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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: Army of One on May 05, 2014, 02:04:36 PM
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
I'm so sorry to hear that, you're in our thoughts brother.
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That sucks man......sorry to hear it.
Been there and my method for coping isn`t recommended.
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It sucks... I've been there.
My thoughts are with you man... It's never easy. You just stay as strong as possible and when it happens and you have to start planning services, you keep your cool and try to take the burden off of everyone else.
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Sorry to hear that man. If you are a man of faith, lean on it.
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usually with a pillow
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I've been there bro. It sucks but you just have to stay strong and continue with your life while keeping the memories alive.
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I have no idea but I am sorry to hear it. Guess my advice is take time to grieve when it's time and don't hold back your feelings.
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Sorry to hear that. Hope you have someone to talk to...not fun to deal with alone
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usually with a pillow
::)
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be strong
give them nice funeral
all you can do
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
wish you the best, my father died in 2012. just keep in mind he's going to a better place that helped me get through it.
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My advice is to enjoy every single moment you have with that person, as there will be a time in the distant future where something as simple as touching that persons hand would be something you would practically give anything to be able to do.
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Hope they had a long-ish sick bed. Sounds dickish, but that allowed me to come to terms with it at my own pace. Unforeseen deaths are the worst IMO, no time for sorting out feelings. Just be there, be honest to them and yourself.
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take pics and video, you'll cherish them forever.
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It's part of what it means to be alive. Live long enough and you'll see almost everyone you care about pass away.
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take pics and video, you'll cherish them forever.
during the final 48 hrs?
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Time.
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my condolences.
we will all be there very soon. literally within moments on the grand time scale.
situations like these I truly feel bad for atheists, believing that you will never see loved ones again is probably a tough pill to swallow.
It's part of what it means to be alive. Live long enough and you'll see almost everyone you care about pass away.
Well stated.
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i log on getbig.
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i log on getbig.
;D ;D
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I am very sorry.
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The best you can do is speak with them.
Reminisce about the best times in life together and express your true emotions.
Let them know how much you care for them and how much they've meant in your life.
Thank them for their hard work and overall efforts in your upbringing.
Ask them to tell you where they think you can improve.
Allow them to get everything off their chest that has haunted them throughout life, regardless of it involving you or not.
Listen, listen and listen some more.
Make sure to make them laugh and laugh with them.
Last, but not least, say I love you and hold their hands during the final moments.
"1"
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its a miracle to even exist when you think about it, we shouldnt even be here but we are, deep down we know what to do to keep on livin, an i think we all will know a feeling when we are on our way out . the thing is people get sick before they die, and 9 times out of 10 we should be able to fix our sickness. that goes to show that the ball is mostly in our court, we cant fault anyone for our destiney, but theres also no way around of making cruicial mistakes, human species will either die or keep living with one eye and one arm, you aint gonna make it through unscathed
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Stay at the person's side and exchange memories, ideas and emotions if possible. After my father died I have said this to many of my friends who I know have a big heart and would realize once a person is gone a mortal link has been removed forever.
The distress that you feel when you had unfinished business is beyond painful, an ache that's heavy on the spirit and soul.
On a more positive note we all are little fragments of a spark eternal that earth's realm can't imprison forever.
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we are prisoners forever, threads like this make me insane and sad
theres only one way out , to get as smart as eric dollard to build a spaceshit to meet our "ancestors" ins some other galaxy or something in 100 years
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Im sorry to hear this. Its one of the hardest things in life to deal with.
I hope your memories will be good ones and cherish them.
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Time is the only thing that helps, sorry for your loss
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In time I hope when you think of your parent it will bring fond memories instead of sadness. I am a man of faith and faith tells us that death comes to everyone but it's not the end. Remember in the end that your loving parent wouldn't want to see you destroyed over their passing. It would be the last thing they want. Just being there at their end is the greatest gift you can give them. When it's your time in a perfect world your children will be at your side.
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I am truly sorry.
Cling to that which you love. And to those you cherish.
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Sorry to hear that Army of one,
be strong my friend.
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
1st, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Be strong and do everything in your power to bring your mom or dad comfort. Share your feelings so long as they are positive. I've lost both parents and no doubt it is rough. I was fortunate enough to have a great relationship with both parents and even though they knew how I felt, I made sure they heard it during their last days. It will always hurt on some level and will never be the same, but it does get better with time.
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
I am so sorry to read this. Hugs
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Hey Army of One, sorry to hear. Stay strong. I am sure that parent is thrilled to have a great son by his or her side.
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Was your parent raised a Roman Catholic?
Not "he/she hasn't been to Church in years": Not "those pedophiles!?": Not "he/she married a Southern Baptist":
Was your parent raised a Roman Catholic? If so, while he/she is still conscious and cognizant, get him/her a priest.
You will be glad that you did.
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My thoughts are with you bro! Can't imagine its easy. Wishing you and your family well.
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Sorry mate - it's a shitty sad situation.
When my father died, what helped me most was the thought that we are all supposed to die. His turn came a little too quickly, but it was always going to happen, like it will for us all. That perspective helped me a lot to let him go.
I was there at the very end holding his hand. It's was horrible but beautiful as well. I'm very grateful I was able to be there when he passed. You may feel differently, but that helped me a lot to move on afterward.
All the best mate.
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Sorry to read this. Yet, it's a fate that awaits us all
Stay strong
Ask not for whom the bell tolls...
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
Sorry to hear this. I assume it is of illness; you could find some comfort in the fact that any suffering will finally stop.
My dad died a few years ago of cancer. We were not close, but to see him suffering physically and mentally was painful. It was a relief for all of us when he died.
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My father is soon dying in cancer...the last thing he said on the phone yesterday was "I dont wanne see u anymore" so lets se whats happen from now on : )
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I will speak from a couple of perspectives on this crisis. I am an old person who will likely die sooner rather than later. From this perspective, I want my kids to let me go when that time comes. I will hopefully live on in their memory in some positive way.
From the perspective of a person who both of his parents passed many years ago, I can only offer this wisdom; losing one's parent(s) is never an easy passage, but it is most often inevitable that they will die before you will. My mom who figured largely in my life is still in my thoughts everyday. Unfortunately, my father who played a small part in my upbringing is not so much a feature. However, my stepdad and his infinite wisdom remains with me daily.
You are in crisis/emotional mode my friend. I feel for you. It is never easy to lose someone who influenced you so strongly in your life as a parent did. As much as it hurts right now to think of their passing, that hurt will get better with time.
Please accept my deepest sympathy and understanding though this most difficult passage.
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Sorry to hear, army of the solo variety.
My sick heart shows
That I must yield my body to the earth,
And, by my fall, the conquest to my foe.
Thus yields the cedar to the axe's edge,
Whose arms gave shelter to the princely eagle;
Under whose shade the ramping lion slept:
Whose top-branch overpeer'd Jove's spreading tree,
And kept low shrubs from winter's powerful wind.
In that sleep of death what dreams may come.
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Found this on the internet today, thought of this thread.
http://www.npr.org/2014/05/05/309742981/why-bring-up-death-when-we-could-talk-about-something-more-pleasant?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20140505 (http://www.npr.org/2014/05/05/309742981/why-bring-up-death-when-we-could-talk-about-something-more-pleasant?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20140505)
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take pics and video, you'll cherish them forever.
It might work for some, but I wouldn't do that , My dad die from a very aggressive cancer friends would often tell me to take pics of him, knowing that soon he would no longer be with us....
but I rather remember him like he was when he was healthy.... so I didnt take a single pic and I'm glad I didn't ....again, it might work for some but I Don't like to remember a loved one with pics or videos of them looking so fragile on their way to die....
WoooSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry to hear that ...Ive been in that same situation ...
Just try to remain calm and positive around the person in question.... let that person know that everything is and will be all right after their passing , cry if you need to cry (not in front of the dying parent)
Something That helped me a lot was to accept the most simple fact about life, no matter how much you love need someone, people die.
Is a chapter of your life that comes to an end but your life keeps going.
WoooSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H
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I have lost both parents and a brother, very difficult. The saving grace for me was that I had my wife and kids there for support. Also I was kept very busy with taking care of funeral arrangements and I was also running a business. Staying busy for me was what always kept me going. Being with your parent in the last days of their lives is the most important thing of all. Sorry to hear what you are going through. Stay strong.
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The best you can do is speak with them.
Reminisce about the best times in life together and express your true emotions.
Let them know how much you care for them and how much they've meant in your life.
Thank them for their hard work and overall efforts in your upbringing.
Ask them to tell you where they think you can improve.
Allow them to get everything off their chest that has haunted them throughout life, regardless of it involving you or not.
Listen, listen and listen some more.
Make sure to make them laugh and laugh with them.
Last, but not least, say I love you and hold their hands during the final moments.
"1"
Great post
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I'm very curious as to what awaits me when/if this happens to me.
I'm not very close to either of my parents. I haven't spoken to dad in a year, and for mom, it's been about 6 months. I could go years without speaking to either of them if they didn't reach out and have on several occasions.
With mom, I loved her, but she changed a lot. She's not the mom who raised me, and I prefer to remember her in that way than as she is today.
With dad, he was abusive and controlling and manipulative throughout my early childhood, so I prefer not to really remember him much. We drifted apart starting in high school and never really recovered. I tried a couple of times to strike up a relationship of value, but he's really not open to talking about himself or his feelings, so there isn't much there for me. He doesn't even know when my kids birthdays are, and he and his wife (my stepmom) refuse to speak to my wife. So there's not a lot of good there worth saving. He's tried too, but neither of us seem to find common ground to connect. He's closer to my brother, which does give me peace. At least he has someone.
That said, they both made me. I wonder if I will simply watch them pass with a curiosity and general detachment, as I've watched them age these past few years. Or will my heart break for what could have been. It's possible I've already gone through that heart break phase, and there isn't much left in me for them. I won't know until I know, I suppose.
For AOO, I wish you the best my friend. I see you care deeply about your parent, and saying good-bye to someone you love forever is harder than words can describe. Let them say their peace and tell them you love them. Be with them to reassure them they will live on in you, as they drift into whatever happens next. Give them of your strength to embolden them to confront whatever may come. Give them peace by helping them know they made your life richer for being a part of it.
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The best you can do is speak with them.
Reminisce about the best times in life together and express your true emotions.
Let them know how much you care for them and how much they've meant in your life.
Thank them for their hard work and overall efforts in your upbringing.
Ask them to tell you where they think you can improve.
Allow them to get everything off their chest that has haunted them throughout life, regardless of it involving you or not.
Listen, listen and listen some more.
Make sure to make them laugh and laugh with them.
Last, but not least, say I love you and hold their hands during the final moments.
"1"
This. And grieve, its important that you allow yourself to do so. Sorry to hear this man, my condolences.
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My best friends have each lost a parent. My best friend lost his mother a few years back. Very sweet woman that I had the pleasure of knowing for many, many years and was even given the honor of being a pall bearer at her funeral. We were there in her hospital room while she took her last breathes here on earth. Family held her hand, sung her hymns, we prayed together and just continued to reassure her and love on her.
My grandmother passed just over a week ago. We spent the previous two weeks easing her into eternity the best we were able to. Spent a lot of time at both the hospital and hospice center before she passed. She is a wonderful, loving woman and we did our best to love on her, talk to her, pray for her, play music for her up until the very end of her life her with us. At the very end her alzheimer's and leukemia had ravaged her body and mind, but she still had precious moments in which we knew she was listening.
As a man of faith the Lord blessed me with tremendous peace and reassurance during that time. I view death differently than others (and I'll save that topic for another thread), but if you are a man of faith I suggest resting firmly on that foundation.
God Bless!
MOS
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Sorry to hear that Army. I cant imagine what thats gonna be like. Just spend as much time with them as you can
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I'm very curious as to what awaits me when/if this happens to me.
I'm not very close to either of my parents. I haven't spoken to dad in a year, and for mom, it's been about 6 months. I could go years without speaking to either of them if they didn't reach out and have on several occasions.
With mom, I loved her, but she changed a lot. She's not the mom who raised me, and I prefer to remember her in that way than as she is today.
With dad, he was abusive and controlling and manipulative throughout my early childhood, so I prefer not to really remember him much. We drifted apart starting in high school and never really recovered. I tried a couple of times to strike up a relationship of value, but he's really not open to talking about himself or his feelings, so there isn't much there for me. He doesn't even know when my kids birthdays are, and he and his wife (my stepmom) refuse to speak to my wife. So there's not a lot of good there worth saving. He's tried too, but neither of us seem to find common ground to connect. He's closer to my brother, which does give me peace. At least he has someone.
That said, they both made me. I wonder if I will simply watch them pass with a curiosity and general detachment, as I've watched them age these past few years. Or will my heart break for what could have been. It's possible I've already gone through that heart break phase, and there isn't much left in me for them. I won't know until I know, I suppose.
For AOO, I wish you the best my friend. I see you care deeply about your parent, and saying good-bye to someone you love forever is harder than words can describe. Let them say their peace and tell them you love them. Be with them to reassure them they will live on in you, as they drift into whatever happens next. Give them of your strength to embolden them to confront whatever may come. Give them peace by helping them know they made your life richer for being a part of it.
I'll keep this short but I have a very similar relationship with my parents. Dad was center of most of our issues and like you I was close to my mom then she changed. I sometimes think that if they die what will I feel? I imagine the poor relationship will make it easier in some respects. I feel I have already "mourned" for the people they were and the relationship with them that never will be.
Army of One sorry to hear about all of this. I don't know what to say other than stay positive around your parent and lean on your faith or religion. I'm an atheist but that even helps me when thinking of death and dying. We are all organisms that are born and die, it's quite natural. The world was fine before I got here and will be fine when I'm gone.
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I'm very curious as to what awaits me when/if this happens to me.
I'm not very close to either of my parents. I haven't spoken to dad in a year, and for mom, it's been about 6 months. I could go years without speaking to either of them if they didn't reach out and have on several occasions.
With mom, I loved her, but she changed a lot. She's not the mom who raised me, and I prefer to remember her in that way than as she is today.
With dad, he was abusive and controlling and manipulative throughout my early childhood, so I prefer not to really remember him much. We drifted apart starting in high school and never really recovered. I tried a couple of times to strike up a relationship of value, but he's really not open to talking about himself or his feelings, so there isn't much there for me. He doesn't even know when my kids birthdays are, and he and his wife (my stepmom) refuse to speak to my wife. So there's not a lot of good there worth saving. He's tried too, but neither of us seem to find common ground to connect. He's closer to my brother, which does give me peace. At least he has someone.
That said, they both made me. I wonder if I will simply watch them pass with a curiosity and general detachment, as I've watched them age these past few years. Or will my heart break for what could have been. It's possible I've already gone through that heart break phase, and there isn't much left in me for them. I won't know until I know, I suppose.
For AOO, I wish you the best my friend. I see you care deeply about your parent, and saying good-bye to someone you love forever is harder than words can describe. Let them say their peace and tell them you love them. Be with them to reassure them they will live on in you, as they drift into whatever happens next. Give them of your strength to embolden them to confront whatever may come. Give them peace by helping them know they made your life richer for being a part of it.
My mom used to say to me when she'd made me really mad at her, "You may not like me, but I am the only mother you have." She was right about that and wrong about a lot of other stuff. I miss her. She died over 30 years ago.
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i log on getbig.
;D
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The best you can do is speak with them.
Reminisce about the best times in life together and express your true emotions.
Let them know how much you care for them and how much they've meant in your life.
Thank them for their hard work and overall efforts in your upbringing.
Ask them to tell you where they think you can improve.
Allow them to get everything off their chest that has haunted them throughout life, regardless of it involving you or not.
Listen, listen and listen some more.
Make sure to make them laugh and laugh with them.
Last, but not least, say I love you and hold their hands during the final moments.
"1"
Excellent post.
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Great advice in this thread.
My parents are very young (early 40's) but my step dad is dying. I don't have advice, but I can empathize and extend my condolences. And if you want to shoot the shit about anything whatsoever, feel free to send me aPM. I don't know if I can give you any tips, but I can lend an ear at the very least.
I hope you get through this as gracefully as one can. I guess we all go through this at some point, but that fact alone doesn't make it any easier. Hang in there, bro.
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I am so sorry to read this. Hugs
x10!!!
Sad to hear, db. I guess you give what comfort you can and honor the memory by living well. It's natural and inevitable so don't go off the deep end or anything.
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Very sad news. condolences to you.
No easy answer, having been through that.
Stay strong, Talk to them, love them.
Always always remember the happy & positive Times together.
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That sucks man......sorry to hear it.
Been there and my method for coping isn`t recommended.
Well, we know it isn't a shopping spree because you ain't go two nickels to rub together. Broke ass old man.
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I will be very happy when my mother , father and brother die. My only "hope"/desire is to see them die before i do. I actually stay alive to see them die first. It motivates me every morning to wake up.
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Currently staying with a parent who has less than 48 hours to live, struggling to deal with it, hardest thing I've ever done.
VERY IMPORTANT: Say "I love you" and give him/her a big hug while you can, if you haven't already done these. Otherwise, not having done these will haunt you for years to come and you'll have very sad dreams about it.
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..just wanted to add. I work with wounded vets at local meetings at the VA. Like me most have been blown up or lost buddies or both. If you just need to fucking talk shit out man, especially if you get dark hit me up man via PM or something. I've dealt with a lot of death these last 4 years. Lost 3 friends and a cousin just in the last 2yrs to suicide.
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Try to remember love NEVER DIES, IT GETS STRONGER !
You will always have the memories, the good times, the laughs, the jokes, all the experiences that made the relationship special.
As time goes on it will get easier - I mean you will be able to deal with it through the great memories and experiences that you will consistently re-live the rest of your life. Be sure of this, life does go on, it's different for people everywhere, but it does go on through memories and thoughts at the very least.
Honor them by remembering all the good times and lessons learned, that is what they would want
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By purchasing champagne the day it finally happens. Unfortunately the reaper is stuck in traffic. >:(
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Well, we know it isn't a shopping spree because you ain't go two nickels to rub together. Broke ass old man.
You even have to be a fuckup in a thread like this huh?
Says all I need to know about you.
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The best you can do is speak with them.
Reminisce about the best times in life together and express your true emotions.
Let them know how much you care for them and how much they've meant in your life.
Thank them for their hard work and overall efforts in your upbringing.
Ask them to tell you where they think you can improve.
Allow them to get everything off their chest that has haunted them throughout life, regardless of it involving you or not.
Listen, listen and listen some more.
Make sure to make them laugh and laugh with them.
Last, but not least, say I love you and hold their hands during the final moments.
"1"
I did exactly this with my own father a year ago. Best advice on here. it does make you feel better, and your parent as well. My dad told me so.