Getbig.com: American Bodybuilding, Fitness and Figure
Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: BIG AL MCKECHNIE on October 05, 2013, 10:46:51 AM
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Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
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Thought you meant Vissy...
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16. You will not take care of your teeth. If you have a toothache, deal with it. It shows humility.
Brushing one's teeth more than once a day is not needed nor is it necessary.
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16. You will not take care of your teeth. If you have a toothache, deal with it. It shows humility.
Brushing one's teeth more than once a day is not needed nor is it necessary.
lol :D
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Well where do we start... Fuck you, fuck you , oh yes and fuck you. Our counties are allies now but cross the Atlantic talking that shit and fucked you shall be. Sincerley: American Dental Association
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Haha ok "Windsor."
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Excellent points, the misspelling and mispronunciations strike at the heart of all Englishmen... my current bug bare is how you kunts pronounce route as 'roauwt'
chips, beer and football are all on my hate list too, very well thought out mister!
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Excellent points, the misspelling and mispronunciations strike at the heart of all Englishmen... my current bug bare is how you kunts pronounce route as 'roauwt'
chips, beer and football are all on my hate list too, very well thought out mister!
Some say rout. Think Yorktown, Battle of.
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pronounced 'root' if you didnt know...
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Excellent points, the misspelling and mispronunciations strike at the heart of all Englishmen... my current bug bare is how you kunts pronounce route as 'roauwt'
chips, beer and football are all on my hate list too, very well thought out mister!
And how does Aluminium, which is pronounced al-u-min-e-um become a-loo-min-um ?
Tom-eh-toes ? WTF? It's Tom-a-toes.
And the capital of Scotland is Ed-in-bur-u not Ed-in-burg
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How much meth would one need to smoke before deciding that sitting down and typing all of that up is a good idea?
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Worcestershiresauce is a big favourite of mine, always bastardised
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pronounced 'root' if you didnt know...
That means something altogether different in Aus, me 'ol son. ;D
Some Americans say root. It's a regional thing.
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do you know alf roberts?
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Is she dead yet
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do you know alf roberts?
Nah, I had to google that. Soaps from any country never much grabbed me.
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Thought you meant Vissy...
;D
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Anabolichalo should live his Hebrew wife & be Fergie's boyfriend !.
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I thought it was a press release from Queen Vissy. :-\ :'(
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Anabolichalo should live his Hebrew wife & be Fergie's boyfriend !.
soon.....
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A small percentage of brave American's won independence from Britain, but most Americans are weak and dumb and undeserving of freedom.
Therefore I support this reclaiming of Her Majesty's domain.
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!
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America has Always belong to the crown.
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17. You will adopt out very "uncool" slang. You will say "arse" instead of "ass", even though the latter sounds "cooler". And you will stop using slang terms that mean one thing, but are used for another. Such as "cool", "tight", "hot", "banging", etc.
And oh yes, also use the term "mate" for "friend", and "lorry" for "truck". You will also change your flag so that it incorporates the Union Jack. And you will get rid of your God-forsaken guns. They are not needed. We will provide protection for you...hehehehehehe
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Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
Dear Lilibet, we are in receipt of your message. Just one question, for shits and giggles. You decree that Congress and the Senate are to be disbanded. Last I checked the Senate one of the two chambers (i.e. houses) of Congress... it's like our version of the House of Lords, except there's no Woolsack and Senators are a lot more pompous than the Lords Spiritual and Lords Temporal. But I digress...
Perhaps you could clarify what you mean. Will the Senate be disbanded twice? If so, will it be "undisbanded" (or is that rebanded, or perhaps just banded?) before the second disbanding?
Ta luv!
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America has Always belong to the crown.
them and the heebs
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A small percentage of brave American's won independence from Britain, but most Americans are weak and dumb and undeserving of freedom.
Therefore I support this reclaiming of Her Majesty's domain.
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!
Have you been to England lately? Its a shithole- the only people who would want to live there are those who don't know any better...
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:D ;D
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Your culture has been taken over by Indians and Pakistani people because of your white guilt. Enjoy your heritage being flushed by a bunch of savages, I'll keep myself parked in 'Murica!
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been taken over?
says the country run by a kenyan muslim
;D
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been taken over?
says the country run by a kenyan muslim
;D
He's a puppet bro, illuminati run everything. ::)