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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: BayGBM on April 10, 2007, 03:24:17 PM



Title: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BayGBM on April 10, 2007, 03:24:17 PM
Could you forgive your man if he cheated on you?  The scenario is

a) it was a one time thing that happened 3-6 months ago and he confessed.

b)  you caught him with some evidence (a phone message, an email, a love note).  He confesses, ends it and says it will never happen again.

Could your relationshipship survive his infidelity under any circumstances?


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 10, 2007, 03:53:48 PM
Yes. Not all circumstances, but every one is different.

Have learned a lot from my gay friends actually mostly, hertero men friends, and also, just seeing what goes on here. And, I'll leave it at that.  :)



Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: ToxicAvenger on April 10, 2007, 03:53:52 PM
BGMs switch to teh 'brown side' revealed!


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 10, 2007, 04:28:46 PM
Once a cheater, always a cheater.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 10, 2007, 05:06:47 PM
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Even if it happened after, let's say, 20 years of marriage? I only say this because I am confident I have never been cheated on.  :)

But once did have this convoluted discussion about it, and we were at odds.  I thought a one time mistake was acceptable with a stranger and my other said, that was worse. That would mean something was missing, whereas if it happened with a friend that would be acceptable since at least there was a friendship which would excuse it.  But we both spoke out of our asses clearly, since we came to the conclusion it was unacceptable. And then, we talked about movies, and walked the dogs.  :)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 10, 2007, 05:09:47 PM
Been in those predicaments.....

honestly can say....It's not forgivable.  At first....you are crushed beyond belief & think maybe it can be worked out....but then your senses kick in & you say "nope...notta....go to hell."


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 10, 2007, 05:43:46 PM
20 years, 20 minutes... it's all the same.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: proschic on April 10, 2007, 07:39:53 PM
Nope....sorry.  No exceptions

1 strike and you are out.

I, as a wife, NEVER play second to ANY OTHER FEMALE besides his mother.

If he can put me out of his head for the time it takes to do "his" thing....I can put him out of mine for good.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 24KT on April 10, 2007, 08:40:46 PM
Spoken like a woman after my own heart. Cheat once, ...you're out the door!  >:(


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Butterbean on April 11, 2007, 04:41:18 AM
I would hope to forgive him.

But I wouldn't be able to live w/him or stay married to him.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BayGBM on April 11, 2007, 05:52:05 AM
Whew!  You gals are rough!  You'd never make it as gay men.  LOL

Seriously, if I was cheated on, obviously, I'd be pissed, but it would not necessarily be the end.  If I wanted the relationship to continue it would be the beginning of a conversation to better understand the boundaries of our union.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 11, 2007, 06:51:26 AM
& yet everyone wonders why STD's & HIV runs rampant amongst the gay community



Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BayGBM on April 11, 2007, 07:34:52 AM
For the same reason it is in the straight community: unsafe sex practices.  Unsafe sex once or twice does not give you moral standing over a gay man who does it 20 or 200 times.

Like pregnancy, STDs are not cumulative; anyone who got pregnant, fathered a child, or caught an STD did so because they had one unsafe sexual encounter--not twenty or two hundred. 

If you've had unsafe sex once then you've been irresponsible.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 11, 2007, 07:43:10 AM
yeah...but cheating & having multiple partners increase the chances   ::)

&

from a guys perspective....most guys DO NOT practice safe sex.  Gay men are 100% worse. 


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 24KT on April 11, 2007, 10:33:34 AM
yeah...but cheating & having multiple partners increase the chances   ::)

&

from a guys perspective....most guys DO NOT practice safe sex.  Gay men are 100% worse.   

Are gay men not guys? ???

Recent studies show that since the emergence of AIDs, gay men are more inclined to practice safe sex than are heterosexuals. By all means, heterosexuals practice 'birth control' more than gays, ...and some forms of birth control can be considered 'safe sex', but heterosexuals lag far behind homosexuals with regards to safe sex practices.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 11, 2007, 11:03:33 AM
Are gay men not guys? ???

Recent studies show that since the emergence of AIDs, gay men are more inclined to practice safe sex than are heterosexuals. By all means, heterosexuals practice 'birth control' more than gays, ...and some forms of birth control can be considered 'safe sex', but heterosexuals lag far behind homosexuals with regards to safe sex practices.


sounds pretty far fetched

the machine would like to make us think that aids & STD's are on the decline


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BayGBM on April 11, 2007, 01:33:31 PM
yeah...but cheating & having multiple partners increase the chances   ::)

&

from a guys perspective....most guys DO NOT practice safe sex.  Gay men are 100% worse. 

I defer to your expertise on the behavior of gay men.  You apparently know far better than I. ;)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 11, 2007, 02:18:10 PM
My gay couple friends have been together since the dawn of time... but every now and then, they take separate "vacations." It seems to work, and they have a solid, great relationship.  But maybe that's because men in general can separate sex and love better than women.

Although, if I were married to someone for a very long time, say twenty years, I just don't think I would dump the relationship for an indiscretion. Besides, after all that time, it isn't as though hordes would be lining up to fill the dance card. Lol. However, if it happened after a year of being together, the signs would seem to indicate that the other person isn't trustworthy or "needs" too much.

My motto is, "keep little hands and minds busy."  It's the best deterrent there is.  ;)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: cl on April 12, 2007, 08:11:48 AM
If you are in a one on one relationship..... then if you cheat you are history. Because it is obvious that the one that cheats is not worthy of your love, trust or respect. When one cheats all of those values are gone... If you are in a open relationship of course that would be different and the understanding would be there from the start. 
Why would some one want to be with some that does not respect them or is worthy of their trust and love.... it only takes once because that is only the time they were caught.... and the percentage very very high  that it would happen again just give it time..... 
Without trust and respect you don't have a relationship!!!!!! Lifre is about making choices... we make good ones and bad ones and are rewarded or pay the price....


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 09:40:57 AM
I like seeing both sides being discussed...& I find it admirable that people would admit saying that if they found out they were being cheated on, even if it means they were married for 20 years they would still stay together.

But personally...I don't care how many years were invested...I don't take lightly my self respect, love, & admiration.  Obviously the other person doesn't share the same feelings & I wouldn't get involved with someone unless our feelings were the same on the matter.  If those feelings were betrayed even for one time...I would not accept it.  If it was because of weakness, then my love wasn't strong enough.  I am a little "all or nothing".  I feel that I deserve nothing but "all or nothing".  It worries me when people think it's ok that maybe it happens once even if there was 20 years in the relationship.  I guess that means you think little of your own self worth.  Unless of course, you're keeping the options open for your own wrong doings.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: ToxicAvenger on April 12, 2007, 09:53:33 AM
Are gay men not guys? ???



some r guys....some r girls!  ;D


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 10:48:18 AM
some r guys....some r girls!  ;D

& thats the truth


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on April 12, 2007, 10:51:59 AM
Could you forgive your man if he cheated on you?  The scenario is

a) it was a one time thing that happened 3-6 months ago and he confessed.

b)  you caught him with some evidence (a phone message, an email, a love note).  He confesses, ends it and says it will never happen again.

Could your relationshipship survive his infidelity under any circumstances?
no >:(


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 11:13:35 AM
I like seeing both sides being discussed...& I find it admirable that people would admit saying that if they found out they were being cheated on, even if it means they were married for 20 years they would still stay together.

But personally...I don't care how many years were invested...I don't take lightly my self respect, love, & admiration.  Obviously the other person doesn't share the same feelings & I wouldn't get involved with someone unless our feelings were the same on the matter.  If those feelings were betrayed even for one time...I would not accept it.  If it was because of weakness, then my love wasn't strong enough.  I am a little "all or nothing".  I feel that I deserve nothing but "all or nothing".  It worries me when people think it's ok that maybe it happens once even if there was 20 years in the relationship.  I guess that means you think little of your own self worth.  Unless of course, you're keeping the options open for your own wrong doings.

Yes, we're all different and I suppose see things as they are filtered through our own sensibilities.  I think I'm a very sensitive person, can look at someone and feel their pain or disappointment, and I understand the concept of longing, therefore like to err on the side of forgiveness.  I can't see spending twenty years with someone, loving them, making memories with them, and then suddenly shutting them out because they were weak, and fell to the human condition of longing one evening.  But then again, Americans tend to be much more puritanical about such things than people of other cultures... having been brought up in a French culture where passion and intensity are served next to your morning café allongé... it just would be a ridiculous, childish reason to end a loving relationship of twenty + plus years, particularly when after twenty years, no doubt you are more friends than lovers anyway.

As they say... Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas... the heart has its reasons, that reason doesn't understand.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 12:01:48 PM
Yes, we're all different and I suppose see things as they are filtered through our own sensibilities.  I think I'm a very sensitive person, can look at someone and feel their pain or disappointment, and I understand the concept of longing, therefore like to err on the side of forgiveness.  I can't see spending twenty years with someone, loving them, making memories with them, and then suddenly shutting them out because they were weak, and fell to the human condition of longing one evening.  But then again, Americans tend to be much more puritanical about such things than people of other cultures... having been brought up in a French culture where passion and intensity are served next to your morning café allongé... it just would be a ridiculous, childish reason to end a loving relationship of twenty + plus years, particularly when after twenty years, no doubt you are more friends than lovers anyway.

As they say... Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas... the heart has its reasons, that reason doesn't understand.

Well, then I wouldn't feel sorry for any woman, or man, that has a situation like this 20 years in the marriage and thinking this way.  The human race has an incredible ability for love & passion.  We all have weaknesses, but being human we have the ability to make decisions.  We're never completely overcome by blindness...just ignorance.  We've also evolved to not just simply walk around like dogs & hump the next thing that walks by. 
Twenty years invested is no different that 2 years....4 years....10 years...in my opinion.  One year of my life is just as important as 10 years.  1 year of happiness is worth more than 15 years of happiness followed by 5 years of misery because the bastard can't keep their pants on.  Maybe financially I suppose can be a concern for some & thats why they stick it out.  Maybe 20 years of invested memories & life experiences....but at the cost of living with someone that has no respect for you?  No....the memories are now junk in my opinion. 
I've been in this position & can honestly say I do not for one second sit back & sigh about the old fond memories.  It was only 4.5 years of my life.  It would be no different than working at a job for 20 years & the company decides to reduce pay, position, etc...  I would simply look for a new job if I was unhappy with the one I had.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 12:18:55 PM
Guess that's a perfect example of cultural differences then.  I don't know that I would think of it as a question of respect after 20 years, and I would also have to consider my own contribution to the state of the relationship. I guess.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 12:25:23 PM
Cultural differences....morals... .family values...self respect.

Yeah...I can see where it could be different.  I'm not a religious person....but I do believe in some of the writings in the bible apply to us now...not just to a couple thousand years ago.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: cl on April 12, 2007, 01:00:10 PM
well, you are comparing apples and oranges, if you go into the relationship accepting that your partner is weak and will be with someone besides you and that is fine as long as you both are in agreement. But, when you are not in a open type or thought relationship.... and you both know that then... their is no excuse.... some wants to have their cake and eat it too...... besides the fact you lie and hide what you are doing or done.... that shows a lot of respect for your partner.... and I don't think any person wants or should accept being mad a fool, lied to by a stranger yet some one who is suppose to hold your heart and love...


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: muscleforlife on April 12, 2007, 02:28:51 PM
Cultural differences....morals... .family values...self respect.

Yeah...I can see where it could be different.  I'm not a religious person....but I do believe in some of the writings in the bible apply to us now...not just to a couple thousand years ago.

I think I would be able to forgive if cheated on.  None of us are perfect.
Besides, if in a marriage, what about your vows, sickness and health, good times and bad, richer or poorer.

Did you mean them when you said them or just at the time they were said.

Now, if it were a full blown love affair and not a wham, bam, thank you ma'am, that is a whole other issue.

Sandra


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 02:52:58 PM
I think I would be able to forgive if cheated on.  None of us are perfect.
Besides, if in a marriage, what about your vows, sickness and health, good times and bad, richer or poorer.

Did you mean them when you said them or just at the time they were said.

Now, if it were a full blown love affair and not a wham, bam, thank you ma'am, that is a whole other issue.

Sandra

If you're married....please let you husband know this information.

I'm sure he would rest a little more easily knowing that cheating is ok...as long as it's not a full blown love affair.



Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Cap on April 12, 2007, 02:54:55 PM
I think I would be able to forgive if cheated on.  None of us are perfect.
Besides, if in a marriage, what about your vows, sickness and health, good times and bad, richer or poorer.

Did you mean them when you said them or just at the time they were said.

Now, if it were a full blown love affair and not a wham, bam, thank you ma'am, that is a whole other issue.

Sandra
I will never unedrstand this type of thinking.  Good luck to you.

Even as a guy who has been tempted alot it seems like you (general "you") just devalue the relationship if you cheat and have no respect for your partner.  No matter how much I love a woman, if she cheats she is done.  She can cry all she wants and ask for forgiveness but in the end her shit will be packed up in boxes by the time she comes home from work.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 04:07:07 PM
I think I would be able to forgive if cheated on.  None of us are perfect.
Besides, if in a marriage, what about your vows, sickness and health, good times and bad, richer or poorer.

Did you mean them when you said them or just at the time they were said.

Now, if it were a full blown love affair and not a wham, bam, thank you ma'am, that is a whole other issue.

Sandra

I agree.  It would never be great... probably it would unacceptable if it happened early on. But the longer you are with someone, I would think, the more ties you have, children to think about... and also, just knowing that we are all fallible. A one time thing is weakness. A love affair is duplicitous.

If it came down to it, a beloved one dying of cancer or in a terrible accident, is unbearable.  All the rest, is just life I guess, and somehow forgiveable.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 04:15:58 PM
I will never unedrstand this type of thinking.  Good luck to you.

Even as a guy who has been tempted alot it seems like you (general "you") just devalue the relationship if you cheat and have no respect for your partner.  No matter how much I love a woman, if she cheats she is done.  She can cry all she wants and ask for forgiveness but in the end her shit will be packed up in boxes by the time she comes home from work.

You're reading it all wrong.  Bay asked women what they would do.  No, no man would accept it. But women I suppose, are a little more aware that men tend to separate sex from love... and we are more forgiving.

And please... you're Italian.  Just like the French... a dozen years ago, in your culture, the mistress was lined up before the honeymoon with the wife was over. And that's in Eye-taly, where you plan to find your wife.  ;)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 24KT on April 12, 2007, 04:39:47 PM
I think I would be able to forgive if cheated on.  None of us are perfect.
Besides, if in a marriage, what about your vows, sickness and health, good times and bad, richer or poorer.

Did you mean them when you said them or just at the time they were said.

Now, if it were a full blown love affair and not a wham, bam, thank you ma'am, that is a whole other issue.

Sandra

There was a nother vow you forgot to mention... forsaking all others.  ;)

i guess this really is one of those you never really know until you cross that bridge kind of thing,
...but one thing is for certain, ...once you break that rust in a relationship, ...you never get it back.

That's why I've never understood women who go on to marry men they steal from others.
You will never ever trust or respect them deep down.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 04:42:46 PM
I agree.  It would never be great... probably it would unacceptable if it happened early on. But the longer you are with someone, I would think, the more ties you have, children to think about... and also, just knowing that we are all fallible. A one time thing is weakness. A love affair is duplicitous.

If it came down to it, a beloved one dying of cancer or in a terrible accident, is unbearable.  All the rest, is just life I guess, and somehow forgiveable.

so it's only acceptable if you've been married after 20 years?

 ???



(I just want to make clear...I am just really having a hard/difficult time understanding)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 04:57:54 PM
so it's only acceptable if you've been married after 20 years?

 ???



(I just want to make clear...I am just really having a hard/difficult time understanding)

Yes, actually.  I can see where after a long time, people become friends more than anything...

I've seen it... and maybe I'm preparing myself. Or, just not wanting to be like that. But I do understand why it happens.

Plus, you have to know from my point of view, I travel a lot, and see a lot of things, about men...   :-X  and I think it happens because there is no understanding, and little remembering from women of what it was like in the beginning.  I don't ever want to be like that. Or have that kind of relationship.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 05:03:07 PM
Yes, actually.  I can see where after a long time, people become friends more than anything...

I've seen it... and maybe I'm preparing myself. Or, just not wanting to be like that. But I do understand why it happens.

Plus, you have to know from my point of view, I travel a lot, and see a lot of things, about men...   :-X  and I think it happens because there is no understanding, and little remembering from women of what it was like in the beginning.  I don't ever want to be like that. Or have that kind of relationship.

I've done a fair share of traveling (not just in the continental us) & realize men treat women like dogs.  I remember the first time I talked to an Aussie & how pissed he was at american men.  It's because when we pull into their ports, there's literally "thousands" of women waiting on the docks for an American Gentlemen.  Now don't get me wrong...they wanted to party...but they knew they were going to be treated well.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Cap on April 12, 2007, 05:16:46 PM
You're reading it all wrong.  Bay asked women what they would do.  No, no man would accept it. But women I suppose, are a little more aware that men tend to separate sex from love... and we are more forgiving.

And please... you're Italian.  Just like the French... a dozen years ago, in your culture, the mistress was lined up before the honeymoon with the wife was over. And that's in Eye-taly, where you plan to find your wife.  ;)
Lol...a good Italian woman to cook and drive me nuts.  Well, at least if I had sons she could transfer her nagging to them.  ;D  I think men would forgive emotional cheating over sex or at least be less pissed by emotions. 

To your point about distinctions between sexes, it shouldn't matter.  Cheating is cheating and it is wrong and to forgive it can show a good nature but also weakness and can lead to more cheating.  The argument that we are all fallable is stupid.  When you take your vows of loyalty and to honor the marriage, the vows to do not have exceptions (ex: drunkeness, feeling neglected, etc).  If you feel neglected, get a friend, a dog, a pen pal OR talk with your spouse and tell them of the problem.  I guarantee your man doesn't know 80 percent of the shit going on in your life let alone what is troubling you.  Communication is the key folks.  Justifying bad behavior is stupid.  If you fuck up, own up to it.  Period.  If you cheat, you deserve to never be forgiven.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 05:22:16 PM
I've done a fair share of traveling (not just in the continental us) & realize men treat women like dogs.  I remember the first time I talked to an Aussie & how pissed he was at american men.  It's because when we pull into their ports, there's literally "thousands" of women waiting on the docks for an American Gentlemen.  Now don't get me wrong...they wanted to party...but they knew they were going to be treated well.

No they don't treat women like dogs. What I meant to say, is that I travel a lot, and see how men are trying to get something they don't get at home... what it is, I'm not sure... I think it has to do with separating work and the pressures of home. Mostly I travel in a tribe of men, so I'm accepted into their "realm" and I hear their complaints. I agree with some of them, not with others. But I do get both sides of the story. And I think, mostly, I'll stick to my original story, that I just understand disappointment and longing, because I see it.  :)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 05:28:38 PM
No they don't treat women like dogs. What I meant to say, is that I travel a lot, and see how men are trying to get something they don't get at home... what it is, I'm not sure... I think it has to do with separating work and the pressures of home. Mostly I travel in a tribe of men, so I'm accepted into their "realm" and I hear their complaints. I agree with some of them, not with others. But I do get both sides of the story. And I think, mostly, I'll stick to my original story, that I just understand disappointment and longing, because I see it.  :)

The problems with most relationships....is they are started too early in life.  People get married to the first thing that comes along.  Then you have countries that still do arranged marriages. 

So with that being said....you wonder why most guys complain about their women?  Secondly, most guys run their relationship in the ground based on lack of participation.  Maybe if they would just spontaneously throw her down every once in awhile with the lights on & the relationship would remain interesting for 20+ years.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 05:48:15 PM
So with that being said....you wonder why most guys complain about their women?  Secondly, most guys run their relationship in the ground based on lack of participation.  Maybe if they would just spontaneously throw her down every once in awhile with the lights on & the relationship would remain interesting for 20+ years.

I'm sure that's the key... I hope so at least.  :)

Plus, I don't want to sound like I propose it's okay to be unfaithful in any way, lying, etc... I wouldn't do it personally and couldn't live with myself, but just wanted to put it into perspective, in the grand scheme of things...


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 05:54:16 PM
I'm sure that's the key... I hope so at least.  :)

Plus, I don't want to sound like I propose it's okay to be unfaithful in any way, lying, etc... I wouldn't do it personally and couldn't live with myself, but just wanted to put it into perspective, in the grand scheme of things...

But seriously.....

at what cost do you value pride, honor & integrity?


If one the Marine Corps taught me...these are things that can never be taken away.  You can give them away or toss them aside like yesterdays garbage, but it's your and only your decision too.  Once they're gone, you can never get them back.  After 20 years of marriage, house, cars, children, 401's, etc...I can leave all that walking away with my "3" intact & simply move on.  Not saying it would be easy...I'm sure it would hurt like hell...but nonetheless...move on.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on April 12, 2007, 06:12:40 PM
But seriously.....

at what cost do you value pride, honor & integrity?


If one the Marine Corps taught me...these are things that can never be taken away.  You can give them away or toss them aside like yesterdays garbage, but it's your and only your decision too.  Once they're gone, you can never get them back.  After 20 years of marriage, house, cars, children, 401's, etc...I can leave all that walking away with my "3" intact & simply move on.  Not saying it would be easy...I'm sure it would hurt like hell...but nonetheless...move on.

Okay, so if you had children, you would just leave them for "honor's" sake?

Anyway, why am I arguing with you about this?  >:(  You have your thoughts, and I have mine. I don't think discipline of the mind changes anything about the human condition... and if you're so right... why is it, that since the beginning of time, every tiny excavated piece of art, every thread of literature speaks of longing for something? It's always there, no matter what army or civilization has ever taken over the world. It's inescapable. That's a fact. Humans always hunger for something.  :)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 12, 2007, 06:27:54 PM
Okay, so if you had children, you would just leave them for "honor's" sake?

So...one can't be a good father unless he stays with their cheating mother?

If I was a kid...& found my mother cheating on my father....as an adult I would not blame him for leaving her.  Not saying as a child I wouldn't be crying & be upset that mom & dad are not together....but It would teach me that it's ok if when I grow older...that adultery is acceptable in marriage if they stayed together.

Quote
Anyway, why am I arguing with you about this?  >:(  You have your thoughts, and I have mine. I don't think discipline of the mind changes anything about the human condition... and if you're so right... why is it, that since the beginning of time, every tiny excavated piece of art, every thread of literature speaks of longing for something? It's always there, no matter what army or civilization has ever taken over the world. It's inescapable. That's a fact. Humans always hunger for something.  :)

Not arguing...just trying to understand.  To me, things have to seem or appear logical.  When they don't is when I question.  Not saying either one of us are going to change opinion. Coming to an understanding is what i'm after in debate although it may not end up mutual.

Humans always hunger for something because we are greedy.  Power, wealth, happiness........greed.  I've always felt, true happiness can not be purchased, doesn't have a price tag, & can't be provided by someone else.

It comes within.  The weaker we are...the more greed we have.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: muscleforlife on April 12, 2007, 06:34:11 PM
The thing is that you have to know the person you vow to spend the rest of your life with.

I am not so rigid where I can not forgive a mistake.

The case being if it is a full blown love affair, he probably was on his way out anyway.
If just a mistake/stupidity, I would take all information into consideration.
I guess that is what marriage counselling is for.

When I was younger, I thought I would kick his ass out the door.
Now that I am older, I believe I am wiser.

So, if the situation ever arised, I would deal with it.
Anger(lowlife SOB)
Revenge(you did it, so can I)
Reality(counselling and talking about the reason why)

The End( It is over, move on and work my "plan B")

Sandra


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BuffGoddess on April 12, 2007, 08:36:32 PM
 If it happened to me, I would walk away...There's too many fish out there to settle for a rotten one.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Dina on April 14, 2007, 10:41:45 AM
If it was a one time thing, I would prolly forgive but not a love affair or unsafe practice. That does not mean a free get out of jail card. Cheating occurs for a reason, and I would want to know why the heck he cheated and make sure we were both on the same page, and he would be in the dog house for a while and have to make amends

It is easy to say you will walk away, but many times in love there is no pride and when you cannot imagine living without that person in your life then you forgive. At the end of the day we are not perfect.

JMHO



Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 14, 2007, 11:42:59 AM
Dina,

Love may have no pride but it needs to have some sense, LOL!


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Dina on April 14, 2007, 12:19:37 PM
ha.. i wish it had sense.....


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 14, 2007, 12:30:36 PM
ha.. i wish it had sense.....

Honestly, for me respect is more important in a relationship than love. If I had to choose between the two in a relationship, respect would always win.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 14, 2007, 12:59:18 PM
If it was a one time thing, I would prolly forgive but not a love affair or unsafe practice. That does not mean a free get out of jail card. Cheating occurs for a reason, and I would want to know why the heck he cheated and make sure we were both on the same page, and he would be in the dog house for a while and have to make amends

It is easy to say you will walk away, but many times in love there is no pride and when you cannot imagine living without that person in your life then you forgive. At the end of the day we are not perfect.

JMHO



So....a guy just needs to say he was weak.....& then everything will be ok


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Delilah on April 14, 2007, 02:13:09 PM
If he cheated on me, I would kill him.........and then, I'd call my Daddy to help me dispose of the body!!!   ;)

KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!  Honestly, I don't know..........it's hard to say.  Would depend on the relationship, the circumstances of the cheating, etc.  It's hard to predict how I would react to that.  Needless to say, though, Delilah would NOT be happy.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: CQ on April 14, 2007, 04:17:18 PM
It would depend on the circumstance. If Halle Berry and Beyonce arrived at my door and announced they were just DYING to have sex with my man [assuming I had one hehe] I would invite them in and be quite okay with it, chance of a lifetime type thing. But if the scenario was some big love affair with some crack head, well then would be a different story.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 14, 2007, 04:19:12 PM
It would depend on the circumstance. If Halle Berry and Beyonce arrived at my door and announced they were just DYING to have sex with my man [assuming I had one hehe] I would invite them in and be quite okay with it, chance of a lifetime type thing. But if the scenario was some big love affair with some crack head, well then would be a different story.

Fun, with permission, isn't cheating.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BuffGoddess on April 17, 2007, 01:02:04 AM
Fun, with permission, isn't cheating.
You bring up a good point. If those girls showed up at my door wanting to toss around my man I would want to know where they knew him from in the first place, then ask for their boyfriends addresses so I could go get even... 8)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: New Hank Wood on April 17, 2007, 01:09:52 AM
All men will cheat if a beautiful woman makes herself available to him.  it is just how we are programmed.

No matter how in love or committed a man may be, if a gorgeous and seductive woman presents herself ( with no strings attached) the man will 9 times out of 10 take the bait.

Sorry girls, may sound brutal but its true.  Never trust a man!


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: CQ on April 17, 2007, 03:16:49 AM
You bring up a good point. If those girls showed up at my door wanting to toss around my man I would want to know where they knew him from in the first place, then ask for their boyfriends addresses so I could go get even... 8)

Calm down Buff, no need to threaten to murder their men! Besides, I rather like JayZ music, so please let him live ;D


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Debussey on April 17, 2007, 03:28:48 AM
You bring up a good point. If those girls showed up at my door wanting to toss around my man I would want to know where they knew him from in the first place, then ask for their boyfriends addresses so I could go get even... 8)


Just breathe in their faces, and you'll kill them for sure.  :-X


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 17, 2007, 04:24:27 AM
For me, one woman  is enough.

Some occasional variety would be great but not really worth the stress it might put on a good relationship or the extra effort it would take. I barely have time for one person, couldn't imagine taking the time to find other chicks for flings/fun.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Delilah on April 17, 2007, 04:30:48 AM
For me, one woman  is enough.

Some occasional variety would be great but not really worth the stress it might put on a good relationship or the extra effort it would take. I barely have time for one person, couldn't imagine taking the time to find other chicks for flings/fun.

Spoken like a REAL man :-*


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: knny187 on April 17, 2007, 03:08:55 PM
All men will cheat if a beautiful woman makes herself available to him.  it is just how we are programmed.

No matter how in love or committed a man may be, if a gorgeous and seductive woman presents herself ( with no strings attached) the man will 9 times out of 10 take the bait.

Sorry girls, may sound brutal but its true.  Never trust a man!

STFU

it's not true....I've been in positions of temptations (even when I was younger) & prevailed


speak for yourself


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BuffGoddess on April 17, 2007, 07:08:11 PM
Calm down Buff, no need to threaten to murder their men! Besides, I rather like JayZ music, so please let him live ;D

Why would I want to hurt some guy??? Not my style. I'm a big kitten...
Debussey, quit stalking me. Your obsession is getting wierd...


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: New Hank Wood on April 17, 2007, 11:30:51 PM
Look, i just think that women fall for the whole romance, true love 'thing' way to easily.  The concepts are nice, but in reality, far from the truth.

Men think with their dicks, period.  They need life-long companionship, that is a granted.  But, when presented with a beautiful and lustful woman, they will fall, hook,line and sinker.

If the man can get away with it ( and not get caught), they will always be sexually promiscuous. 

Sad but true!


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BuffGoddess on April 17, 2007, 11:53:24 PM
Look, i just think that women fall for the whole romance, true love 'thing' way to easily.  The concepts are nice, but in reality, far from the truth.

Men think with their dicks, period.  They need life-long companionship, that is a granted.  But, when presented with a beautiful and lustful woman, they will fall, hook,line and sinker.

If the man can get away with it ( and not get caught), they will always be sexually promiscuous. 

Sad but true!
[/quote
 It is sad but true. Some men are above that but most aren't. I have several male friends who run the gamut. One of them I would date and marry, on the other end, I might set them up with some girl I didn't like. I know that's mean but oh well...


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: New Hank Wood on April 18, 2007, 12:42:02 AM
Buffgoddess, i know where you are coming from. 

Yes, my last post was a gross generalisation about the male sexual psyche.  However, the core of my statement, i do stand by.  And that is, men are motivated primarily by sexual conquest.

 it is genetically programmed into them. They will only be restrained and controlled sexually, when religion or fear of losing 'the house and kids' comes into play!


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 18, 2007, 03:16:19 AM
Look, i just think that women fall for the whole romance, true love 'thing' way to easily.  The concepts are nice, but in reality, far from the truth.

Men think with their dicks, period.  They need life-long companionship, that is a granted.  But, when presented with a beautiful and lustful woman, they will fall, hook,line and sinker.

If the man can get away with it ( and not get caught), they will always be sexually promiscuous. 

Sad but true!

That's not the way people who are emotionally grown-up act.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: BayGBM on April 19, 2007, 06:57:34 AM
Look, i just think that women fall for the whole romance, true love 'thing' way to easily.  The concepts are nice, but in reality, far from the truth.

Men think with their dicks, period.  They need life-long companionship, that is a granted.  But, when presented with a beautiful and lustful woman, they will fall, hook,line and sinker.

If the man can get away with it ( and not get caught), they will always be sexually promiscuous. 

Sad but true!

That's not the way people who are emotionally grown-up act.

I think you are both misguided.  Your respective comments fail to account for the fact that men (all over the world) are raised with different values, belief systems, and priorities.  Knowing this, it is foolhardy to make categorical statements about how all men act or will act in a given situation.

What your statements reflect are your values, your priorities, and how you would react.  That is fine for you, but it says nothing about other men--much less all men.

Certainly, there are men who think with their dicks, but that says nothing about all men.  Similarly, emotional maturity does not mean monogamy in a traditional nuclear family is a cherished value.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on April 19, 2007, 09:24:39 AM
I think you are both misguided.  Your respective comments fail to account for the fact that men (all over the world) are raised with different values, belief systems, and priorities.  Knowing this, it is foolhardy to make categorical statements about how all men act or will act in a given situation.

What your statements reflect are your values, your priorities, and how you would react.  That is fine for you, but it says nothing about other men--much less all men.

Certainly, there are men who think with their dicks, but that says nothing about all men.  Similarly, emotional maturity does not mean monogamy in a traditional nuclear family is a cherished value.


Isn't that just a huge cop out?

If monogamy isn't a value... be an adult and let whoever you deal with know that. That's simple and would avoid a lot of confusion.  For example: If turning down a piece of ass were really impossible, I'd let the woman know in advance. That way she can at least have the opition of dealing with the real me.

IMO, monogamy should be a cherished family value. If you can't have that, at the very least have some honesty.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: trab on April 19, 2007, 05:57:07 PM
All men will cheat if a beautiful woman makes herself available to him.  it is just how we are programmed.

No matter how in love or committed a man may be, if a gorgeous and seductive woman presents herself ( with no strings attached) the man will 9 times out of 10 take the bait.

Sorry girls, may sound brutal but its true.  Never trust a man!

Just plain wrong. ::).
I wouldn't cheat on my wife period. It would be damn tough to find better.
Guys in pathetic relationships? Guys who never lived a real day in their life?
Don't get married till that attitude is put to sleep. Save yourself the expense and pain.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: gh15 on May 08, 2007, 02:04:49 AM
this is the whole problem of the american society right here in this thread,,

once a cheater always a cheater,,american women forgive everytime and the reason for that lay deep in their childhood and teenager years,,im not gonna go into it but it involve many types of abuse

you can talk about other girls,,,you can talk about how much you wana do the neigbor or the girl you saw  in the gym,,,you can even jack off thinking about them,,you  can even tell your  girl that you  want her to lose weight and look like the size of that other girl,,,but!!  you cheat..youre gone,,that should be the approach,,you chose to be with a girl and love her...girls never cheat on their guy,,NEVER! trust me on that girls NEVER CHEAT UNLESS THEY ARE TREATED LIKE SHIT AND ABUSED AND EVEN THEN 99% OF THEM DONT CHEAT,,so they deserve a good guy to love them

girls,,never forgive a cheating guy! he cheats hes gone,,


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 08, 2007, 04:33:45 AM
this is the whole problem of the american society right here in this thread,,

once a cheater always a cheater,,american women forgive everytime and the reason for that lay deep in their childhood and teenager years,,im not gonna go into it but it involve many types of abuse

you can talk about other girls,,,you can talk about how much you wana do the neigbor or the girl you saw  in the gym,,,you can even jack off thinking about them,,you  can even tell your  girl that you  want her to lose weight and look like the size of that other girl,,,but!!  you cheat..youre gone,,that should be the approach,,you chose to be with a girl and love her...girls never cheat on their guy,,NEVER! trust me on that girls NEVER CHEAT UNLESS THEY ARE TREATED LIKE SHIT AND ABUSED AND EVEN THEN 99% OF THEM DONT CHEAT,,so they deserve a good guy to love them

girls,,never forgive a cheating guy! he cheats hes gone,,
Very true gh15.   ;D


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on May 08, 2007, 06:32:36 AM
this is the whole problem of the american society right here in this thread,,

once a cheater always a cheater,,american women forgive everytime and the reason for that lay deep in their childhood and teenager years,,im not gonna go into it but it involve many types of abuse

you can talk about other girls,,,you can talk about how much you wana do the neigbor or the girl you saw  in the gym,,,you can even jack off thinking about them,,you  can even tell your  girl that you  want her to lose weight and look like the size of that other girl,,,but!!  you cheat..youre gone,,that should be the approach,,you chose to be with a girl and love her...girls never cheat on their guy,,NEVER! trust me on that girls NEVER CHEAT UNLESS THEY ARE TREATED LIKE SHIT AND ABUSED AND EVEN THEN 99% OF THEM DONT CHEAT,,so they deserve a good guy to love them

girls,,never forgive a cheating guy! he cheats hes gone,,

Gh, I don't think it's a question of American culture at all!  In fact American culture is much more puritanical than their European counterparts.  The Europeans invented and perfected cheating.  The French, the Italians... it's only a few decades that it's no longer "the norm" for a man to have a wife to take care of the home, and the mistress to take care of the bed.  (The whole Clinton bj thing had Europeans laughing their guts out.) And what about that horrible stereotype of the Eastern European pimpish basta*rd who beats his girlfriend, screws around on her, and she still dotes on him? There's just as much cheating going on in Europa as North America, if not more... from what I've seen, European men seem much more open about the possibility of having affairs than North Americans.  And honestly, I think European women are much more likely to forgive a cheater than a Canadian or American woman.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 08, 2007, 06:49:19 AM
Gh, I don't think it's a question of American culture at all!  In fact American culture is much more puritanical than their European counterparts.  The Europeans invented and perfected cheating.  The French, the Italians... it's only a few decades that it's no longer "the norm" for a man to have a wife to take care of the home, and the mistress to take care of the bed.  (The whole Clinton bj thing had Europeans laughing their guts out.) And what about that horrible stereotype of the Eastern European pimpish basta*rd who beats his girlfriend, screws around on her, and she still dotes on him? There's just as much cheating going on in Europa as North America, if not more... from what I've seen, European men seem much more open about the possibility of having affairs than North Americans.  And honestly, I think European women are much more likely to forgive a cheater than a Canadian or American woman.
I also hear that it is quiet prevalent in Latino communities (via my friend who is Latino).


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on May 08, 2007, 06:54:55 AM
I also hear that it is quiet prevalent in Latino communities (via my friend who is Latino).

True, I forgot about that.  :-\  Any culture where old-fashioned, more "traditional" roles are more common... the more there will be cheating men, and forgiving women.  :'( 


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 08, 2007, 07:00:49 AM
True, I forgot about that.  :-\  Any culture where old-fashioned, more "traditional" roles are more common... the more there will be cheating men, and forgiving women.  :'( 
and what's even more sad, is that if the women are the cheater...they are battered, stoned or worse.   >:(


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on May 08, 2007, 03:31:25 PM
True, I forgot about that.  :-\  Any culture where old-fashioned, more "traditional" roles are more common... the more there will be cheating men, and forgiving women.  :'( 

In those cultures it's relatively acceptable for men to have mistresses.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: gh15 on May 08, 2007, 11:40:49 PM
Gh, I don't think it's a question of American culture at all!  In fact American culture is much more puritanical than their European counterparts.  The Europeans invented and perfected cheating.  The French, the Italians... it's only a few decades that it's no longer "the norm" for a man to have a wife to take care of the home, and the mistress to take care of the bed.  (The whole Clinton bj thing had Europeans laughing their guts out.) And what about that horrible stereotype of the Eastern European pimpish basta*rd who beats his girlfriend, screws around on her, and she still dotes on him? There's just as much cheating going on in Europa as North America, if not more... from what I've seen, European men seem much more open about the possibility of having affairs than North Americans.  And honestly, I think European women are much more likely to forgive a cheater than a Canadian or American woman.

dont worry,,i cant stand europians either when it comes to this ;)
but american women forgive a lot more than europian women,,

also lets not kid outselves here,,,no man takes care of no woman,,its always the woman who take care of her man,,always the woman who clean after him,,,always the woman who do his loundry,,always the woman who makes him yum yum,,always the woman who will do whatever the shit the man she loves want in bed,,and it always the woman who keep everything intact,,

only when the woman is poof gone,,only then! the guy realize how much she did and that she did 90% in the relashionship,,and at that moment the begging and crying begins and please ill change,, and please dont leave me,, and please ill kill myself i cant live with out you begins ;)

man if i lost the woman i love,,if she left me,,id be losing 20lb in 2 weeks so fast before id be able to say jack robinson id be looking at a no muscle version of myself,,id be deflating faster than baloon,,same goes for jason cutler by the way,,
the woman you love,,if you really love  her,,can make or break you for quite some time if she leaves,,thats the problem,, you never notice her when you get used to her hotness walking around you all the time,,you get used to her because shes inlove with you and part of your life and takes her guard off completely because..she loves you,,while other guys are dying to get with her,,then when she leaves ..you start noticing her again but its usually too late

when a woman leaves its almost always in 99% of the cases the mans fault and she should not come back if the guy stuck his peepee in another girls pussy,,because it hurts more than anything else,,and it will always repeat,,because..once a cheater..always a cheater

better sit her down and tell her look i dont wanna be with you because a b c i tried and i cant deal with it,,better do this than go behind her back and fuck her "buddy" from the gym or some ho from  whereever,,

she will respect you a lot more if you set her down and told her how you feel,,she might cry,,she will,,but! she wont feel betrayed and have her heart hurt to a point she hates men and lose all trust in men

ok i gotta go to gym im done blubing


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 210 and growing on May 09, 2007, 12:28:47 AM
dont worry,,i cant stand europians either when it comes to this ;)
but american women forgive a lot more than europian women,,

also lets not kid outselves here,,,no man takes care of no woman,,its always the woman who take care of her man,,always the woman who clean after him,,,always the woman who do his loundry,,always the woman who makes him yum yum,,always the woman who will do whatever the shit the man she loves want in bed,,and it always the woman who keep everything intact,,

only when the woman is poof gone,,only then! the guy realize how much she did and that she did 90% in the relashionship,,and at that moment the begging and crying begins and please ill change,, and please dont leave me,, and please ill kill myself i cant live with out you begins ;)

man if i lost the woman i love,,if she left me,,id be losing 20lb in 2 weeks so fast before id be able to say jack robinson id be looking at a no muscle version of myself,,id be deflating faster than baloon,,same goes for jason cutler by the way,,
the woman you love,,if you really love  her,,can make or break you for quite some time if she leaves,,thats the problem,, you never notice her when you get used to her hotness walking around you all the time,,you get used to her because shes inlove with you and part of your life and takes her guard off completely because..she loves you,,while other guys are dying to get with her,,then when she leaves ..you start noticing her again but its usually too late

when a woman leaves its almost always in 99% of the cases the mans fault and she should not come back if the guy stuck his peepee in another girls pussy,,because it hurts more than anything else,,and it will always repeat,,because..once a cheater..always a cheater

better sit her down and tell her look i dont wanna be with you because a b c i tried and i cant deal with it,,better do this than go behind her back and fuck her "buddy" from the gym or some ho from  whereever,,

she will respect you a lot more if you set her down and told her how you feel,,she might cry,,she will,,but! she wont feel betrayed and have her heart hurt to a point she hates men and lose all trust in men

ok i gotta go to gym im done blubing


Man - great post - so true !!


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on May 09, 2007, 03:30:40 AM
dont worry,,i cant stand europians either when it comes to this ;)
but american women forgive a lot more than europian women,,

also lets not kid outselves here,,,no man takes care of no woman,,its always the woman who take care of her man,,always the woman who clean after him,,,always the woman who do his loundry,,always the woman who makes him yum yum,,always the woman who will do whatever the shit the man she loves want in bed,,and it always the woman who keep everything intact,,

only when the woman is poof gone,,only then! the guy realize how much she did and that she did 90% in the relashionship,,and at that moment the begging and crying begins and please ill change,, and please dont leave me,, and please ill kill myself i cant live with out you begins ;)

man if i lost the woman i love,,if she left me,,id be losing 20lb in 2 weeks so fast before id be able to say jack robinson id be looking at a no muscle version of myself,,id be deflating faster than baloon,,same goes for jason cutler by the way,,
the woman you love,,if you really love  her,,can make or break you for quite some time if she leaves,,thats the problem,, you never notice her when you get used to her hotness walking around you all the time,,you get used to her because shes inlove with you and part of your life and takes her guard off completely because..she loves you,,while other guys are dying to get with her,,then when she leaves ..you start noticing her again but its usually too late

when a woman leaves its almost always in 99% of the cases the mans fault and she should not come back if the guy stuck his peepee in another girls pussy,,because it hurts more than anything else,,and it will always repeat,,because..once a cheater..always a cheater

better sit her down and tell her look i dont wanna be with you because a b c i tried and i cant deal with it,,better do this than go behind her back and fuck her "buddy" from the gym or some ho from  whereever,,

she will respect you a lot more if you set her down and told her how you feel,,she might cry,,she will,,but! she wont feel betrayed and have her heart hurt to a point she hates men and lose all trust in men

ok i gotta go to gym im done blubing

It's good there is a girl talk forum for guys like you. :)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: CQ on May 09, 2007, 05:58:56 AM
Any culture where old-fashioned, more "traditional" roles are more common... the more there will be cheating men, and forgiving women.  :'( 

In those cultures it's relatively acceptable for men to have mistresses.

Very true. Not that uncommon within mine.....


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 09, 2007, 05:59:19 AM
dont worry,,i cant stand europians either when it comes to this ;)
but american women forgive a lot more than europian women,,

also lets not kid outselves here,,,no man takes care of no woman,,its always the woman who take care of her man,,always the woman who clean after him,,,always the woman who do his loundry,,always the woman who makes him yum yum,,always the woman who will do whatever the shit the man she loves want in bed,,and it always the woman who keep everything intact,,

only when the woman is poof gone,,only then! the guy realize how much she did and that she did 90% in the relashionship,,and at that moment the begging and crying begins and please ill change,, and please dont leave me,, and please ill kill myself i cant live with out you begins ;)

man if i lost the woman i love,,if she left me,,id be losing 20lb in 2 weeks so fast before id be able to say jack robinson id be looking at a no muscle version of myself,,id be deflating faster than baloon,,same goes for jason cutler by the way,,
the woman you love,,if you really love  her,,can make or break you for quite some time if she leaves,,thats the problem,, you never notice her when you get used to her hotness walking around you all the time,,you get used to her because shes inlove with you and part of your life and takes her guard off completely because..she loves you,,while other guys are dying to get with her,,then when she leaves ..you start noticing her again but its usually too late

when a woman leaves its almost always in 99% of the cases the mans fault and she should not come back if the guy stuck his peepee in another girls pussy,,because it hurts more than anything else,,and it will always repeat,,because..once a cheater..always a cheater

better sit her down and tell her look i dont wanna be with you because a b c i tried and i cant deal with it,,better do this than go behind her back and fuck her "buddy" from the gym or some ho from  whereever,,

she will respect you a lot more if you set her down and told her how you feel,,she might cry,,she will,,but! she wont feel betrayed and have her heart hurt to a point she hates men and lose all trust in men

ok i gotta go to gym im done blubing
I say that all the time (but not in quite the same words.  ;))


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Deedee on May 09, 2007, 06:16:00 AM
dont worry,,i cant stand europians either when it comes to this ;)
but american women forgive a lot more than europian women,,

also lets not kid outselves here,,,no man takes care of no woman,,its always the woman who take care of her man,,always the woman who clean after him,,,always the woman who do his loundry,,always the woman who makes him yum yum,,always the woman who will do whatever the shit the man she loves want in bed,,and it always the woman who keep everything intact,,

only when the woman is poof gone,,only then! the guy realize how much she did and that she did 90% in the relashionship,,and at that moment the begging and crying begins and please ill change,, and please dont leave me,, and please ill kill myself i cant live with out you begins ;)

man if i lost the woman i love,,if she left me,,id be losing 20lb in 2 weeks so fast before id be able to say jack robinson id be looking at a no muscle version of myself,,id be deflating faster than baloon,,same goes for jason cutler by the way,,
the woman you love,,if you really love  her,,can make or break you for quite some time if she leaves,,thats the problem,, you never notice her when you get used to her hotness walking around you all the time,,you get used to her because shes inlove with you and part of your life and takes her guard off completely because..she loves you,,while other guys are dying to get with her,,then when she leaves ..you start noticing her again but its usually too late

when a woman leaves its almost always in 99% of the cases the mans fault and she should not come back if the guy stuck his peepee in another girls pussy,,because it hurts more than anything else,,and it will always repeat,,because..once a cheater..always a cheater

better sit her down and tell her look i dont wanna be with you because a b c i tried and i cant deal with it,,better do this than go behind her back and fuck her "buddy" from the gym or some ho from  whereever,,

she will respect you a lot more if you set her down and told her how you feel,,she might cry,,she will,,but! she wont feel betrayed and have her heart hurt to a point she hates men and lose all trust in men

ok i gotta go to gym im done blubing

That has to be the most romantic post ever, of all time!!!  :D


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 24KT on May 09, 2007, 12:51:25 PM
dont worry,,i cant stand europians either when it comes to this ;)
but american women forgive a lot more than europian women,,

also lets not kid outselves here,,,no man takes care of no woman,,its always the woman who take care of her man,,always the woman who clean after him,,,always the woman who do his loundry,,always the woman who makes him yum yum,,always the woman who will do whatever the shit the man she loves want in bed,,and it always the woman who keep everything intact,,

only when the woman is poof gone,,only then! the guy realize how much she did and that she did 90% in the relashionship,,and at that moment the begging and crying begins and please ill change,, and please dont leave me,, and please ill kill myself i cant live with out you begins ;)

man if i lost the woman i love,,if she left me,,id be losing 20lb in 2 weeks so fast before id be able to say jack robinson id be looking at a no muscle version of myself,,id be deflating faster than baloon,,same goes for jason cutler by the way,,
the woman you love,,if you really love  her,,can make or break you for quite some time if she leaves,,thats the problem,, you never notice her when you get used to her hotness walking around you all the time,,you get used to her because shes inlove with you and part of your life and takes her guard off completely because..she loves you,,while other guys are dying to get with her,,then when she leaves ..you start noticing her again but its usually too late

when a woman leaves its almost always in 99% of the cases the mans fault and she should not come back if the guy stuck his peepee in another girls pussy,,because it hurts more than anything else,,and it will always repeat,,because..once a cheater..always a cheater

better sit her down and tell her look i dont wanna be with you because a b c i tried and i cant deal with it,,better do this than go behind her back and fuck her "buddy" from the gym or some ho from  whereever,,

she will respect you a lot more if you set her down and told her how you feel,,she might cry,,she will,,but! she wont feel betrayed and have her heart hurt to a point she hates men and lose all trust in men

ok i gotta go to gym im done blubing

{sigh}  Very profound and insightful.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: omg on May 11, 2007, 05:32:42 AM
we dont 'take care' of the woman. we just PAY HER $$


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 11, 2007, 05:39:37 AM
we dont 'take care' of the woman. we just PAY HER $$
Hi omg. Please view the thread titled "If you would like to post on this board" and comply before posting again on the Girl's Boards, otherwise your posts will be deleted.

Thanks


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: jaejonna on May 14, 2007, 12:29:43 PM
Spiderman forgave Sandman ...so yes you can still survive


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 14, 2007, 12:55:49 PM
Spiderman forgave Sandman ...so yes you can still survive
>:(  DID YOU JUST GIVE AWAY THE PLOT?


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: jaejonna on May 15, 2007, 08:05:29 AM
>:(  DID YOU JUST GIVE AWAY THE PLOT?
there are like 10 plots going on through out the movie..


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 15, 2007, 10:21:23 AM
there are like 10 plots going on through out the movie..
Oh, ok, cool.  :D


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Man of Steel on May 16, 2007, 02:18:01 PM
If that ever happened to me I wouldn't be able to mend the relationship.   I could forgive her, but I couldn't continue the relationship.   In my world, that type of behavior doesn't exist.   Fantasy aside, a relationship should be solid enough that neither partner would even consider that.   Some may consider that a naive perspective, but it is what it is with me.   When that feeling exists in the relationship it's undeniable.   

The reality is there's no reasaon for my wife to go out lookin for a Slim Jim when she has a big T-bone at home.   8)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 24KT on May 16, 2007, 04:11:16 PM
what if she decides to go vegetarian?   ;)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Earl1972 on May 17, 2007, 08:42:52 AM
I don't understand why some people are so forgiving ???

cheating is the ultimate act of disrespect

E


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Man of Steel on May 17, 2007, 08:48:45 AM
I don't understand why some people are so forgiving ???

cheating is the ultimate act of disrespect

E

Eventually I could forgive the person, but I agree in terms of relationships that is an ultimate act of disrespect.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 17, 2007, 08:52:26 AM
Eventually I could forgive the person, but I agree in terms of relationships that is an ultimate act of disrespect.
That it is (ultimate act of disrespect) and obviously done with no merit or thought for the mate, so why would you forgive?


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Earl1972 on May 17, 2007, 08:56:01 AM
That it is (ultimate act of disrespect) and obviously done with no merit or thought for the mate, so why would you forgive?

he's weak :)

E


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Man of Steel on May 17, 2007, 09:04:25 AM
That it is (ultimate act of disrespect) and obviously done with no merit or thought for the mate, so why would you forgive?

I think a lot of people skew forgiveness as a sign of weakness when in actuality it's a great personal strength.   In addition, the ability to forgive doesn't mean you have again pick up where you left off in relationship...it's not a get outta jail free card or a free ticket for a restart.   I believe you can eventually forgive, be the better the person (setting an example for the other person) and then move on.   I'm not suggesting it's easy to forgive, but genuinely getting to a place where you can forgive and let go of the bitterness and move forward will leave you a stronger person.....I thinks it a highly admirable quality in people.  Bitterness and resentment can linger for a lifetime in some cases and eat a person alive inside.....I've watched some in the generations before me waste decades in bitterness never able to forgive.......they lose so many quality years they could've had.  I'm not suggesting their initial hurt wasn't justified, but to dwell in bitterness unable to forgive.....well.....I just hate to see it in others. 


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 17, 2007, 09:15:44 AM
I think a lot of people skew forgiveness as a sign of weakness when in actuality it's a great personal strength.   In addition, the ability to forgive doesn't mean you have again pick up where you left off in relationship...it's not a get outta jail free card or a free ticket for a restart.   I believe you can eventually forgive, be the better the person (setting an example for the other person) and then move on.   I'm not suggesting it's easy to forgive, but genuinely getting to a place where you can forgive and let go of the bitterness and move forward will leave you a stronger person.....I thinks it a highly admirable quality in people.  Bitterness and resentment can linger for a lifetime in some cases and eat a person alive inside.....I've watched some in the generations before me waste decades in bitterness never able to forgive.......they lose so many quality years they could've had.  I'm not suggesting their initial hurt wasn't justified, but to dwell in bitterness unable to forgive.....well.....I just hate to see it in others. 
Have you ever been cheated on by someone you loved deeply MOS?


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Man of Steel on May 17, 2007, 09:31:35 AM
Have you ever been cheated on by someone you loved deeply MOS?

No offense intended, but I thought you might ask that question.    No, I have not.....I'm one of the lucky ones.   I've been deeply hurt by family, the best of friends, coworkers, strangers, etc.....but I've never been deeply hurt by a significant other....probably the harshest of all types of relationship hurt (right up there with parental abuse).   It would be easy for me to lie and say that yes I have been hurt for the sake of my point, but that wouldn't be right.   I know for most that discredits everything I've said.....like someone with no children of their own dishing out parenting advice to actual parents.....what the hell do I know LOL!!  I really do understand what you're suggesting and neither find it disrespectful nor do I want to stand on my pedestal or soap box and dish out unwarranted judgements.   I've been asked before if someone murdered my wife could I forgive the murderer; granted, that's an apples and oranges comparison, but the act of forgiveness (although it may take much longer to achieve in that instance) still holds true IMO.     


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 17, 2007, 09:51:58 AM
No offense intended, but I thought you might ask that question.    No, I have not.....I'm one of the lucky ones.   I've been deeply hurt by family, the best of friends, coworkers, strangers, etc.....but I've never been deeply hurt by a significant other....probably the harshest of all types of relationship hurt (right up there with parental abuse).   It would be easy for me to lie and say that yes I have been hurt for the sake of my point, but that wouldn't be right.   I know for most that discredits everything I've said.....like someone with no children of their own dishing out parenting advice to actual parents.....what the hell do I know LOL!!  I really do understand what you're suggesting and neither find it disrespectful nor do I want to stand on my pedestal or soap box and dish out unwarranted judgements.   I've been asked before if someone murdered my wife could I forgive the murderer; granted, that's an apples and oranges comparison, but the act of forgiveness (although it may take much longer to achieve in that instance) still holds true IMO.     
No offense taken MOS.  :)  But you are right, if never put in the circumstance, one cannot truly know how their feelings would be.  I have been hurt by family, friends and those I trusted, but when you give your heart to someone you think you can trust it with and they betray you...well, let's just say it forever scars you.  There are some that can "pretend" that it did't impact them or that they can forgive or forget (based on the mate stating it was an accident, it won't happen again, blablabla) but inside...they are always questioning everything.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: trab on May 17, 2007, 10:03:18 AM
Some stuff cant be forgiven esp when you can assume it's gona happen again.
But Forgiving, and saying "I was wrong" are powerfull stuff. Cant be overused as a licence to be a doormat or asshole of course.  But Mon's right about people caught up in petty things that they cant get over. Look at the energy some put into it, a veritable PHD's worth of pointless work at being unhappy.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 24KT on May 17, 2007, 04:18:00 PM
The act or process of forgiveness, is not one designed to benefit the offender, but the offended.
It's greatest power lays in it's ability to heal the offended, and allow them to move on.
You do it to benefit yourself. It's bad enough you have been betrayed. There is no point in compounding the damage already done to you by being locked in a prison of bitterness & fear, reliving the trauma over & over. Forgiving others for their transgressions against you, doesn't imply you are giving THEM a free get out of jail card, ...the act of your forgiveness towards others is YOUR free get out of jail card. 

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=149360.0 (http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=149360.0)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 18, 2007, 04:48:28 AM
I don't believe it.  I am sure none of you could forgive your mate if you walked into a room and saw them "with" another person.  I am sure that if something like this has happened to you, you certainly don't look at the person in the same light ever again, and if you don't...then you haven't forgiven them.

Moving on is one thing, forgiving them for such betrayal is another.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Man of Steel on May 18, 2007, 01:55:00 PM
It's a bit cliche, but time heals all wounds.   I think time and forgiveness go hand in hand.   I was hurt by a friend and couldn't forgive until several years later, but I finally was genuinely able to get to that place.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: trab on May 18, 2007, 02:14:55 PM
I don't believe it.  I am sure none of you could forgive your mate if you walked into a room and saw them "with" another person.  I am sure that if something like this has happened to you, you certainly don't look at the person in the same light ever again, and if you don't...then you haven't forgiven them.

Moving on is one thing, forgiving them for such betrayal is another.

I couldn't agree more. All the mushy stuff dont fix some things. There are a few peeps Im lookin forward to dancing on their graves... But getting all hung up on carrying , nurturing hate etc is just counter productive.
Reveling in seeing them get theirs is just fine though.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: 24KT on May 18, 2007, 10:56:21 PM
I couldn't agree more. All the mushy stuff dont fix some things. There are a few peeps Im lookin forward to dancing on their graves... But getting all hung up on carrying , nurturing hate etc is just counter productive.
Reveling in seeing them get theirs is just fine though.

Who says you can't do both?  ;)


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: trab on May 19, 2007, 03:04:21 PM
Every good businessman I know has at least a slight taste for revenge.
Getting all consumed by it's selfdestructive, but I got no problem with enjoying payback.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Samourai Pizzacat on May 20, 2007, 04:24:23 PM
don't get mad, get even hehe

Nah I don't play it like that, if something like that would happen I would invest no more energy, for good or bad, in that person.
You can't forget nor forgive a downright betrayal, it's a small everglowing ember in the back of your mind. the relationship has forever entered a different path, and you may get very close to the intended course again but you will never get on it. Some still try because they fear losing their relationship and that's a bad motive. A break of trust would be the end of the relationship for me, it's not something I would take into a new relationship.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: babaliciousbri on May 26, 2007, 02:25:13 PM
Nope....sorry.  No exceptions

1 strike and you are out.

I, as a wife, NEVER play second to ANY OTHER FEMALE besides his mother.

If he can put me out of his head for the time it takes to do "his" thing....I can put him out of mine for good.

well put. If he cheated, hes out. It shows a huge disrespect for the female & shows how he feels about the relationship. I dont cheat on him, so I expect the same respect.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on May 26, 2007, 03:53:35 PM
I don't believe it.  I am sure none of you could forgive your mate if you walked into a room and saw them "with" another person.  I am sure that if something like this has happened to you, you certainly don't look at the person in the same light ever again, and if you don't...then you haven't forgiven them.

Moving on is one thing, forgiving them for such betrayal is another.

Being able to forgive is important for growth as a person, otherwise we end up carrying tones of bad baggage around with us everwhere. Worse yet (and this might not make a lot of sense), we end up having old arguments with new people.

I always say "forgive but don't forget".  :) It's stupid to let the same dog bite you twice.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Earl1972 on May 26, 2007, 04:02:13 PM
Being able to forgive is important for growth as a person, otherwise we end up carrying tones of bad baggage around with us everwhere. Worse yet (and this might not make a lot of sense), we end up having old arguments with new people.

I always say "forgive but don't forget".  :) It's stupid to let the same dog bite you twice.

if you don't forget how do you forgive?

E


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: drkaje on May 26, 2007, 05:21:55 PM
if you don't forget how do you forgive?

E

We should forgive, for our own sakes. That doesn't mean give them another chance to screw around.

Forgiveness is fine but forgetfulness is dangerous. I really do find the old "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying useful. Considering how PC a lot of people have reacted on this thread.. it's pretty obvious there are many here who have been on both sides of the cheating equation.

There are probably a gazillion reasons realationships don't work out. Cheating is only one of them.  Can a person make a mistake and slip? Yes. But in general I believe someone who has cheated once will probably cheat again eventually. Usually people don't know the reason for messing around. If you don't know why.... how will you know why not to again?


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: trab on May 26, 2007, 05:40:06 PM
Being able to forgive is important for growth as a person, otherwise we end up carrying tones of bad baggage around with us everwhere. Worse yet (and this might not make a lot of sense), we end up having old arguments with new people.

I always say "forgive but don't forget".  :) It's stupid to let the same dog bite you twice.

Naw, The Old arguments w/ new people thing makes lots of sense...See it all the time.

And, getting bit twice IS Stupid! (Or worse, 50 times and counting....) That kind WANTS to fail.


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: omg on May 27, 2007, 04:17:47 AM
Hi omg. Please view the thread titled "If you would like to post on this board" and comply before posting again on the Girl's Boards, otherwise your posts will be deleted.

Thanks

kindly specify which rule have i broken now miss moderator

yours trule,
male chauvinist


Title: Re: ... if he cheated on you?
Post by: Laura Lee on May 28, 2007, 01:36:31 PM
kindly specify which rule have i broken now miss moderator

yours trule,
male chauvinist
This one mr. smarty-pants:

 IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO POST ON THIS BOARD
« on: September 07, 2006, 07:07:12 PM » Quote Modify Remove Split Topic 

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