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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Hustle Man on June 30, 2008, 03:52:59 PM
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Your best friend is in a marriage, your best friend's husband/wife dies then 18 months later ask you to marry them. Would/could you do that?
This happened this past weekend.
My friend married his best friend's wife 18 months after his best friend's death. More info to come.
HM
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When ones spouse passes away, one does tend to get quite close with the spouses friends - share grief and all that, so it is not as unusual as it may first appear....happens quite a bit.
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When ones spouse passes away, one does tend to get quite close with the spouses friends - share grief and all that, so it is not as unusual as it may first appear....happens quite a bit.
So you are ok with this, CQ?
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Alright, keeping in mind that if ones spouse gravitates to one of the "friends" I think there was probably too much wandering curiosity to begin with in either the friend, the spouse, or both.
Second, I think that once a serious relationship has existed that should really close off thoughts of your spouses friends, period. There should be equal restraint from the friends themselves. This is all from an ethical standpoint, of course, and I think what you witnessed is proof that "friends" might not be such at all but people who hang around for a benefit.
But, just to counterpoint, I think it is noteworthy to point out that love is love and truly cannot be helped. For example, I don't like the idea of interracial relationships but if two people are in love I think that is the bottom line and should be respected.
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Alright, keeping in mind that if ones spouse gravitates to one of the "friends" I think there was probably too much wandering curiosity to begin with in either the friend, the spouse, or both.
Second, I think that once a serious relationship has existed that should really close off thoughts of your spouses friends, period. There should be equal restraint from the friends themselves. This is all from an ethical standpoint, of course, and I think what you witnessed is proof that "friends" might not be such at all but people who hang around for a benefit.
But, just to counterpoint, I think it is noteworthy to point out that love is love and truly cannot be helped. For example, I don't like the idea of interracial relationships but if two people are in love I think that is the bottom line and should be respected.
Good points and well put but as you said "from an ethical standpoint" I think they crossed the line. I mean the guy that picked up the pieces was this other guy's best man at the marriage.
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Good points and well put but as you said "from an ethical standpoint" I think they crossed the line. I mean the guy that picked up the pieces was this other guy's best man at the marriage.
Yeah.. this sounds pretty classic. The dead guy should have had better taste in friends and woman apparently. Poor guy.
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So you are ok with this, CQ?
Each to their own.Those that have a major issue with it, probably have not the misfortune to have been in the persons shoes. As I said, it is more common than it may appear.
It is more admirable to die and have a friend that does not even try and help your wife you left behind? I doubt it was plannned that way, probably just turned.
Singles and divorced people make dumb ass remarks that they know what it's like to lose a spouse. No they don't. She has suffered enough already losing her husband, any 'friends' who place more pain on her are quite thoughtless.
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He's dead and well beyond caring.
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He's dead and well beyond caring.
Finally a sensible answer.
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Your best friend is in a marriage, your best friend's husband/wife dies then 18 months later ask you to marry them. Would/could you do that?
This happened this past weekend.
My friend married his best friend's wife 18 months after his best friend's death. More info to come.
HM
I think dude was attracted to chick b/f the "untimely death". Sorry, I know the chick must go on with her life, but dude need to look elsewhere, she's off limits.
Imagine talking about your best friend after he's in the ground, with the girl. "Oh he was sooo funny, I remember..." To awkward.
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I bet the dead guys family was not too happy but... hey you gotta do what makes you happy
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Finally a sensible answer.
I disagree and thats not the point here (whether the deceased cared or not) the point is two people undoubtedly started an emontional and intimate relationship with the spouse of a so called best friend while that so called best friend was on his or her death bed. Additionally they are using Biblical principals to justify what they have done. I am having a hard time accepting this as normal behavior.
HM (in silent protest)
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I disagree and thats not the point here (whether the deceased cared or not) the point is two people undoubtedly started an emontional and intimate relationship with the spouse of a so called best friend while that so called best friend was on his or her death bed. Additionally they are using Biblical principals to justify what they have done. I am having a hard time accepting this as normal behavior.
HM (in silent protest)
Take a look at the other side.
Both of them lost somebody important and it was him who brought them together. If you were the deceased would you not want your
friend and your wife to find happiness again? I know they did not spend their time together destroying the image of the man they both lost
but spent their time "honoring " him with stories to make each other feel better.
Besides it has been a year and a half, it is not like they were hopping into bed at the funeral. Life goes on with or without you.
Even the Puritans would allow her to get married after that period of mourning, but if it makes you feel better maybe you and a few of your
cohorts can force her to wear a Scarlet Letter or something.
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Take a look at the other side.
Both of them lost somebody important and it was him who brought them together. If you were the deceased would you not want your
friend and your wife to find happiness again? I know they did not spend their time together destroying the image of the man they both lost
but spent their time "honoring " him with stories to make each other feel better.
Besides it has been a year and a half, it is not like they were hopping into bed at the funeral. Life goes on with or without you.
Even the Puritans would allow her to get married after that period of mourning, but if it makes you feel better maybe you and a few of your
cohorts can force her to wear a Scarlet Letter or something.
OS you are so funny at times even when you are sincere and thoughtful. Gotta love ya for that!
Its just a little to close for comfort to me. Even the kids are on board I just don't get it.
HM
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I bet the dead guys family was not too happy but... hey you gotta do what makes you happy
HM's scenario happened to some people I know. Two guys were very close friends and had been roommates for years. Later, one got married and had 3 kids w/his wife. One day she walked in the house to hear the water running in the kitchen sink. Her husband was on the floor and he was purple. He was apparently getting a glass of water after his run and had a heart attack and died.
A couple years later the friend/roomate married the widow. Like Jeffro said, initially the dead man's father did not like it. He eventually got over it and did attend the wedding though.
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I'm relatively certain marrying a dead brother's wife is encouraged in the Bible. If guys are that close it makes sense he would want to take care of the dead friend's family.
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Sounds fine to me.
Different issue, but one of my wife's best friends died several years ago of cancer at a very young age. She had two kids. Her husband just got married a couple days ago. We went to greet him and his new bride at the airport last night and she looks exactly like his late wife. Spooky.
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I'm relatively certain marrying a dead brother's wife is encouraged in the Bible. If guys are that close it makes sense he would want to take care of the dead friend's family.
Doc, did'nt know you were keen on the biblical similiarities of this scenario. Again I agree its honorable from a biblical perspective but I still have a problem with it. I can't look at them the same as I did in the past. Seems very strange to me.
HM
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OS you are so funny at times even when you are sincere and thoughtful. Gotta love ya for that!
Its just a little to close for comfort to me. Even the kids are on board I just don't get it.
HM
You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
~Goodfellas
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You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
~Goodfellas
Oh you got jokes and movie quotes!
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Doc, did'nt know you were keen on the biblical similiarities of this scenario. Again I agree its honorable from a biblical perspective but I still have a problem with it. I can't look at them the same as I did in the past. Seems very strange to me.
HM
It's not breaking any laws, biblical or otherwise.
Maybe you should loosen up a bit. :)
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It's not breaking any laws, biblical or otherwise.
Maybe you should loosen up a bit. :)
True, true and I know I should chill on this one, just kinda wierd seeing them together as a married couple.
HM (borderline quaker) :-*
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True, true and I know I should chill on this one, just kinda weird seeing them together as a married couple.
HM (borderline quaker) :-*
Don't blame religion for your inflexibility. :)
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Don't blame religion for your inflexibility. :)
Hey did'nt I tell you I was eating tofu (I am not completely purged of it yet) so be nice before you make me cry. :)
I will try to be more open minded.
HM (The Compassionate One)
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Go eat some red meat or something before I start thinking the tofu has nothing to do with this recent bout of gaiety. :)
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Don't blame religion for your inflexibility. :)
Isn't that what religion is really about?
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Isn't that what religion is really about?
Providing a moral excuse reason for inflexibility and intolerance?!
Stop being so jaded! :)
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I disagree and thats not the point here (whether the deceased cared or not) the point is two people undoubtedly started an emontional and intimate relationship with the spouse of a so called best friend while that so called best friend was on his or her death bed. Additionally they are using Biblical principals to justify what they have done. I am having a hard time accepting this as normal behavior.
HM (in silent protest)
How do you know they started a relationship before he passed? How do you know they didn't find confort with each other after the fact and that led to now? 18 months is a long time and a relationship can go from friendship to romance alot quicker than 18 months.
I think you are out of line HM.
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I highly doubt anyone who has been in the position who find it unacceptable. Unless someone best friend is an ass, they will tend to rally around and support the spouse. Friendship will grow, that is normal and also takes on a diifferent perspective anyway. Sometimes it may grow to more......hardly means it was preplanned. By that thought pattern - if a widow dates anyone after being widowed they preplanned that too.
I always find it interesting how people tend to look at what widows do far more, and make judgements.....but if some chick gets divorced or breaks up with her BF she can do whatever and no one comments :-\
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HM, were you good friends w/the man that died and maybe didn't have (even before he died) that great of an opinion of his widow's new husband?
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Your best friend is in a marriage, your best friend's husband/wife dies then 18 months later ask you to marry them. Would/could you do that?
This happened this past weekend.
My friend married his best friend's wife 18 months after his best friend's death. More info to come.
HM
Absolutely not. I would feel guilty and IMO it just wouldn't be the right thing to do.
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Is it really anyone else's business in the long run?
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How do you know they started a relationship before he passed? How do you know they didn't find confort with each other after the fact and that led to now? 18 months is a long time and a relationship can go from friendship to romance alot quicker than 18 months.
I think you are out of line HM.
I may be over stepping here but it's just my opinion but I have not said anything to either one.
Man this guy was over this couple's house day and night long before the hubby died. Also the hubby would go away (he was in the Navy) on 1-2 week detachments and Jim (my friend "Mr pick up the pieces) would spend alot of time over his buddy's house, even stay over night. I don't know what went on (if anything) while the hubby was away but the entire situation was wierd to me. I will add this; before this guy died and while he was very sick (Cancer took him) Jim and Lisa were very touchy feely to the point of flirting and it raised eyebrows amongst many of our friends when we were at cook outs or friendly "get togethers" everyone noticed and commented on their peculiar behavior. Case and point: I recall during one weekend gathering the hubby was in in a wheelchair and standing right beside him was Jim and Lisa, Lisa infront of Jim, Jim's arms around Lisa and cheek to cheek and Jim was kissing on her neck from time to time.
If you witnessed the relationship you would be suspicious as well. Maybe hubby gave the go ahead and Jim vowed to take his place and care for his family after he was gone, don't know! At any rate something was brewing between Jim and Lisa before hubby's death. IMHO.
HM, were you good friends w/the man that died and maybe didn't have (even before he died) that great of an opinion of his widow's new husband?
I knew him well and also served with him in the Navy (Was in Desert Storm and Shield on the same Aircraft Carrier) but our mutual friend Jim who was not in the Navy was closer to him in friendship than I was.
Absolutely not. I would feel guilty and IMO it just wouldn't be the right thing to do.
This is my opinion as well it just does'nt seem right.
I think those that disagree would have to have been in the situation to understand how I feel here; it's just very peculiar to me. I commend Jim for helping out the widow of his best buddy but becoming attracted to her after his death and then marrying her, it's strange for me to see them together that way. I also think she (the widow) was looking for a quick fix to end her mourning...
HM
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I may be over stepping here but it's just my opinion but I have not said anything to either one.
Man this guys was over this couple's house day and night long before the hubby died. Also the hubby would go away (he was in the Navy) on 1-2 week detachments and Jim (my friend "Mr pick up the pieces) would spend alot of time over his buddy's house, even stay over night. I don't know what went on (if anything) while the hubby was away but the entire situation was wierd to me. I will add this; before this guy died and while he was very sick (Cancer took him) Jim and Lisa were very touchy feely to the point of flirting and it raised eyebrows amongst many of our friends when we were at cook outs or friendly "get togethers" everyone noticed and commented on their peculiar behavior. Case and point: I recall during one weekend gathering the hubby was in in a wheelchair and standing right beside him was Jim and Lisa, Lisa infront of Jim, Jim's arms around Lisa and cheek to cheek and Jim was kissing on her neck from time to time.
Well w/the addition of this information, no wonder you're not thrilled w/them right now :-\
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Well w/the addition of this information, no wonder you're not thrilled w/them right now :-\
Exactly, that is a whole different story.
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Exactly, that is a whole different story.
Same story just more info as I promised. If you recall at the in of the original post I said "More to come". I put out the situation first to see what folk would do if in this same situation, the second part (more info) was to shed light on why I felt the way I was feeling as Stella pointed out.
HM
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I may be over stepping here but it's just my opinion but I have not said anything to either one.
Man this guy was over this couple's house day and night long before the hubby died. Also the hubby would go away (he was in the Navy) on 1-2 week detachments and Jim (my friend "Mr pick up the pieces) would spend alot of time over his buddy's house, even stay over night. I don't know what went on (if anything) while the hubby was away but the entire situation was wierd to me. I will add this; before this guy died and while he was very sick (Cancer took him) Jim and Lisa were very touchy feely to the point of flirting and it raised eyebrows amongst many of our friends when we were at cook outs or friendly "get togethers" everyone noticed and commented on their peculiar behavior. Case and point: I recall during one weekend gathering the hubby was in in a wheelchair and standing right beside him was Jim and Lisa, Lisa infront of Jim, Jim's arms around Lisa and cheek to cheek and Jim was kissing on her neck from time to time.
If you witnessed the relationship you would be suspicious as well. Maybe hubby gave the go ahead and Jim vowed to take his place and care for his family after he was gone, don't know! At any rate something was brewing between Jim and Lisa before hubby's death. IMHO.
I knew him well and also served with him in the Navy (Was in Desert Storm and Shield on the same Aircraft Carrier) but our mutual friend Jim who was not in the Navy was closer to him in friendship than I was.
This is my opinion as well it just does'nt seem right.
I think those that disagree would have to have been in the situation to understand how I feel here; it's just very peculiar to me. I commend Jim for helping out the widow of his best buddy but becoming attracted to her after his death and then marrying her, it's strange for me to see them together that way. I also think she (the widow) was looking for a quick fix to end her mourning...
HM
Oh dude, why didn't you spill these beans earlier?!?!?! :o
Someone needs an ass whoppin, you gonna do it?