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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Original Sin on April 06, 2009, 10:18:47 AM
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I have had a very close male friend for a long time, I would say he is my best friend...
So here is my delimna ...
My friend is seeing two women at the same time.
That alone is the lowest of the low to me but the part that really irks me is that he is telling each one that they are the only woman for him, his soul mate.
All the stuff you say when you are in a truly close and committed relationship.
One of the ladies is a friend of mine, I met her through him but I wouldn't call her a close friend.
She is an amazing caring person and truly naive about love and life in general. (Religious upbringing)
She spends hours telling me via email, phone calls, texts about how great he is. She actually told me he is a man without flaws.
I have been keeping silent as I don't feel it is my place to show her what life is about.
If she is going to have the blinders on is it up to me to take them off?
I have called my friend a huge coward and raked his dumb ass over the coals for not being honest with either lady but he says he is just taking what he wants and so are they.
Where should my loyalty lie? or should loyalty even matter?
Should I just keep minding my own business?
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That is a tough one.
I have a male friend that used to be one of my best friends before we both married other people. I tried to imagine if he was doing what your friend was doing.
I don't think I would tell on him...seems like he should be the one that should do it. But like you, I would give him tons of grief and also try to explain what a crappy thing he is doing. Maybe tell him how infatuated the gal is and see if he can try to imagine himself being in her place....or ask him how he would feel if some guy was doing that to his sister or mother.
When the woman tells you how great he is, I'd probably be silent or say something like, yeah, he can come across that way.
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She actually told me he is a man without flaws.
Oh man.
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I've been put in this situation many a time with my former band mates. Not fun...but I think in the end (and in a nutshell) the "answer" lies within yourself and how you feel more comfortable living after you've made your decision.
Not saying that my answer is the correct/wrong choice, but I kept my mouth shut. I would rather be pulled into the situation and asked, than seem like I'm intentionally trying to stir the pot. The musicians I know, would be hurt that I say something, insinuate I'm trying to bream them up and sleep with her, and you're branded a snitch. Yet they are the ones that are being unfaithful when it's agreed upon that they are monogamous.
If he/she is breaking an agreement, then I think the person will have to live with themselves and their decision more than you doing what you feel is right. You don't have to fall asleep with that person...only yourself.
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I have had a very close male friend for a long time, I would say he is my best friend...
So here is my delimna ...
My friend is seeing two women at the same time.
That alone is the lowest of the low to me but the part that really irks me is that he is telling each one that they are the only woman for him, his soul mate.
All the stuff you say when you are in a truly close and committed relationship.
One of the ladies is a friend of mine, I met her through him but I wouldn't call her a close friend.
She is an amazing caring person and truly naive about love and life in general. (Religious upbringing)
She spends hours telling me via email, phone calls, texts about how great he is. She actually told me he is a man without flaws.
I have been keeping silent as I don't feel it is my place to show her what life is about.
If she is going to have the blinders on is it up to me to take them off?
I have called my friend a huge coward and raked his dumb ass over the coals for not being honest with either lady but he says he is just taking what he wants and so are they.
Where should my loyalty lie? or should loyalty even matter?
Should I just keep minding my own business?
stay out of it.
pick better male friends....it is a reflection of your character....the comopany you keep
a male friend of mine did this once...i cut him out of my loop..
the end
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That is a tough one.
I have a male friend that used to be one of my best friends before we both married other people. I tried to imagine if he was doing what your friend was doing.
I don't think I would tell on him...seems like he should be the one that should do it. But like you, I would give him tons of grief and also try to explain what a crappy thing he is doing. Maybe tell him how infatuated the gal is and see if he can try to imagine himself being in her place....or ask him how he would feel if some guy was doing that to his sister or mother.
When the woman tells you how great he is, I'd probably be silent or say something like, yeah, he can come across that way.
+1
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Bros before hos, OS.
No good ever comes from breaking this rule.
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Bros before hos, OS.
No good ever comes from breaking this rule.
you calling me a HO?!!! ;D
Unfortunately I really don't know where I fit this scenario... I don't think I am a bro, isn't that just a guy thing?
That is a tough one.
When the woman tells you how great he is, I'd probably be silent or say something like, yeah, he can come across that way.
I am doing that but I just want to reach across the table and smack her into reality
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I am ding that but I just want to reach across the table and smack her into reality
Do you think if she knew she would get rid of him?
I had a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her all the time. We would tell her, she would take him back, we would tell her, she would take him back and on and on.
Finally, we knew about another time and didn't tell her. What was the point! When she found out some other way she was angry at us but we just told her we didn't see the need for her to be upset when she would likely then take him back again.
She got rid of him shortly after that.
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stay out of it.
pick better male friends....it is a reflection of your character....the comopany you keep
a male friend of mine did this once...i cut him out of my loop..
the end
I tend to agree with Toxic on this one, although I was going to say it speaks volumes about your friends character. I may not drop him like a bad habit, but the fabric of the friendship would definitely be compromised.
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Do you think if she knew she would get rid of him?
I had a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her all the time. We would tell her, she would take him back, we would tell her, she would take him back and on and on.
Finally, we knew about another time and didn't tell her. What was the point! When she found out some other way she was angry at us but we just told her we didn't see the need for her to be upset when she would likely then take him back again.
She got rid of him shortly after that.
You know I am not sure if she would take him back.
Most likely she would , any woman who says a man has no faults is used to lying to herself.
This does put a different spin on the thing for me... Thank You
I tend to agree with Toxic on this one, although I was going to say it speaks volumes about your friends character. I may not drop him like a bad habit, but the fabric of the friendship would definitely be compromised.
Yes, the friendship has changed, although he doesn't see it.
Maybe I should just seduce him and then let them deal with that.
Having a common enemy may be good for them :-\
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you calling me a HO?!!! ;D
Unfortunately I really don't know where I fit this scenario... I don't think I am a bro, isn't that just a guy thing?
I am doing that but I just want to reach across the table and smack her into reality
You're his 'bro' now.
There are rules to this game that can't be broken. Feeling sympathy for people stupid enough to get played is a violation of the bro code.
Article 1: Bros before hoes.
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Maybe I should just seduce him and then let them deal with that.
Having a common enemy may be good for them :-\
not a good idea
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i think you should into account if you do tell her then it could very well end your relationship with him. What he is doing is shitty and is what gives good guys bad reps, that women will more then likely carry around baggage for a while b/c of this dude. Ive had and shoot have friends that cheat on their g/f's and have honestly never told on them, ive stressed that they should break up with their g/f though. You said that his response to you saying something is that he is just getting what he wants and so are they. That doesnt make sense to me at all, they arent getting what they want at all if they believe they are monogamous maybe you should stress that point to him. Im ok with not being in a monogamous relationship but you should tell the other person thats the case not say one thing and do another.
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I have had a very close male friend for a long time, I would say he is my best friend...
So here is my delimna ...
My friend is seeing two women at the same time.
That alone is the lowest of the low to me but the part that really irks me is that he is telling each one that they are the only woman for him, his soul mate.
All the stuff you say when you are in a truly close and committed relationship.
One of the ladies is a friend of mine, I met her through him but I wouldn't call her a close friend.
She is an amazing caring person and truly naive about love and life in general. (Religious upbringing)
She spends hours telling me via email, phone calls, texts about how great he is. She actually told me he is a man without flaws.
I have been keeping silent as I don't feel it is my place to show her what life is about.
If she is going to have the blinders on is it up to me to take them off?
I have called my friend a huge coward and raked his dumb ass over the coals for not being honest with either lady but he says he is just taking what he wants and so are they.
Where should my loyalty lie? or should loyalty even matter?
Should I just keep minding my own business?
Very tough call. How would you feel if this situation got out of hand? For example, suppose both ladies found themselves with an unplanned new life inside them? Or if one of them found out about the other and the situation got violent? If your lady friend found out that you knew all along, wouldn't that destroy your relationship?
I realize no one is perfect, but do you really want to be known as a friend of someone who acts the way your male friend is acting?
On the other hand, do you not give your male friend the chance to discover the right path for himself? Is there still time for him to "do the right thing" ? How do you balance between "supporting" and "enabling" ?
Bear in mind, I am not attempting to answer these questions for you. I am just humbly posing some questions for you to consider as you look into your heart for a decision.
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I have pretty much decided I am going to just castrate him...That should solve it!! ;D
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I have pretty much decided I am going to just castrate him...That should solve it!! ;D
Article 1, OS.
Accepting bro status means living with the code. :)
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Article 1, OS.
Accepting bro status means living with the code. :)
Well that is a sucky rule!
Where are the perks?
Its more fun being the Ho ;D
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Well that is a sucky rule!
Where are the perks?
Its more fun being the Ho ;D
there's a surprise...
;D
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there's a surprise...
;D
Okay that's IT! IT is SO ON now!! >:(
I am flying down to Atlanta...
You and I in the Octagon!!! >:( >:(
My choice of ring attire
How do you look in a thong! :-*
;D ;D
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Okay that's IT! IT is SO ON now!! >:(
I am flying down to Atlanta...
You and I in the Octagon!!! >:( >:(
My choice of ring attire
How do you look in a thong! :-*
;D ;D
So, you are going to mount me! Here I thought you actually meant Canadian women were far too educated. GIT R DONE!
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I have had a very close male friend for a long time, I would say he is my best friend...
So here is my delimna ...
My friend is seeing two women at the same time.
That alone is the lowest of the low to me but the part that really irks me is that he is telling each one that they are the only woman for him, his soul mate.
All the stuff you say when you are in a truly close and committed relationship.
One of the ladies is a friend of mine, I met her through him but I wouldn't call her a close friend.
She is an amazing caring person and truly naive about love and life in general. (Religious upbringing)
She spends hours telling me via email, phone calls, texts about how great he is. She actually told me he is a man without flaws.
I have been keeping silent as I don't feel it is my place to show her what life is about.
If she is going to have the blinders on is it up to me to take them off?
I have called my friend a huge coward and raked his dumb ass over the coals for not being honest with either lady but he says he is just taking what he wants and so are they.
Where should my loyalty lie? or should loyalty even matter?
Should I just keep minding my own business?
fuck loyalty, in the end when involved people find out, you will be blamed
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So, you are going to mount me! Here I thought you actually meant Canadian women were far too educated. GIT R DONE!
Point for you!
I have no worthy comeback :-\
Now I am just going to crawl into a fetal position and cry under my desk :'( :'(
fuck loyalty, in the end when involved people find out, you will be blamed
Yeah I can see that happening...
But at least he can't blame me as I have confronted him about my feelings already.
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Article 1, OS.
Accepting bro status means living with the code. :)
Bro status ruling required...
So down the road when all this settles and if he doesn't get married
can one sleep with a Bro?
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Point for you!
I have no worthy comeback :-\
Now I am just going to crawl into a fetal position and cry under my desk :'( :'(
damn it, why do women always do that when I tell them that. >:( :'(
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damn it, why do women always do that when I tell them that. >:( :'(
;D ;D
Must be in your delivery ???
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maybe. The snickering later is what really stings though.
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maybe. The snickering later is what really stings though.
Well at least with the internet you can't see us pointing as well
;D
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i wouldn't pass out face down if i were you.... >:(
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i wouldn't pass out face down if i were you.... >:(
Damn...
I hate it when I have to change my plans at the last minute
Thanks >:(
:-* :-*
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i'm a gentleman and like to warn the ladies lol.
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i'm a gentleman and like to warn the ladies lol.
:) ;D 8)
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sometimes i have no idea what will happen
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Bro status ruling required...
So down the road when all this settles and if he doesn't get married
can one sleep with a Bro?
Generally, switching from bro to Hoe would be wrong. :)
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sometimes i have no idea what will happen
What fun would life be if you were omniscience?
You'll just have to settle with being omnipotent only
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Generally, switching from bro to Hoe would be wrong. :)
Damn!
You're not filling me with fuzziness
Those were some good times...
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What fun would life be if you were omniscience?
You'll just have to settle with being omnipotent only
i just like to know when i;m gonna have my 2 hour quickies so i can plan accordibgly
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i just like to know when i;m gonna have my 2 hour quickies so i can plan accordibgly
Only 2 hours?
You need to work on that
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:'(
doesn't look like i can be able to practice for a while.
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Broken hand ???
Sorry sweetie :'(
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Damn!
You're not feeling me fuzziness
Those were some good times...
Recycling is for can's, plastics and some paper products, not old flames.
That being said.... it would be wrong of me to discourage any scenario that may result in a bro hitting three chicks. :)
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Broken hand ???
Sorry sweetie :'(
nope, it straight rejected me too.
9 months isn't my longest no fun streak
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Recycling is for can's, plastics and some paper products, not old flames.
That being said.... it would be wrong of me to discourage any scenario that may result in a bro hitting three chicks. :)
He won't be squeezing anything of mine while he is attached >:(
We like to play every now and then but no relationship, it just gets really weird when we try.
nope, it straight rejected me too.
9 months isn't my longest no fun streak
Prostitutes need love too....
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We like to play every now and then but no relationship, it just gets really weird when we try.
Prostitutes need love too....
um, that's ok
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He won't be squeezing anything of mine while he is attached >:(
We like to play every now and then but no relationship, it just gets really weird when we try.
At least you know he messes around. :)
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I have had a very close male friend for a long time, I would say he is my best friend...
So here is my delimna ...
My friend is seeing two women at the same time.
That alone is the lowest of the low to me but the part that really irks me is that he is telling each one that they are the only woman for him, his soul mate.
All the stuff you say when you are in a truly close and committed relationship.
One of the ladies is a friend of mine, I met her through him but I wouldn't call her a close friend.
She is an amazing caring person and truly naive about love and life in general. (Religious upbringing)
She spends hours telling me via email, phone calls, texts about how great he is. She actually told me he is a man without flaws.
I have been keeping silent as I don't feel it is my place to show her what life is about.
If she is going to have the blinders on is it up to me to take them off?
I have called my friend a huge coward and raked his dumb ass over the coals for not being honest with either lady but he says he is just taking what he wants and so are they.
Where should my loyalty lie? or should loyalty even matter?
Should I just keep minding my own business?
OS, I completely understand your dilemma. I found myself in a similar situation years ago.
While Toxie's solution seems the most logical at face value, ...where friendships are involved, tossing someone to the curb for being less than perfect isn't always a viable option.
In my case, a very close friend and client at the time, was involved in a years long relationship with one woman, and enjoying a fling with another. The woman he was having the fling with was the keyboard player in his group. He introduced me to her and I became friends with her as well. She knew about the long time girlfriend, ...but essentially allowed herself to be treated like his Wednesday night whore. This girl had a myriad of issues, ...and it pained me beyond belief to see him taking advantage of her like that.
You can't always make people change the way they treat others, ...but you can make others aware of how they are being treated. They will (usually) at that point dictate the terms of what they are and are not willing to endure. So if Mohammed will not go to the mountain, ...just move the mountain to Mohammed.
I decided the best solution was to show her the difference between being a "Wednesday night whore", and being with a man who knew how to treat her right, ...so I fixed her up with a wealthy European investment broker; ...someone her traditional Greek father would both adore and approve of. lol. I inundated her with a parade of eligible single men that our mutual friend could not possibly hope to compete with on soooo many levels. It made only a slight bit of a difference with her, in that she had a history of gravitating towards men who treated her badly, and didn't know how to appreciate one who didn't use her or take advantage of her for her money... so there was limited success there, ...but it made a world of difference with our mutual friend. {lol} He realized pretty quickly that he needed to do better and be better than he currently was, ...especially since he did know better. The stuff he pulled on her, he would never in a million years dream of pulling on the long term girlfriend
Speak to your friend, and make him realize the selfishness of his ways, ...not just towards the other women, ...but also to you. Make him understand the difficult position he has put you in. YOU should also get clear about the incredible selfishness he is showing towards YOU. Do you believe that someone that selfish and uncaring about your feelings deserves your loyalty, at the expense of your heart, and an innocent woman's? If he wanted his secret kept, ...he should not have made you privy to it by putting you in that situation in the first place. I'd lay down the law and issue the ultimatum. He either comes clean... or be prepared to be outted. And if he doesn't come clean... keep his secret until you can't keep it anymore... then let the chips fall where they do with NO REGRETS! He was warned.
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I tend to agree with Toxic on this one, although I was going to say it speaks volumes about your friends character. I may not drop him like a bad habit, but the fabric of the friendship would definitely be compromised.
when i said what i said i did not mean " drop him/it immediately"
friends can be phased out....i'm not the first one to have done it....
besides....i'm the most interesting company i keep ;)
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Update:
So the three of us were to go to the Philharmonic this weekend. It has been in the plans for months.
I bailed and basically took Toxie's advice. For better or worse we shall see.
I told him
"I wouldn't be there or anywhere they were until he was honest with her.
She needs to be treated with respect and told the truth, but I won't be the one to expose your lies."
I have know idea what he told her why I wasn't there but I figure it is no longer a concern of mine.
I await her questions about it. I am not going to lie but I won't tell her the entire story.
If she asks I am gong to tell her that she needs to ask him those questions and if she is naive enough to believe him well she deserves her fate.
So is that callous? uncaring? or just right?
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I await her questions about it. I am not going to lie but I won't tell her the entire story.
If she asks I am gong to tell her that she needs to ask him those questions and if she is naive enough to believe him well she deserves her fate.
So is that callous? uncaring? or just right?
If she's truly naive then I wouldn't write her off as deserving her fate. If she does have a clue and still continues to see him that is a diff. story.
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good for you for standing up.
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If she's truly naive then I wouldn't write her off as deserving her fate. If she does have a clue and still continues to see him that is a diff. story.
So what would you do Stella?
She is quite possibly the most naive girl I have ever known.
She was VERY sheltered in her up bringing and he is her first real boyfriend, she's over 30.
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So what would you do Stella?
She is quite possibly the most naive girl I have ever known.
She was VERY sheltered in her up bringing and he is her first real boyfriend, she's over 30.
It's a tough situation since the guy is such a close friend.
What do you think about having a conversation w/her regarding people cheating on each other and then asking her "Hey Martha, if Fred was dating someone else as well as you, would you still date him?"
If she says yes, then you don't need to do anything. If she says no way then maybe you could just give her a look of great concern. I don't know!! :-\
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you could always bump into her and say "i didn't know you guys broke up!" When she says we didn't, then say "oh cuz i saw him with this other girl..."
job done.
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Both of those are worthy suggestions but I think it goes above and beyond the "Bros vs Hoes" rules.
We are having an email conversation while she is at work.
I took a variation of Stells's advice and email her this.
So tell me why you didn't believe it when I said I was in Vegas?
My word is the one thing I will always keep and if I can't for some reason I will tell you.
Unlike a lot of people in this world I won't lie to people I care about.
You have questioned me a few times on this matter.
Don't take it that I am upset, more curious as to why you don't believe me.
Were you lied to a lot?
I haven't gotten a reply yet. Maybe she does know and is just denying it to yourself.
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perhaps. Sometimes people live in what they want to percieve as reality. Know it from first hand experience.
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perhaps. Sometimes people live in what they want to percieve as reality. Know it from first hand experience.
I have come to this conclusion or she is an idiot.
Still want to give a smack into reality though.
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I have come to this conclusion or she is an idiot.
Still want to give a smack into reality though.
i live between these two realms lol