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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Butterbean on March 25, 2011, 10:01:12 AM
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I know we've covered this but it was a long time ago.
THESE SIGNS OF ABUSE ARE YOUR SIGNAL TO LEAVE
DEAR ABBY:
Please reprint the list of signs of an abuser. I lost the list I had, but I think my husband is one. He calls me names like "stupid" and "slut." He tells me what clothes to wear, and if I refuse he threatens to cut them up. When we argue, he threatens to call 911 and have me locked up. He says everything that goes wrong is my fault.
We have been married 31 years. The stress is ruining my health. I have no money and no job. He stands in front of the door to keep me from leaving or going anywhere. Should I call a hotline or try to find a women's shelter? -- END OF MY ROPE
DEAR END:
While you haven't been battered, your husband's treatment qualifies as emotional abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free number is (800) 799-7233. Do not try to leave without calling it first.
The signs of an abuser are:
(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
(2) JEALOUSY: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.
(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.
(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble"; the abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.
(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
(7) MAKES EVERYONE ELSE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of, "I am angry" or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."
(8 ) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND TO CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in a matter of minutes.
(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says they made him (or her) do it.
(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way" or "I didn't really mean it."
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I ripped this out of a newpaper and have saved it for more than 10 years. I've typed it out for you:
Not all psychopaths are murderers.
In fact, you’d be surprised how many you know.
It is estimated that there are millions of psychopaths and most live at liberty in our midst. In your lifetime you are likely to know one well, though you may never have labelled them in this way.
They are to be found everywhere, not just in films, on tv and in novels, but among your friends, collegues and family.
Hardly any of these people are serial killers. Most are un- and de-constructive, if relatively harmless, burdens on society. They are that grandiose friend who is bitter at his lack of success, or the wild one who never seemed to grow out of adolescence. They abuse either alcohol or drugs or everyone in their world, are selfish and embarrassingly anti-social – getting into fights, committing minor infringements of the law, such as shoplifting and idiotic motor offences.
But there is also a small and fascinating minority who manage to make a ‘virtue’ of their defective characters – quintessentially, the psychopath’s lack of empathy towards the suffering he causes – and become hugely successful. They are high achievers, and you may run across one in just about any situation: business, academia, the arts or the media.
An element of implacable ruthlessness and heartlessness is essential to scale to the very top in many professions, and these come naturally to the psychopath. Whether you are the fugitive head of a discredited company or an insider from a City institution, an immoral politian or a middle-Eastern dictator, it is far easier to swindle others if you feel no sympathy for them.
The key to the ‘successful’ psychopath’s success is his secrecy about his personae and past deceits.
It isn’t possible to say what causes psychopathy. There may be some genetic element involved, but what seems more certain is that psychopaths are the victims of infant neglect.
Their effect on others is easier to describe. These people leave us feeling ripped off emotionally. In relationships they treat partners as things, as cardboard cut-outs. Their unthinkable level of selfishness is often not recognised untill the damage has been done. At work, they steal our ideas, money and anything that we value (especially the latter, for they value nothing; their envy and destructiveness towards our pleasures know no bounds).
A psychopath destroys almost as many lives as a serial killer by depriving others of their sanity.
Yet for all their ‘successes’, these people are deeply dissatisfied. They live in permanent fear of being exposed as the fakes they know themselves to be. Their inner lives are so barren that, for most of the time, they feel desperate for any kind of human contact. If they seek professional help, they soon realise that nothing and nobody can give it. There are no drugs that can enable them to feel for others.
Doomed to damage and pervert all whom they come into contact with, they are to be avoided at all costs.
Watch out for the high-achieving psychopath. They are all around us and they look just like you and me.
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WTF she thinks? SHE THINKS...the dude is calling her names, threatening to cut her clothes, wont let her leave, threatening to lock her up AND SHE THINKS HE IS ABUSIVE!!!!!!
some ppl...
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Linda those ppl youre article is talking about are sociopaths not psychopaths...
psychopaths have a problem with reality not cultural norms
sociopaths do what they want b/c thats what they want to do, psychopaths do what they do b/c they have a disconnect with reality itself(seeing things that arent there, hearing things, multiple personalities, paranoia etc...)
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WTF she thinks? SHE THINKS...the dude is calling her names, threatening to cut her clothes, wont let her leave, threatening to lock her up AND SHE THINKS HE IS ABUSIVE!!!!!!
some ppl...
ouch ouch ouch
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ouch ouch ouch
indeed...sad when some ppl are so blind to something that is right in front of their face.
I never really understood ppl that allow themselves to be put into situations like this. I dont think I know a single girl who would put up with even the slightest bit of what this woman goes through.
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WTF she thinks? SHE THINKS...the dude is calling her names, threatening to cut her clothes, wont let her leave, threatening to lock her up AND SHE THINKS HE IS ABUSIVE!!!!!!
some ppl...
31 years!!! Such a waste.
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31 years!!! Such a waste.
yea I agree...it makes you wonder what it is that happend to turn that guy into such an ace
, sometimes life can be to much for some ppl i guess.
I can definetly see though how gradually over 31 years a person like her could be stuck in an abusive relationship. I mean ive been in a relationship that was a couple of years and pretty much knew it wasnt going to make it but still stayed with it just I wanted to see it through but to question whether or not the guy she is with is being abusive???
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Linda those ppl youre article is talking about are sociopaths not psychopaths...
psychopaths have a problem with reality not cultural norms
sociopaths do what they want b/c thats what they want to do, psychopaths do what they do b/c they have a disconnect with reality itself(seeing things that arent there, hearing things, multiple personalities, paranoia etc...)
Linda saw "path", and her beer googles were activated...
There is a wheel of abuse, and it shows the varying degrees...also, if both partners comes from families with abuse they tend to seek each other out..
Usually you can tell---when they start telling you to stop going to that certain church, or to stop hanging out with certain friends---especially supportive friends or attractive male friends
I deal with this a lot, and there is also the "no man will want you" issue. I told one lady, if no man wants you, why is he with you? No man wants something nobody else wants...
She finally saw the logic. Many women will make excuses, "He's only like this when he drinks" or "it was my fault, I made him angry."
then there is the cultural thing, West Africans are notorious for being controlling and abusive, so are West Indians and Latinos (specifically from Mexico and Central American countries), Italians, Koreans, and people from Arab or Muslim countries.
Basically any country where women haven't made strides in rights. Also, in cultures and communities where the men expect the women to stay home and shut the hell up.
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I've yelled at my girl once....
she ws trying to cut something with a blade...and seriously sliced her finger...the cut ws deep >:(
as i ws bandaging her finger i ws also yelling at her and i made her cry...
she deserved it >:(