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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: epic is back on December 02, 2020, 04:08:02 PM
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why did the cookie go to the doctor?
because he felt crummy
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how do you make a tissue dance?
put a little boogie in it
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what do you call a fake noodle? any guesses funk?
a impasta
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how do you make holy water?
you boil the hell out of it
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What did the woman at the beach say to epic is back?
"Get out of my son!"
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"I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today"
"now my jaws all methed up"
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A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.
But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.
"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
"Don't worry," replied another. "His lips are sealed."
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A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict.
It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.
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What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it
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My former drug dealer quit dealing and is now working as a bartender...
I always knew he'd end up behind bars.
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What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny Farts
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Did you know you could jump from a plane without parachutes?
Yes, but only once
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I have a lot of good jokes about unemployed people...
But none of them work.
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What's the definition of a good buddy?
A guy who goes out and gets two blowjobs then comes back and gives you one.
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What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday the rest are week days.
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Why do shoemakers go to heaven?
Because they have good soles.
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What kind of music is a balloon scared of?
Pop music.
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Polish guy is standing in the unemployment line. He see's a sign on the wall that reads "wanted - for rape and grand theft auto".
He says to himself, "damn, those mexicans get all the good jobs".
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Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
The retail store.
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What do you call a field of cows jacking off?
Beef Stroganov
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Why can't you trust trees?
Because they are shady.
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Why couldn't the keyboard sleep?
Because it has 2 shifts.
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Why are math books always sad?
Because they are filled with problems.
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What did the 0 say to the 8?
“Nice belt”
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Did you hear about the 2 guys that got caught stealing the calendar?
They each got 6 months.
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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
7 is a registered six offender.
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Why did the cannibal stop eating clowns
They tasted funny
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What did the woman at the beach say to epic is back?
"Get out of my son!"
Hahahaha that really made me laugh.a few good jokes in here but this was just great.granted I’m stoned as fuck.
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Thanks for the great comedy
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What would you call a gaggle of Goodrum's butt-fucking?
The Soooooooooooooooul Train!
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What does a nostalgic proctologist do?
He looks up old friends
WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEAF GYNECOLOGIST?
A lip reader
SAM: One night I dreamed I was a muffler.
JEREMY: Really? What happened?
SAM: I woke up exhausted.
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How many Africans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What’s a lightbulb?
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A white man a Mexican man and a black man stand on a corner waiting to get on a bus
The Mexican man asks the white man
“What time is it “
White man says “ it’s 10:15 am sir “
Mexican mans says “shit I’m late for work “
The black man says
“ what’s work “
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An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.
The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
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A woman walks into an ice cream parlor and tells the guy behind the counter,
"I'd like a gallon of chocolate ice cream."
The counter man says, "I know that this may sound strange, but we don't have
any chocolate ice cream. We ran out and the delivery truck hasn't arrived yet."
She says, "In that case, I'll have half a gallon of chocolate ice cream."
"Ma'am, I just told you that I'm sorry, we don't have any chocolate ice cream."
"Okay, then I'll have a pint of chocolate ice cream."
"Look lady, I said we don't have ANY chocolate ice cream."
"That's okay, I'll have an ice cream cone with two scoops of chocolate."
The counter man is absolutely livid and says, "Lady, how do you spell the
'straw' in strawberry?"
She says, "S-T-R-A-W."
"Right, now how do you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"
"V-A-N."
"Great, now how do you spell the 'fuck' in chocolate?"
She says, "There is no 'fuck' in chocolate."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you, THERE IS NO FUCKIN' CHOCOLATE!"
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How do u make a woman scream twice?
Stick it in her ass and then wipe it on the curtains
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What’s green n smells like pork?
Kermits finger
Why does miss piggy douche with sugar n vinegar?
Cuz Kermit likes sweet n sour pork
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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
7 is a registered six offender.
Be cause 7, ate, 9 you jack ass :D
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What kind of jokes are allowed during quarantine?
Inside jokes
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a new female teacher starts her first day of school. she comes into the classroom introduces herself and asks the kids to say their names. when she asks the one boy his name. he says jack Fuckinghour. aghast the teacher runs off to the principal's office and asks him if we have a Fucking hour in the school. the principal replies nah, all we have is a coffee break.
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What did the grape say when it was crushed under an elephant's foot?
Nothing...it just let out a little wine
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a minister walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher to recommend his best ham. the butcher replies you want our goddam ham then. the minister angrily says can't you see I'm a man of the cloth what's wrong with you cursing in front of me like that. the butcher tells him that goddam is the brand name and he meant him no disrespect. satisfied the minister buys the ham takes it home to his family. when his wife serves the ham he tells his son to pass the goddam ham. his son surprised says, now you're getting with it pop give me the fucking butter.
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a 5 th grade teacher is asking her students questions, what is the square root of 49 a little Japanese boy raises his hand and answers 7. she asks what is the capital of Pennsylvania the Japanese boy raises his hand and answers Harrisburg. she asks several more questions and each time the same Japanese boy answers them. she then asks the class can't anyone else answer anything but tommy. one little boy in the back yells out fuck the japs. the teacher angrily yells who said that ? the little Japanese boy raises his hand and says general Douglas MacArthur 1941.
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How many Africans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What’s a lightbulb?
Hahahaha
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What do epic is back and walmart have in common?
They both have boys pants half off!
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What do epic is back and walmart have in common?
They both have boys pants half off!
Hahahahah that was good.
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loving the comedy fellas
epic stuff 8)
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a minister walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher to recommend his best ham. the butcher replies you want our goddam ham then. the minister angrily says can't you see I'm a man of the cloth what's wrong with you cursing in front of me like that. the butcher tells him that goddam is the brand name and he meant him no disrespect. satisfied the minister buys the ham takes it home to his family. when his wife serves the ham he tells his son to pass the goddam ham. his son surprised says, now you're getting with it pop give me the fucking butter.
;D
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A woman goes to the doctor. She opens her mouth wide and loudly asks him if it is true that you can tell the size of a man's penis by the size of his hands. The doctor answers, "No, but you can tell the size of a woman's vagina by the size of her mouth." The woman purses her lips as tightly as she can and whispers, "Oooh, is that sooo."
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Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them they disappear.
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My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
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Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee.
I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s
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I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
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What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
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my boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.
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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
then told her to mask up
how dare her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could die right on the spot!!!!
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what do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other ? answer=Eileen. what do you call a Chinese girl with one leg shorter than the other ?answer=Irene.
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A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.
But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.
"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
"Don't worry," replied another. "His lips are sealed."
Sunds like one of those 1920s jokes sold at newsstands for 1¢.
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Sounds like your thirsty for a nice refreshing warm bucket of my piss
Now fuck off out of this thread unless you got a joke to put
All other threads except the joke thread are open to your cuntlip behaviors
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My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub in its ears once a month.
The lady went to the drug store and got some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the druggist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The druggist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."
The lady said, "I'm not using it on my legs either and, if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist replied, "In that case, stay off your bicycle for a week."
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::)
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Couldn’t even write it down
On top of that your tds is still full blown
Sad
This is the joke thread
Not unhinged tds thread
I’ll post a joke for you funk
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
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Couldn’t even write it down
On top of that your tds is still full blown
Sad
This is the joke thread
Not unhinged tds thread
I’ll post a joke for you funk
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
why write it down to pretend I thought it up on my own. here's another for you.
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I have to confess, I tried COKE once but it didn't do anything for me, couldn't get the bottle in my nose. ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
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There you go bro
See you can do it !!
600 miles of wall built 100 to go at 10 miles a week
Before the google monsters try and prove me wrong
430 is fully complete 230 is “ under construction” and will be finished as the money changed hands
So if you can’t do basic math don’t bother posting the oh so accurate “google “ or bing info
It’s going to be completed soon and it doesn’t matter who is in office
Your one special fella funk , don’t you get tired of being wrong ?
So as cowboy walks into as bar and orders a drink
Bartender says “what will it be”
Cowboy says “everything you are , ever was , or will be “
Bartender says “here I don’t want it anyway “ and hands him his wedding ring
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melvin goodgums walks into a snap welfare office
he says
"I can show all of you how to eat for 30 bucks a month and you wont need whitey anymore" and proceeds to show his grocery list proposal
The crowd of 300 pounders with blond wigs , looks back at Melvin and says
"Where's my ho- hos where's my cool aide, where's my flap jacks?? where's my chitlins" pigs feet? Where's my lotto tickets, where's my lee press on nails? where's the glue for my wigs? where's the cereal for little Jamal and his brother LaShawn, and his sister shaniqua, and her sister shanae -nae where's my coupons to get my massages and, my beer and liquor?" and who gonna pay for all dat?"
Melvin says "nevermind" hops in his 2003 jaguar and goes back to his luxury trailer in the hills
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melvin goodgums walks into a snap welfare office
he says
"I can show all of you how to eat for 30 bucks a month and you wont need whitey anymore" and proceeds to show his grocery list proposal
The crowd of 300 pounders with blond wigs , looks back at Melvin and says
"Where's my ho- hos where's my cool aide, where's my flap jacks?? where's my chitlins" pigs feet? Where's my lotto tickets, where's my lee press on nails? where's the glue for my wigs? where's the cereal for little Jamal and his brother LaShawn, and his sister shaniqua, and her sister shanae -nae where's my coupons to get my massages and, my beer and liquor?" and who gonna pay for all dat?"
Melvin says "nevermind" hops in his 2003 jaguar and goes back to his luxury trailer in the hills
LMFAO. You left out menthol cigarettes.
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Did you hear about the guy with 5 penises?
His pants fit like a glove.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef !!
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full
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What do u get when u turn a blond upside down?
A brunette with bad breath
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What does a woman do to her asshole every morning?
Kisses him goodbye n sends him off to work
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A salesman is goin from house to house n knocks on a door
A little boy answers
The salesman says is ur mommy n daddy home?
Little boys says holds on
He comes back n says they is here but they is left
The salesman replies my word young man what happened to ur grammar?
The little boy replies, she’s in the kitchen baking cookies