Getbig.com: American Bodybuilding, Fitness and Figure
Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: El Diablo Blanco on August 29, 2012, 07:21:02 AM
-
Do you just let it rip or do you go outside or to the bathroom?
I used to have an office and would just fart away, at times people would stop by but I would act like the stench didn't exist. Then my company move to an open floor plan so I am in a cube. I said fuck it and still fart away. I just press my ass down hard in my cushy chair to muffle the sound but sometimes it still sound loud. The stench for some reason doesn't go away as fast in a cube as it does in an office. In the office there was a big air intake that helped.
Are you a free farter?
-
No i feel shame when i fart or shit
-
On the subject of toilet etiquette, I particularly enjoy when I'm minding my own business on the crapper and someone rushes into the toilets none the wiser that I am in the adjacent cubicle and literally let's all hell break loose like something out of Dumb Dumber with every possible noise/racket involved you could imagine. It's then just a matter of picking the right time to let out a little cough or a rustle of the toilet paper to literally hear their asshole pucker in embarrassment.
-
On the subject of toilet etiquette, I particularly enjoy when I'm minding my own business on the crapper and someone rushes into the toilets none the wiser that I am in the adjacent cubicle and literally let's all hell break loose like something out of Dumb Dumber with every possible noise/racket involved you could imagine. It's then just a matter of picking the right time to let out a little cough or a rustle of the toilet paper to literally hear their asshole pucker in embarrassment.
Precisely why I hate public bathrooms. I hate it when all I want to do is take a piss and it smells like someone unleashed death in there. I have to fucking hold my nose to take a piss.
When I got hired at my previous company the floor was packed so they gave me the only cube which was outside of the bathrooms. The fucking noises when people would open the door was disgusting. The worst was the women's bathroom. Spraying shit sounds all the fucking time.
I went to my boss and told him I would quit if they didn't move me so he arranged some people to give me a better spot.
-
^ That reminds me of the scene from the movie "Along came Polly" when Ben Stiller is taking a dump in Jennifer Anistons tiny apartment and starts making all these noises. It was priceless. I was laughing so hard I started to cry.lol
-
Precisely why I hate public bathrooms. I hate it when all I want to do is take a piss and it smells like someone unleashed death in there. I have to fucking hold my nose to take a piss.
When I got hired at my previous company they floor was packed so they gave me the only cube which was outside of the bathrooms. The fucking noises when people would open the door was disgusting. The worst was the women's bathroom. Spraying shit sounds all the fucking time.
I went to my boss and told him I would quit if they didn't move me so he arranged some people to give me a better spot.
The one that gets me is the sheer amount of buggers/nose contents you can find on the wall of a head office full of big time suits. I worked part time jobs as a teen in fast-food joints that aren't a fraction as bad.
-
Do you just let it rip or do you go outside or to the bathroom?
I used to have an office and would just fart away, at times people would stop by but I would act like the stench didn't exist. Then my company move to an open floor plan so I am in a cube. I said fuck it and still fart away. I just press my ass down hard in my cushy chair to muffle the sound but sometimes it still sound loud. The stench for some reason doesn't go away as fast in a cube as it does in an office. In the office there was a big air intake that helped.
Are you a free farter?
Amateur,
If it's a silent but deadly, let it go, but have that hand sanitizer ready---you know the clear goopy kind that has that strong scent. Put it on your hands and kinda wave it around. It will kill it. Or have mints, pop one in your mouth and everything smells Minty
Also, for those who have shirts that use collar stays. If you forget, use the large paperclips. They fit, but make sure a free edge stays out for easy removal.
-
Amateur,
If it's a silent but deadly, let it go, but have that hand sanitizer ready---you know the clear goopy kind that has that strong scent. Put it on your hands and kinda wave it around. It will kill it. Or have mints, pop one in your mouth and everything smells Minty
Also, for those who have shirts that use collar stays. If you forget, use the large paperclips. They fit, but make sure a free edge stays out for easy removal.
Love the hand sanitizer idea.
-
More disturbing to me even than the fecal explosion sounds is the slow, loud heavy breathing coming from the stall next to you..so fucking weird
-
Love the hand sanitizer idea.
It works, and people never know, they just think you are a germophobe.
More disturbing to me even than the fecal explosion sounds is the slow, loud heavy breathing coming from the stall next to you..so fucking weird
Its the labor of trying to make the least amount of noise and splashing as possible...
And also, the chick who always puts hots and jalepenos on her subs and food, watch how fast she runs to bathroom...Hot going in, hot coming out.
Burn baby, burn!
-
I love this thread Diablo.
I remember I had this hot girl working in my same office and one day she went to the toilet and she made a fart so fucking loud nobody was looking at her the same way when she come out of the loo
-
A former female co-worker said that one day this woman she worked with went to the bathroom---and the stall looked like somebody had set a huge fecal bomb in it---just a freaking explosion. The walls of the stall, back, toilet---like somebody had shot a fecal Slimer and he exploded.
They made the woman clean it up.
I worked with a drunk who liked to leave a "signature" on the seat...
-
The one that gets me is the sheer amount of buggers/nose contents you can find on the wall of a head office full of big time suits. I worked part time jobs as a teen in fast-food joints that aren't a fraction as bad.
Yeah, what IS with boogers being smeared on walls/surfaces?!
It would seem so simple: do your business, clean your mess (flush, wipe, whatever) and split. Oh, and wash your damn hands.
-
Yeah, what IS with boogers being smeared on wall/surfaces?!
It would seem so simple: do your business, clean your mess (flush, wipe, whatever) and split. Oh, and wash your damn hands.
People who tend to work at white collar jobs kinda have this "cleanliness" issue---too lazy to wash their hands, wipe their nose. Also, there is a "disrespect" of the workplace and the people who run the show type of mentality. Or, just boredom---quick to flick, let's make a booger wall.
-
I cant tell you how many fukin times I would be training at a nice gym and some guy or woman would let a wreched fart go and walk by me, cause hey, everybody knows bodybuilders stink. I fukin told this midddle aged woman off once, dont bring your shit around me. lol
-
Women make the worst shits
-
Crop dusting is the best way to do it, pass by a crowed area and let it rip, hopefully the sound of the chatter will cover it up if your lucky.
-
People who tend to work at white collar jobs kinda have this "cleanliness" issue---too lazy to wash their hands, wipe their nose. Also, there is a "disrespect" of the workplace and the people who run the show type of mentality. Or, just boredom---quick to flick, let's make a booger wall.
It's so true. I would be taking a leak and see the CEO or CFO leave the stall after a shit and not wash their hands. Is it common for the rich to be so fucking dirty?
It amazes me at how dirty people are. I work in a company were people get paid good money and have good jobs, but yet haven't learned how NOT to piss all over the walls and floor or flush the toilet after taking a shit.
The CFO also doesn't hide the fact he is taking a dump, He would head to the office with the newspaper tucked under his arm.
I always hear from the women at how gross their toilets are. One mentioned how some chick left her period blood all over the seat.
-
I cant tell you how many fukin times I would be training at a nice gym and some guy or woman would let a wreched fart go and walk by me, cause hey, everybody knows bodybuilders stink. I fukin told this midddle aged woman off once, dont bring your shit around me. lol
Haha, I've seen many good looking chicks let out farts during their sets. Like they can't exert force without letting one rip.
-
It's so true. I would be taking a leak and see the CEO or CFO leave the stall after a shit and not wash their hands. Is it common for the rich to be so fucking dirty?
It amazes me at how dirty people are. I work in a company were people get paid good money and have good jobs, but yet haven't learned how NOT to piss all over the walls and floor or flush the toilet after taking a shit.
The CFO also doesn't hide the fact he is taking a dump, He would head to the office with the newspaper tucked under his arm.
I always hear from the women at how gross their toilets are. One mentioned how some chick left her period blood all over the seat.
You realize that the richest person alive 100 years ago is dirtier than people living in crack dens today. Wealth has no part in cleanliness.
-
yeah, but are farts less disgusting based upon the hotness of the woman?
I mean, you wouldn't wnat to share a phone booth with a flatulent Madeline Albright.
But if a gassy Jessica Alba wanted to cuddle, it'd be okay, right?
-
yeah, but are farts less disgusting based upon the hotness of the woman?
I mean, you wouldn't wnat to share a phone booth with a flatulent Madeline Albright.
But if a gassy Jessica Alba wanted to cuddle, it'd be okay, right?
I don't know man. Stank is Stank no matter how pretty she it.
-
BTW my specialty is farting in the elevator...
-
yeah, but are farts less disgusting based upon the hotness of the woman?
I mean, you wouldn't wnat to share a phone booth with a flatulent Madeline Albright.
But if a gassy Jessica Alba wanted to cuddle, it'd be okay, right?
The hotter the chick the less I want her farting, I don't want no moments of mild arousal to be ruined by any funky smells.
Anyhow I don't get this thread, why is so hard to just goto the bathroom and let er rip. At most jobs you get 2 breaks a lunch and atleast one paid bathroom break, if you can't go an hour and a half without farting change your diet.
-
women fart but do not shit like men do. gladly
-
women fart but do not shit like men do. gladly
you sure?
c'mon be serious mate
-
Tito has posted this statement more than once before. Therefore it must be correct.
-
Tito has posted this statement more than once before. Therefore it must be correct.
x2
-
x2
Women have a shitterectomy when they are born to remove the shit pipe. All that comes out is farts and not goodrums.
-
Amateur,
If it's a silent but deadly, let it go, but have that hand sanitizer ready---you know the clear goopy kind that has that strong scent. Put it on your hands and kinda wave it around. It will kill it. Or have mints, pop one in your mouth and everything smells Minty
Also, for those who have shirts that use collar stays. If you forget, use the large paperclips. They fit, but make sure a free edge stays out for easy removal.
I've been looking for such a solution for years now! I'll test it and see if it works! Unbelievable!!!!!!!
-
When I'm bulking I'm a veritable farting machine. Half an hour after the post-workout meal, the farts start. They don't stop for hours. Since I like to train early in the morning I usually have a rather big lunch at work.
Going to the loo is pointless when there's another fart building up for release ten minutes after the last one. The carnage that ensues is funny to describe.
After some veiled insinuations from co-workers and a lot of testing I've found a number of solutions:
1) Pressing your arse hard onto the seat will take care of most of the smell.
2) Moving to unccopied areas of the office (someone's always taken a day off or sick) to "have a look" outside the window, but really let out a series of brutal farts can also work.
3) Since you cannot possibly eliminate the frequency of the farts (probiotics aren't worth shit), controlling the smell is the next best thing, and there exist some remedies for that.
-
^^^
Haha, I love walking into an empty office and letting one rip then close the door on the way out. Always priceless seeing the look on someone's face when they walk into their office and the scent hits them.
-
When I'm bulking I'm a veritable farting machine. Half an hour after the post-workout meal, the farts start. They don't stop for hours. Since I like to train early in the morning I usually have a rather big lunch at work.
Going to the loo is pointless when there's another fart building up for release ten minutes after the last one. The carnage that ensues is funny to describe.
After some veiled insinuations from co-workers and a lot of testing I've found a number of solutions:
1) Pressing your arse hard onto the seat will take care of most of the smell.
2) Moving to unccopied areas of the office (someone's always taken a day off or sick) to "have a look" outside the window, but really let out a series of brutal farts can also work.
3) Since you cannot possibly eliminate the frequency of the farts (probiotics aren't worth shit), controlling the smell is the next best thing, and there exist some remedies for that.
That's why I don't bulk any longer, I could fart like no tommorow. If I'm tooting like I've got an internal battle of the sprouts going on, I know I'm eating too much and I cut the food intake. Having said that, I love my cheese, so what little farts I do do smell like a dead dog.
-
there's a rotten egg guy at my gym. Decent build, but can peel the paint off the walls with the nonstop leakage.
The only time the DB rack is empty is when he's there.
-
I've been looking for such a solution for years now! I'll test it and see if it works! Unbelievable!!!!!!!
Sarcasm meter faulty.
-
The Flatulence Deodorizer
(http://atomicyeti.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/wpid-poot-pads.jpg)
Product Description
The Flatulence Deodorizer – Disposable is an activated charcoal cloth pad that is worn taped inside the underwear next to the buttocks. The wearer is virtually unaware of its presence because it thin and comfortable inside the undergarment. The activated carbon cloth pad is disposable so you can throw it away after use. When intestinal gas is expelled the flatulence filter pad absorbs the gas odor normally associated with the gassy discharge or flatus. Those with digestive disorders such as IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Lactose Intolerance, Diabetes, spastic colon, Crohn’s, Colitis, Celiac, menstrual odors, diverticulitis, will regain confidence, end embarrassment, live life again, and enjoy freedom with this inconspicuous pad. No more smelly episodes, horrible flatulance odors, with these pads that are placed in your undergarment or panties. The flatulence deodorizer is like having on charcoal underwear and will eliminate your gas odors. There is no cure for flatulence but this is a simple solution for absorbing odor at the source.
(http://atomicyeti.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/wpid-flat-d_2210_2379289.jpeg)
10 pads in a package includes 10 pieces of tape and full instructions. Month Supply = 30 pads per package (Push down arrow $29.95 by Select Quantity) ***NEW*** Pads come in ziplock type pouch to keep them fresh!
But yours here
-
Sarcasm meter faulty.
I wasn't being even remotely sarcastic :D
In fact, I was going to ask you about specific brands of strongly smelling hand sanitizer
-
I have to shit extremely bad, had a big lunch, but now every single restroom in my building is occupied and filled with the smell of shit. Im just sitting here and it feels like theres a balloon expanding in my guts. Not sure how im going to handle this..
-
I wasn't being even remotely sarcastic :D
In fact, I was going to ask you about specific brands of strongly smelling hand sanitizer
I don't know the brands, they have several at work---from the clear goopy, to the green runny kind. But don't let it get near your papers, as it wets everything up.
-
I don't know the brands, they have several at work---from the clear goopy, to the green runny kind. But don't let it get near your papers, as it wets everything up.
They had these in my old job, I should have put it to practice then! No such luck in my current one, looks like I'll have to bring in my own. I hope it's not a dead giveaway as to its real purpose :)
How many people know of this ???
-
I remember those awkward moments in a new relationship where you had to have the ''fart'' talk. I also remember how liberating it was when I would go to bodybuilding shows and farting was as normal as a handshake, take a look at the folks who work these events that are not bodybuilders, their expressions are priceless. ;D
-
^^^
Haha, I love walking into an empty office and letting one rip then close the door on the way out. Always priceless seeing the look on someone's face when they walk into their office and the scent hits them.
Ah! This is exactly why I like to fart in an empty elevator...my room is directly opposite so I can see people coming out...
-
I have to shit extremely bad, had a big lunch, but now every single restroom in my building is occupied and filled with the smell of shit. Im just sitting here and it feels like theres a balloon expanding in my guts. Not sure how im going to handle this..
The only solution is to wrap your hand in toilet paper and try and cushion the fecal explosion. Also make sure you pad the water as well to reduce the sound of the bomb hitting the water.
You can always attempt the old tried and tested fart and cough, but it tends to fail when there is actual shit involved.
-
BTW my dog farts real bad. Scent is always the same, no matter what he eats.
-
They had these in my old job, I should have put it to practice then! No such luck in my current one, looks like I'll have to bring in my own. I hope it's not a dead giveaway as to its real purpose :)
How many people know of this ???
Only those I have told---getbiggers only, wink....
And some few people who ask the same question.
Also, people could just bring in their own air fresher, or place one in the bathroom, or start a fund.
With the hand sanitizer, a lot of places in the states set up these "stations" in their buildings, due to the flu outbreaks, so you have hand sanitizers all over the place.
My mother used to carry bottles of the stuff for when we'd go out to eat, even if we washed our hands. And you can buy the little bottles in bulk---travel bottles. So in theory if you are out on a date and fart, you use that to cover it up.
-
Damn, I need one for work.
The Flat-D Chair Pad is a thin black activated charcoal cloth pad that is placed on your favorite chair. The user is virtually unaware of its presence because it is thin and comfortable. It is also inconspicuous to others viewing it. The black activated charcoal cloth pad is washable and reusable. Many users get several months of use out of it. When gas is expelled the pad absorbs the odor normally associated with the gassy discharge or fart. This flatulence filter thin cloth pad has high absorption of flatulance odor or flatus. It utilizes the highest grade of activated charcoal available to guard or protect you for your bloating or digestion needs.
Now you can use the benefits of a FLAT-D ™ pad on your favorite chair. This black, inconspicuous, thin (1/16th of an inch) pad is simply laid on your chair or wheel chair. Size is about 16" x 16" inches. Uses the same activated charcoal technology as our other products.
-
The only solution is to wrap your hand in toilet paper and try and cushion the fecal explosion. Also make sure you pad the water as well to reduce the sound of the bomb hitting the water.
You can always attempt the old tried and tested fart and cough, but it tends to fail when there is actual shit involved.
I had no choice but to enter the restroom, still full of warm humid air from the previous persons shit, and go sloppy seconds on the toilet. It was not pleasant but at least the explosive pressure in my guts is gone
-
With the hand sanitizer, a lot of places in the states set up these "stations" in their buildings, due to the flu outbreaks, so you have hand sanitizers all over the place.
My mother used to carry bottles of the stuff for when we'd go out to eat, even if we washed our hands. And you can buy the little bottles in bulk---travel bottles. So in theory if you are out on a date and fart, you use that to cover it up.
I think this would be insufficient for me. It'd probably smell like someone took a shit under an X-Mas tree.
-
-
On the subject of toilet etiquette, I particularly enjoy when I'm minding my own business on the crapper and someone rushes into the toilets none the wiser that I am in the adjacent cubicle and literally let's all hell break loose like something out of Dumb Dumber with every possible noise/racket involved you could imagine. It's then just a matter of picking the right time to let out a little cough or a rustle of the toilet paper to literally hear their asshole pucker in embarrassment.
I was in a 2 stall bathroom at a meeting one time(always give the courtesy cough,haha). Well this guy comes in and after 2 or 3 min, I guess he gets stage fright and you here him get up to go. Next thing you know I see his whole forearm and hand on the floor, mind you he's in a suit and tie. Just as I'm about to say wtf are you doing? I see the pant leg and tasal dress shoe. He must of locked himself in there so he army crawled suit and tie and all under the door. Lol funny stuff
-
It's so true. I would be taking a leak and see the CEO or CFO leave the stall after a shit and not wash their hands. Is it common for the rich to be so fucking dirty?
It amazes me at how dirty people are. I work in a company were people get paid good money and have good jobs, but yet haven't learned how NOT to piss all over the walls and floor or flush the toilet after taking a shit.
The CFO also doesn't hide the fact he is taking a dump, He would head to the office with the newspaper tucked under his arm.
I always hear from the women at how gross their toilets are. One mentioned how some chick left her period blood all over the seat.
I bet the guy gets off on shaking hands with an underling or someone he doesn't like and he's thinking, like yeah, now you have my shit on your hands. Who's the alpha now?
-
I bet the guy gets off on shaking hands with an underling or someone he doesn't like and he's thinking, like yeah, now you have my shit on your hands. Who's the alpha now?
I worked with a dude who would shake hands with people after he came out of the stall doing #2, and didn't wash his hands.
one time I saw him come out, and he didn't wash his hands. He proceeded to eat some Burger King...nasty.
Another time he came out, and he greeted a new employee, and I thought, "this nasty dude probably did the same thing after I got hired" because I shook hands with him too.
And to top it off, he was a touchy-feely type of person.
-
I don't fart much especially since being on low carb diet last couple months.
Some women I work with told ms that they go drop one in another closed building on our campus rather than our office restroom. I appreciate it, fewer people shitting in my bathroom.
-
Jeeze, any of you fuckers work on a construction site in your lives? The porta potties are hell on earth. I don't know what some guys eat but theres nothing worse then having to take a piss on a hot afternoon after someone took a black, mudslide shit in there earlier in the day. Fucking brutal. The shit bakes in there all day, the smell would kill any barn yard animal.
-
THE FART THAT (ALMOST) ALTERED MY DESTINY
Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).
It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.
He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.
We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?
That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.
On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …
My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.
The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.
“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?
Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced it’s way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.
Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).
“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”
“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.
“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.
It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.
Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.
We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.
He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.
I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.
Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.
“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”
“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.
“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*
“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”
“Okay, are you sure you’re …”
“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”
This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!
Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.
But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s laying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.
Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.
-
It's actually made worse by females trying to conceal it. If a girl is like a gotta fart and does then she kinda makes it not such a big deal. But not every female can get away with it. Kinda gotta be one of those cool chicks where you think man she's just like a cools dude but with tits and no penis.
-
Don't worry, just be like Joseph Pujol
.
.
-
If you work in a cubical, add three or so decent size plants to the area and have a small fan going at all times. Plants will eat up the gas coming from you ass as the fan helps it get to them faster. Also eat activated charcoal tabs.
-
if you're working alone and you have a little pressure, you release it. in such a small amount that you dont think about it, that it isn't really funky, it just removes that pressure.
however, that same little air pocket... repressed as you eat popcorn with your sweetie on the couch... can quickly become an insatiable urge to take a loud crap.
The lesson here is that you should work from home by yourself, and only spend time increments with your significant other of 5 to 12 minutes.
-
if you're working alone and you have a little pressure, you release it. in such a small amount that you dont think about it, that it isn't really funky, it just removes that pressure.
however, that same little air pocket... repressed as you eat popcorn with your sweetie on the couch... can quickly become an insatiable urge to take a loud crap.
The lesson here is that you should work from home by yourself, and only spend time increments with your significant other of 5 to 12 minutes.
LOL quality post
-
THE FART THAT (ALMOST) ALTERED MY DESTINY
Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).
It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.
He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.
We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?
That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.
On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …
My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.
The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.
“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?
Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced it’s way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.
Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).
“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”
“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.
“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.
It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.
Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.
We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.
He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.
I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.
Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.
“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”
“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.
“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*
“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”
“Okay, are you sure you’re …”
“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”
This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!
Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.
But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s laying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.
Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.
gay as the day is long
-
Don't worry, just be like Joseph Pujol
.
.
Cool reference. No coincidence that Mel Brooks took that name as his character in Blazing Saddles. ;D
-
Jeeze, any of you fuckers work on a construction site in your lives? The porta potties are hell on earth. I don't know what some guys eat but theres nothing worse then having to take a piss on a hot afternoon after someone took a black, mudslide shit in there earlier in the day. Fucking brutal. The shit bakes in there all day, the smell would kill any barn yard animal.
Totally. For a Summer job I worked on a site when I was 15. All the labourers were drunken buffoons in their 30s and 40s.
As you say, what these men ate and drank (mostly the worst fast food imaginable and plenty of beer and assorted alcohols, plus copious amounts of weed) resulted in the most horrific excrement additions to our Porta-Potties.
I never had to "sit down on the job", thankfully, but just going into one of these little closets to spring a leak was enough to have me question my will to live.
And I was 15. I have been truly scarred.
-
Port-a-potties are the most disgusting invention known to man. I would rather shit my pants than use one. They are so fucking gross. People that use them are even more disgusting. I went in one a few years back and thought I was going to die. The fucking stench attached itself to me. I could smell it on my shirt, my skin, it just wouldn't go away. So vile and disgusting. I remember at a concert once a couple had sex in one. How fucking disgusting is that?
-
Port-a-potties are the most disgusting invention known to man. I would rather shit my pants than use one. They are so fucking gross. People that use them are even more disgusting. I went in one a few years back and thought I was going to die. The fucking stench attached itself to me. I could smell it on my shirt, my skin, it just wouldn't go away. So vile and disgusting. I remember at a concert once a couple had sex in one. How fucking disgusting is that?
sex in a port-a-pottie??!! :-X :-X :-X
-
Port-a-potties are the most disgusting invention known to man. I would rather shit my pants than use one. They are so fucking gross. People that use them are even more disgusting. I went in one a few years back and thought I was going to die. The fucking stench attached itself to me. I could smell it on my shirt, my skin, it just wouldn't go away. So vile and disgusting. I remember at a concert once a couple had sex in one. How fucking disgusting is that?
sex in a toilet is already fucking gross let alone in a port a pottie
-
Port-a-potties are the most disgusting invention known to man. I would rather shit my pants than use one. They are so fucking gross. People that use them are even more disgusting. I went in one a few years back and thought I was going to die. The fucking stench attached itself to me. I could smell it on my shirt, my skin, it just wouldn't go away. So vile and disgusting. I remember at a concert once a couple had sex in one. How fucking disgusting is that?
Uh, very (disgusting).
Some people are just pure gross.
-
sex in a toilet is already fucking gross let alone in a port a pottie
[/quote
Lol
-
I was in a 2 stall bathroom at a meeting one time(always give the courtesy cough,haha). Well this guy comes in and after 2 or 3 min, I guess he gets stage fright and you here him get up to go. Next thing you know I see his whole forearm and hand on the floor, mind you he's in a suit and tie. Just as I'm about to say wtf are you doing? I see the pant leg and tasal dress shoe. He must of locked himself in there so he army crawled suit and tie and all under the door. Lol funny stuff
Haha. The shit (no pun intended) that will go down when people want to shit in peace is hilarious.
-
well talking of shiting, farting...i remember sitting in the desert doing my thing and hearing the eery noise of tank tracks around me but i could not see them and it was not nice...and i remember thinking fuck it i got to shit. It was really wierd.
-
got to add it was at night ...total black
-
-
Port-a-potties are the most disgusting invention known to man. I would rather shit my pants than use one. They are so fucking gross. People that use them are even more disgusting. I went in one a few years back and thought I was going to die. The fucking stench attached itself to me. I could smell it on my shirt, my skin, it just wouldn't go away. So vile and disgusting. I remember at a concert once a couple had sex in one. How fucking disgusting is that?
The best thing a person can do is face it straight on to where it becomes no big deal. That includes anything on earth. That way, if when you die and go to hell, you'll be that much better off then most people there and will probably be given a position to power.
-
Port-a-potties are the most disgusting invention known to man. I would rather shit my pants than use one. They are so fucking gross. People that use them are even more disgusting. I went in one a few years back and thought I was going to die. The fucking stench attached itself to me. I could smell it on my shirt, my skin, it just wouldn't go away. So vile and disgusting. I remember at a concert once a couple had sex in one. How fucking disgusting is that?
I work in a lot of steel mills and I tell you, I prefer the porta potty to the washrooms. Speaking of porta potties, true story, in the news quite a few years back, woman at a camping ground goes to use the shithouse, old style, you know, just a plywood box with a hole cut for a seat over a hole in the ground, she does her business and as she is pulling up her pants she sees a pair of eyes looking at her from the toilet. Fuckin perv crawled into the shit and waited there for someone to take a crap. They caught the guy, story was in a major newspaper. We almost pissed ourselves laughing about it at work.
-
This weeks shit related thread! LOL ;D
-
This weeks shit related thread! LOL ;D
Where are Decide and NZMM ? ??? :D
-
The hotter the chick the less I want her farting, I don't want no moments of mild arousal to be ruined by any funky smells.
Anyhow I don't get this thread, why is so hard to just goto the bathroom and let er rip. At most jobs you get 2 breaks a lunch and atleast one paid bathroom break, if you can't go an hour and a half without farting change your diet.
Only real men can deal with a little butt perfume from a sexy miss.
-
Only real men can deal with a little butt perfume from a sexy miss.
For you Howie Hounddog
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eb8972d2f4 (http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eb8972d2f4)
http://www.break.com/usercontent/2010/9/30/girl-rips-a-massive-fart-1924668 (http://www.break.com/usercontent/2010/9/30/girl-rips-a-massive-fart-1924668)
http://www.xvideos.com/video1194738/pretty_brazilian_girls_farting (http://www.xvideos.com/video1194738/pretty_brazilian_girls_farting)
-
Worked with a huge Samoan that was in some feud at a job site. Well, he waits till after the roach coach delivers lunch, then stalks the dude he's in a beef with. He waits till this guy goes to use the portacrapper and popped the top off the exhaust chimney. The Samoan proceeds to slam dunk a brick in the pipe which cannonballs up the blue turds into this guys lap. He fell outta the pooper, dick in the dirt and all