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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: 240 is Back on February 10, 2014, 04:19:41 AM
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The chance to blow me.... ohhhhh.
(http://media.zenfs.com/en-US/blogs/movietalk/630-andrewdiceclay-jpg_205816.jpg).
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The chance to blow me.... ohhhhh.
(http://media.zenfs.com/en-US/blogs/movietalk/630-andrewdiceclay-jpg_205816.jpg).
I thought Nasser passed ???
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I'm going halves with anabolichalo on a joint sterilisation procedure
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glittery thong.
Oh wait you said what she's getting/
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Your mom usually like chocolates.
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.
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Just get your woman a new appliance for the kitchen or something to clean the floor and she will be happy.
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Just get your woman a new appliance for the kitchen or something to clean the floor and she will be happy.
What if you have a woman, but no kitchen like tbombz?
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http://www.brobible.com/life/article/hilarious-things-to-buy-alongside-condoms/?utm_source=thrillist&utm_medium=thrillist&utm_campaign=links
10 Hilarious Things to Buy While You’re Also Purchasing Condoms
I step out of line and meander over to a nearby display housing the pharmacy’s selection of prophylactics. You know: rubbers; jimmies; whaling caps; those latex places where half-hard whiskey dicks go to die. I eventually settle on a pack of glow-in-the-dark raincoats – mostly because my nightlight burnt out last week.
Next thing I know, I’m staring over the counter at a cashier who’s a dead-ringer for Betty White while handing over a box of Trojans in tandem with an exorbitantly priced baby-killing pill. This is ironic. This is funny. A smirk like a teenager’s who just found dad’s porno stash appears on my face. “Guess you learned your lesson,” Ethel – I’ve gathered from her nametag — rasps with a chuckle.
Moral of the story: well there’s not one, really. It’s just that after the Plan B/condom episode I realized that there is comedic gold to be made by purchasing certain hilarious items in concert with condoms. And doing this little exercise has completely diffused the discomfort that used to overcome me when I’d buy condoms – you know, because parading around Sam’s Club with a box of XL MAGNUMS under your arm at 12 years old draws a few scornful glances. (Sometimes Dad was too drunk to get out of the car and buy them himself.)
Anyway, slap these ten things on the check-out belt next to your condoms; hilarity will ensue.
1. Duct Tape
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Home rape-kit. That said, at least he’s being safe about it.”
Your Response: “What?! Sometimes they rip!”
2. Thumbtacks
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Somebody getting pregnant tonight.”
Your Response: “Oh, it’s my first time. I’m gonna pin it to the wall afterward, right next to my Trivia Bowl medals.”
3. Gauze and Bandages
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Dear Lord; these troubled youths.”
Your Response: “Yep. Exactly what you’re thinking. All of it. It’s like that.”
4. Zucchini, Cucumber or any other Phallic Root Vegetable
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Guess I’m not eating salad again for a while.”
Your Response: “My mom taught me a special way of preparing Okra with these little baggies. It gets sooo moist, you really wouldn’t believe it.”
5. Shitty Romance Novel
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Cleanup on Register 5, please. I just made a puddle in my seat.”
Your Response: (channeling Antonio Banderas) “I’m working on my own erotic novel at the moment.”
6. Large Bag of Candy
The Cashier’s Thinking: “That’s funny — those are the same two things my priest buys every time he’s in here.”
Your Response: “Oh shit! Is that MY unmarked white van they’re towing?!”
7. Turkey Baster
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Makes the term ‘stuffing’ take on a whole new meaning.”
Your Response: “Is this really the longest one you’ve got? I suppose it’ll do, but Master won’t be happy.”
8. Adult Diapers
The Cashier’s Thinking: “What’s that smell?”
Your Response: “Where can I find a condom that’ll fit a fist?”
9. Gerbil
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Are you sure that gerbil fits a Magnum?”
Your Response: “Oh not, it’s a she. But don’t worry. This specimen appears to have particularly wide-set hips.”
10. Laxatives
The Cashier’s Thinking: “Do they use the laxatives before or after?”
Your Response: “Did you ever see that 2 Girls, 1 Cup, Ethel?”
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I'm getting her a fresh bouquet of dandy lions and poison Ivey.
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Protein...straight from the tap.
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http://www.amazon.com/The-Colossus-Huge-Dildo-Pounder/dp/B00564A3JS/ref=pd_sim_hpc_2 (http://www.amazon.com/The-Colossus-Huge-Dildo-Pounder/dp/B00564A3JS/ref=pd_sim_hpc_2)
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61sggttSMvL.jpg)
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I dont give a piss about that holiday.
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Give her the diiuucck. ;D
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Your mom usually like chocolates.
I blame you for mom's diabeetus
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I'm going to white castle ;D
http://mobile.whitecastle.com/promotions/Valentines-Day-Reservations
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can't say!
Get her a liar.
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Pleasure
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I got my wife 1/2 carat diamond princess cut earrings.
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i'm forever alone so not applicable :(
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Four days at the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. The bad news is that it's with me. :D
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(https://scontent-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10987628_1023865367642822_5374955727254289604_n.jpg?oh=e4fd3efb9498f991590356b9aec9c53b&oe=558BB746)
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For Valentine's day, I let my wife use the free Valentine's day medium latte perk on my DD app.
That'll do it.
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Four days at the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. The bad news is that it's with me. :D
Too close to me there, scary...
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Four days at the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. The bad news is that it's with me. :D
I loved your present, and I look forward to going there with you. xoxo
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Rocky marathon on channel 72. Yo Adreinne!
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Name a cockroach after your ex and watch an animal eat it on Valentine's Day
Is the memory of your ex buggin' you? The San Antonio Zoo has a solution...
For just $5, zoo staff will name a cockroach after your former lover and feed it to an animal at their "Cry Me a Cockroach" event on Valentine's Day.
And if your ex-boo was an especially snakey one, pay $20 more to have them name a rat and feed it to a reptile instead.
The best part of the deal? You don't have to be at the zoo to watch your ex-turned-pest get eaten up. The zoo plans to stream the feedings on Facebook Live.
You'll even receive a certificate to share on social media. If you're feeling brave enough, post it and tag that unlucky someone.
You have until February 13 at 5 p.m. (6 p.m. ET) to submit a name through the zoo's website. Only first names will be displayed during the event.
https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/09/us/san-antonio-zoo-cockroach-valentines-day-trnd/index.html?utm_source=CNN+Five+Things&utm_campaign=ca7b37bfa3-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_02_10_02_54&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_6da287d761-ca7b37bfa3-95217593
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(https://j.gifs.com/2xAgOv.gif)
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Valentine's day can lick my unwashed balls. It's cursed. My relationships always seem to be at their worst exactly then.
Here's a cat for companionship and a pillow to scream into. Good luck with your shit.
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Same as I got her the past 14 or so years, fuck all
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Same as I got her the past 14 or so years, fuck all
bullshit holiday my wife and i dont really feed into it shes cool like that but i will get her flowers we just dont go overboard
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A big load.
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A big load.
of fertilizer ;D