Getbig.com: American Bodybuilding, Fitness and Figure
Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: Special Ed on April 04, 2006, 01:02:14 PM
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It's not easy being a Pro. But if you pay close attention to their videos, you can pick up a lot of "real life tips" from their "everyday" lives!! Here are some observations of a trained professional.
6:00 Alarm goes off. Hit snooze 12 times until it's 8 o'clock. Wake up to '90's "most awesome metal band".
Real World Application: Do this if you hate your job and want to get fired. Or if you're a web designer.
8:00 Turn on TV, climb on ten-year old "treadmill" in "basement" or "family room".
Real World Application: One of the HUGE perks of being a Pro is having a TV and a treadmill in your home.
9:00 Have wife cook up 12 eggwhites and wheat toast. Yell at her for using "butter" instead of "Pam".
Real World Application: Do this if your wife doesn't work, doesn't have kids, and lives to please you.
10:00 Log on to getbig, see what's going on in the "Bodybuilding world"
Real World Application: You can do the same, but without the BLUE STARS.
11:00 Get ready to go to the gym. Pick out bandana that best matches outfit.
Real World Application: Always look your best when you go to the "office"
11:45 Drive to gym while eating broccoli and rice from tupperware container.
Real World Application: None
12:00 Arrive at gym. Complain to zit-faced 16-year old behind counter that "someone is parked in my spot" right in front of gym doors. Despite walking two miles on treadmill earlier, deem extra ten footsteps "exhausting" and a "waste of calories". Zit-faced kid apologizes, pages wheelchair-bound man and asks him to remove his car from "handicapped" spot out of "respect" for Pro. Zit-faced kid then asks if he should be on a 40-30-30 or 45-35-20 diet. He spontaneously flexes his 12 inch arm to show results of last "Pro" tip.
Real World Application: Never park in Pro's spot or take advice from zit-faced kids.
1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing.
Real World Application: Great way to pick up men in locker room.
2:00 Return home. Have wife heat up chicken breasts with steamed rice. Watch Jerry Springer. Laugh at the "trailer park losers" arguing on stage. Log on to getbig to argue with "trailer park losers".
Real World Application: Pick up "Ultimate Fighting" techniques from Jerry Springer guests to be better prepared to "challenge" annoying fan or pesky competitor to "steel cage match" "winner take all!"
3:00 Offer wife choice of "oral" or "anal" before showering. Wife chooses oral. Close eyes and pretend wife is 17-year old counter girl at tanning salon.
Real World Application: Fantasy is okay.
3:15 With shower running, flex nude in mirror until steam from hot shower begins to obscure physique. Admire self for additional fifteen minutes.
Real World Application: Love Thyself.
4:00 Light snack while watching Cartoon Network.
Real World Application: Pay close attention to cartoons to "learn" about art, and apply "new skills" when overpaying for worthless "Tom and Jerry" and "Flintsone" "Limited Edition original cels" that line walls of home.
5:00 Browse through Flex magazine to pick up "competitive edge" by stealing "secrets" and "training tips" from other pros. Consider trying 45 set calf workout to "spark new growth" "up to 2 inches in one week". Settle on doubling site injections four weeks out.
Real World Application: There is an easy way and a hard way to do everything. Take the easy way.
6:00 Invite "Bennett", your fat friend over to play the "latest" Madden game for the "360". Complain when he picks the Steelers before you can, and then make up excuse to "switch controllers". Show off "Jim Rome" level knowledge by making absurd comment about Vince Young being a smarter draft pick than Matt Leinart. Casually mention that you could have played in the NFL were it not for "high school injuries" and reel off "old 40 time" of "4.43" while playing linebacker at a "natural 248 lbs." while still "a junior" and earning "All-state" honors.
Real World Application: You need fat friends who will accept everything you say at face value.
7:00 Open fridge to sneak some ice cream when wife is "busy" doing laundry. Get caught with spoon in mouth and conjure up something about "ketosis" and "low insulin levels" to convince wife "Cherry Garcia"-fix is "necessary" and "not cheating".
Real World Application: White lies are the key to a successful marriage.
8:00 Watch TV. Continually remark that "I could have played that part" every time thug, bouncer, or mean cop appears on screen. Open up "Backstage Magazine" and circle parts that are "right for me" along with "audition dates". Say something about "changing agents". Continually click back to ESPN to see if Barry Bonds has "homered" and to learn if there's any drugs he took that you don't yet know about. Remind self to Call Milos to get Conte's phone number tomorrow.
Real World Application: It's okay to dream.
10:00 Kiss "exhausted" wife goodnight. Leave TV on. Sneak out of house. Borrow wife's "Chevy Tahoe" to casually "drive by" "Hollywood Tans" to see if "girlfriend is done closing up". Tell "Candy" that gold band on "ring finger" is actually "healing medication" for old "boxing injury". Tell her a "room at the Hilton" is not possible because "I'm so well-known". Casually mention that you just happened to be helping "a friend" move his "Serta Perfect Sleeper" and it's "still in the back". Once in the back of the truck, mention that you can't wear a "jimmy" because of "severe latex allergies" and that "they don't make'm my size anyway". Reassure her that "diet program" has rendered body temporarily infertile. After fifteen minutes of profusely sweating on her face, sadly profess that "this has never happened to me before". When cell phone rings and a picture of "Wife" shows up on the "Razor", suddenly "remember" that you have to help the "church pastor" move a piano "before midnight". After "borrowing twenty bucks" from her, stop at "7-11" to pick up some of "wife's favorite ice cream" to "surprise her with". Go home. Put ice cream away. Flex arms in microwave oven reflection. Go to sleep on couch.
Real World Application: Don't even try living the life of a Pro.
Special "Too Much Time on My Hands" Ed
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This might be funny, but it is too long to read.
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It is worth the read fox
good work ed funny as hell
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This might be funny, but it is too long to read.
Let me help you out. Here's Bob C's day.
11:30 am: Wake up
11:31 am: Log on to Getbig. Wait for 240 to wake up and log on.
3:30 am: Log off and go to bed.
:P
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Let me help you out. Here's Bob C's day.
11:30 am: Wake up
11:31 am: Log on to Getbig. Wait for 240 to wake up and log on.
3:30 am: Log off and go to bed.
:P
This post is far too controversial for Getbig, it will soon be deleted.
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12:00 PM - wake up
12:15 PM - steroid/synthol injections
1:00 to 4:00 PM - gay for pay sessions
4:30 to 9:00 PM - part-time job at taco bell
9:30 PM - nubain injections
10:30 to 10:45 - train
10:45 - insulin injections
11:00 PM - log onto getbig
2:00 AM - mainline some cocaine
4:00 AM - log off getbig
4:15 AM - gh injections
4:30 AM - lights out
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the atempt of being funny has failed special ed, please go hide somewhere.
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the atempt of being funny has failed special ed, please go hide somewhere.
shut up dumbass, that was one of the funniest, wittiest things i've ever read.
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5:00 Browse through Flex magazine to pick up "competitive edge" by stealing "secrets" and "training tips" from other pros. Consider trying 45 set calf workout to "spark new growth" "up to 2 inches in one week". Settle on doubling site injections four weeks out.
Real World Application: There is an easy way and a hard way to do everything. Take the easy way.
Fucking classic and true
P.S> BOB, Bodybuilders are not athletes and posing is not a sport
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Classic...LOL.
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if Flex/MD hired Special Ed, maybe I'd actually consider paying for their magazines.
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if Flex/MD hired Special Ed, maybe I'd actually consider paying for their magazines.
And to think, this could have been your life if you tripled your dosages... I bet you look back and cry a bit to yourself ;D.
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And to think, this could have been your life if you tripled your dosages... I bet you look back and cry a bit to yourself ;D.
I'll confess the part about the "chevy tahoe" and the ice-cream got to me . . .
As one pro said to me:
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
;D
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Let me help you out. Here's Bob C's day.
11:31 am: Log on to Getbig. Wait for 240 to wake up and log on.
Funny line - it's like 240 and Bob just look for each others most recent posts...
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12:00 PM - wake up
12:15 PM - steroid/synthol injections
1:00 to 4:00 PM - gay for pay sessions
4:30 to 9:00 PM - part-time job at taco bell
9:30 PM - nubain injections
10:30 to 10:45 - train
10:45 - insulin injections
11:00 PM - log onto getbig
2:00 AM - mainline some cocaine
4:00 AM - log off getbig
4:15 AM - gh injections
4:30 AM - lights out
in Shawn's case when he was young add more gay for pay these days add church he needs to clean out his conscious
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special ed, that was brilliant.still laughing...
peace
d
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in Shawn's case when he was young add more gay for pay these days add church he needs to clean out his conscious
I found out about his old life when I was walking in Venice Beach with a Flex in my hand that had Shawn on the cover. I heard a voice say, "Is that Shawn?" I turned around to see where the voice was coming from. Shortly after, some older men in immaculately tailored clothing started telling some stories about Shawn in the old days...
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I can't see how a pro could go through a single day without letting out a massive protein fart whilst holding signicant others head under the covers..
THEN they go sleep on the couch :)
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a day in the life of a gym rat
11 a.m. wake up eat 12 raw eggs 3 cups of raw oatmeal
12 a.m. borrow mom's car to go to the gym
2 p.m. after 90 set full body workout (except legs) head to wendys for there 99 cent menu
3 p.m. take a nap
6 pm wake up log on to getbig and go and eat mcdonalds
7 p.m. argue with your parents telling them the reason you dont work or go to school is because your trying to become a pro bodybuilder and you need there support
8 p.m. more getbig.com
9 p.m. go out and get drunk
2-4 a.m. come home post on getbig and go to sleep
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LOL @ Ed! ;D
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Funniest thing I've read on Getbig.com, by far! ;D Great work Special Ed!
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I hope someone saved SE's post, just in case some overzealous "moderator" decides to zap the whole thread.
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shut up dumbass, that was one of the funniest, wittiest things i've ever read.
I agree..that was funny....sad to say...
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I agree..that was funny....sad to say...
Yo Jimmy, any chance you'll go to PDI?
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Yo Jimmy, any chance you'll go to PDI?
Who knows?? I have downsized alot. Down to 250lb and have alot of work ahead which I don't know if I'm up for it. I think Wayne will pull the PDI thing off. He is out to prove something and he has the connections and support. He knows how to promote a bodybuilding show ..that's for sure.
This was taken a few month ago...
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It's not easy being a Pro. But if you pay close attention to their videos, you can pick up a lot of "real life tips" from their "everyday" lives!! Here are some observations of a trained professional.
6:00 Alarm goes off. Hit snooze 12 times until it's 8 o'clock. Wake up to '90's "most awesome metal band".
Real World Application: Do this if you hate your job and want to get fired. Or if you're a web designer.
8:00 Turn on TV, climb on ten-year old "treadmill" in "basement" or "family room".
Real World Application: One of the HUGE perks of being a Pro is having a TV and a treadmill in your home.
9:00 Have wife cook up 12 eggwhites and wheat toast. Yell at her for using "butter" instead of "Pam".
Real World Application: Do this if your wife doesn't work, doesn't have kids, and lives to please you.
10:00 Log on to getbig, see what's going on in the "Bodybuilding world"
Real World Application: You can do the same, but without the BLUE STARS.
11:00 Get ready to go to the gym. Pick out bandana that best matches outfit.
Real World Application: Always look your best when you go to the "office"
11:45 Drive to gym while eating broccoli and rice from tupperware container.
Real World Application: None
12:00 Arrive at gym. Complain to zit-faced 16-year old behind counter that "someone is parked in my spot" right in front of gym doors. Despite walking two miles on treadmill earlier, deem extra ten footsteps "exhausting" and a "waste of calories". Zit-faced kid apologizes, pages wheelchair-bound man and asks him to remove his car from "handicapped" spot out of "respect" for Pro. Zit-faced kid then asks if he should be on a 40-30-30 or 45-35-20 diet. He spontaneously flexes his 12 inch arm to show results of last "Pro" tip.
Real World Application: Never park in Pro's spot or take advice from zit-faced kids.
1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing.
Real World Application: Great way to pick up men in locker room.
2:00 Return home. Have wife heat up chicken breasts with steamed rice. Watch Jerry Springer. Laugh at the "trailer park losers" arguing on stage. Log on to getbig to argue with "trailer park losers".
Real World Application: Pick up "Ultimate Fighting" techniques from Jerry Springer guests to be better prepared to "challenge" annoying fan or pesky competitor to "steel cage match" "winner take all!"
3:00 Offer wife choice of "oral" or "anal" before showering. Wife chooses oral. Close eyes and pretend wife is 17-year old counter girl at tanning salon.
Real World Application: Fantasy is okay.
3:15 With shower running, flex nude in mirror until steam from hot shower begins to obscure physique. Admire self for additional fifteen minutes.
Real World Application: Love Thyself.
4:00 Light snack while watching Cartoon Network.
Real World Application: Pay close attention to cartoons to "learn" about art, and apply "new skills" when overpaying for worthless "Tom and Jerry" and "Flintsone" "Limited Edition original cels" that line walls of home.
5:00 Browse through Flex magazine to pick up "competitive edge" by stealing "secrets" and "training tips" from other pros. Consider trying 45 set calf workout to "spark new growth" "up to 2 inches in one week". Settle on doubling site injections four weeks out.
Real World Application: There is an easy way and a hard way to do everything. Take the easy way.
6:00 Invite "Bennett", your fat friend over to play the "latest" Madden game for the "360". Complain when he picks the Steelers before you can, and then make up excuse to "switch controllers". Show off "Jim Rome" level knowledge by making absurd comment about Vince Young being a smarter draft pick than Matt Leinart. Casually mention that you could have played in the NFL were it not for "high school injuries" and reel off "old 40 time" of "4.43" while playing linebacker at a "natural 248 lbs." while still "a junior" and earning "All-state" honors.
Real World Application: You need fat friends who will accept everything you say at face value.
7:00 Open fridge to sneak some ice cream when wife is "busy" doing laundry. Get caught with spoon in mouth and conjure up something about "ketosis" and "low insulin levels" to convince wife "Cherry Garcia"-fix is "necessary" and "not cheating".
Real World Application: White lies are the key to a successful marriage.
8:00 Watch TV. Continually remark that "I could have played that part" every time thug, bouncer, or mean cop appears on screen. Open up "Backstage Magazine" and circle parts that are "right for me" along with "audition dates". Say something about "changing agents". Continually click back to ESPN to see if Barry Bonds has "homered" and to learn if there's any drugs he took that you don't yet know about. Remind self to Call Milos to get Conte's phone number tomorrow.
Real World Application: It's okay to dream.
10:00 Kiss "exhausted" wife goodnight. Leave TV on. Sneak out of house. Borrow wife's "Chevy Tahoe" to casually "drive by" "Hollywood Tans" to see if "girlfriend is done closing up". Tell "Candy" that gold band on "ring finger" is actually "healing medication" for old "boxing injury". Tell her a "room at the Hilton" is not possible because "I'm so well-known". Casually mention that you just happened to be helping "a friend" move his "Serta Perfect Sleeper" and it's "still in the back". Once in the back of the truck, mention that you can't wear a "jimmy" because of "severe latex allergies" and that "they don't make'm my size anyway". Reassure her that "diet program" has rendered body temporarily infertile. After fifteen minutes of profusely sweating on her face, sadly profess that "this has never happened to me before". When cell phone rings and a picture of "Wife" shows up on the "Razor", suddenly "remember" that you have to help the "church pastor" move a piano "before midnight". After "borrowing twenty bucks" from her, stop at "7-11" to pick up some of "wife's favorite ice cream" to "surprise her with". Go home. Put ice cream away. Flex arms in microwave oven reflection. Go to sleep on couch.
Real World Application: Don't even try living the life of a Pro.
Special "Too Much Time on My Hands" Ed
hahaha im choking on the frozen yogurt icecream im eating after a morning workout. this shit you wrote is so true if you only knew ....beside the cheating part...no time for this shit (many do the cheating part though) awesome post :D
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12:00pm scenario too much funny!!!!! ;D
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It's not easy being a Pro. But if you pay close attention to their videos, you can pick up a lot of "real life tips" from their "everyday" lives!! Here are some observations of a trained professional.
6:00 Alarm goes off. Hit snooze 12 times until it's 8 o'clock. Wake up to '90's "most awesome metal band".
Real World Application: Do this if you hate your job and want to get fired. Or if you're a web designer.
8:00 Turn on TV, climb on ten-year old "treadmill" in "basement" or "family room".
Real World Application: One of the HUGE perks of being a Pro is having a TV and a treadmill in your home.
9:00 Have wife cook up 12 eggwhites and wheat toast. Yell at her for using "butter" instead of "Pam".
Real World Application: Do this if your wife doesn't work, doesn't have kids, and lives to please you.
10:00 Log on to getbig, see what's going on in the "Bodybuilding world"
Real World Application: You can do the same, but without the BLUE STARS.
11:00 Get ready to go to the gym. Pick out bandana that best matches outfit.
Real World Application: Always look your best when you go to the "office"
11:45 Drive to gym while eating broccoli and rice from tupperware container.
Real World Application: None
12:00 Arrive at gym. Complain to zit-faced 16-year old behind counter that "someone is parked in my spot" right in front of gym doors. Despite walking two miles on treadmill earlier, deem extra ten footsteps "exhausting" and a "waste of calories". Zit-faced kid apologizes, pages wheelchair-bound man and asks him to remove his car from "handicapped" spot out of "respect" for Pro. Zit-faced kid then asks if he should be on a 40-30-30 or 45-35-20 diet. He spontaneously flexes his 12 inch arm to show results of last "Pro" tip.
Real World Application: Never park in Pro's spot or take advice from zit-faced kids.
1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing.
Real World Application: Great way to pick up men in locker room.
2:00 Return home. Have wife heat up chicken breasts with steamed rice. Watch Jerry Springer. Laugh at the "trailer park losers" arguing on stage. Log on to getbig to argue with "trailer park losers".
Real World Application: Pick up "Ultimate Fighting" techniques from Jerry Springer guests to be better prepared to "challenge" annoying fan or pesky competitor to "steel cage match" "winner take all!"
3:00 Offer wife choice of "oral" or "anal" before showering. Wife chooses oral. Close eyes and pretend wife is 17-year old counter girl at tanning salon.
Real World Application: Fantasy is okay.
3:15 With shower running, flex nude in mirror until steam from hot shower begins to obscure physique. Admire self for additional fifteen minutes.
Real World Application: Love Thyself.
4:00 Light snack while watching Cartoon Network.
Real World Application: Pay close attention to cartoons to "learn" about art, and apply "new skills" when overpaying for worthless "Tom and Jerry" and "Flintsone" "Limited Edition original cels" that line walls of home.
5:00 Browse through Flex magazine to pick up "competitive edge" by stealing "secrets" and "training tips" from other pros. Consider trying 45 set calf workout to "spark new growth" "up to 2 inches in one week". Settle on doubling site injections four weeks out.
Real World Application: There is an easy way and a hard way to do everything. Take the easy way.
6:00 Invite "Bennett", your fat friend over to play the "latest" Madden game for the "360". Complain when he picks the Steelers before you can, and then make up excuse to "switch controllers". Show off "Jim Rome" level knowledge by making absurd comment about Vince Young being a smarter draft pick than Matt Leinart. Casually mention that you could have played in the NFL were it not for "high school injuries" and reel off "old 40 time" of "4.43" while playing linebacker at a "natural 248 lbs." while still "a junior" and earning "All-state" honors.
Real World Application: You need fat friends who will accept everything you say at face value.
7:00 Open fridge to sneak some ice cream when wife is "busy" doing laundry. Get caught with spoon in mouth and conjure up something about "ketosis" and "low insulin levels" to convince wife "Cherry Garcia"-fix is "necessary" and "not cheating".
Real World Application: White lies are the key to a successful marriage.
8:00 Watch TV. Continually remark that "I could have played that part" every time thug, bouncer, or mean cop appears on screen. Open up "Backstage Magazine" and circle parts that are "right for me" along with "audition dates". Say something about "changing agents". Continually click back to ESPN to see if Barry Bonds has "homered" and to learn if there's any drugs he took that you don't yet know about. Remind self to Call Milos to get Conte's phone number tomorrow.
Real World Application: It's okay to dream.
10:00 Kiss "exhausted" wife goodnight. Leave TV on. Sneak out of house. Borrow wife's "Chevy Tahoe" to casually "drive by" "Hollywood Tans" to see if "girlfriend is done closing up". Tell "Candy" that gold band on "ring finger" is actually "healing medication" for old "boxing injury". Tell her a "room at the Hilton" is not possible because "I'm so well-known". Casually mention that you just happened to be helping "a friend" move his "Serta Perfect Sleeper" and it's "still in the back". Once in the back of the truck, mention that you can't wear a "jimmy" because of "severe latex allergies" and that "they don't make'm my size anyway". Reassure her that "diet program" has rendered body temporarily infertile. After fifteen minutes of profusely sweating on her face, sadly profess that "this has never happened to me before". When cell phone rings and a picture of "Wife" shows up on the "Razor", suddenly "remember" that you have to help the "church pastor" move a piano "before midnight". After "borrowing twenty bucks" from her, stop at "7-11" to pick up some of "wife's favorite ice cream" to "surprise her with". Go home. Put ice cream away. Flex arms in microwave oven reflection. Go to sleep on couch.
Real World Application: Don't even try living the life of a Pro.
Special "Too Much Time on My Hands" Ed
Just think all the productive things you could have been doing if you spend your time thinking and writing about this.
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Actually that was pretty damn funny....You definetly have too much time on your hands though!
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Who knows?? I have downsized alot. Down to 250lb and have alot of work ahead which I don't know if I'm up for it. I think Wayne will pull the PDI thing off. He is out to prove something and he has the connections and support. He knows how to promote a bodybuilding show ..that's for sure.
This was taken a few month ago...
Still looking great man!
Heck, If you joined PDI it would create some buzz about you and your company, I'm sure. Some free advertising....sort of speaking.
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Special Ed, LMAO...That should be a sticky.hahaha
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Special Ed, LMAO...That should be a sticky.hahaha
STICKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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12:00pm scenario too much funny!!!!! ;D
You're very correct. Espcially when he talks about walking across the gym lot and being "exhausted". Classic.
That whole post was classic. I def almost snarfed-up my drink.
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making absurd comment about Vince Young being a smarter draft pick than Matt Leinart.
great post ;D
But this part was the best! :o ;)
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Special Ed you are 10 lvls over me in the funny department and 2 bellow in the wit. ;)
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how long did it take you to think of it all and type it out?
E
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Brilliant Special Ed, that was fantastic, I guess from that you know alot of pros then and have the inside scoop,because you were so spot on the money !! that was a good read , I laughed my arse off (any one know how to put a arse back on ??)
Well done, regards hrdcor
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It's not easy being a Pro. But if you pay close attention to their videos, you can pick up a lot of "real life tips" from their "everyday" lives!! Here are some observations of a trained professional.
6:00 Alarm goes off. Hit snooze 12 times until it's 8 o'clock. Wake up to '90's "most awesome metal band".
Real World Application: Do this if you hate your job and want to get fired. Or if you're a web designer.
8:00 Turn on TV, climb on ten-year old "treadmill" in "basement" or "family room".
Real World Application: One of the HUGE perks of being a Pro is having a TV and a treadmill in your home.
9:00 Have wife cook up 12 eggwhites and wheat toast. Yell at her for using "butter" instead of "Pam".
Real World Application: Do this if your wife doesn't work, doesn't have kids, and lives to please you.
10:00 Log on to getbig, see what's going on in the "Bodybuilding world"
Real World Application: You can do the same, but without the BLUE STARS.
11:00 Get ready to go to the gym. Pick out bandana that best matches outfit.
Real World Application: Always look your best when you go to the "office"
11:45 Drive to gym while eating broccoli and rice from tupperware container.
Real World Application: None
12:00 Arrive at gym. Complain to zit-faced 16-year old behind counter that "someone is parked in my spot" right in front of gym doors. Despite walking two miles on treadmill earlier, deem extra ten footsteps "exhausting" and a "waste of calories". Zit-faced kid apologizes, pages wheelchair-bound man and asks him to remove his car from "handicapped" spot out of "respect" for Pro. Zit-faced kid then asks if he should be on a 40-30-30 or 45-35-20 diet. He spontaneously flexes his 12 inch arm to show results of last "Pro" tip.
Real World Application: Never park in Pro's spot or take advice from zit-faced kids.
1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing.
Real World Application: Great way to pick up men in locker room.
2:00 Return home. Have wife heat up chicken breasts with steamed rice. Watch Jerry Springer. Laugh at the "trailer park losers" arguing on stage. Log on to getbig to argue with "trailer park losers".
Real World Application: Pick up "Ultimate Fighting" techniques from Jerry Springer guests to be better prepared to "challenge" annoying fan or pesky competitor to "steel cage match" "winner take all!"
3:00 Offer wife choice of "oral" or "anal" before showering. Wife chooses oral. Close eyes and pretend wife is 17-year old counter girl at tanning salon.
Real World Application: Fantasy is okay.
3:15 With shower running, flex nude in mirror until steam from hot shower begins to obscure physique. Admire self for additional fifteen minutes.
Real World Application: Love Thyself.
4:00 Light snack while watching Cartoon Network.
Real World Application: Pay close attention to cartoons to "learn" about art, and apply "new skills" when overpaying for worthless "Tom and Jerry" and "Flintsone" "Limited Edition original cels" that line walls of home.
5:00 Browse through Flex magazine to pick up "competitive edge" by stealing "secrets" and "training tips" from other pros. Consider trying 45 set calf workout to "spark new growth" "up to 2 inches in one week". Settle on doubling site injections four weeks out.
Real World Application: There is an easy way and a hard way to do everything. Take the easy way.
6:00 Invite "Bennett", your fat friend over to play the "latest" Madden game for the "360". Complain when he picks the Steelers before you can, and then make up excuse to "switch controllers". Show off "Jim Rome" level knowledge by making absurd comment about Vince Young being a smarter draft pick than Matt Leinart. Casually mention that you could have played in the NFL were it not for "high school injuries" and reel off "old 40 time" of "4.43" while playing linebacker at a "natural 248 lbs." while still "a junior" and earning "All-state" honors.
Real World Application: You need fat friends who will accept everything you say at face value.
7:00 Open fridge to sneak some ice cream when wife is "busy" doing laundry. Get caught with spoon in mouth and conjure up something about "ketosis" and "low insulin levels" to convince wife "Cherry Garcia"-fix is "necessary" and "not cheating".
Real World Application: White lies are the key to a successful marriage.
8:00 Watch TV. Continually remark that "I could have played that part" every time thug, bouncer, or mean cop appears on screen. Open up "Backstage Magazine" and circle parts that are "right for me" along with "audition dates". Say something about "changing agents". Continually click back to ESPN to see if Barry Bonds has "homered" and to learn if there's any drugs he took that you don't yet know about. Remind self to Call Milos to get Conte's phone number tomorrow.
Real World Application: It's okay to dream.
10:00 Kiss "exhausted" wife goodnight. Leave TV on. Sneak out of house. Borrow wife's "Chevy Tahoe" to casually "drive by" "Hollywood Tans" to see if "girlfriend is done closing up". Tell "Candy" that gold band on "ring finger" is actually "healing medication" for old "boxing injury". Tell her a "room at the Hilton" is not possible because "I'm so well-known". Casually mention that you just happened to be helping "a friend" move his "Serta Perfect Sleeper" and it's "still in the back". Once in the back of the truck, mention that you can't wear a "jimmy" because of "severe latex allergies" and that "they don't make'm my size anyway". Reassure her that "diet program" has rendered body temporarily infertile. After fifteen minutes of profusely sweating on her face, sadly profess that "this has never happened to me before". When cell phone rings and a picture of "Wife" shows up on the "Razor", suddenly "remember" that you have to help the "church pastor" move a piano "before midnight". After "borrowing twenty bucks" from her, stop at "7-11" to pick up some of "wife's favorite ice cream" to "surprise her with". Go home. Put ice cream away. Flex arms in microwave oven reflection. Go to sleep on couch.
Real World Application: Don't even try living the life of a Pro.
Special "Too Much Time on My Hands" Ed
dude youre a fuckin genious this SHOULD BE A STEEEEKY. AMAZING
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Thanks to all my admirers. Now please get your heads out of my ass so I can sit down again.
Or send a PM to Steve Blechman and tell him to hire my ass now before I start my own damn magazine!!
Special "We're All Alright" Ed
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Thanks to all my admirers. Now please get your heads out of my ass so I can sit down again.
Or send a PM to Steve Blechman and tell him to hire my ass now before I start my own damn magazine!!
Special "We're All Alright" Ed
Maybe if you were to inject a little synthol on a couple of limbs, you too could get a job at MD..........
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Can you stop giving 240 attention please? He will go away if you ignore him.
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Excellent work Special Ed!!!
"Flex arms in microwave oven reflection." AHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAH!!! Guilty! ;D
MOS
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very funny parody of "the fit show". I hope Bob has a sense of humour :)
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Great post!!!!!
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The worst is I don't want to admit to doing some of these things trying to "act" like a pro.
funny and very special, ed.
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Funny stuff Ed.
I like watching Bobs show, he's just a little younger than me but no wife/kids/dog has a fairly care free existence.
Be fun to see him on the treadmill and answering a call from his wife not another BBer.
" I'll mow it tomorrow...I know...I know..look I'm not stupid!"
Then turn to the camera and be cool." That was um Joe Weider just touching base with my contest prep"
Later on our hero bails out of the gym after his daughters daycare tracks him down.
" Yeah..just a quick detour while I pick up my girl. You may be asking me Jerome, what's with the mini van??
I'll tell ya, I found that having this cavernous interior is very comfortable for me in the off-season"
Finally the show ends with the family dining at..not the Firehouse but MacDonalds.
" They named a menu item after me now, the "McCich 'en".
The show ends with Bob mouthing Help Me at the camera.
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a day in the life of a gym rat
11 a.m. wake up eat 12 raw eggs 3 cups of raw oatmeal
12 a.m. borrow mom's car to go to the gym
2 p.m. after 90 set full body workout (except legs) head to wendys for there 99 cent menu
3 p.m. take a nap
6 pm wake up log on to getbig and go and eat mcdonalds
7 p.m. argue with your parents telling them the reason you dont work or go to school is because your trying to become a pro bodybuilder and you need there support
8 p.m. more getbig.com
9 p.m. go out and get drunk
2-4 a.m. come home post on getbig and go to sleep
now THIS is a lot more reflective of the guys here on the board.And a lot funnier ;D
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very funny!
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Great post!!
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It's not easy being a Pro. But if you pay close attention to their videos, you can pick up a lot of "real life tips" from their "everyday" lives!! Here are some observations of a trained professional.
6:00 Alarm goes off. Hit snooze 12 times until it's 8 o'clock. Wake up to '90's "most awesome metal band".
Real World Application: Do this if you hate your job and want to get fired. Or if you're a web designer.
8:00 Turn on TV, climb on ten-year old "treadmill" in "basement" or "family room".
Real World Application: One of the HUGE perks of being a Pro is having a TV and a treadmill in your home.
9:00 Have wife cook up 12 eggwhites and wheat toast. Yell at her for using "butter" instead of "Pam".
Real World Application: Do this if your wife doesn't work, doesn't have kids, and lives to please you.
10:00 Log on to getbig, see what's going on in the "Bodybuilding world"
Real World Application: You can do the same, but without the BLUE STARS.
11:00 Get ready to go to the gym. Pick out bandana that best matches outfit.
Real World Application: Always look your best when you go to the "office"
11:45 Drive to gym while eating broccoli and rice from tupperware container.
Real World Application: None
12:00 Arrive at gym. Complain to zit-faced 16-year old behind counter that "someone is parked in my spot" right in front of gym doors. Despite walking two miles on treadmill earlier, deem extra ten footsteps "exhausting" and a "waste of calories". Zit-faced kid apologizes, pages wheelchair-bound man and asks him to remove his car from "handicapped" spot out of "respect" for Pro. Zit-faced kid then asks if he should be on a 40-30-30 or 45-35-20 diet. He spontaneously flexes his 12 inch arm to show results of last "Pro" tip.
Real World Application: Never park in Pro's spot or take advice from zit-faced kids.
1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing.
Real World Application: Great way to pick up men in locker room.
2:00 Return home. Have wife heat up chicken breasts with steamed rice. Watch Jerry Springer. Laugh at the "trailer park losers" arguing on stage. Log on to getbig to argue with "trailer park losers".
Real World Application: Pick up "Ultimate Fighting" techniques from Jerry Springer guests to be better prepared to "challenge" annoying fan or pesky competitor to "steel cage match" "winner take all!"
3:00 Offer wife choice of "oral" or "anal" before showering. Wife chooses oral. Close eyes and pretend wife is 17-year old counter girl at tanning salon.
Real World Application: Fantasy is okay.
3:15 With shower running, flex nude in mirror until steam from hot shower begins to obscure physique. Admire self for additional fifteen minutes.
Real World Application: Love Thyself.
4:00 Light snack while watching Cartoon Network.
Real World Application: Pay close attention to cartoons to "learn" about art, and apply "new skills" when overpaying for worthless "Tom and Jerry" and "Flintsone" "Limited Edition original cels" that line walls of home.
5:00 Browse through Flex magazine to pick up "competitive edge" by stealing "secrets" and "training tips" from other pros. Consider trying 45 set calf workout to "spark new growth" "up to 2 inches in one week". Settle on doubling site injections four weeks out.
Real World Application: There is an easy way and a hard way to do everything. Take the easy way.
6:00 Invite "Bennett", your fat friend over to play the "latest" Madden game for the "360". Complain when he picks the Steelers before you can, and then make up excuse to "switch controllers". Show off "Jim Rome" level knowledge by making absurd comment about Vince Young being a smarter draft pick than Matt Leinart. Casually mention that you could have played in the NFL were it not for "high school injuries" and reel off "old 40 time" of "4.43" while playing linebacker at a "natural 248 lbs." while still "a junior" and earning "All-state" honors.
Real World Application: You need fat friends who will accept everything you say at face value.
7:00 Open fridge to sneak some ice cream when wife is "busy" doing laundry. Get caught with spoon in mouth and conjure up something about "ketosis" and "low insulin levels" to convince wife "Cherry Garcia"-fix is "necessary" and "not cheating".
Real World Application: White lies are the key to a successful marriage.
8:00 Watch TV. Continually remark that "I could have played that part" every time thug, bouncer, or mean cop appears on screen. Open up "Backstage Magazine" and circle parts that are "right for me" along with "audition dates". Say something about "changing agents". Continually click back to ESPN to see if Barry Bonds has "homered" and to learn if there's any drugs he took that you don't yet know about. Remind self to Call Milos to get Conte's phone number tomorrow.
Real World Application: It's okay to dream.
10:00 Kiss "exhausted" wife goodnight. Leave TV on. Sneak out of house. Borrow wife's "Chevy Tahoe" to casually "drive by" "Hollywood Tans" to see if "girlfriend is done closing up". Tell "Candy" that gold band on "ring finger" is actually "healing medication" for old "boxing injury". Tell her a "room at the Hilton" is not possible because "I'm so well-known". Casually mention that you just happened to be helping "a friend" move his "Serta Perfect Sleeper" and it's "still in the back". Once in the back of the truck, mention that you can't wear a "jimmy" because of "severe latex allergies" and that "they don't make'm my size anyway". Reassure her that "diet program" has rendered body temporarily infertile. After fifteen minutes of profusely sweating on her face, sadly profess that "this has never happened to me before". When cell phone rings and a picture of "Wife" shows up on the "Razor", suddenly "remember" that you have to help the "church pastor" move a piano "before midnight". After "borrowing twenty bucks" from her, stop at "7-11" to pick up some of "wife's favorite ice cream" to "surprise her with". Go home. Put ice cream away. Flex arms in microwave oven reflection. Go to sleep on couch.
Real World Application: Don't even try living the life of a Pro.
Special "Too Much Time on My Hands" Ed
get a "life" dood!
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Nice post Ed
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Excellent post - funniest I've read all year, Buzz363's post good too.
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Too good - thanks for the laugh! ;D u hit it right on!
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not all the pros live only for then¡m ,this o¡is my daily schedule
7.30 wake up,
8 breakfast
8.30 open my gym
10 2nd breakfast
10.30 personal trainig
11.30 black cofe and training
13.30 post w. shake
14 lunch
14.30 to 15.15 sleep
15.30 open my gym again until 22.30 when i start all the cleaning and close at 23.00
3 meals between 15.30 and 23 and one more when i get home and one more at 1 am
so i am 12 hours a day monday to friday in my gym with my clients.
and yes i am a pro (making my debut in september )
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by the way you tell time, I'm assuming you're not an american?
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no i am spanish www.marcoschacon.com
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no i am spanish www.marcoschacon.com
Solo para tu, Marcos:
9 Abril - Hace nada todo el dia.
10 Abril - Gran Abierto de tu gym nuevo, "Ovo Gym".
11 Abril - Diganos tu "Daily routine" cerca del trabajando todo el dia.
Now would someone get this IFBB PRO his BLUE STARS already!!! Sheesh...the guys already got 15 posts!!
Special "Compadre" Ed
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no i am spanish www.marcoschacon.com
Wow lookin good dude, very impressive physique. Good luck to you in the pro ranks!!!
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MONSTER GUM-LINE!!!
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MONSTER GUM-LINE!!!
Oh come on man if all you can see is his gums maybe you should go be a dental assistant. I think the dude looks great.
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Oh come on man if all you can see is his gums maybe you should go be a dental assistant. I think the dude looks great.
I am a Dentist! Thanks... ;D
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LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
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Great conditioning.
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lol
(http://www.thebiguniverse.com/chacon/fitform3.jpg)
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Self Bump!
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who is big for fun and pictures please ???
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Solo para tu, Marcos:
9 Abril - Hace nada todo el dia.
10 Abril - Gran Abierto de tu gym nuevo, "Ovo Gym".
11 Abril - Diganos tu "Daily routine" cerca del trabajando todo el dia.
Now would someone get this IFBB PRO his BLUE STARS already!!! Sheesh...the guys already got 15 posts!!
Special "Compadre" Ed
LOL!
"9 Abril - Hace nada todo el dia."
bwahahahahahaha!
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get a "life" dood!
dont forget another 20minutes to find the right spot to stick the needles
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Humor Bump
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that was funny i had never seen it
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Who knows?? I have downsized alot. Down to 250lb and have alot of work ahead which I don't know if I'm up for it. I think Wayne will pull the PDI thing off. He is out to prove something and he has the connections and support. He knows how to promote a bodybuilding show ..that's for sure.
This was taken a few month ago...
Yeah its probably best you go to the pdi cause you would never be considered for the ifbb and your gh gut has beyond ruined your physique
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Humor Bump
Stop bumping, this is the second within only 2 years!!!!
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hilarious ;D
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Let me help you out. Here's Bob C's day.
11:30 am: Wake up
11:31 am: Log on to Getbig. Wait for 240 to wake up and log on.
3:30 am: Log off and go to bed.
:P
LOL!
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I just read it and it was pretty funny.
Special Ed is a creative guy.
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lol
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Fucking classic!
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Fucking classic!
Yeah! i had to go through it again...
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hahahah!!!!!!!!
GOLD!!!!!
PLEASE READ THIS!! ;D ;D ;D
"1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing."
-
hahahah!!!!!!!!
GOLD!!!!!
PLEASE READ THIS!! ;D ;D ;D
"1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing."
You forgot to add the real world application: "Great way to pick up men in locker room."
HAHAHAHAHA!
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Great post Special Ed. I particularly like:
"close eyes and pretend wife is 17 year old who works the counter at the gym."
"severely allergic to latex"
You forgot:
2pm- (while in the gym) look for 2 guys who looks shitty on gear to be your "spotters", aka Guys you use to make yourself appear more important than you are
215pm- Give them catch phrases to scream at you, while you're inclining 175lbs to work on the "mind muscle connection"...things like "no pain, no gain", "light weight", "drive it up"
6pm- Browse the Otomix online store for the latest in clothing apparel.
8pm- Reassure self that testicles aren't that important and women find a squirrel size nutsac "cute"
10pm- Answer questions from website, letting youngsters know...if you train hard, take Nitrotech, and get sufficient sleep...you too can be lean and 250lbs
11pm- Tell yourself all the gear you take is just to be the best at what you do and that you DON'T have a drug problem
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Ed is a two face, he acts friendly to the pros in person and then writes this
E
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It's not easy being a Pro. But if you pay close attention to their videos, you can pick up a lot of "real life tips" from their "everyday" lives!! Here are some observations of a trained professional.
6:00 Alarm goes off. Hit snooze 12 times until it's 8 o'clock. Wake up to '90's "most awesome metal band".
Real World Application: Do this if you hate your job and want to get fired. Or if you're a web designer.
8:00 Turn on TV, climb on ten-year old "treadmill" in "basement" or "family room".
Real World Application: One of the HUGE perks of being a Pro is having a TV and a treadmill in your home.
9:00 Have wife cook up 12 eggwhites and wheat toast. Yell at her for using "butter" instead of "Pam".
Real World Application: Do this if your wife doesn't work, doesn't have kids, and lives to please you.
10:00 Log on to getbig, see what's going on in the "Bodybuilding world"
Real World Application: You can do the same, but without the BLUE STARS.
11:00 Get ready to go to the gym. Pick out bandana that best matches outfit.
Real World Application: Always look your best when you go to the "office"
11:45 Drive to gym while eating broccoli and rice from tupperware container.
Real World Application: None
12:00 Arrive at gym. Complain to zit-faced 16-year old behind counter that "someone is parked in my spot" right in front of gym doors. Despite walking two miles on treadmill earlier, deem extra ten footsteps "exhausting" and a "waste of calories". Zit-faced kid apologizes, pages wheelchair-bound man and asks him to remove his car from "handicapped" spot out of "respect" for Pro. Zit-faced kid then asks if he should be on a 40-30-30 or 45-35-20 diet. He spontaneously flexes his 12 inch arm to show results of last "Pro" tip.
Real World Application: Never park in Pro's spot or take advice from zit-faced kids.
1:30 Finish workout. Strip down in locker room to show "pencil-necks" and "homos" what a "real man" looks like. Flex in mirror while maintaining angry look on face, so no one comments about calves that haven't been trained in three years. Solicit compliments by staring at others and grunting, "Huh?" while flexing.
Real World Application: Great way to pick up men in locker room.
2:00 Return home. Have wife heat up chicken breasts with steamed rice. Watch Jerry Springer. Laugh at the "trailer park losers" arguing on stage. Log on to getbig to argue with "trailer park losers".
Real World Application: Pick up "Ultimate Fighting" techniques from Jerry Springer guests to be better prepared to "challenge" annoying fan or pesky competitor to "steel cage match" "winner take all!"
3:00 Offer wife choice of "oral" or "anal" before showering. Wife chooses oral. Close eyes and pretend wife is 17-year old counter girl at tanning salon.
Real World Application: Fantasy is okay.
3:15 With shower running, flex nude in mirror until steam from hot shower begins to obscure physique. Admire self for additional fifteen minutes.
Real World Application: Love Thyself.
4:00 Light snack while watching Cartoon Network.
Real World Application: Pay close attention to cartoons to "learn" about art, and apply "new skills" when overpaying for worthless "Tom and Jerry" and "Flintsone" "Limited Edition original cels" that line walls of home.
5:00 Browse through Flex magazine to pick up "competitive edge" by stealing "secrets" and "training tips" from other pros. Consider trying 45 set calf workout to "spark new growth" "up to 2 inches in one week". Settle on doubling site injections four weeks out.
Real World Application: There is an easy way and a hard way to do everything. Take the easy way.
6:00 Invite "Bennett", your fat friend over to play the "latest" Madden game for the "360". Complain when he picks the Steelers before you can, and then make up excuse to "switch controllers". Show off "Jim Rome" level knowledge by making absurd comment about Vince Young being a smarter draft pick than Matt Leinart. Casually mention that you could have played in the NFL were it not for "high school injuries" and reel off "old 40 time" of "4.43" while playing linebacker at a "natural 248 lbs." while still "a junior" and earning "All-state" honors.
Real World Application: You need fat friends who will accept everything you say at face value.
7:00 Open fridge to sneak some ice cream when wife is "busy" doing laundry. Get caught with spoon in mouth and conjure up something about "ketosis" and "low insulin levels" to convince wife "Cherry Garcia"-fix is "necessary" and "not cheating".
Real World Application: White lies are the key to a successful marriage.
8:00 Watch TV. Continually remark that "I could have played that part" every time thug, bouncer, or mean cop appears on screen. Open up "Backstage Magazine" and circle parts that are "right for me" along with "audition dates". Say something about "changing agents". Continually click back to ESPN to see if Barry Bonds has "homered" and to learn if there's any drugs he took that you don't yet know about. Remind self to Call Milos to get Conte's phone number tomorrow.
Real World Application: It's okay to dream.
10:00 Kiss "exhausted" wife goodnight. Leave TV on. Sneak out of house. Borrow wife's "Chevy Tahoe" to casually "drive by" "Hollywood Tans" to see if "girlfriend is done closing up". Tell "Candy" that gold band on "ring finger" is actually "healing medication" for old "boxing injury". Tell her a "room at the Hilton" is not possible because "I'm so well-known". Casually mention that you just happened to be helping "a friend" move his "Serta Perfect Sleeper" and it's "still in the back". Once in the back of the truck, mention that you can't wear a "jimmy" because of "severe latex allergies" and that "they don't make'm my size anyway". Reassure her that "diet program" has rendered body temporarily infertile. After fifteen minutes of profusely sweating on her face, sadly profess that "this has never happened to me before". When cell phone rings and a picture of "Wife" shows up on the "Razor", suddenly "remember" that you have to help the "church pastor" move a piano "before midnight". After "borrowing twenty bucks" from her, stop at "7-11" to pick up some of "wife's favorite ice cream" to "surprise her with". Go home. Put ice cream away. Flex arms in microwave oven reflection. Go to sleep on couch.
Real World Application: Don't even try living the life of a Pro.
Special "Too Much Time on My Hands" Ed
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Good Bump.. i just read it again
-
good read.
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Haha - one of the best posts on Getbig ever IMO.