You Know You're a Bodybuilder in Chicagoland If...
...if you buy most of your supplements from Orlando at Healthkick, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you switch XSport's every 2-6 months because the previous one had too much drama, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you categorize your friends and peers based on which XSport you go to, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
... if you ever gotten your heart broken by Joey Sergo, you might be a bodybuilder (figure/fitness) in Chicagoland.
...if you eat at Sally's after the shows at The Gateway and lament about what is wrong about the NPC in Illinois, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you slept with half the stage at any given show at any given time in Illinois, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you buy your gear locally then spread rumors that who you bought it from flips fake gear, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever gotten screwed over on stage by someone who trains at USA Gym, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you hide out at different gyms and constantly change your cell phone number because you owe so many people money, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if charges of being a Peeping Tom haven been brought against you for drilling holes into tanning beds ceilings, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you or any member of your family or wife or girlfriend has ever been blatantly insulted by Ronnie Altieri, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have a killer growth hormone connection by 'a friend of mine' who lives on North Halsted st. just past Addison, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you are a jaded cynical bald bitter asshole who spends too much time stuffing his obese fat body with burritos and McDoubles from McDonald's Dollar Menu and perpetually has a wad of Skoal wintergreen in his mouth, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if hired Dave Palumbo within 2008 & 2009 to 'do your diet', you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you plan on avoiding local NPC shows because you don't want to run into your EX, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have a trophy for Figure, Bikini and Bodybuilding all within a 6 month time period, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you stepped on stage in the middle of your Second Trimester and still placed ahead of somebody els because you train at USA Gym, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you pick up contracts with supplement companies just as easy as you toss them away to out-wit your way into booth work at the 2010 Arnold Classic, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you really should be competing as a Heavyweight but always seem to enter your shows as a Superheavyweight, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you step out on stage looking 10 weeks out and not place then blame the "politics" for your demise, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you literally diet, tan, train harder, add in cardio, run some clen, carb deplete and carb load just to ATTEND a local NPC show, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if your version of 'Check Into Cash' is to collect hundreds of dollars from 3-4 different people because they want to get in on your overseas order all to tell them 3 weeks later that you got a 'seizure letter' as you pocket the cash to finance your trip to Columbus or to pay for your growth kits, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you think you have to go to USA Gym 2 weeks before your show to have Chuck ''check you out'' because you think it may "help you", you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you pee in empty Gatorade bottles that you normally use to spit your chew in as you sit in gridlock traffic on your way to Elston to meet up with Chris San Juan as he is 3 days out from Jr. Nationals, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you ever had your last name stitched on the back of a warm-up jacket after the word ' TEAM ' , you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you ever slept with Victor Martinez after the 2008 NPC USA Continental, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever GIVEN a blow-job as payment for clenbuterol and anavar tablets in the parking lot of Lombard XSport, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever RECIEVED a blow-job as payment for clenbuterol and anavar tablets in the parking lot of Lombard XSport, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you were ever told to carb-up with Snickers and Mountian Dew, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if your dating spectrum went from geriatric to pediatric, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if your " boyfriend " can execute your quater-turn Figure poses much better than you can, you must be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever sharted your shorts at XSport-Bricktown and noticed the smell but not knew it was you, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever broken up with your significant other over the last of the Crystal Lite, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you ever think you ever have a chance to ever go Pro without a single clue on how to network and market yourself, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever gotten fired by Rick Lovestrand, you might be a bodybuilder from Chicagoland.
...if you can't ejaculate without a buff burly woman flexing her biceps, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you can't seem to ever get lean for a show and blame "trans fats" as the reason why, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you had ever gotten your Polish beer knocked over or stolen by Dolly Nordheimer at The Gateway because you need alcohol to get your fat ass through a bodybuilding show, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you give prostate massages while calling yourself the Kitty Kat, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if your tires were slashed at the 2009 NPC USA Continental, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if Jeff Johnson has ever told you to " get the fuck out of here! " , you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you religiously meet up at Arlington-South to train legs every Sabbath at 3pm with a quasi-Italian occult, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever counted up alinshop clenbuterol at the Internet Cafe tables at Xsport, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever hired George Farah to prep you for the same shows you fully intend to flake out of, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if have ever subjected an entire audience to the most flamboyantly gay version of a posing routine to Lady Gaga's Pokerface, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you ever pranked called Derek Anthony before, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you take Pride In Your Supplements, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever given a blowjob to a married man as he touched up your Pro Tan in your hotel room, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever been caught in a prostitution sting from Craigslist, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if Dexter Jackson invited you back to his hotel room after the 2006 Mid-Illinois Classic, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you feel that you are that special to where you think you need to compete out of state to " avoid the politics " , you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you still do not realize that insulin is purchase available over the counter without a prescription, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you look like Billy Corgan on steroids decked out in a 3X White-T and Air Force-1's , you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you look 6 weeks out everytime you step out on stage and blame it on " a fluid issue " , you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you think you and Jay Cutler are BFF's, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you ever hosted a " Pro Tan Party " , you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever lied to your significant other about who Pro Tanned you, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you ever posed at your own show with a cloak and 5' albino boa constrictor around your neck, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you stopped talking to practically everybody at your gym(s) because of your insecure jealous boy/girlfriend made you do so, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you ran test propionate, winstrol and clenbuterol for the 2007 NPC Grand Prix show in Belvedere, Illinois and still didn't win your class, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you tore your tricep pumping up just before you are set to go out on stage, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if your wife caught wind that you had an account on FitSingles.com, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have ever slept with your ' diet coach ' and still continue to pay him to tell you to have 1/4 cup of oatmeal with breakfast, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you step on stage at a national level show and none of the judges have ever heard of you or seen you before, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you somehow still managed to look sexy while staring at John Lathrop at the Indiana Sand Dunes, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you lie about how much you lift, how often you train, how much gear you use, how much money you make and who you have banged, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if your 'sponsor' is an overweight middle-aged man with no kids and has never been married and lives in boystown, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you made an acquaintence of yours drive across the city 3x's a week to give you your injections due to your fear of needles, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you dump vitamin B6 in a ziplock bag and pawn them off as Russian dbols, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you swear that you will never date another competitor for as long as you live but continuously do, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
...if you have perfected the art of burning bridges and making frienemies through the power of the pen and with too much time on his hands, you might be a bodybuilder in Chicagoland.
- Block!
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