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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: dfresh on March 09, 2012, 08:22:31 PM
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im thinking about breaking up with my gf, things just have not been good lately. we have been together a little over a year now, and just recently moved in together along with her two kids. idk if its the fact that im just not ready to "settle" down and do the family thing yet or what..(im 23, and shes 24 btw)
we took a little break last summer for about 2 months and decided to get back together...well it just doesnt seem like its working. i will admit i get mad over some stupid shit a lot, which is something ive been trying to fix.. but this in turn leads to arguments and both of us not being in a good mood for hours or sometimes days.
i mean shes a great girl...cooks for me, laundry, saves us shit tons of money with her couponing she does ;D....yet i am just not happy, at least not right now
what do i do? please keep the responses serious and on topic...i really need some help/advice here
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If she cooks for you clean for you does the laundry that's pretty nice man. Are you sexually attracted to her? It would be hard raising someone elses kids.
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yea i know bro she is great in terms of taking care of me...yes im sexually attracted to her, yea idk if im ready to do that yet...they are great kids man, but i just dont know
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yea i know bro she is great in terms of taking care of me...yes im sexually attracted to her, yea idk if im ready to do that yet...they are great kids man, but i just dont know
Sounds like a good girl. If you have a bad feeling about it though follow your gut.
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a 24-year-old girl, but already has two kids?
I would say get rid of her ASAP!
:-X
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You have come to the right place bro. :-\
Two kids at 24, not my cup of tea...
The set up sounds nice enough but you obviously aren't that in to her otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question.
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So it's hard to give advice over the internet because I don't know you or her, but here is what I think.
You may be getting cold feet because it's starting to get serious and she has the kids. You may not be ready for that. So I think you need to sit down and think about things and honestly assess where you are at in your life. Then sit down and talk to her. BE A MAN, don't just dump her and move out or whatever. Try to communicate with her and tell her straight up you are having doubts about continuing the relationship. Try and hash it out, and if it doesn't work it doesn't work. Everybody moves on.
I can tell you for certain though that if the doubts don't go away, or if you are certain you don't want to be with her then you got to get out. Too many people get sucked into black hole relationships.
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So it's hard to give advice over the internet because I don't know you or her, but here is what I think.
You may be getting cold feet because it's starting to get serious and she has the kids. You may not be ready for that. So I think you need to sit down and think about things and honestly assess where you are at in your life. Then sit down and talk to her. BE A MAN, don't just dump her and move out or whatever. Try to communicate with her and tell her straight up you are having doubts about continuing the relationship. Try and hash it out, and if it doesn't work it doesn't work. Everybody moves on.
I can tell you for certain though that if the doubts don't go away, or if you are certain you don't want to be with her then you got to get out. Too many people get sucked into black hole relationships.
great post bro thank you. yea its tough man, im just trying to decide whats best for me in the long run...and of course i want whats best for her too
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seriously...
you're young, but life is too short, and you're too young to get on your shoulder a single 24 y.o mom with 2 kid, and you're too young to boogle your mind with difficult or awkward relationship.
just live the life of a 23 y.o guy, bang some chick if you want, start a serious relationship if you want, but don't loose time energy or mental health with complicated relation.
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Wait a few days to see if the Tren anxiety fades away and then make your decision :-X
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wtf are you thinking,you want to settle down at 23 with a 24 year old mom which already has 2 kids?
If you are not happy and comfortable,that's because 23 is fucking nice age,wait until 30,settle down and make you OWN kids.
Btw,you still look like shit
Hope this helps :D
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for a moment.. disregard that she cooks and cleans, disregard that she has kids, disregard that you fight. and just ask yourself: are you ready to spend your life with this woman?
i did this one time and i wasnt ready, and i think it is very unfair to go into a relationship with serious doubts. and if you continue to see her, bring up those problems and doubts so she is aware at least.
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I don't know if I would've gotten in a relationship with a chick with 2 kids at such a young age. I love kids but the fact of taking care of another man's children kinda fucks me up cause they usually have drama that you're gonna be stuck in between. I would say this is too big of a commitment for someone your age but having responsibilities can make us better people.
I don't know bro...this is a tough one. I usually say you're damned if you do, damned if you don't but in this case I'm swaying towards the you're damned if you do. :-\
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appreciate the feedback guys, lol at the "tren" anxiety and "i still look like shit" comments....not on tren...yet :D
well im gonna really think things over and decide if this is right for me, dont wanna just make a decision then regret it
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well we talked about it and decided she is gonna move out i guess.... sucks cant say im happy at all right now, i guess you dont realize what you have until reality sets in and you realize whats really going on
this will be our 2nd time breaking up so maybe it just isnt meant to be idk :'(
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well we talked about it and decided she is gonna move out i guess.... sucks cant say im happy at all right now, i guess you dont realize what you have until reality sets in and you realize whats really going on
this will be our 2nd time breaking up so maybe it just isnt meant to be idk :'(
Sounds like you raised the questions and she immediately fled. Kinda puts it on her that she doesn't want to take a few days to talk through things with her. You did the right thing though.
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well we talked about it and decided she is gonna move out i guess.... sucks cant say im happy at all right now, i guess you dont realize what you have until reality sets in and you realize whats really going on
this will be our 2nd time breaking up so maybe it just isnt meant to be idk :'(
If you get back together you know it'll be the same shit all over again. You have to make sure what it is that you really want and go on with your life.
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stopped reading at "im 23"
dont fuck up your youth man
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@RM- she is definitely willing to talk things over, as we have been down this road before. things just dont seem to be getting better, i will admit though...I do have a problem with not knowing when to just let things go when we argue...i always have to get the last word in or whatever...probably my biggest flaw
@Bor- no doubt, but kids aside this is an amazing woman...to find time to take care of two kids, then cook, do laundry etc for me as well, thats something special i think
Meta- see above post
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You're 23, and she has two kids! Get the fark out, and don't look back. :-\
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You're 23, and she has two kids! Get the fark out, and don't look back. :-\
cmon man :-\
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She's 24 with 2 kids
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Post her pics
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give it time man, things may work out.all relationships feel like the same old shit after a while and sometimes you have to get past it.
there was a time i felt the same as you,actually hated her guts at one point but things got better but took a long while, would have left if it wasnt for our 2 kids.
if it doesent work out dont sweat it id just relax and see what happens,make time for yourself then you will have the best of both worlds
sounds like a decent lass to me, i have friends with utter bags for lasses who wont even clean the house or cook for them
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@RM- she is definitely willing to talk things over, as we have been down this road before. things just dont seem to be getting better, i will admit though...I do have a problem with not knowing when to just let things go when we argue...i always have to get the last word in or whatever...probably my biggest flaw
@Bor- no doubt, but kids aside this is an amazing woman...to find time to take care of two kids, then cook, do laundry etc for me as well, thats something special i think
Meta- see above post
I feel sorry for her kids. She's not set a good example for them in a lot of aspects.
I think you did the right thing. If you're truly DONE, BE DONE, at least for the kids sake.
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yea i dont want her to leave thats for sure, i know its not everyday a young guy gets into a relationship with a young girl with two kids, but when we're not fighting she makes me happy...obvious i know, but its the truth
im gonna look into counseling for the both of us, more so for me to learn to deal/cope with the little things that i blow way out of proportion
appreciate all the responses thus far, well most of them :P
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well we talked about it and decided she is gonna move out i guess.... sucks cant say im happy at all right now, i guess you dont realize what you have until reality sets in and you realize whats really going on
this will be our 2nd time breaking up so maybe it just isnt meant to be idk :'(
That sucks man, but at least you got shit out in the open. My girl and me have broken up twice and never looked back after the second time. Been together 11 years now. Sometimes being away is what you or both parties need sometimes to figure shit out.
Give it some time to sink in and analyze your life and priorites. Don't go rushing back right away, but don't take it completely off the table either. You guys can't get back together and split up again. For your sakes and the kids. So before you do, make sure both of you have all your shit worked out.
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That sucks man, but at least you got shit out in the open. My girl and me have broken up twice and never looked back after the second time. Been together 11 years now. Sometimes being away is what you or both parties need sometimes to figure shit out.
Give it some time to sink in and analyze your life and priorites. Don't go rushing back right away, but don't take it completely off the table either. You guys can't get back together and split up again. For your sakes and the kids. So before you do, make sure both of you have all your shit worked out.
yea man we're just taking it day by day. i did call and set up an appointment for myself to talk to a counselor though.... gotta learn to deal with different situations better ya know
in the mean time im just gonna do my best to work things out
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If you're not happy, then maybe the problem is with you and not with her.
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stay with her and don't raise those little fucker they'll grow and be like tito24 and that's not bad
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If you're not happy, then maybe the problem is with you and not with her.
yea i mean she makes me happy, and after really thinking about things it does seem it is a problem i have.... her having 2 kids doesnt have anything to do with me reacting the wrong way over little shit..thats something ive come to realize i have to work on/get fixed
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stay with her and don't raise those little fucker they'll grow and be like tito24 and that's not bad
umm what lol?
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Hey bro me and my girl have been together for 6yrs. When we got together her child was 3months, i was 21 I had no interest in being a father but the girl was fine. She takes care of me cooks cleans you name it she does it for me. There have been ups and downs that part of a relationship you guys jus need to talk shit out with out fighting. Its hard at times but if you care about the girl you make sacrifices like it sounds she does for you. Her child is my partner in crime the little shit covers for me all the time.
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Hey bro me and my girl have been together for 6yrs. When we got together her child was 3months, i was 21 I had no interest in being a father but the girl was fine. She takes care of me cooks cleans you name it she does it for me. There have been ups and downs that part of a relationship you guys jus need to talk shit out with out fighting. Its hard at times but if you care about the girl you make sacrifices like it sounds she does for you. Her child is my partner in crime the little shit covers for me all the time.
yea same here bro i was almost 22 when we met. she has a 2 and 5 year old, but that isnt/shouldnt be the deciding factor in staying together in a relationship. we are taking things a day at a time, and it feels good to be on better terms now
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By no means think that you have to stay because of the kid its not yours, one thing that helped with my relationship is that we have a 1hr no talk time when we get home from work to just chill. And we make one day of the week our day send the kids to the sitter or family and we do nothing.
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By no means think that you have to stay because of the kid its not yours, one thing that helped with my relationship is that we have a 1hr no talk time when we get home from work to just chill. And we make one day of the week our day send the kids to the sitter or family and we do nothing.
no i meant the deciding factor that would push me away. and yea we usually have our time at night when kids are in bed
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but yea her dad has been taking the kids once a week which is nice
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Baggage cmon Bro ::)
YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU.
To each their own
good luck
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Man, I wouldnt mess with a girl who has 2 kids with another guy.
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i know this is a serious thread so i'll ask a serious question in order to better determine how i'll answer your original query.
are you retarded?
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:D
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i know this is a serious thread so i'll ask a serious question in order to better determine how i'll answer your original query.
are you retarded?
no
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Been in this mental place with that many women I lost track. I will tell you the truth now... You will always feel this way about every single girl your with no matter how much you love her, how great or pretty she is, it will hit you atleast once with every single one of them.. Normally you move on and look for something that gives you that flame again and it repeats. The only time it will stop is when you learn to settle with what you got and she is of equal thought as well.
I been in this boat with women with kids also, to be honest I didn't like playing dad to someone elses kids so it was never going to work for me lol. I suggest you sit back, think about what you really want in a woman and a family and if you do not know the answer or don't want this at all then I suggest you stay single for a bit until you figure yourself out.
All you got to remember is every time you go from girl t girl you will role the dice, sometimes you get a better hand, sometimes you do not however there is a point when you roled so many times that it will cause a weight on your mind and you will have regrets at some point
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Been in this mental place with that many women I lost track. I will tell you the truth now... You will always feel this way about every single girl your with no matter how much you love her, how great or pretty she is, it will hit you atleast once with every single one of them.. Normally you move on and look for something that gives you that flame again and it repeats. The only time it will stop is when you learn to settle with what you got and she is of equal thought as well.
I been in this boat with women with kids also, to be honest I didn't like playing dad to someone elses kids so it was never going to work for me lol. I suggest you sit back, think about what you really want in a woman and a family and if you do not know the answer or don't want this at all then I suggest you stay single for a bit until you figure yourself out.
All you got to remember is every time you go from girl t girl you will role the dice, sometimes you get a better hand, sometimes you do not however there is a point when you roled so many times that it will cause a weight on your mind and you will have regrets at some point
hey thanks for the insight man. yea today is a better day, we are taking it slowly and just letting things take their course
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Yeah it a good way, just sit down and talk to her, what ever it is you feel you need to do aslong as its not going with other women etc just talk to her and see what happens. End of the day if it is ment to be you will both stick by one another even if you have things you want to do that put a strain on your relationship
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no
ok then.
well, then my adivse is if you have to come on a bodybuilding board and ask a bunch of idiots like us for relationship advise then she is not the one for you.
if she was the one for you come hell or high water you'd marry up that girl and be happier than a pig in shit about it. the questions you have in your own mind should be your first clue she is not the one. im sure shes great, but not the one.
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well we had another talk and i told her i am still willing to make things work, i just dunno if im ready for the whole family thing yet. i suggested us not living together anymore, but still working on things...just not under the same roof. this was a few hours ago, but after letting things settle and thinking them through im starting to rethink.
like most men i am stubborn/hardheaded and never really listened or did things she recommended. for instance i hardly ever hangout with my friends anymore. obviously its different not being single, but i can still go out and have fun.
she has told me to do this, and this is a reason she thinks im so stressed out and edgy all the time. she's right i mean my day consists of...work, gym, then coming home to her and her two children...which can be very stressful, especially for someone young like myself
idk if its because this is my first serious relationship or what, but i honestly dont feel like im ready to just be "done" right now.
so im gonna talk to her again tonight and let her know that i am in fact gonna start taking her advice and hanging out more with my friends. im sure this would make me a lot less stressed...sorry for the rant, had to get this off my chest... i already called and talked to my mother ;D
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Bro if she is actually encouraging you to hang with your friends that is awesome. Most women do not understand that men need to do that or have time away from the female.
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Bro if she is actually encouraging you to hang with your friends that is awesome. Most women do not understand that men need to do that or have time away from the female.
i know man, i need to open my eyes up and stop being do hardheaded and stubborn. doing my best to correct things, thats for sure
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Been in this mental place with that many women I lost track. I will tell you the truth now... You will always feel this way about every single girl your with no matter how much you love her, how great or pretty she is, it will hit you atleast once with every single one of them.. Normally you move on and look for something that gives you that flame again and it repeats. The only time it will stop is when you learn to settle with what you got and she is of equal thought as well.
I been in this boat with women with kids also, to be honest I didn't like playing dad to someone elses kids so it was never going to work for me lol. I suggest you sit back, think about what you really want in a woman and a family and if you do not know the answer or don't want this at all then I suggest you stay single for a bit until you figure yourself out.
All you got to remember is every time you go from girl t girl you will role the dice, sometimes you get a better hand, sometimes you do not however there is a point when you roled so many times that it will cause a weight on your mind and you will have regrets at some point
very quality post. I even feel the ones you regret losing if you where to get them back it would happen all over again though lol
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well she's going down to florida to visit family for a month....leaves tuesday. just needs to get away, and as of right now we are done. when she comes back she is gonna look for a place and move out...unless something changes
she's gonna do some thinking while she is down there...as will i, and if we decide we want to continue things, then when she gets back we will do so
but as of right now she said she is done and we are not together... not gonna lie im taking this pretty rough...i know things will work out regardless, but that doesnt change the way im feeling right now
she has been through a couple bad relationships, and this is my first serious one so maybe thats why she is dealing with it better idk. but it looks like this is it, unless we change our minds in the next month
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well she's going down to florida to visit family for a month....leaves tuesday. just needs to get away, and as of right now we are done. when she comes back she is gonna look for a place and move out...unless something changes
she's gonna do some thinking while she is down there...as will i, and if we decide we want to continue things, then when she gets back we will do so
but as of right now she said she is done and we are not together... not gonna lie im taking this pretty rough...i know things will work out regardless, but that doesnt change the way im feeling right now
she has been through a couple bad relationships, and this is my first serious one so maybe thats why she is dealing with it better idk. but it looks like this is it, unless we change our minds in the next month
you're young you'll recover bro.
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you're young you'll recover bro.
i know man, just sucks right now
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im thinking about breaking up with my gf, things just have not been good lately. we have been together a little over a year now, and just recently moved in together along with her two kids. idk if its the fact that im just not ready to "settle" down and do the family thing yet or what..(im 23, and shes 24 btw)
we took a little break last summer for about 2 months and decided to get back together...well it just doesnt seem like its working. i will admit i get mad over some stupid shit a lot, which is something ive been trying to fix.. but this in turn leads to arguments and both of us not being in a good mood for hours or sometimes days.
i mean shes a great girl...cooks for me, laundry, saves us shit tons of money with her couponing she does ;D....yet i am just not happy, at least not right now
what do i do? please keep the responses serious and on topic...i really need some help/advice here
You're only having cold feet right now bc in the back of yourmind you think that's all your getting out of life. The whole growing up and settling down part makes you think that your fun party times are over with. While you guys take your break party as hard as you can and have as much "fun" as you can. But at the end of the day you're gonna miss how easy it was with her and the consistency.. Just my opinion good luck
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She's 24 with 2 kids ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
But seriously, man the fuck up, you sound like a pussy. HTH
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You're only having cold feet right now bc in the back of yourmind you think that's all your getting out of life. The whole growing up and settling down part makes you think that your fun party times are over with. While you guys take your break party as hard as you can and have as much "fun" as you can. But at the end of the day you're gonna miss how easy it was with her and the consistency.. Just my opinion good luck
yea and thats exactly what she told me to do, have fun and re-connect with friends
i'll be ok either way, as you said though...you get comfortable with having her around, doing your daily life routine, etc...especially living together
i guess if its meant to be its meant to be and will work out in the end..if not life goes on
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She's 24 with 2 kids ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
But seriously, man the fuck up, you sound like a pussy. HTH
i know man....i'll get through this!
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well she left for florida today
gone for a month, the break will be nice...but sucks living with your girl then not seeing her for a month :-[
i think the time apart will do us good but who knows
as of right now she's looking to move out when she gets back... guess time will tell
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well she found a place and is moving out within the next couple weeks. i ended up doing a few sessions with a counselor..yes serious, and what i gathered from it is it seems that ive made myself unhappy by painting pictures in my head and assuming shit way too much
also certain things i just gotta let go and realize thats just how it is, most of the time if not all the time when i got angry or started an argument it was over something that just wasnt worth it, and arguing surely wasnt helping the cause
honestly id like to show her im willing to change and have learned from my mistakes, but if that happens it wont be under the same roof...not now anyway
just wanted to get that out there, not trying to sound like a pussy but hey we all got feelings...
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oh brother
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oh brother
X2, getbig the new Dr. Phil.
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X2, getbig the new Dr. Phil.
I don't know about you, but whenever tough decisions come in my life, i always ask "What would the life conquerors at getbig.com do?".....
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lol didnt think it was that big of a deal posting this :-\
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lol didnt think it was that big of a deal posting this :-\
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lol didnt think it was that big of a deal posting this :-\
Don't you have a friend to talk to about such matters. ::)
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Don't you have a friend to talk to about such matters. ::)
yea friends and family..whats so wrong posting about it on here, has it never been done here or something? ::)
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yea friends and family..whats so wrong posting about it on here, has it never been done here or something? ::)
Nothing if you enjoy the abuse that follows. Hey it's your choice if you want to be a beta. Best of luck champ chump.
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Nothing if you enjoy the abuse that follows. Hey it's your choice if you want to be a beta. Best of luck champ chump.
lol always gonna have ball busting regardless of topic...im aware of that, and can handle it
just prefer to have more "serious" answers in topics such as this ;)