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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: Rhomboids on October 12, 2013, 07:15:29 AM
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Women just don't get it. You can't have your vagina and eat it too.
http://blogjustine.wordpress.com/2013/10/12/because-it-needs-to-be-said
Tl;dr
Vegan feminist gets a job at a company with manly man. Goes bar hopping one night, lets her boss do a body shot. Boss feels her ass, kisses and finger bangs her at bar. Can't get over it and cries rape. Gets dude fired.
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Stupid cow. She's in a bar filled with people, many of which friends and coworkers. One word from her at any time and nothing further would have happened. Or even better, don't offer yourself up to do body shots from, daft, unprofessional, broccoli-munching herbivore!
Also: this is why you don't try to be 'one of the guys'. You're not. You never will be. Guys never get invited to lingerie shopping trips, girls shouldn't get drunk and be sluts with colleagues.
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"Following the shot:
- Joe began to start rubbing my back and kissing my forehead (let me say this is not uncommon behavior between me and men I consider close friends. I have a close relationship with a lot of my former EdgeCase coworkers)"
She's sending out poor signals.
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This is why you never try and get something going with a co-worker. I have fucked many female coworkers when I was younger and it was always a disaster after a while. Bitches are crazy and finding one who isn't..well..that shit is rare.
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Bitches are crazy and finding one who isn't..well..that shit is rare.
It would be easier to find Hoffas body or the Holy Grail then find a woman who isn`t somewhat crazy.
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It would be easier to find Hoffas body or the Holy Grail then find a woman who isn`t somewhat crazy.
It would be easier for Goodrum to get shredded for a contest and get a hard on over Lesbian porn than to find a sane chick
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She was sexually assaulted.
End of story.
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This is the picture of the guy who sexually assaulted his colleague.
"Ruby evangelist", lol. You only hear these ridiculous fucking descriptions from yanks.
(https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/3452750238/a0f7f6540404d9343509475dfd341099.jpeg)
and the not so photoshopped version:
(http://www.dotnetrocks.com/dnr_photos/JoeOBrien.jpg)
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So many getbiggers responding in the comments. Lol at he dude that said, " I'm so hard right now thinking about you". Seriously though, she just wants to blame her weakness on this incident. She has a DUI, some other run in with the law, and lost her boyfriend, whose twink ass tied his feet together and slept on the couch so he couldn't cop a feel? Wtf man.
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This is the picture of the guy who sexually assaulted his colleague.
"Ruby evangelist", lol. You only hear these ridiculous fucking descriptions from yanks.
(https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/3452750238/a0f7f6540404d9343509475dfd341099.jpeg)
and the not so photoshopped version:
(http://www.dotnetrocks.com/dnr_photos/JoeOBrien.jpg)
This guy has the classic I was semi ok looking 20 years ago and I still think I've got it, and get crazy jealous and bitchy when a lean, muscular man with hair is around look.I know this type well.
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She was sexually assaulted.
End of story.
I didnt read the whole story, but it sounds like she got drunk and let some dude finger bang her, and now is unhappy with herself.
did I miss somethinf?
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Sexism is a serious problem in software companies. Geeks are anxious at the best of times around women, put them in a environment where 95% of the employees are men, they will NOT miss an opportunity to denigrate their female colleagues. Trying to trip them up with technical talk, segueing off into lectures about irrelevant details, sly insinnuendos, all kinds of shit.
This poor girl was simply trying to fit in, in an industry were the vast majority of workers are male. She was reluctant to set boundaries in the bar (by saying: no, I will not do a "body" shot) because it would have set her apart.
It doesn't help that in developer conferences people get absolutely trashed, both sides of the pond.
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I didnt read the whole story, but it sounds like she got drunk and let some dude finger bang her, and now is unhappy with herself.
did I miss somethinf?
Yeah, the context. See post above.
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Yeah, the context. See post above.
still dont see how a chick getting drunk and letting a dude finger banf her is sexual assault.
she wanted to fit in, thats not the dudes fault.
dude may be a shitbag - but women gotta start saying no before they cry rape - its this attitude that is putting so many guys behind bars that have done next to nothing wrong.
If she told him NO, a hard no, thats one thing. But to feel bad for her because she wan wanted to fit in so she let him finger fuck her and then decided to cry rape is BS IMHO.
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still dont see how a chick getting drunk and letting a dude finger banf her is sexual assault.
she wanted to fit in, thats not the dudes fault.
dude may be a shitbag - but women gotta start saying no before they cry rape - its this attitude that is putting so many guys behind bars that have done next to nothing wrong.
If she told him NO, a hard no, thats one thing. But to feel bad for her because she wan wanted to fit in so she let him finger fuck her and then decided to cry rape is BS IMHO.
Read the fucking article before you post.
"- I told Joe to stop and reminded him he had a wife and children. He said, “Don’t’ worry about it we have an agreement”
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Read the fucking article before you post.
"- I told Joe to stop and reminded him he had a wife and children. He said, “Don’t’ worry about it we have an agreement”
And then what? She was like, ah, ok its cool? Women need to fucking stand up for themselves before they charge dudes with rape. Stop sending mixed signals. Stop using excuses.
Sorry dude, its an epidemic over here. .. so im pretty jaded. Chicks act like whores and then put the dudes in jail over their own indiscretions.
if she didn't actually put her foot down, more than a "stahp joe, youre married" I feel no pity for her
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Read the fucking article before you post.
"- I told Joe to stop and reminded him he had a wife and children. He said, “Don’t’ worry about it we have an agreement”
btw im on a shitty phone so reading then article is a rather large undertaking
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And then what? She was like, ah, ok its cool? Women need to fucking stand up for themselves before they charge dudes with rape. Stop sending mixed signals. Stop using excuses.
Sorry dude, its an epidemic over here. .. so im pretty jaded. Chicks act like whores and then put the dudes in jail over their own indiscretions.
if she didn't actually put her foot down, more than a "stahp joe, youre married" I feel no pity for her
So you're saying that she was asking for it because even though she told him to stop, she didn't cut his head off when he continued assaulting her? Perhaps you missed the point where she said she was absolutely terrified?
Nice try.
btw im on a shitty phone so reading then article is a rather large undertaking
Then perhaps you shouldn't offer an opinion ???
FFS, some people are in such a hurry to give their two cents they don't even know what they're on about.
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So you're saying that she was asking for it because even though she told him to stop, she didn't cut his head off when he continued assaulting her? Perhaps you missed the point where she said she was absolutely terrified?
Nice try.
Then perhaps you shouldn't offer an opinion ???
FFS, some people are in such a hurry to give their two cents they don't even know what they're on about.
no, I didnt say she asked for it.... I said before she charges a man with rape SHE SHOULD STOP THE SITUATION.
im sure if she actually said fuck you dude, I dont want to do this, he would have stopped. You yourelf said she just wanted to fit in, so she let him do something, that is not sexual fucking assault. Thats called being a weak willed idiot.
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Shockwave is spot.on. She is ashamed to admit being a drunken.slut so better acuse the guy. Oh yeah "he raped.me on a bar in front of people hahahaha
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That was after he had already kissed her, felt her ass. She should've gone to her hotel by herself after he did a shot off her body.
I don't support violence against women but this chick just wasn't ready to deal with teh world. Like some dude said in the comments section, she hadn't yet finished baking (in the maturity sense) before deciding to go out in the world.
You know how she could've handle it differently? 1) tell the guy to fucking quit it, she's not into him and she's got a boyfriend. 2) reach into his pants, jerk him off and then the next day be like, 'damn we got fucked last night. let's not do that shit again. My bad.
If this guy had taken her back to his hotel room and fucked her all night against her will or maybe even put a finger up her ass maybe i can see a point here. But to put his name out there and ruin this jerkoff's life because she was too nice to say no or too stupid to put herself in that situation. Fuck her.
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Joe began to start rubbing my back and kissing my forehead (let me say this is not uncommon behavior between me and men I consider close friends. I have a close relationship with a lot of my former EdgeCase coworkers)
Slut.
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Im sick of whores. Don't play and give mixed signals. Fuck any decent bitches left?
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This guy has the classic I was semi ok looking 20 years ago and I still think I've got it, and get crazy jealous and bitchy when a lean, muscular man with hair is around look.I know this type well.
See one in the mirror every day?
;D
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I've been in bars literally a thousand times in the last 5 years. Maybe 4-5 times I've seen a girl get up ON the bar for a body shot. Highly obnoxious, attention whoring behavior, very rare and definitely over the top.
THis story has all sorts of holes in it.
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It's tough to say who is more at fault..... both displayed poor judgement. I'd like to hear the guy's story though
Without hearing more, Id say the guy was a bigger idiot. Everybody knows you don't fuck around with co-workers.... not saying he should have been fired, but he should know that these things get messy
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no, I didnt say she asked for it.... I said before she charges a man with rape SHE SHOULD STOP THE SITUATION.
im sure if she actually said fuck you dude, I dont want to do this, he would have stopped. You yourelf said she just wanted to fit in, so she let him do something, that is not sexual fucking assault. Thats called being a weak willed idiot.
LOL, I am not going to argue with you as to the "intensity of her response". When is a guy supposed to stop? When he is told? Or is a stronger response needed? Is a stabbing sufficient? Or perhaps a bullet in the head will do, the way you do it in the States?
Do you know what the law says?
And I didn't say she let him sexually assault her because she wanted to fit in (typical straw man argument). I said she took part in sexually charged drinking session against her better judgement. Probably due to peer pressure.
Because she was sprawled over the bar doing a body shot, doesn't give the right to anyone to put his hand down her pants and finger fuck her. She would have been well placed to bring charges against her attacker. Again, against her better judgement and probably because she didn't want to be ostracised when she is already set apart because of her gender, she didn't. Until she went crazy and made a blog post.
This wanker's reputation is now in the shitter and I can't wait to read his response.
"She didn't tell me to stop", "She was dressed provocatively". He probably won't say anything. Let's see what his current employer does when they find they have a sexual offender in their midst.
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Anyone else read the story and get hard?
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Having sex with drunk women has a risk, because alcohol reduces judgement and decision making, which can make a woman have sex with you when she would never have when sober.
Then when she wakes up the next day she realizes what she has done and accuses rape as she feels like she was coerced while in an intoxicated state.
According to the law in certain places, a person cannot give consent to sex if they are drunk.
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LOL, I am not going to argue with you as to the "intensity of her response". When is a guy supposed to stop? When he is told? Or is a stronger response needed? Is a stabbing sufficient? Or perhaps a bullet in the head will do, the way you do it in the States?
Do you know what the law says?
And I didn't say she let him sexually assault her because she wanted to fit in (typical straw man argument). I said she took part in sexually charged drinking session against her better judgement. Probably due to peer pressure.
Because she was sprawled over the bar doing a body shot, doesn't give the right to anyone to put his hand down her pants and finger fuck her. She would have been well placed to bring charges against her attacker. Again, against her better judgement and probably because she didn't want to be ostracised when she is already set apart because of her gender, she didn't. Until she went crazy and made a blog post.
This wanker's reputation is now in the shitter and I can't wait to read his response.
"She didn't tell me to stop", "She was dressed provocatively". He probably won't say anything. Let's see what his current employer does when they find they have a sexual offender in their midst.
a man should stop when they know full well the chick isnt into it. I have literally had chicks say "no, stop, I shouldnt do this, your bad news" while im kissing them and then proceed to pull my cock out and shove it down their throat. Im sure dudes a scumbag but rape/sexual assault is a serious fucking allegation and imho has no place in this case, it looks like shes reaching because she feels terrible about not stopping the situation.
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Having sex with drunk women has a risk, because alcohol reduces judgement and decision making, which can make a woman have sex with you when she would never have when sober.
Then when she wakes up the next day she realizes what she has done and accuses rape as she feels like she was coerced while in an intoxicated state.
According to the law in certain places, a person cannot give consent to sex if they are drunk.
A good rule I've lived by is to never mess around with a drunk chick. It also pays to have a good understanding of body language.
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LOL, I am not going to argue with you as to the "intensity of her response". When is a guy supposed to stop? When he is told? Or is a stronger response needed? Is a stabbing sufficient? Or perhaps a bullet in the head will do, the way you do it in the States?
Do you know what the law says?
And I didn't say she let him sexually assault her because she wanted to fit in (typical straw man argument). I said she took part in sexually charged drinking session against her better judgement. Probably due to peer pressure.
Because she was sprawled over the bar doing a body shot, doesn't give the right to anyone to put his hand down her pants and finger fuck her. She would have been well placed to bring charges against her attacker. Again, against her better judgement and probably because she didn't want to be ostracised when she is already set apart because of her gender, she didn't. Until she went crazy and made a blog post.
This wanker's reputation is now in the shitter and I can't wait to read his response.
"She didn't tell me to stop", "She was dressed provocatively". He probably won't say anything. Let's see what his current employer does when they find they have a sexual offender in their midst.
Jeezus Dude. men like you is why the west is in the state it is in. The woman carries no blame for what happened? In your fucked up world women are all fucking angels. do you just see men walking up to random women and putting their hands down their pants? Bitch is a slut simples and she is trying to save face. The guy is an amateur that got too excited and caught up in the moment while dealing with a straight up ho-bag and now he is suffering the consequences for living in the western world..... Thanks to female apologists like you.
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Personally, I always thought Jodie Foster's character in 'The Accused' had no case.
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Personally, I always thought Jodie Foster's character in 'The Accused' had no case.
I have no idea what that movie is about.
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a man should stop when they know full well the chick isnt into it. I have literally had chicks say "no, stop, I shouldnt do this, your bad news" while im kissing them and then proceed to pull my cock out and shove it down their throat. Im sure dudes a scumbag but rape/sexual assault is a serious fucking allegation and imho has no place in this case, it looks like shes reaching because she feels terrible about not stopping the situation.
only virgins like raymondo wouldnt know this
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I have no idea what that movie is about.
It should never have been a movie. Those gentlemen had no case to answer.
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It should never have been a movie. Those gentlemen had no case to answer.
Im assuming youre trying to make a funny, but my lack of knowledge of the movie is kinda ruining it, eh?
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Im assuming youre trying to make a funny, but my lack of knowledge of the movie is kinda ruining it, eh?
Actually, not really. My girlfriend at the time was less than impressed with my semi-trolling after watching it.
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Actually, not really. My girlfriend at the time was less than impressed with my semi-trolling after watching it.
ah. I was assuming she was brutally anally gang raped by the dudes and they got off or something
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Haha, said the Brazilian pedophile. My women have all been over the age of consent ;)
do you guys have the serious feminism outbreak over there in the UK? That may be a big grounds for the difference in opinion, here, its becoming cool for feminist chicks to act like total sluts (power of the vag, can fuck whoever I want whenever I want, female empowerment, etc), until they see how people start treating them, and then they turn around and start crying rape at the dudes that they have just finished swallowing the loads of.
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do you guys have the serious feminism outbreak over there in the UK? That may be a big grounds for the difference in opinion, here, its becoming cool for feminist chicks to act like total sluts (power of the vag, can fuck whoever I want whenever I want, female empowerment, etc), until they see how people start treating them, and then they turn around and start crying rape at the dudes that they have just finished swallowing the loads of.
No, I don't think we do.
However, occasionally a young drunken slut will leave a club at 3am and get into a taxi or a minicab... and on the way home, have consensual sex with the driver, then wake up the next morning feeling sick (95% of taxi drivers here are Asian which I'm sure plays no role). Then she will call the police.
Not long ago I read about such a case on the BBC... the driver, however, had recorded the consent on his phone. The girl was arrested and jailed instead. False accusations of rape are taken as seriously as anything.
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No, I don't think we do.
However, occasionally a young drunken slut will leave the club at 3am and get into a taxi or a minicab... and on the way home, have consensual sex with the driver, then wake up the next morning feeling sick (95% of taxi drivers here are Asian which I'm sure plays no role). Then she call the police.
Not long ago I read about such a case on the BBC... the driver, however, had recorded the consent on his phone. The girl was arrested and jailed instead. False accusations of rape are taken as seriously as anything.
yeah that doesnt happen here. a chick can consensualy fuck a dude, have second thoughts, claim rape, and the dude loses his life.
It happens every, single, day.
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yeah that doesnt happen here. a chick can consensualy fuck a dude, have second thoughts, claim rape, and the dude loses his life.
It happens every, single, day.
Well, that's obviously not fair.
Here's the article, it was in the telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/10160029/Cab-driver-falsely-accused-of-rape-saved-by-his-phone-app.html).
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No, I don't think we do.
However, occasionally a young drunken slut will leave the club at 3am and get into a taxi or a minicab... and on the way home, have consensual sex with the driver, then wake up the next morning feeling sick (95% of taxi drivers here are Asian which I'm sure plays no role). Then she call the police.
Not long ago I read about such a case on the BBC... the driver, however, had recorded the consent on his phone. The girl was arrested and jailed instead. False accusations of rape are taken as seriously as anything.
You both have valid points...but over here it is ridiculous. Just read Jezebel and see how it is.
Especially when it comes to these issues.
It seems that many women think, that they can get drunk with dudes, flirt with drunk dudes, and then culminating in the act with drunk dudes---mind you two drunken adults having drunken consensual sex, is still consensual, and drunken sex. And these women will say, "well if the dude was drunk and knew that she was drunk, he should not have had sex with her...". Now does that make sense? Basically, it's thinking like this that excuses one from their own behavior, and at the same time puts them I the position of being a "victim". In today's society,many women can play the "empowered sexually aggressive woman", and then at the flip of switch (usually when things go wrong) they are the victim. These women are victims of their own bad judgement and hubris.
And who pays? Well, the man does, because men are disposable, and are responsible for every conceivable hurt, real or imagined. Especially when it comes to places with a lot of bars, there is considerable manpower spent by the local "crime reduction force" in dealing with accusations of rape by women who go home with men from the bars.
Now mind you this is exclusive to these scenarios and not real rape cases. Also, I do agree with Archer, it's best not to deal with drunken women, period. The chances of you getting into trouble are far greater when one of you is under the influence of alcohol.
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You both have valid points...but over here it is ridiculous. Just read Jezebel and see how it is.
Especially when it comes to these issues.
It seems that many women think, that they can get drunk with dudes, flirt with drunk dudes, and then culminating in the act with drunk dudes---mind you two drunken adults having drunken consensual sex, is still consensual, and drunken sex. And these women will say, "well if the dude was drunk and knew that she was drunk, he should not have had sex with her...". Now does that make sense? Basically, it's thinking like this that excuses one from their own behavior, and at the same time puts them I the position of being a "victim". In today's society,many women can play the "empowered sexually aggressive woman", and then at the flip of switch (usually when things go wrong) they are the victim. These women are victims of their own bad judgement and hubris. And who pays? Well, the man does, because men are disposable, and are responsible for every conceivable hurt, real or imagined. Especially when it comes to places with a lot of bars, there is considerable manpower spent by the local "crime reduction force" in dealing with accusations of rape by women who go home with men from the bars.
This is some solid shit. Absolutely bang on.
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Shockwave is spot.on. She is ashamed to admit being a drunken.slut so better acuse the guy. Oh yeah "he raped.me on a bar in front of people hahahaha
This. She is an attention whore, and the reason she didn't tell everything that happened isn't because she "is too scarred to write it out in her blog", it's because she was too drunk to remember. I'm sure someone told her what happened the next day, and her brown out started coming back and she felt embarrassed. Epic blaming your life's failures on getting finger blasted in a bar.
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This. She is an attention whore, and the reason she didn't tell everything that happened isn't because she "is too scarred to write it out in her blog", it's because she was too drunk to remember. I'm sure someone told her what happened the next day, and her brown out started coming back and she felt embarrassed. Epic blaming your life's failures on getting finger blasted in a bar.
She wrote the blog to give a couple piss poor excuses why she was fired from her job and is a failure at life.
4Chan has it now.....it will backfire epically
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She wrote the blog to give a couple piss poor excuses why she was fired from her job and is a failure at life.
4Chan has it now.....it will backfire epically
killer. I stopped browsing 4chan a long time ago... it was causing a lot of tension with my wife, lol.
hopefully we will see what comes out of this.
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Hmmm...
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i dont know how a mutagen like gaymondo is allowed to post on this board.. its clear that years of friend zone and west pussification had turned him into a captain save a ho degenerate, man the fuck up u tranny
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And here is a blog post (http://objo.com/2013/06/01/taking-some-time-off/) from her attacker. Basically an admission of guilt.
"Funemployment was definitely eye opening. Some parts where amazing, others revealed deeper demons that I have been running away from for far too long.
I’ve decided to extend my time away so to speak. I’m going to seek some help. This means that I’ll be offline for a minimum of 6 weeks. No twitter, facebook, email or cell phone. I’m letting people who are much smarter and experienced than I am help me wade through the quagmire that is my brain. It is an intensive program highly regarded for the topics I need help with.
/thread
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Well, that's obviously not fair.
Here's the article, it was in the telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/10160029/Cab-driver-falsely-accused-of-rape-saved-by-his-phone-app.html).
I have a friend who was a taxi driver, he said some girls would try shit that unless he let them not pay they would cry rape. He said he would drive straight to the police station.
Glad i read this thread. I had a chick hit on me pretty hard at work, she was 21, it was shift work so i didn't see her that much but after hitting on me i was asking her questions one day because i knew nothing about her and thought 21 was a bit young, and eventually asked her out once she left the job, but she was seeing someone then. Kind of bugged me i could have done it earlier but also worried about going out with someone at work when you need the job.
Don't get your meat where you get your bread? ;)
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And here is a blog post (http://objo.com/2013/06/01/taking-some-time-off/) from her attacker. Basically an admission of guilt.
"Funemployment was definitely eye opening. Some parts where amazing, others revealed deeper demons that I have been running away from for far too long.
I’ve decided to extend my time away so to speak. I’m going to seek some help. This means that I’ll be offline for a minimum of 6 weeks. No twitter, facebook, email or cell phone. I’m letting people who are much smarter and experienced than I am help me wade through the quagmire that is my brain. It is an intensive program highly regarded for the topics I need help with.
So he is coming to terms with being an alcoholic. Alleged rapists don't get a lot of love and support from family and friends. Nice of you to take this out of context.
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Its kind of hard to finger someone, unless they let you do it. Raymondo can easily stop someone from putting something in his ass.
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Its kind of hard to finger someone, unless they let you do it. Raymondo can easily stop someone from putting something in his ass.
Ain't nothing to it but to do it. And I don't think our resident feminist ever stops anyone from jamming anything in there.
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I have a friend who was a taxi driver, he said some girls would try shit that unless he let them not pay they would cry rape. He said he would drive straight to the police station.
Glad i read this thread. I had a chick hit on me pretty hard at work, she was 21, it was shift work so i didn't see her that much but after hitting on me i was asking her questions one day because i knew nothing about her and thought 21 was a bit young, and eventually asked her out once she left the job, but she was seeing someone then. Kind of bugged me i could have done it earlier but also worried about going out with someone at work when you need the job.
Don't get your meat where you get your bread? ;)
I know couples who got together because they worked in the same place. More than one, actually. It's hard work, but it can happen.
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Chick has a serious alcohol problem, is in denial and uses it as a crutch when she wakes up in the morning feeling like a slut. Easier to blame the guy than herself.
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lots of
virgins raymondo in this thread
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Its kind of hard to finger someone, unless they let you do it. Raymondo can easily stop someone from putting something in his ass.
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Moral of the story......if your a boss dont fuck with the minions. It , hardly, ever ends well. In this day and age its a no brainer
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http://theotherzach.com/writes/2013/10/9/events (http://theotherzach.com/writes/2013/10/9/events)
Events
October 9, 2013
This isn't a post that I want to write. It's a story about me and it's limited by my memory of a night. I've been making excuses for not writing this for months now and it's time to stop procrastinating.
The purpose of this post isn't anger and it's not closure. I'm posting it because right now our only recording of it is now a deleted tweet. It's all too easy to close our eyes and wish it didn't happen. I know, because that's how I've been spending the last few months. It's so much easier for me, as a able-bodied hetero white dude with a beard, to pretend that this doesn't happen and tune out. The purpose of the post is to make this harder to ignore.
Because this shit happened.
Trigger warnings for assault, I think I'm supposed to say.
January at a resort bar for a conference. I had been a member of the Columbus Ruby community for a few months and a professional developer for slightly less time. It was the first night of my first tech conference and I was standing there talking with another developer from Columbus.
It was slightly before midnight at the resort bar while the other developer and I were talking with a rotating set of people in one end of the space. Being new I knew almost nobody there; it was later and most of the crowd had already headed home.
Looking over, the other developer pointed out a thing. It could end up being an embarrassing story or the last image before a train wreck. I knew of the man, head of operations for North America of a company that ran the largest Ruby shop in Columbus. The woman was at least 15 years younger, at least 100 pounds lighter, and at least 2 tiers lower than him on the corporate hierarchy at the same company.
We went back to whatever conversation, naively not even considering the possibility of a train wreck. What I remember as 5 minutes later the other developer looked over and said something like "oh shit." I looked over and saw a train wreck, now in progress. The executive's posture and actions aggressive; "no" was not a possibility. She was visibly upset and shut down. That's an understatement. I saw somebody trapped in a nightmare, in public. That freeze frame is burned into my brain.
The other developer was also at least 2 tiers lower than the executive in the same corporate structure. I think we both expected the universe to right itself. A few seconds later, when it became apparent that this was not going to stop on its own, the other developer put a stop to it.
I don't know what would have happened if that other dev, now a dear friend, hadn't been there to step in. How much longer would her nightmare have continued? Would I have noticed? Would I have let myself notice? Would I have walked over and asked if everything was OK?
I don't know the answers to those questions and I hate myself for that. Never again, though. I will never be the bystander who "didn't want to get involved." The pre-trainwreck body language that I could lie to myself about before is now crystal clear. That sense that something's wrong. I will walk over and say something self deprecating to give whatever future woman a chance to disentangle herself. No matter how powerful he might be in a very small community, no matter how little I know about the people or the situation.
I'll have to because I cannot live with feeling this way again.
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"I Am The "Other Developer". (https://web.archive.org/web/20131018124920/http://blog.matt-darby.com/essays/i-am-the-other-developer)
2013-10-11 22:08:12 UTC
Hi. I'm Matt Darby. I'm the other dev.
I've sat on this story and have thought many things about the people involved; but first I want to give you a 10000 foot view of who I am so that you may understand my perspectives.
Wonderful marriage with my best friend of 17 years (50% of my life).
Father to a daughter who makes my world revolve.
Professor, Master's Degree holder.
Son to an alcoholic Father and a single Mother.
Raised by women.
Former boyfriend of a 15 year old girl who was raped.
I've worked in thirteen prisons with actual inmates.
Friends for years to both parties involved in this story.
The guy who stopped the event in this recounting.
So.
This is as impartial as I can make the recount. I styled this as though it is a witness statement -- devoid of judgement and feeling. Draw any conclusions you will. My only hope is to tell what I saw.
This happened at CodeMash 2013. This was after hours, the day before the pre-compiler started. I was helping to run a workshop with another fellow, and (full disclosure) my ticket and place at that workshop was secured through Joe, who was my boss at the time.
I met Justine, Joe, and a few others for dinner at the Kalahari. We were all having fun and drinking as adults like to do. I believe my first drink was a couple behind everyone elses.
We hung out, mixing and socializing with various groups of people as you would do at a conference; all the while drinking at a normal pace. All was fine. All were having a great time.
Fast forward to (from what I remember), around 1am. I was standing with Zach Briggs, just shooting the breeze. I was watching Joe and Justine at the bar.
Joe was seated next to Justine and there were many people around. Joe was getting visably hammered, but not incoherent, as I was talking to him now and again.
Joe started creeping on Justine. At first it was a hug, or an arm around the shoulders; friendly, drunken comraderie that they both were engaged in. Friends.
Joe started to get a little more familiar and was running his hand down her back and patting at her butt (she was seated). I noticed, and I watched. It was getting creepy, but Justine didn't move, or slap him. She was laughing, I figured it was nothing huge.
This continued for a few moments, then Justine got up on the bar, laid down in front of him, and the bartender poured a shot into her navel area. Joe slurped it up, then kissed her up the stomach until he got to, and chomped down, on her shirt-covered left breast. I was standing two feet away. I don't know who's idea this was.
Justine sat down, and Joe picked up the pace. He was really rubbing on her, and it got to the point where I felt uncomfortable for both of them. This lasted for about two minutes. His hands were admittedly all over her.
I was talking with Zach and Mike Eaton, who had just come over to us, and I said "I'll be right back" and walked over to diffuse the situation. I did this both of them equally. Joe has a family, and was extremely drunk, and was out of control. Justine was a friend, drinking as well, and I couldn't imagine she was wanting this.
I stepped over to both of them, touched Justine on the back and asked if she wanted to go have a cigarette (she smokes, I don't). She said yes, and she got up and followed me out of the bar. Joe didn't move, nor say anything to either of us.
I walked her out of eye sight and she started to cry. She thanked me profusely and was immediately worried about her job. I walked her to her room, then went to my room, and bed myself.
This is the impartial story. I was there. I was the one that stopped it. No sugar coating, no spin. My feelings on the matter have no meaning to those outside of the close few that were there; so I will save my breath. I wanted what I saw to be entered into the record for completeness sake. I don't want noterity from a bad situation -- again, I was helping both of them equally.
I'm sure you have a few questions, that I will answer here:
Do you think you acted quickly enough? -- Yes. I acted when I thought I should. I was watching.
Have you talked with Joe since? -- Yes. I've had lunch with him a couple times.
Do you think he's a predator? -- No. I think he has issues like anyone else and he made several very, very bad decisions that night. I know that he has taken steps to help his issues.
Are you protecting him? -- No. He's a grown man, and I have no responsibility for him.
Was there an investigation? -- Via HR, yes. I feel they handled the situation appropriately. As far as I know, no police were ever involved.
Would you walk out of a conference if he was there? -- No. If you choose to do so and waste your money, feel free.
Am I for pleasant, inclusive space for all? -- Yes. I like everyone. I have no grudge nor hidden resentment towards any race, creed, color, gender, etc.
Why did it take you so long to write this? -- I felt for a long time that it wasn't my place. I feel that Joe has suffered quite a lot, and is paying for his actions. Again, I'm not protecting him; that is my feeling on the subject.
Are you afraid of the Twitter Horde backlashing against you? -- No. I'm being very subjective and honest. If that impacts me negatively then I have nothing to apologize for.
Should Joe apologize? -- That is between Joe and Justine. I feel that he owes no apology or explaination to anyone else, outside of his wife and family.
Should he tell his side? -- That is up to him. If he chooses silence, then there will be silence.
Have you been in contact with Justine since? -- Yes, on several occasions. If you have more questions about her, you should ask her.
— Matt Darby
October 11th, 2013
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coles notes anyone?