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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Butterbean on March 25, 2009, 11:47:17 AM
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Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.
What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?
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I just went through a really bad one... but today I feel far better about life hen I have EVER.
So some break ups are a good thing.
This is what I did...
(very simplified)
1) Cried
2) Cried
3) Cried
4) Found a friend who was there for me to talk too, brought me food to make sure I ate
5) Same friend would show up, dress me up and take me out places, and listen.
6) Cried with the intent to rid myself of the hurt (This actually works)
7) Had the same friend kick my ass when it needed it.
Now I can't say they will find that friend.
But make sure that you are that friend when the time comes!!
I know I will be!
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Just find someone new.
Life's short.
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You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.
Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.
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Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.
What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?
Hot sex with someone else--especially someone hotter than your ex! :D
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You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.
Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.
x2 as well as meeting new people to hang out with, friends or otherwise (which is part of your advice). New girls definitely help too.
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As the saying goes...
"The best way to get over a man, is to get under a man..."
;D
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let's say that casual sex with someone is out of the question.
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I just went through a really bad one... but today I feel far better about life hen I have EVER.
So some break ups are a good thing.
This is what I did...
(very simplified)
1) Cried
2) Cried
3) Cried
4) Found a friend who was there for me to talk too, brought me food to make sure I ate
5) Same friend would show up, dress me up and take me out places, and listen.
6) Cried with the intent to rid myself of the hurt (This actually works)
7) Had the same friend kick my ass when it needed it.
Now I can't say they will find that friend.
But make sure that you are that friend when the time comes!!
I know I will be!
This type of support is really nice!
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You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.
Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.
good stuff here too
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i survived thanks to alcohol, later i found a woman that saved me from alcohol!
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i think women are much better equipped to survive a break up. After all they have a hundred girl friends they can call and hang out wiht and talk/cry about thing.s Guys don't. we have the "suck it up and get laid" advice from friends. lpus it doesn't hurt that women get hit on by other guys often and that is a self-esteem booster. Plus they can hope into a relationship, rebound or not more easily, since their options are greater.
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You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.
Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.
This is so true!
Focus the pain to something positive!
And Time really does heal all wounds, well it lets you deal with them in a far productive manner.
Honestly I would phone him and thank him for what he actually showed me, but a part of me still doesn't want him to know I am doing well.
I am so better off today and this is far as my vindictiveness will go :)
i think women are much better equipped to survive a break up. After all they have a hundred girl friends they can call and hang out wiht and talk/cry about thing.s Guys don't. we have the "suck it up and get laid" advice from friends. lpus it doesn't hurt that women get hit on by other guys often and that is a self-esteem booster. Plus they can hope into a relationship, rebound or not more easily, since their options are greater.
Sorry,
disagree with this one. Yes we women gather around and help the wounded flower when need be.
But what I have seen when a guy get a real friend it is on a level that we girls with never achieve.
"Bros before ho's" this type of loyalty doesn't really exist in the female mind.
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perhaps OS. but i think it depends on the guy and the experiences of his guy friends. Most times it the "get some strange have a beer and move on" mentality. Girls actually talk things out and show more emotion. Guys gaurd their emotions, especialy around other guys so as to not look like a wuss. Guys bond differently. Guys mentatlity is that things will snap back to normal if you leave the flock then come back. Besides, what if you are going through something and none of your guy friends have gone through the same thing or even remotely close to it. then the guy is doubly screwed.
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I've found that it is better to actually need to get over someone then to find out you never needed to get over them at all. I've gotten out of relationships only to figure out later I had gotten over it long before. A good friend pointed that out in a fairly recent relationship. She told me that when I talked about the relationship that I didn't even seem vested in it.
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I just checked cnn.com and there's no shortage of people to hang out with.
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I just checked cnn.com and there's no shortage of people to hang out with.
After break ups I finding myself dipping with my guys friends, doing normal guy stuff more often and being A LOT more friendly to women in general. When I date I feel like I have to close myself off a lot.
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After break ups I finding myself dipping with my guys friends, doing normal guy stuff more often and being A LOT more friendly to women in general. When I date I feel like I have to close myself off a lot.
There's no cooter shortage.
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There's no cooter shortage.
Haha, true. I find that being laid back hanging out with my guy friends translates into having more fun when I go out and meet girls.
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Haha, true. I find that being laid back hanging out with my guy friends translates into having more fun when I go out and meet girls.
Now I'm not saying everyone isn't 'special' and all the other nonsense. Only that people need to keep things in perspective.
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It is normal to be sad and down in the dumps for a period of time. Very natural reaction to something like this. Remember that you are meant to be with someone more compatible and that it takes some time to find this person. Don't rush it. In the meantime, take time to heal emotionally, then focus on your goals and don't be afraid to seek out the assistance of a counselor. Or if not a counselor, soemone to cinfide in. Don't keep your feelings inside. Also, don't neglet your health....... keep training and trying to achieve your best shape.
Keep your mind sharp and always count your blessings.
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Now I'm not saying everyone isn't 'special' and all the other nonsense. Only that people need to keep things in perspective.
Absolutely. I can remember being in HS and being broken up about things, thinking I'll never meet someone ever again. Now my reaction is "meh, shit happens". Life's too short to worry about the past all the time. You remember the good times and move on with your life. Just keep on keepin' on.
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It is normal to be sad and down in the dumps for a period of time. Very natural reaction to something like this. Remember that you are meant to be with someone more compatible and that it takes some time to find this person. Don't rush it. In the meantime, take time to heal emotionally, then focus on your goals and don't be afraid to seek out the assistance of a counselor. Or if not a counselor, soemone to cinfide in. Don't keep your feelings inside. Also, don't neglet your health....... keep training and trying to achieve your best shape.
Keep your mind sharp and always count your blessings.
Are you a girl?
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There's no cooter shortage.
True, but how does that help?
(http://dukesfest.org/Image/merchandise/Photos/cp_cooterHat.jpg)
This IS the Cooter you speak of, isn't it?
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it doesn't. Especially if you truly care about the other person
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it doesn't. Especially if you truly care about the other person
The world keeps turning, Migsy.
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nope it doesn't. It comes to a screeching halt and everything flies off and gets destroyed.
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nope it doesn't. It comes to a screeching halt and everything flies off and gets destroyed.
The "cure all"
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The "cure all"
maybe true if i hated her, but that's not the case. nice try though, lol
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Just find someone new.
Life's short.
X's 2
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Some people are not bothered by breakups at all (prob drkaje), some are more affected. I fall in the second category. Recently i went through two so i thought i'd share some of my thoughts:
- Don't try to keep somebody in your life that doesn't want to do so himself/herself. I don't have contact anymore with the first girl, second girl i still chat with her sometimes. I consider her a friend now, and the first girl is an ex. And that's ok. I realised i was clinging on to the first one and just prolonging the mental suffering.
- Allow some time for grief, but after that don't allow your mind to fantasise about a possible future togheter or think about the past or what could have been or whatever... It's in the past. You are living now. You won't succeed in this 100%, but thats ok, even 50% is better than nothing. Some interesting idea: set apart like 20 min a day to let it all come out, either by crying or talking to a friend about it or whatever. Research shows that 90% of our thoughts have no purpose and 75% of self-talk is negative. Great line i read: They are only worries if you worry about them.
- Do positive things: working out, connecting again with some friends, ... You'll feel better about yourself, takes your mind off it while you are processing things. Alcohol was really bad for me, i think crying, excessive eating, overthinking, drugs are things people tend to indulge in to cover the pain.
- Flirt/date with other people cause life is short and you should enjoy every second of it. Don't fall in love quickly, don't play with other people's feelings.
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Some people are not bothered by breakups at all (prob drkaje), some are more affected. I fall in the second category. Recently i went through two so i thought i'd share some of my thoughts:
- Don't try to keep somebody in your life that doesn't want to do so himself/herself. I don't have contact anymore with the first girl, second girl i still chat with her sometimes. I consider her a friend now, and the first girl is an ex. And that's ok. I realised i was clinging on to the first one and just prolonging the mental suffering.
- Allow some time for grief, but after that don't allow your mind to fantasise about a possible future togheter or think about the past or what could have been or whatever... It's in the past. You are living now. You won't succeed in this 100%, but thats ok, even 50% is better than nothing. Some interesting idea: set apart like 20 min a day to let it all come out, either by crying or talking to a friend about it or whatever. Research shows that 90% of our thoughts have no purpose and 75% of self-talk is negative. Great line i read: They are only worries if you worry about them.
- Do positive things: working out, connecting again with some friends, ... You'll feel better about yourself, takes your mind off it while you are processing things. Alcohol was really bad for me, i think crying, excessive eating, overthinking, drugs are things people tend to indulge in to cover the pain.
- Flirt/date with other people cause life is short and you should enjoy every second of it. Don't fall in love quickly, don't play with other people's feelings.
Pining over some chick/dude that doesn't feel the same way is a waste of time.
Every single one of us can be replaced and no one's company is special enough to the point where hanging around a pain in the butt makes sense. That's why treating people the way you'd like to be treated is so important. :)
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Pining over some chick/dude that doesn't feel the same way is a waste of time.
Every single one of us can be replaced and no one's company is special enough to the point where hanging around a pain in the butt makes sense. That's why treating people the way you'd like to be treated is so important. :)
If you can just move on, either you have no real feelings or you have developed certain survival mechanism to mask pain.
I have been dumped once, I have dumped every other woman except my wife of course.
I always felt some kind of pain.
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If you can just move on, either you have no real feelings or you have developed certain survival mechanism to mask pain.
I have been dumped once, I have dumped every other woman except my wife of course.
I always felt some kind of pain.
Feelings are fine, stupid is not.
If your car broke down you'd get another one.
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Bang another girl asap. Sorry, I wish it was deeper than that, but sadly it's not. It works wonders for me.
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i'm not on the same wave lentgh as lynchie or drkaje. I feel pain, lots of it. Having a broken car and a broken relationship are two very different matters, IMO
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i'm not on the same wave lentgh as lynchie or drkaje. I feel pain, lots of it. Having a broken car and a broken relationship are two very different matters, IMO
They are basically the same thing. Both judged on their level of functionality. :)
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I wouldn't be hurt it i lost my car. It would suck, but that's all. Losing the person you love is much much worse.
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Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.
What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?
I did the Forrest Gump and ran my ass off to relieve the stress and refocus!
HM (Stress free)
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I wouldn't be hurt it i lost my car. It would suck, but that's all. Losing the person you love is much much worse.
It's hard to say. I always wonder how much of people's reactions to breakups are from having lost their identity in the relationship versus really being broken hearted.
Don't get it twisted, now. I'm not saying people don't fall in love, get broken hearted, get their period, miss someone and all the other crap. Merely that many times it seems people have forgotten who they are alone and can't handle being with what's left of themselves.
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i'm not on the same wave lentgh as lynchie or drkaje. I feel pain, lots of it. Having a broken car and a broken relationship are two very different matters, IMO
Yup
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When I was younger, I had this great passion, fell in love quickly, the break ups were spectacular, the pain almost left me curling on the bathroom floor. These days, I'm far more careful with my heart. Basically, a girl have to prove herself to get my love. The previous girl I made a thread about here, I got over within 2 days, by banging my best female friend from years and years. I do the same for her when she breaks up with her numerous boyfriends. I think it's a rejection thing, and by 'getting' with someone else, you somehow subconsciously prove to yourself you are still desirable.
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Good thread.
you need to move on ASAP, dont dwell, dont try patch it up, just move on, keep busy.
Working out is the best thing to, it does make you feel better, and look better.
you cannot just stay at home, cry, eat choclates all day, not only are you lonely, but a fat fuck too.
Girls can talk to eachother all you want, it does not help, it breeds more negativity
get out, go out to a club, bar, talk to anyone..and for fucks sake stop wanting or needing to be with other people, let it just happen.
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Yup
Things either work or they don't.
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It's hard to say. I always wonder how much of people's reactions to breakups are from having lost their identity in the relationship versus really being broken hearted.
Don't get it twisted, now. I'm not saying people don't fall in love, get broken hearted, get their period, miss someone and all the other crap. Merely that many times it seems people have forgotten who they are alone and can't handle being with what's left of themselves.
this isn't a case of losing identity. at least not for me.
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Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.
What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?
Honestly speaking, I find just moving on is best. Go abouts doing your daily activities (job and gym and hanging with close friends) but ultimately move on. There are a lot of good people in this world that will gladly give your good heart a home.