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Welcome to the 2023 Getbig Awards! These are already a week late, so let's cut the shit and get right to it with one of most nominated categories in history:
Feud of the Year
Nominees: bhanks vs josfwift, bhanks vs krankenstein, bhanks vs webstar, bhanks vs soulcrusher, bhanks vs cankor sores (those are typical signs something is wrong) , bhanks vs constant painful heartburn , bhanks vs Passes blood for a month prior to bodybuilding shows , bhanks vs High blood pressure 200+/160+. , bhanks vs Painful peptic ulcer (of peace) , bhanks vs Spends half the night passing gas , bhanks vs Liposuction scars , bhanks vs Dyslexia , bhanks vs Throwing up bile on Thanksgiving morning , bhanks vs Pain in abdomen from where he had a surgical implant , bhanks vs Brittle nails due to vitamin deficiency , bhanks vs Botched hernia operation , bhanks vs Dead arm , bhanks vs sick the last few mornings with acid reflux in indigestion and no appetite (sic) , bhanks vs Medically too lean , bhanks vs Acute abdomen pain forcing two day break in post-surgery comeback training , bhanks vs foreign objected surgically implanted into abdomen , bhanks vs abs hurt when he coughs , bhanks vs Delts have been dislocated and they do not sit the same in the joint. One is always rolled forward and the other is always rolled backward. , bhanks vs Tennis elbow requiring cortisone injections every 6 months for 2 years , bhanks vs 2 cm meniscus tear , bhanks vs Infected hernia side incisions , bhanks vs Red area around the [hernia operation] wound with some yellow puss and a swollen lymph node , bhanks vs Tweaked right bicep from setting denied World Record Strict Curling in wrong weight class , bhanks vs Tennis elbow/stress fracture , bhanks vs Pituitary gland doesn’t seem to be making anything , bhanks vs Elevated liver enzymes and high Hematocrit , bhanks vs Bench press shakes from Adrenalin or Sugar Imbalance , bhanks vs 110 resting heartrate after coffee , bhanks vs Debilitating sunburn , bhanks vs Sore throat , bhanks vs minor tendon strain pull in the right arm , bhanks vs can’t hear out of left ear and there is a constant ringing , bhanks vs Starvation requiring midnight cooking meals , bhanks vs Legs still don't bend right , bhanks vs Insomnia due to left shoulder aches , bhanks vs Throwing up in the morning (daily ritual before dbol breakfast) , bhanks vs "temporary Injury in the quad" (as of 6/28/23) , bhanks vs Two-step "sliding knee" , justplanejane vs matt, bhanks vs Cleggian shoulder dislocation , bhanks vs Baker's cyst , bhanks vs Lactose Intolerant , bhanks vs Agoraphobia (not Agorgophobia though) , bhanks vs Bulimia , bhanks vs Hands and arms completely numb in sleep , bhanks vs Erectile dysfunction , bhanks vs Male pattern baldness , bhanks vs Missing esophageal sphincter , bhanks vs Thrombosed Hemorrhoid , bhanks vs Possibly Infected veinless cutless bicep , bhanks vs Broken toe from hopping out of bed , bhanks vs "A" stigmatism , bhanks vs 2 Herniated bulging disc one lower back and one in the neck possibly causing nerve damage and atrophy on the right arm , bhanks vs "precancerous polyps and cyst throughout digestive system" , bhanks vs Anorexia , bhanks vs Dementia/Alzheimers (possibly vaping induced) , bhanks vs ACUTE Organ failure hacking up bile , bhanks vs Something with the neck from demolition derby (whiplash) , royalty vs beakdoctor bhanks vs Arthritis , bhanks vs Depression , bhanks vs Anxiety , bhanks vs Anemia , bhanks vs Stingray puncture of left or right foot (he can't remember, see dementia below and "225x15" and 7=10-11) , bhanks vs magnesium and other mineral deficiencies , bhanks vs shin splints in the forearms , bhanks vs Bloody shits, nausea and indigestion and vomiting , bhanks vs Bleeding ulcer , bhanks vs Polyps and cyst (pre-cancerous) , bhanks vs Umbilical hernia , bhanks vs Hiatal hernia , bhanks vs Bile reflux , bhanks vs Crohnes disease , bhanks vs Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) , bhanks vs Barrett’s esophagus , bhanks vs Cut bicep tendon from a shoulder surgery , bhanks vs 3 Shoulder surgeries, one on the right side the other 2 were on the left side. , bhanks vs Surgical re-attachment of right tricep , bhanks vs Torn right pec ("missing half a pec") , bhanks vs Bone on Bone knees and surgeries (Titanium/adamantium rods) , bhanks vs Shaky hands from childhood , bhanks vs Restless Leg syndrome , bhanks vs "sheared from the bone Tricep";coach vs lurkernomore, bhanks vs SCN, bhanks vs Cleggbombs!, bhanks vs french toOOast, bhanks vs photoshop/not photoshpped, bhanks vs cartoon dogs, bhanks vs math, bhanks vs illuminati
Winner: JustPlaneJane vs Matt This battle has raged continuously throughout 2023 often resurfacing when it was thought to have gone the wayside, and both posters have certainly brought their "A" games to the table. Unfortunately, in Matt's case, the A stands for Autism, which forced him to spend untold hours analyzing pictures of women's' feet and expanding the feud to Matt vs himself on Facebook. Either way we don't expect this one to end any time soon, which is fine because it is always great to see opponents on the opposite ends of the spectrum (height, sex, and spectrum/spectrum) do battle. Congrats to JPJ and Matt!
Comeback of the Year
Nominees: dj181
Winner: dj181 2023 marked The Return of the Twink to our illustrious forum. This is one of the more remarkable comebacks in recently history, because it actually involved our winner coming on some dude's back while he boner-machete'd his way though a jungle of hairy man ass just to pinch some whore's backfat. The return hit the ground running and has not let up since. While normally a combination of steroids, insulin, swing clubs, brain drugs, McDonalds, narcissism, shouldering dudes, hookers, cookies, Y Chromosome cock-hammocks, red bull and semen is a recipe for success and longevity, it might not apply here, so enjoy this while you can. Then, again, he does possess a Goodrum-like ability fend off critics and can actually laugh at jokes at his own expense, unlike others. Congrats to dj181!
Mainstay of the year
Nominees: kwon, wes, joswift, dave d, sf1900, beakdoctor, flexacon, ND, rambone, ironat, funk51, loco, gym rat, never1ashow, soulcrusher, thin lizzy, lurkernomore, coach, #1gymrat, robcguns, herne, Irongrip400, njflex, krankenstein, HumbleNarcissist, BB, deadz, skeletor, The Scott, illuminati; abraham g; taffin; oltimer1, Hulkotron
Winner: This award is an attempt to recognize those who consistently bring wit, humor & color to our little light blue corner of the internet. *BREAKING NEWS* The Committee™ has a special announcement that we have decided to ignore normal award protocols and make this the first ever group award, as it is too hard to pick a standout. Day in, day out, they are here, keeping this outdated relic insanity, gaybosity, and lunacy going whilst not giving the moderators any headaches or problems whatsoever (although Kwon's insistence on corrupting our wholesome and pure Random Whores thread with his overstuffed-pockmarked-pizza dough-oompaloompa-flubba-goo-whale-ass is still being monitored.) WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME FUCKFACES! Congrats - you are all winners! And all complete losers.
Best poster of the year named wes
Nominees: wes
Winner: Not wes. Wait, what? While it's always a battle when ron has us on a limited budget, we still take pride on having the most up to date databases and algorithms that we can afford, so we are unsure of why or how this has happened, especially since wes was the only nominee. While we will never make excuses, it must be noted that data around wes can be easily corrupted because integrating data sources from sandskrit, hieroglyphics, cave paintings, the dead sea scrolls, fountain pens, telegraphs, smoke signals, dot matrix printers and cvs receipts can get complicated. Either way, nzmusclemonster has volunteered to make a special trip to Uganda to get to the bottom of this. We have the utmost confidence he will get to the source, as he showed his dedication to leaving quickly by only packing baby oil and a white towel. Congrats to nobody, except maybe some Ugandan Sailors who were early in line.
A Touch of the 'Tism award
Nominees: Matt, dj181, herne
Winner: *REPEAT WINNER ALERT*: Herne. Can't stop, won't stop. herne gonna herne. Nobody has ever denied the drive and sheer amounts of amazing content herne brings to the table (often with a subtle undercurrent reflecting contemporary events). While there can be no denying unflappable force of nature, we did make the mistake of asking if he could cut down on The Chieftess, The Mom who lost a bet, and the bitch with the gargantuan stretched out balloon tits. He replied with the following:
There's been so many times, you practice in your mirror
To be just like me, but you just can't see
You ain't got the balls, son
I fight for love of brother, your friends fight one another
You can't see, because your head's up your ass
And just in case you think you're bad
I crush your rush, I rule you fool
I'm an Immovable stone in your world of weak, I speak
So, uh ok. Congrats herne! Post away at your discretion.
Most Annoying Poster:
Nominees: Oak, Royalty, rmj11
Winner: Royalty. Seriously, what the fuck happened here? You would think that one trick pony dipshits like Oak (memes) and rimjob11 (quoting posters while changing quotes) would be an easy win. But no, as we all saw Royalty slowly degrade into a Mentzer-like drug fantasy with gimmick accusations: abraham g is bevo, bevo is beakdoctor, beak is OMR, OMR is chaos, chaos is grape ape (maybe?)... Anyway, we are setting up a gofundme to have a life size statuette created of beakdoctor's middle finger to send to Royalty so he can sit down on it and shove it up his fucking ass. Congrats to Royalty! Fuck you.
Bodybuilder of the Year:
Nominees: bhanks, tommywishbone, joswift, BigRo
Winner: Big Ro While no amount of meditation, philosophy, deep thought, beards, swords, introspective reflection, and seriously hard dieting training will change the fact the end result always ends up slathered in baby oil in a g-string dancing to a choir of hootin' and hollerin' homo-sucks-you-alls, Big Ro did his best to eliminate the stigma. Dude seriously looked better than some professionals we've seen on stage, and we all felt he was robbed completely at the last outing, as his size, conditioning, symmetry, and Mt. Rushmore hairstyle seemed to easily best the competition. Dude is a beast. Congrats Big Ro!
Animation/Graphic
Nominees: BB, "SCN Floopy Dick", Krankenstein "Big Boobs Brian", Skeletor "Faces of Hankins"
Winner: Skeletor, "Faces of Hankins".
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Mad respect given to all involved, but "Faces of Hankins" was selected due to it's ever evolving complexity, and the fact the Krank's Brian Series sometimes made us want to vomit as much as when we saw pics of Brian's feet on a scale. Astute posters have learned the correct threads to avoid while eating breakfast. Congrats Skeletor!
Poster of the Year
Nominees: joswift, dave d, bb, wes, robcguns, rambone, webstar, bhanks
Winner: BB! Generally we do not give insight to the stinking masses as to the internal processes and procedural conduct of The Committee™, but this one went down to the wire, with joswift snagging defeat from the jaws of victory by going off his meds at the exact wrong time. We just could not risk another Taffin-like title reign, but this does not mean the award is undeserved. BB brings a rare combination of elite posting AND graphic artistry, with digital whispers of comparisons to mighty IronMeister starting to circulate. There is a rumor that Rambone has crazy glued last year's golden thong to his pubes, and is planning to storm Ron's office and refuse the peaceful transfer of power, but we are hoping this is not the case. Congrats BB!
Lightning Round Subcategories:
Fountains of Information group: krankenstein, coach, van bilderass, mayday, gib, OMR
Fountains of Semen group: dj181, robcguns, Matt, OMR (dried, glazed donut version)
Possible Future Committee™ Appointee: (PFC™A): Delon
Highest Increase in Real Estate Value: robcguns' bushes
Delicacy of the Year: nice french toOOast.
#1 on the list of people who have never made a list: Calv..uh, wait, trick question. Move along.
Best Cinematography: Josh / The Kramer backdrop
Most unsafe mode of transportation: Hankins' skateboard
The Gimmick: or There and Back Again: BEEFCAKE - seriously dude, what number screenname you on?
Still sucks, but didn't post enough for a real award (thankfully): pamith
Congrats to all 2023 Getbig winners and nominees.
The Committee™