaha.

Karl Kox · « **Reply #85 on:** January 07, 2006, 08:40:38 AM »

Quote from: buffbodz on January 07, 2006, 07:59:31 AM

1 walks around as the lookout, while his 2 amigos pilfer the locker room for any unlocked lockers.

you should go in and beat the shit out of them

Stitch · « **Reply #86 on:** January 07, 2006, 09:24:49 AM »

1. Mr. Too much cologne man. Sometimes I can smell him before I enter the gym.

2. The guy showing middle aged women how to do standing rear delt cable flyes on the crossover machine (and other crap they don't need to know) because it makes him feel macho to show them what he knows.

3. The group of middle aged guys who wear lifting belts that do half reps of everything and look like a fat pile of crap even though they have been lifting for YEARS.

3. The he/she with the gender identity crisis. Walks around the gym like an alpha male, screams when she is lifting and talks about how hard she lifted yesterday when she was in the gym "bodybuilding".

4. The big fat chick working at the front desk.

I could go on, but I'll stop now.

sarcasm · « **Reply #87 on:** January 07, 2006, 09:30:14 AM »

the pudgy, 20 year old flaming homosexual dude at the front desk, who yells Have a Nice Day sarcastically when you don't acknowledge him.

Mars · « **Reply #88 on:** January 07, 2006, 09:34:00 AM »

You should have punched him in the mouth.

LLES · « **Reply #89 on:** January 07, 2006, 01:49:36 PM »

We had a guy in a gym I trained at we called "Johnny Powerlifter". John was 5'9 250lbs, fat as a hog, with ,I sh*t you not ,his entire body ,legs & all shaved. He would come in wearing the spandex one piece, carrying his bag full of wraps, chalk, belts, ammonia, ect. He'd wrap his wrists up,cinch his belt up,sniff the ammonia, lay on the bench, fold a towel & lay that on his chest & max out w/ 185 for 5 reps. He would approach every lift like he was getting ready to attempt a world record. Another time, he was getting ready for a big squat (225lbs) he's psyching himself up , does the ammonia, Then ( I swear to God , I'm not making this up) grabs the power-rack to help cinch the belt tighter , starts shaking & growling & then head-butts the metal tower, and knocked himself cold! The whole gym was rolling on the floor howling. It was f*cking hilarious!!!! Seen him 3 days later w/ his head stitched up. He was so funny, I swear you could hardly work out when he was in there ,which was usually only 45min, hour tops .

The Luke · « **Reply #90 on:** January 07, 2006, 06:20:44 PM »

My training partner is a bit of a nutter... not the most mentally stable individual, although we like to think of him as merely eccentric.

Anyway he works as a professional sleight-of-hand artist, (teaching poker players how to cheat, doing close up magic at corporate events and freaking out kids at childrens parties etc. etc).

Anytime we get one of those asshole types in the gym he uses one of his special gizmos to get rid of them:

The telescopic sausage:
this is an inch long roll that slowly elongates over the course of a minute to nine inches. He simply jumps in as a rogue spotter whenever we have a Shouter, a Counter, a Grunter etc. then hangs around complimenting the guy on his physique, lifting style, poundage, whatever... while the lump in his shorts expands to intimidating proportions.

The redneck smile:
same routine as before only using a professionally crafted set of crooked, discoloured prosthetic teeth. It's not so much the revolting teeth, it's the lisp and continuous rasps of spittle that flick from his mouth while he's using it... "Do youth neeth a shpot?"

The contact:
a whitish-blue contact lens. Pop it in, stare unmercilessly at the asshole ruining your workout... then shout: "You lookin' at my eye?!"

Rubber finger:
He loudly slams an extra plate onto the end of a bar right in front of the Shouter/Counter/Bench-hog whatever and then grasps his hand in pain. Thus bursting the small blood packet in his palm, then drops the bloodied rubber finger on the floor... holds up his hand with his double jointed pinky finger folded away out of sight... sighs with disappointment, picks up the finger and wipes the floor with a hankerchief... then wraps the hanky around his hand, pops the severed finger into his pocket and calmly continues his workout. This particular prank has made one person faint and several others puke. Never fails.

Don't know how the guy keeps a straight face... but you can be garaunteed no distractions when your training with him.

The Luke

phyxsius · « **Reply #91 on:** January 07, 2006, 06:35:10 PM »

Quote from: Mars on January 07, 2006, 09:34:00 AM

You should have punched him in the mouth.

just shove the 5 pounds plate into his throat

bigally · « **Reply #92 on:** January 07, 2006, 09:38:57 PM »

What do you think of a guy working out reading a paper between sets....sitting on a bench?

unbelievable............ ...

bmacsys · « **Reply #93 on:** January 08, 2006, 12:55:30 PM »

One guy who was doing lat pulldowns to the front about a hundred miles an hour. On one rep on the way up the lat bar just about took his nose off. He was out cold blood spurtingt out his nostrils. Another time a lady smoking cigs as she worked out. You have to remember things were different in 1981. Another guy who was doing hyper extensions on the hyper extension/ crunch machine. He didn't put the pin in. The thing came loose and his legs flew up and his face smashed the base of the machine. Blood everywhere. Another wierdo who was jogging on a treadmill. He cut out two circles in his shirt where his pecs were so the were exposed.

hillbilly · « **Reply #94 on:** January 08, 2006, 01:07:18 PM »

theres this bodybuilder at my gym hes in good shape but i have know idea how! all i see him do is lift small weights badly, chat on his cell phone and give bad advice (like telling novices that go to him for help that they should not do creatine cus its to dangerous and that it is much safer to stick a needle in there ass!) if i see him doing stabilty ball squats im gonna push him off! WHAT A WANKER!

candidate2025 · « **Reply #95 on:** January 08, 2006, 01:11:18 PM »

Quote from: Karl Kox on January 04, 2006, 01:14:50 PM

what do yall think about the arm band I- pod holders

gay or not gay

not gay.

i use mine everytime i workout because i workout at a "family fitness center" and the music they play is horseshit.

im going to switch gyms soon though, because itas gotten to the point now that when ido leg presses, i have to use every single 45 lb plate in the whole fuckin gym. its ridiculous.

big-n-rich · « **Reply #96 on:** January 08, 2006, 02:32:14 PM »

My favorite is the sub 160 lbs guys that look like they are at the airport carring their bags. They have their chest out, head back, chin up and lats flared so wide you could put a aerobic ball under each arm and still have room for more. They work out in pairs and try to out do each other as the workout goes on, who can get wider and their hands keep getting higher and higher until their practically straight out to their sides. They usually have a t-shirt on that is a size Boys 8-10 or a compression shirt that looks two sizes too small. In the past there were 1 or 2 pairs at the gym. Now I see 8-10 pairs of them, Maybe they have some type of club.
The funniest thing I've seen is about 12 years ago a guy smashing the dumbells together at the top of incline presses. The Gym manager told him to stop it because he might break the welded caps. Sure enough he didn't stop and on one of his later sets one of the caps broke off and he got 3 10lb plates smashing down on his nose. He walked around with two black eyes for 2 weeks. He learned his lesson I never saw him smashing the DBs again.

gibberj2 · « **Reply #97 on:** January 08, 2006, 02:59:45 PM »

i see how that's retarded but i think you dont like them because they're below 160 pounds. that's not cool because everyone was small at one point before they got bigger. i'm 185 and when i started lifting weights i was 15 years old 5'9" 108. it was a big deal to me when i got to 125 and 135, 145 etc. now 185 12% bf is not a big deal but i still feel small. i think when i reach 210 i won't feel small any more but of course i'll be fatter and have to cut down below 200 to be ripped.

bigmoss · « **Reply #98 on:** January 08, 2006, 03:09:14 PM »

the weekend arms warrior...

haha this guy brought his own fucking stereo to the gym i swear to god!!! hahaha. fucking big ass stereo and put it another bench. and all this guy does is train fucking biceps, not even triceps, just biceps. he takes the 110-120 lb dumbells, and sways back and forth using as much leverage from all his other body parts. this white guy always wore his gay bandana, the guy is like 40 years old, fat and out of shape.
that has to be the funniest thing i have seen in the gym. bring your own stereo to the gym? wtf!

sarcasm · « **Reply #99 on:** January 08, 2006, 03:36:48 PM »

the funniest thing about the gym is that 95 percent of the time the only guys wearing tank tops and shorts are 160lbs. and all the 285lb. monsters are all covered up in baggy sweats, i heard one of these little scrawny tools talking to one of his friends one time and he says, "we work hard why not show it off", hahahaha, the dude was literally 150lbs. and benching 115 on the Smith Machine.