Getbig.com: American Bodybuilding, Fitness and Figure
Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: Stark on July 11, 2010, 11:11:21 AM
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www.dontevenreply.com click on the top rated - the guy is a friggen genius, I post some here for the once who are too lazy to visit a different page:
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Handicapped Movers
Posted at: 2009-06-18 10:09:18
Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.
From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org
Good afternoon!
I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Mike,
I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.
Jerry
From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,
I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Oh man...
I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?
I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.
Jerry
From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,
Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.
I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.
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:D :D
I like how he says he has a weak body :D
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High-rise Fridge Delivery
Posted at: 2009-07-06 09:51:49
Original ad:
I bought this GE refrigerator a few years ago, but just got a new one for my kitchen and no longer need it. It still works perfectly and is very large, perfect as your main fridge for a kitchen. I'm asking $300 for it. I am located in Brooklyn, but will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee.
From Mike Partlow to ************@**********.org
Hello,
I am very interested in your fridge. Is it still available? If so, how much would you charge to deliver it to my place in the city?
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
Yes mike it is still available. I will deliver it for an extra $50. where is your place located?
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
I want it delivered to my office on the 67th floor of the ********* Building on **rd st and **********. Now I am pretty sure that the fridge won't fit in the elevator, and if it does, it would exceed the weight capacity, so you will have to carry it up the stairs. I hope this won't be a problem.
When can you deliver it? I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and can be there any time. I do need it sooner rather than later, however.
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
that is absurd. Im not going to heave this very heavy fridge up 67 flights of stairs. Dosent your building have a cargo/utility elevator?
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty, you don't have to lug it up 67 flights of stairs. There is a loading bay around back that starts on the 2nd floor, and I'm pretty sure this building does not count the 13th floor. So you are really only carrying it up 65 flights of stairs. There was a cargo elevator, but building management has told me that I am never allowed to use it again after I attempted to bring my motorcycle up to my office. They don't let just anyone use it anymore, so that isn't an option.
From marty ******* to Me
absolutely not. do you have any idea how heavy this thing is? why do you even need a full size fridge in your office? just buy one of those small mini fridges.
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty,
You are obviously not a very good salesman if you are trying to suggest I buy something else instead of your product. How is that working out for you? Do you make a lot of money that way?
Not that it is any of your business, but I cannot afford rent in my apartment anymore and am slowly trying to move into my office so I can live out of there. I plan on disguising the fridge as a filing cabinet so my company will not get suspicious. If anyone asks you what you are doing when you are moving it into my office, just tell them that you are delivering my new filing cabinet. Try to tuck the power cord under the fridge so they don't realize that it is actually a fridge.
How does next Tuesday work? I am free all day.
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
mike I don't think you understood me. I am NOT delivering the fridge to your office. it's way too big and heavy, and I doubt you will find anyone willing to carry it up to the 67th floor.
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty,
I'm sorry, I must have misread your ad. I could have sworn it said "will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee." Am I crazy, or did your ad say that?
I don't recall it saying "will be willing to deliver it as long as your building isn't too big and scary for my weak little body to carry it."
From marty ******* to Me
Hey listen asshole. You are a Fuckin idiot if you honestly think somebody will do this. It has nothing to do with strength it is just an insane request. the only way you will get a fucking fridge up there is with an elevator. fuck off.
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty, I get what you are saying. It doesn't have anything to do with strength, because even my 120 lb ex-wife could carry this thing up. It is clearly a lack of motivation. You need to be in the right mindset to be able to do this.
Tell you what, I'll stand behind you as you carry it up, and shout encouraging motivational words at you to keep you going. I'll say things like "c'mon Marty, you can do it! You're almost there!" and "don't give up!" I'll even bring a few bottles of Gatorade in case you get thirsty. What flavor do you want? I have frost and orange, but I really don't recommend orange because it doesn't even taste like Gatorade.
So see you Tuesday?
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
shut the fuck up.
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Barter My Whore Wife
Posted at: 2009-06-12 01:49:36
This one was a little tricky. If you didn't figure it out, I am both Mike Anderson and Kira Anderson.
Original ad:
i am looking to trade/barter my 1994 Jeep Wrangler. 140k miles, yellow, good condition. NO CASH. I will barter just about anything of equal value!
From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.org
CC: Kira Anderson
Hey,
I saw your ad for a '94 Wrangler for barter. I will trade you my whore of a wife for that car. She is a dirty little slut that fucks just about anything that moves. She doesn't really have much to offer, so I figure she is worth about the price of a used 1994 wrangler. I understand if you think she isn't worth it, so I am willing to throw in $200 cash on top of that. If you are looking for a loose whore that will give it up easily, my wife will be well worth the trade. Let me know if you are interested. Does the Wrangler come with a title?
From Jim ***** to Me
Ha ha! Very funny. I am married and don't think I would be interested in your wife. Thanks for the offer though!
From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****
OH FUCK YOU MIKE!! DROP FUCKING DEAD!!! YOU ARE SUCH A SCUMBAG PIECE OF SHIT I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!
From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****
Fuck YOU, you stupid girl! What are you doing on the computer? I figured you were fucking Steve again. Or how about our neighbor? I'm sure he's looking to stick his dick in some rotten pussy. You fucking twat.
From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****
MIKE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE THIS IS IT. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HOME TODAY BECAUSE ILL BE WAITING WITH A FUCKIN KNIFE
From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****
Ooh I'm real fucking scared. It might be kind of hard to stab me with 10 inches of black dick in your mouth you fucking WHORE
From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson
Hey you two sound like a great couple and all, but could you stop including me in these e-mails? I really don't think this concerns me.
From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****
TELL YOU WHAT JIM ILL BUY YOUR FUCKING WRANGLER SO I CAN RUN OVER MY PIECE OF SHIT HUSBAND WITH IT
From Mike Anderson to Jim *****, Kira Anderson
Jim don't sell it to her. She'll probably pick up a random dude and crash the jeep while she's sucking his dick.
From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****
FUCK YOU
From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson
Will both of you shut the fuck up and stop e-mailing me? Jesus fucking christ man c'mon!
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these are obviously people messing with the original sellers....
somewhat funny though.
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these are obviously people messing with the original sellers....
somewhat funny though.
its always the same guy Mike - check it out, the guy makes advertisers melt down hard :D
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kind of like the old "jerky boys"
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I lost it when I read "slowly moving into my office"
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This one was funny:
Fake Invoice
Posted at: 2010-06-29 08:20:54 | 158 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
ATTENTION: anyone who owns an auto repair shop
i need a fake invoice printed up for a bunch of car work so i can explain to my wife where our $1200 went. if you can print out an invoice with a bunch of repair stuff that would cost around that, please contact me ASAP.
From Me to *********@********.org:
Hey, are you still looking to get a fake invoice? I run a repair shop off of 95 in Essington and could easily print something out for you.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
yea dude that would be great. it needs to be for like $1200 but your a mechanic im sure you can think of something that costs that much. essington is kinda out of my way so i just need a good reason for my wife that explains why i was down there, ya hear?
From Me to Dave ********:
Alright, I can print one out in a few minutes and scan it for you. As for your wife, just tell her you were on your way to Chester to buy drugs and your car broke down, so you just had it towed to the nearest shop. Be sure to mention how great our service was.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
yeah great idea genius that would go over real well. im better off coming clean about my bad luck in atlantic city, but that aint happenin neither
From Me to Dave ********:
I don't see why it wouldn't go over well. Lots of people go out of their way to Chester for drugs. I get my coke from Chester all of the time. It is cheap, and good, too.
Anyway, I've attached the invoice I wrote up for you. I forgot to ask the Make/Model/Year of your car, so I just took a guess. If I am wrong, let me know and I can change it.
Mike
(http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/invoice.png)
From Dave ******** to Me:
if you guessed 98 corolla then id be impressed otherwise could you put that in, and date it for today? thanks a lot for your help dude
From Dave ******** to Me:
wait a minute what the fuck is this shit
From Dave ******** to Me:
$200 to unjam a tape deck are you for real man? that isnt even a real problem
what the fuck is a "transgasket differential" are you serious dude, this shit isnt going to fly. 50 bucks to set the dashboard clock wtf man
like seriously man are you fucking retarded? wtf is this bullshit
From Me to Dave ********:
Yes, I typically charge around $200 to unjam a tape deck. Have you ever tried to do it? It is a pain in the ass. Some people panic and try to rewind their tapes and that just makes it even worse.
I charge $50 to set the dashboard clock, but it is well worth every penny. It is the most accurate time reading you will ever have. I sync it down to the millisecond with the official NIST time, and I have it verified by a certified time expert.
You've got me there on the transgasket differential. I just make that up and charge $400 for it and people usually pay it without much argument. Especially women, which brings me to my next point.
Women tend to know nothing about cars, so your wife will probably just look at the document and get confused by all that fancy car lingo. All women need to see is the money amount, which I have made very clear at the bottom of the invoice.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
cmon man quit dicking me around and put some real shit on there. i dont know what kind of bullshit shop you are running over there, but neither me or my wife would believe this thing
and fix the car info. out of all the guesses you could have made you guessed that i drive a fucking delorean? for real dude?
From Me to Dave ********:
Sorry, you just struck me as the kind of guy who would have a DeLorean.
If you really think your wife isn't going to fall for that, I'll give you a more realistic looking document. Here is a realistic bank statement you can use to show your wife where your money went.
Mike
(http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/statement.png)
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Onya Mike. ;D
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Lol
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;D Funny stuff! reminds me of the radio show phil hendrie had. He would pose these insane ideas and people would call in and believe it was real. I remember one show he was playing a character that thought the terrorists that brought down the trade center buildings deserved a memorial section at the building also.......people were freaking...it was awesome. I think you can google his name and stream some of these shows. ;D
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;D Funny stuff! reminds me of the radio show phil hendrie had. He would pose these insane ideas and people would call in and believe it was real. I remember one show he was playing a character that thought the terrorists that brought down the trade center buildings deserved a memorial section at the building also.......people were freaking...it was awesome. I think you can google his name and stream some of these shows. ;D
I thought I was the only Phil Hendrie fan. I'm a fan of his for 8 years...I fucking love Ted Bell, Bud, Mavis, Margeret and my favorite Steve Bosel...