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Getbig Misc Discussion Boards => E-Board - Movies, Music, TV, Videogames, Comics => Topic started by: Army of One on January 05, 2007, 08:29:27 PM

Title: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 05, 2007, 08:29:27 PM

I just watched this again and decided this thread NEEDED to be made, the legend that is.............
(http://www.cinemasterpieces.com/commando.jpg)


1) Porsches can "heal" themselves after repeatedly crashing into a Fiat and rolling onto their sides.

2) Two people can crash into a pole at 50 mph, wearing no seatbelts, and walk away.

3) Uzi's do not run out of ammunition until everyone is dead.

4) Being electrocuted will give you superhuman strength.

5) The best place to lock up a hostage is in a large room with balsa wood covering the window openings, with no guards outside the window.

6) The only way to break through balsa wood is with a disassembled doorknob.

7) Cheap airplanes are started by punching the control panel and saying "Fly or DIE!"

8 ) The best way to discreetly tell someone that people may be out to get him is by flying a military helicopter through the rolling mountains of Southern California to meet him.

9) Three men in a van can easily survive an explosion caused by a rocket being shot into the van's gas tank.

10) You can't just unbutton someone's shirt. You have to rip it open, and hold it open while talking to them.

11) A man's center of gravity does not change when picking up another man and holding him at arm's length.

12) Surplus stores have enough equipment to blow up an entire compound.

13) The only way to break into a surplus store is by driving your handy bulldozer through the front of it, for everyone to see.

14) However, no one will see what happened in (13).

15) A Ford Bronco with no brakes can still brake.

16) A Ford Bronco will explode three times upon rollover.

17) Tranquilizer darts are instantaneously effective.

18) One can walk about an airplane during takeoff if he claims that he is airsick.

19) Old Fiats are as fast as new Porsches.

20) Explosives set on the outside of a building will cause the building to explode from the inside.

21) Upon being scalped by circular saw blade, one becomes instantly pale.

22) Really good hair gel will not wash out, period.

23) Shopping malls have about 100 inept security guards apiece.

24) The best place to secretly exchange false documents for a briefcase-full of money is in a very public bar in a very public shopping mall.

25) Upon being blown up by a hand grenade, one does an acrobatic somersault.

26) Upon being shot, one acts like a cartoon character tripping backwards over a step.

27) Hedge deflects bullets.

28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one.

29) People commonly use stairs to get onto large commercial jetliners at Los Angeles International Airport, not jetways.

30) If a large truck comes barreling down a mountain toward you while you are driving, you should not brake. Instead, you should just say, "he's gonna hit us!" and keep driving at the same speed.

31) The US military's two best soldiers are an Austrian guy and an Australian guy.

32) The most efficient and reliable way to kill someone is to drive up to their house in a garbage truck when it's not their regular pick-up day, and hope that your intended victim hears you coming and rushes out with the garbage. And nobody else in the neighborhood will come out with their garbage too.

33) A perfectly built Austrian and a shorter, fatter Australian are evenly matched, even if one of them looks like he's in much better shape.

34) A medieval-style chain-mail chestplate is a useful piece of 20th century military equipment.

35) "Between the balls" is apparently a very bad place to take a bullet.

36) If you exit a commercial airplane after takeoff, none of the flight attendants or other passengers will wonder what happened to you.

37) Opening the hatch to gain access to the landing gear won't set off any warnings in the cockpit, even in a pressurized airplane that's about to take off.

38) If you only have one (very early) cellular phone, don't give it to the guy who's seeing Matrix off on the plane. Keep it by your side, even if there are normal telephones where you are. That way, when things go wrong, he can't call you with an update from his car but must find a pay phone instead.

39) If you used to be the head of a country, and you were overthrown and now live in exile, you automatically get your job back if the current ruler is assassinated.

40) If a team of ex-soldiers is given new identities and relocated, most of them will be given lousy jobs (car salesman, fishing boat worker), but the leader gets a big house in the mountains and a generous stipend. And the psychotic guy who got kicked off the team will get a new identity too, for some reason.

41) If you're trying to find the ex-leader of a special military unit who's been hiding in the mountains, wait til a military helicopter flies to his house, then have your henchmen teleport there two minutes later.

42) If you break into a warehouse and knock one of the workers out and lock him in a closet, he won't tell anybody about it when he regains consciousness.

43. When your plot includes the assassination of the leader of some foreign country and kidnapping a little girl you should wear low profile clothes, like chain mail, dog's chain on your neck, moustache and black leather pants.

44. When your plot includes the assassination of... you don't shoot a lethal Special Forces -guy when you have the chance. You challenge him into a knife fight instead.

45. When you're having sex in a motel room, you're not supposed to stop or get worried when you hear a gunshot and sounds of fighting in the next room.

46. If you are/were in Special Forces/Green Berets etc. you're huge.

47. If you are/were in Special Forces, you have superhuman senses and you can break a chain with your bare hands.

48. If you're from Austria and you need a false identity, the military gives you a common Austrian name like "John Matrix".

49.a phone booth with a human being inside of it is lighter than you think.

50. No bullet can penetrate the (aluminium) shell of a hydroplane. It's like an armored car.

51. Evil paramilitaries are long-sighted. They can hit a 2 meter target from 50 meters away while driving a jeep and shooting a submachine gun single handed. However, the same paramilitaries are unable to hit the same target from 5 meters away while standing in a door.

52. If you glue a little round box on top of your binoculars you can see funny little red numbers below and blinking blue arrows above the enlarged image.

53. If you put your explosive charge on the ground in front of the watchtower, the platform explodes. Three times in a row!!

54. If you're pursued by the evil paramilitaries and run out of ammo go to the garden tool shed, because all the bad guys store their circular saw blades there. How else would you cut down your apple tree?

55. To properly heat a two storey mansion near L.A. you need a boiler room that looks like a combined heat and power station.

56. If you get slashed across the stomach with a knife you don't bleed like a pig.

57 Bad guys are hollow, or at least they have no spine. If they had it should have been shot out of the pipe (together with some blood, muscles and organs) propelled from the steam coming out of the pipe.

58.Upon investigating the crime scene of a surplus store robbery, no one will notice a large Cadillac convertible full of guns, rockets, knives, explosives--and especially a person--parked behind the store.

59.guns have an never-ending supply of bullets

60.The best way to kill someone AND steal a car is by killing two birds with one stone: drive the brand-new car out of a showroom window, running over the man in the process.

61. When your daughter's life is on the line and time is limited, be sure to carefully put on black war paint to camouflage yourself on a sub-tropical island.

62. A man can carry an entire tree by himself.

63.Deers always just come up and eat food from your hand

64. Fathers dont knock their children out when shoving ice cream in their faces!

65.When a man gets hit by a car, he gets up and continues running even after it appears his legs have been snapped like chicken bones.

66.A man can rip a bolted seat right out of car with his bare hands.

67.Even though the bad guys have disabled your truck's engine, you can still drive it down a hill with exhaust fumes coming out the tailpipe

68.A shotgun leaves perfect rows of 6 exit wounds on a man, even though he was shot during a gun battle where the shooter was rolling, jumping, flying and generally not stable.

69.You can hear a little girl faintly calling your name even though she is many floors below you in a loud boiler room.

70.After you've jumped from a plane's landing gear from about 200 feet in the air, you can still get up and sprint across an airport tarmac faster than you've even run before.

71.When a helicopter approaches your house, it flies right up to you and suddenly turns at the last second before hitting the house.

72.Some believe chainmail is sufficient protection in a world of guns, grenades & pipes

73.A man can cut through logs with one swing of his axe.

74.Soldiers in the distance will shoot randomly all over the place even though the only battle going on is a small one-man melee on the other side of the island.

75. A little inflatable boat doesn't sink when you put an array of machine guns & rocket launchers in it.

76.Your hands dont get burnt when you rip a steel door of a flaming furnace.

77.You can still use both your arms to beat the crap out of someone and rip a steel pipe from the wall even though you have been shot in the shoulder 3 minutes previously.

78.You can be blown up with a grenade but if you go into a garden shed and take off your combat vest you will be fine.

79.An M-60 machine gun can fire about 9999999999999999 rounds without being reloaded.

80.If you rob a surplus store full of guns and get arrested the police just let you keep the guns and dont confiscate them.

81.If you raid a base full of soldiers, save your daughter and walk through the grounds with your daughter on your arm the soldiers that you didnt kill previously wont start shooting at you again.

82.You have been shot, slashed with knifes, blown up with a grenade, beaten up, shot with a tranquilliser, crashed into a pole with driving 50mph yet you can still walk carrying your daughter and get on a plane like nothing has happened.

83.Special Force Commandos can over power about 8 security guards even though they are all on top of you.

84.Shopping mall decorations can be used to swing from one side of to the mall to the other even though the person who is swinging on them is is 6ft 2" - 240 pounds!

85.If you lose your wallet you magically get it back if your wanting to show someone a picture of your daughter.

86.You can punch through glass (to get to knifes in a surplus store) and yor hand will be perfectly fine.

87.You can take a rocket launcher off a wall, give it to someone and then another one will magically reappear on the wall.

88.You have just killed about 100 men, robbed a surplus store, stole cars, wrecked a hotel room, blew up a police van, stole a plane, beat up about 50 security guards, jumped of a comercial airplane when its taking off, wrecked private property and blew up an entire base yet you get away scot-free with no questions asked!

89.Rocket launchers are easy to use. Just read the instructions.

90.If you plan to take someone's daughter hostage so that you can use him to assassinate someone for you, you should try killing both him and his daughter with machine guns first.

91.SWAT vans: (1) used to carry single prisoners, they have (2) nice little barred windows like in jail cells for the prisoner to look out at the surrounding traffic and into the cab.

92.If you are trying to escape from a 6'2" gigantic *beep* and have to go down ONE floor in a mall, you should take the slow scenic elevator, not the stairs or escalator.

93.Someone who has only flight-trained on a Cessna will know what type of fuel every kind of plane uses.

94.On commercial airliners, live dogs are stored in the unpressurized cargo bay.

95. A muscular guy in speedos is a major plot point.

96.Green berets are necessary for any nutrious breakfast.

97.you can stand in an open field with 30 men shooting automatic weapons at you and not get shot

98.while standing in said open field you can fire your pistol at them and kill them off one by one

99.Holding your stomach and saying im airsick is a valid excuse not to sit down during take off

100.It is posible to hold your eyes open while a plane is hurtaling at 150 mph down a runway

101.No one would notice a soaking wet bodybuilder wondering around the runway at one of the biggest airports in the world

102.A young girl can easily rip off a door handle.

103.An entire fleet of police cars, a SWAT van and an army unit (including top military personnel who happen to be in the neighbourhood) will be summoned to a ram raid on an army surplus store immediately.

104.Once the criminal has been apprehended, the entire squad sent to arrest him will disappear and he will be transported without handcuffs in an armoured van accompanied by two unarmed officers who will immediately goof off and cruise for hot chicks.

105.When an evil, psychotic mercenary determined to kill you is standing about three feet away with a machine gun aimed straight at you, he will not fire at you when you suddenly turn around and rip a pipe off the wall.

106.Thrown like a javelin from a few feet away, this pipe can pierce through the chest of a bulky man wearing a chain mail vest and nail him to a huge boiler.

107.Grenades explode one second after pulling the pin out on impact and land exactly where you want them to despite you looking in the other direction

108.Garden sheds, when being shot at by five automatic weapons, have sufficient framework to support a 250 pound man.

109.If a giant man is 3 feet away from you. You will not shoot him. You will let him steal your weapon and hit you in the face with it.

110.When you are watching the above happen, you will wait patiently until it is your turn.

111.When you are watching the above happen, you will wait for a metrosexual man in black pants with a tranquiliser gun to arrive before deciding to fight the giant man.

112.When a soldier assigned to protect a man says "he can make it" hes lying. He will in fact lie down as soon as said man runs off.

113.Retired commandos only keep their guns in sheds. Not in their houses were they would be easier to access should they ever need them.

114.When attacking a commandos house, you dont send men to the back. As to allow said commando to retrieve his gun from the shed.

115.Employ stealth tactics when apporaching a heavily guarded compounded where your daughter is being held. Up until the point where you blow up half of it with explosives you never planted.

116.When the army arrives on the scene, they will wait at a distance and do absolutely nothing.

117.When stealing rocket launchers from shops, don't worry, they already have rockets in them

118.The police won't help you if your daughter has been kidnapped by an exiled dictator, nor will your friends in high places in the military. Don't call them until you are about to take on an entire military compound.

119.Any member of the public is allowed to run up to a stretcher , check whose lying on it and then runaway no questions asked.

120.If you are looking for your Daddy in a sewer, every person's voice sounds like your Dad's.

121.All Commando's wear Speedo's beneath their fighting gear.

125.When shaken, all glass inside a phone box will shatter.

126.If there are eight people against one man, each person will wait their turn.

127.If however, all men pile in to the meleé at once, they will all fall back moments later.

128.The US has found some tactical advantage in having Special Ops. who are too large to fit through most doorways

129.Airplane toilets can be used to teleport to a different part of the plane.

130.Digital watches beep annoyingly as they count down.

131.In an effect known as 'Schrodingers Car Windows' a feat of superposition allows car windows to be both 'up' and 'down' depending on who is looking through them

132.Bad guys use briefcases that open to the sound of gunfire.

133.Fiats have a 'Restore Front Bumper' button

134.Ex-Special Ops. have a window sticker for thier vehicle allowing them to escape being pulled over in an obviously stolen/written off car.

135.High-ranking Generals are usually over-reacting when using phrases like 'World War III' to discribe a situation

136.1 bite of sandwhich is enough to satisfy a man's hunger for, say at least 12 hours

137.Juice is distributed in shots in the Matrix household

138. Gun lockers have very simple passwords

139.Cars engines have a lot more wires than i originally thought

140.You can get sliced along a main arterary or shot in the arm and continue fighting at a very high standard

141.'We fight for love' by Power Station is an absolutely cracking song

142.forklift trucks are conviently placed outside gun shops

143.an amateur pilot can deceive the u.s. coast guard from finding them

144.three men in a jeep driving towards you very fast and firing machine guns will not hit you despite firing on you for nearly a minute while you just stand there

145.when stealthily trying to break in a place guarded by an entire army waiting to kill you, it is perfectly normal for the person with you to crack a sarcastic joke like "a little hostile, aren't we?" after you break the man's neck.

146.when wanting to assassinate a leader of a foreign country the best way to do it is to kidnap a commando's daughter and force him to do it for you, despite the fact you already have a commando working for you, along with an entire private army

147.You can throw a guy off a cliff and then fortunately find his Motel keys (with logo and address tags on) in his car. Good job they weren't in his trouser/jacket pocket where most people keep theirs.

148.Bad guys don't shower and smell so bad that you can smell them down-wind.

149.When a plane is thundering down a runway at 200mph+ you can get out of your seat, walk about, and not fall over.

150.Young girls often walk upto young black women they've never met before and hug them.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 05, 2007, 08:30:29 PM

151.After driving a bulldozer into a surplus store, it is always important to put on the parking brake.

152.That anyone can follow clues to finding their daughter as long as they check the pockets of the person they just killed.

153.Saw blades fly a lot like frisbees.

154.Any bad guy will nonchalantely turn around to answer an Austrian man asking him "como esta?"

155.Dead special ops guys will convientely be waiting for you when you open up one of your many screen doors.

156. The best way to discreetly warn someone that a group of men with a private army is about to kill them is to fly a military helicopter and warn them personally, even though that person has a telephone.

157.Cars are capable of driving through windy mountain roads as fast as a helicopter can fly over them.

158.Grenades can either detonate on impact or have a timed fuse depending on who is using them

159.All ex-commandos can shoulder press phonebooths with people in them.

160.It's perfectly acceptable for the police to allow a woman to leave an army surplus store in the middle of the night pushing a cart full of stolen military weaponry.

161.People in motel rooms continue having sex despite gunshots coming from the next room.

162.Having sex involves the woman getting BEHIND the man.

163.The best way to assault an evil dictator's island is to get into an inflatable raft and row AWAY from the island.

164.The best technique to avoid gunfire is to stand behind a slender statue.

165.Firing a rocket launcher causes you to fall backwards, even though firing one backwards does not cause you to fall forwards.

166.Flight attendants always have a quarter in their purse that's incredibly easy to reach. They never carry nickles or dimes or pennies, so you don't have to bother looking to see that you grab the correct coin.

167.Pink lamps in motel rooms stand up by themselves after being knocked over

168.Most of the soldiers in every evil dictator's private military look exactly the same.

169.All it takes to break a thick steel chain which is guarding a warehouse full of war goodies is just a little muscle.

170.Ripping a seat out of a car is much more efficient than simply ducking.

171.The best way to fake your own death is to have someone blow up a boat with you in it.

172.If someone rats you out to the police (er..the mall security) because they think you're CRAZY, then you should start a shootout, beat up every security guard in the mall, swing from floor to floor via large balloons, rip a phone booth out of the wall, and steal the person's car. That will get them to calm down.

173. A rocket launcher will blow up a vehicle full of bad guys, but if you shoot one at a vehicle containing a good guy it'll just break open the back so he can escape.

174. It takes about two seconds to exit a Chevy Blazer that just crashed into a ditch at about forty miles per hour and landed upside down.

175.Your typical passenger on an airplane doesn't really care when you start killing the people sitting near you.

176.Airports in Los Angeles are situated next to swamps, for the convenience of those passengers who realized at the very last minute that they got on the wrong flight or forgot to pack something.

177.Machine guns have absolutely no kickback whatsoever, allowing you to fire one accurately with one arm while lying down.

178.when you use binoculars and turn your head right-to-left, it makes your view going left-to-right

179.Evil dictators often employ cardboard cutouts of soldiers to eliminate payroll.

180.Stewardesses do not notice things like the smell of death or rigor mortis on passengers, even after many hours.

181.The steering wheel lock on a Blazer is disabled when wires are pulled from the engine.

182.The largest and one of the most secure airports in the world has locked gates that can easily be hopped over

183.All deposed dictators can afford their own private Pacific island, complete with amenities like a cell phone repeater (even back in 1985), electricity, and a fully armed private army

184.The military would not notice such an island, even though it is only a short flight from U.S. soil.

185.Hot chicks dig mall security guards.

186.When chasing a porcshe, make sure to drive through the grass!!!!

187.when buying a car, vinyl is better than leather..its hot, sticky, cracks, etc.

188.never EVER let your kid make lunch for you

189.the magical words to ensure youll win the knife fight is "Lets Party"

190.A Man on a mission will be accompanied by steel drums wherever he goes.

191.'Right?' is 'Wrong!'

192. It is appropriate to stare from behind trees with a hardass look one's face.

193.Private army soldiers who are not being shot die anyway.

194.The best way to avoid being blown away by a grenade is not to hit the dirt but to jump over it and yell "Heeeaaarrrrrrggghhggghhh!"

195.To recover from a grenade one should always take off their vest only to reveal camo "stripes" on their chest that they never put there.

196.When being over run by an army of Mexican clones the best thing to do is nail every one of them with an M60 wielded with ONE HAND at long range and slowly sidestep behind a two-foot impenetrable rose hedge while holding your breath(makes your aiming much more accurate) while your jugulars are EXPLODING from your neck. (remember, your goal is to eventually get some cover-ON A ROOFTOP)

197.The best way to find were then hostage is be held is to yell "CHHHHHHHHHHENY!" while randomly kicking doors in.

198.A nice, quite, stealthy pistol (on a rescue mission) to use for rapid close range shots is a .50 DESERT EAGLE, because they have absolutely NO kickback(this applies to m16s and Uzi's, which is why they are ideal for being wielded with one hand when you could use two) and have very a large ammo capacity.

199.If you kick in the door of your neighboring hotel room, you WILL see some big tits

200.When commando movies end its always kick a$$ to play power station when the same 3.5 seconds of audio drums have been repeated (the volume just changes to make it more interesting/intense) throughout the entire movie.

201.If some other country's evil dictator kidnaps you kid, it is your duty as a commando to wipe out every last one of them. When finished take your young daughter in one arm (the grenade only made it stronger) and walk right through the burning corpses (this makes her happy and forget about her kidnapping horrors) only to confirm with the real army (who can probably get the bad guys to give up and surrender with minimal casualties) that you left "JUST BODIES"

202.The best credit sequence for a hardcore action movie is one where a father is seen playing with daughter in a cute manner

203.A man who kills over 80 people is a big softie at heart.

204.You can always find two parking places right in front of the front door of a huge shopping mall.

205.After being held captive for over 11 hours in a locked room, knowing full well that dad will come to the rescue, the best place to go when finally engineering an escape is to an underground boiler room with just one entrance

206.After making some kind of illegal deal with a man who is currently being chased by "one big motherf=cker", you should immedately run around frantically and start shooting police officers instead of trying to sneak away unnoticed.

207.Car dealers keep the keys of a showroom Cadillac in the ignition, just in case it needs to be driven out of the front window

208.Ex commandos like to read articles about Boy George.

209.Your ten year old daughter will not be disturbed in any way by the sight of a large iron pole being thrust through a mans stomach.

210.Fat Australians are just as strong as Mr.Olympia winning Austrians.

211.Blowing up a police truck is not considered a punishable offence.

212.When its a race against time to save your daughter you don't suit up and get your gear together for a fast assualt but store it all on a rubber dingy and change into a pair of tight balck speedo's.

213.Being shot between the balls is apparantly more deadly than being shot between the eyes.

214.when arriving at a person's house, it is always more effective to yell their name to see if they are inside rather than knocking on the door.

215.a woman who's been kidnapped, used to seduce a guy, had her car seats ripped out and car smashed into a pole; will NOT notify her family/friends of her well being, but instead will automatically decide to help her kidnapper in his quest to regain his daughter, and will forget about compensation for her car, and in the process will attack cops with rockets, and become a fugitive.

216.badguys in garbage trucks arriving to pick up trash on the wrong day will cause only the intended target(and no other neighbours) to walk outside.

217.badguys can drive around in stolen showroom cars (used to kill the salesman 1 minute ago) without worrying about getting pulled over by cops.

218.the mere thought of stabbing the goodguy with a knife, causes the badguy to experience sexual climax.

219.even though arnie doesnt know how to fly a plane, he automatically knows which lever will cause the plane to dart suddenly upwards, even though the flight-trained woman says "they're not gonna make it".

220.it's ok to re-use actors in a film(cop/security guards...again as...evil soldiers at end of movie), nobody will notice its the same guys...aslong as you use fake-looking black moustaches (even though the guys have brown hair).

221.though its the 80's and mobile cellphones are very hard(if possible) to find....high tech binoculars that measure distances etc are easily accessible. (try to find one of those binoculars in this day and age).

222.Let ur customer ignite the engine to one of ur showroom cars and "feel it purr"

223.Even in the face of imminent danger, have a catchy one-liner handy (i.e. "Stick Around" "Let off some steam" "Knock Knock", etc.)

224.Vote the protagonist into office

225. Let a hot, panicy, airline-stewardess be ur sidekick*

226.Lie to the little guy u said u were gonna kill last

227.The best place to relocate a man who's "made enemies all over the world" is a huge villa in the hills of California.

228."Bennett" is the codename for a VERY early prototype of the T-1000 since it can imitate a living person's voice. The appearance of "Bennett" is probably to distract people so they wouldn't think it's a super killing machine. Maybe that's why Matrix had difficulties beating it and maybe that's why the pipe Matrix threw at it impaled it so easily.

229.You can actually have air sickness with the plane still firmly on the ground

230.It is understandable to be stone-faced, completely emotionless, when you're about to hit a pole in a car that's moving fast.

231.You can do A LOT of stuff if you know General Franklin Kirby

232.John Matrix and Neo from Matrix have seemingly equal powers - flying, dodging bullets, solving huge melee fights easily against uniform characters, piercing through other people - despite only one of them being The Chosen One.

233.Miniature trampolines and gymnasts make ideal grenade fodder. Especially when they jump and flip before the grenade has exploded.

234.A 'fag grin' is apparently a great way to get hot flight attendants to find you attractive.

235.Kidnapped children are usually pretty feisty when it comes to communicating with their kidnappers - even up to the point that it is "not nearly as nice" to reunite with daddy than it is to watch daddy smash the kidnapper's face in.

236.grab a pair of swimming flippers after you just grabbed a infaltable raft that you plain to row to the shore of the island

237.of course you can blow up an inflatable raft without using any kind of pump.

238.Thick power cords that connect phone booths to power sources and telephone lines are designed to easily break just in case someone needs to lift the booth in a hurry.

239.When you've just killed the passenger next to you and covered his face with a hat, the hat will not fall off at any point during take-off, the plane will experience no turbulence, the pilot will execute no turns, but the hat will fall off immediately upon landing.

240.When you break into a building and tell someone to wait outside, they will know exactly which window to wait by. This will be the room that has the important information, even though that person has never been there before. The Coast Guard will not investigate a plane that mysteriously disappears off a radar screen.

241.None of your guards will notice if an unidentified plane lands near your private island.

242.In order to hide and protect yourself properly during a gun shooting in a motel room, you can't just go behind some bars once (AND KEEP LOOKING AT THE GUN'S DIRECTION), you have to go there four times, each time teleporting to the starting point like in Monopoly.

243.It's not obvious whether a dead man will need the car he used to own or not. But if you have a sidekick with you, tell her that he won't need it - just in case the sidekick was unsure about stepping into a car you and your sidekick investigated thoroughly after you killed the car's owner.

244.Commandos are in excellent physical condition, their diet consists of 12 scrambled green berets for breakfast. This is the perfect start to a days training.

245.Dont bother to try to snipe or even flank the Big Special Ops guy killing everyone

246.They found rock n roll 'subversive' in east germany

247.Freddy Mercury gained 50 pounds so he could play Bennett.

248.Hooking a fish with your daughter is apparently dramatic enough for a musical buildup.

249.Radars, when you look at them, will beep every second until something disappears from them, at which point they simply hold one long note.

250.When told to wait in the car, people will not notice you dropping a man off a cliff ten feet away.
 

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Fury on January 05, 2007, 08:31:46 PM

Are you bad mouthing a movie as epic as this? Typical of a penis puffing homo.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 05, 2007, 08:33:19 PM

Quote from: BerzerkFury on January 05, 2007, 08:31:46 PM

Are you bad mouthing a movie as epic as this? Typical of a penis puffing homo.

HAHA Im surprised you are still here after your owning last night.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Fury on January 05, 2007, 08:34:10 PM

Quote from: db2431 on January 05, 2007, 08:33:19 PM

HAHA Im surprised you are still here after your owning last night.

What owning? Do you really think I care if some people are mad at me about Jay Cutler?

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: AlliedPowers on January 05, 2007, 09:13:46 PM

This list took 5 minutes to read, and well worth it.


i'm scouring tv guide now to see when it's on next.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Jr. Yates on January 05, 2007, 09:14:16 PM

do you really have that much time on your hands. 10 would have been more than enough.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Kwon on January 05, 2007, 09:25:07 PM

Monster overanalyzation of epic proportion.

It's just a movie.

"Hope this helps"

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: tommywishbone on January 05, 2007, 09:25:53 PM

I think it's a Sunbeam, not a Fiat. :)

28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one. ;D

104.Once the criminal has been apprehended, the entire squad sent to arrest him will disappear and he will be transported without handcuffs in an armoured van accompanied by two unarmed officers who will immediately goof off and cruise for hot chicks ;D

163.The best way to assault an evil dictator's island is to get into an inflatable raft and row AWAY from the island. ;D

165.Firing a rocket launcher causes you to fall backwards, even though firing one backwards does not cause you to fall forwards. ;D

"Let off some steam Bennett."    -J. Matrix

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Earl1972 on January 05, 2007, 09:36:26 PM

haha good list :D

E

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: ThaRealist on January 05, 2007, 10:22:59 PM

Great read...I was laughing my ass off at some of them remembering the different scenes in the movie LoL

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 05, 2007, 11:01:14 PM

Quote from: ThaRealist on January 05, 2007, 10:22:59 PM

Great read...I was laughing my ass off at some of them remembering the different scenes in the movie LoL

HAHA Its a classic, NEVER gets boring.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: amoney86 on January 05, 2007, 11:10:50 PM

My favorite movie of all time pure classic.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: K-1 on January 05, 2007, 11:11:30 PM

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time man. LMAO  ;D

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 05, 2007, 11:15:09 PM

Quote from: amoney86 on January 05, 2007, 11:10:50 PM

My favorite movie of all time pure classic.

Its a shame only the likes of Seagal is making these types of movies anymore and his version of 80s action movies are declining as quickly as he is gaining weight, Fat Bastard even uses a stunt double now for nearly all his fight scenes.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: 240 is Back on January 05, 2007, 11:21:34 PM

61. When your daughter's life is on the line and time is limited, be sure to carefully put on black war paint to camouflage yourself on a sub-tropical island.



LOL!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Earl1972 on January 05, 2007, 11:24:56 PM

234.A 'fag grin' is apparently a great way to get hot flight attendants to find you attractive.




who made the "fag grin"? ???


E

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 05, 2007, 11:27:46 PM

Quote from: Earl1972 on January 05, 2007, 11:24:56 PM

234.A 'fag grin' is apparently a great way to get hot flight attendants to find you attractive.




who made the "fag grin"? ???


E

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 06, 2007, 12:00:05 AM

Quote from: Jr. Yates on January 05, 2007, 09:14:16 PM

do you really have that much time on your hands. 10 would have been more than enough.

Maybe for a person with an IQ below 80 and the attention span of a Goldfish.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: amoney86 on January 06, 2007, 12:43:53 AM

Quote from: db2431 on January 05, 2007, 11:15:09 PM

Its a shame only the likes of Seagal is making these types of movies anymore and his version of 80s action movies are declining as quickly as he is gaining weight, Fat Bastard even uses a stunt double now for nearly all his fight scenes.

yea seagal is shit. the 80's were deffinently the glory days for action hero movies. When is someone gonna step up to the plate?

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Tombo on January 06, 2007, 01:26:17 AM

fuck that movie rules

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 06, 2007, 02:12:21 AM

Quote from: amoney86 on January 06, 2007, 12:43:53 AM

yea seagal is shit. the 80's were deffinently the glory days for action hero movies. When is someone gonna step up to the plate?

No Idea, The Rock is about closest we have at the moment, maybe Stathem or Vin Diesel too

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: musclehedz on January 06, 2007, 05:27:42 AM

John... I'll be ready John!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: slaveboy1980 on January 06, 2007, 05:31:22 AM

if you wrote that all by yourself, i think you need some of the same pills my doc gives to me.

also John Matrix would have ripped your eyes out and shit in your eye sockets after chopping of you penis an sticking it in your nose...if he heard you disrespect him.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: musclehedz on January 06, 2007, 05:47:07 AM

Quote from: slaveboy1980 on January 06, 2007, 05:31:22 AM

if you wrote that all by yourself, i think you need some of the same pills my doc gives to me.

also John Matrix would have ripped your eyes out and shit in your eye sockets after chopping of you penis an sticking it in your nose...if he heard you disrespect him.

Right now he is in the hospital, WIA.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Man of Steel on January 06, 2007, 10:40:06 AM

I haven't LOL this hard in a long time!!


199.If you kick in the door of your neighboring hotel room, you WILL see some big tits


AHAHAHAAH!!!!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 06, 2007, 02:07:52 PM

HAHA That scene kills me, only the 80s would stick some big hooters in like that.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 06, 2007, 05:07:13 PM

Btw Arnold turned down Commando 2, So to then did Sly, so they another actor accepted the role and they changed the name to Die Hard.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: JOHN MATRIX on January 06, 2007, 05:51:25 PM

greatest film of all time

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 06, 2007, 05:53:44 PM

Quote from: JOHN MATRIX on January 06, 2007, 05:51:25 PM

greatest film of all time

No doubt, Id never have guessed that coming from you  ;)

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: davidpaul on January 06, 2007, 05:56:46 PM

Quote from: db2431 on January 06, 2007, 05:53:44 PM

No doubt, Id never have guessed that coming from you  ;)

it aint better than predator.

dutch owns matrix

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: JOHN MATRIX on January 06, 2007, 07:00:07 PM

Quote from: davidpaul on January 06, 2007, 05:56:46 PM

it aint better than predator.

dutch owns matrix

dutch and matrix are the same person, 'dutch' was matrix's nickname when he actually was still leading a commando squad. remember that by commando he was an ex-commando.
yes, matrix from commando was the same man who killed the predator alien years earlier in the jungles of central america. god bless those brave souls who captured all this on tape for us

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: WillRiker on January 07, 2007, 02:56:46 AM

Classic post about an epic movie!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: DK II on January 07, 2007, 03:14:50 AM

great thread!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 07, 2007, 05:38:48 AM

Let off some steam, Bennett!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: UPINTHEMGUTS on January 07, 2007, 06:30:47 AM

This is hands down one of the funniest posts I've read in quite some time. ;D

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on January 07, 2007, 09:41:09 AM

Quote from: davidpaul on January 06, 2007, 05:56:46 PM

it aint better than predator.

dutch owns matrix

Dutch and Matrix would never fight for merely touching would implode the universe.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: tommywishbone on January 07, 2007, 10:59:42 AM

bump... for all private seaplane pilots and evil dictators.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Campeon Del Mundo on January 07, 2007, 11:02:43 AM

i can't believe you sat there and typed in 250 things...man that strikes me as being odd...

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: xpac2 on January 07, 2007, 11:09:12 AM

Quote from: BerzerkFury on January 05, 2007, 08:34:10 PM

What owning? Do you really think I care if some people are mad at me about Jay Cutler?

You get owned daily and it's funny. You are in the same class as shadow and dan18

Hope this helps

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Sljck-NjnjaRjder on January 07, 2007, 11:35:57 AM

My Favs:

32) The most efficient and reliable way to kill someone is to drive up to their house in a garbage truck when it's not their regular pick-up day, and hope that your intended victim hears you coming and rushes out with the garbage. And nobody else in the neighborhood will come out with their garbage too.
(I laugh at this one bc I thought if it the other day bc I missed my garbage day and I was thinking that if a garbage truck rolled past my house I would have some trash for him even if it wasn't garbage day, lol)

148.Bad guys don't shower and smell so bad that you can smell them down-wind

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: UPINTHEMGUTS on January 07, 2007, 07:54:44 PM

Quote from: AlliedPowers on January 05, 2007, 09:13:46 PM

This list took 5 minutes to read, and well worth it.


i'm scouring tv guide now to see when it's on next.

Took you longer than 5 minutes, Mr. speed reader.

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Fury on January 07, 2007, 08:07:41 PM

Quote from: xpac2 on January 07, 2007, 11:09:12 AM

You get owned daily and it's funny. You are in the same class as shadow and dan18

Hope this helps

I see you're still hanging from my sack.  ::)

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: xpac2 on January 07, 2007, 08:38:50 PM

Quote from: BerzerkFury on January 07, 2007, 08:07:41 PM

I see you're still hanging from my sack.  ::)

I'm pretty much going to keep exposing and owning you. Because you are so easy to meltdown and this amuses me

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: 24KT on January 08, 2007, 12:01:57 AM

{blush}At first glance, I thought this thread was gonna warn against the hazards of zipping up too quickly.  :-[

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: alexxx on January 25, 2007, 10:11:36 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

I just watched that movie after reading all of that. Fantastic! Great work!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: DK II on October 22, 2008, 05:57:32 AM

Bump for this gem of getbig comedy!!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: K-1 on October 22, 2008, 08:23:25 AM

Quote from: DonkeyKong on October 22, 2008, 05:57:32 AM

Bump for this gem of getbig comedy!!

this post is legendary and needs to go into a "hall of fame" thread of some sort.

when I first read this I was dying. Took an hour for the vein running down my fore head to go away.

Mods..... create a "Threads of Fame" and let us vote on what gets in around dis mofo.

This is just golden sh*t here mayne.  ;)

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Tapper on October 22, 2008, 11:29:40 AM

# 247

 ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Permabulker on October 24, 2008, 07:24:06 AM

Hilarious thread.  Read some of these to my co workers.  We were crying....   ;D

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Army of One on June 29, 2009, 07:22:27 PM

Bump for the greatness of commando!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: gcb on June 29, 2009, 08:49:40 PM

Remember when I said I would kill you last db2431 - I lied!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: DK II on September 08, 2010, 06:59:37 PM

bump!

Title: Re: 250 Things I learned from "Commando"
Post by: Nomad_Warrior on September 08, 2010, 10:46:15 PM

One of my favorite moives as a kid.  And one of my favorite threads on getbig.  Well done!