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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: coltrane on April 08, 2009, 12:17:31 PM
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So long story short, my girlfriend had given me her email password awhile back to check something for her. So, as most of us would do, i now check it every so often. I see she still communicates with her ex of 6 years on and off.
She tells me he just wasn't the one. The emails are very non-suggestive of anything going on behind my back. She never tells me about talking to him, even if i ask. They are usually just emails about they're family members getting married and the like. Nothing too fancy. And never an "i miss you" or an ending with "love, ____"
All in all she has been a great girl and i've been given zero reason to NOT trust her.
Should i be upset she doesn't tell me about these? Or is it kinda normal?
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How long have you dated?
Sounds like it's such a benign relationship (between her and the ex) that I wouldn't worry about it. Does she tell you when she emails w/her mom or other friends?
Unless she is very spacey, she likely remembers giving you her password and knows you could use it at any time and has not changed it. I don't think I'd be worried.
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first off you shouldnt be checking her email...LOL insecurity only leads bad shit my friend...I pretty much agree with stella it doesnt sound like she is messing around or even like she wants to, it is odd however that she doesnt tell you about it even when asked.
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We've been dating roughly a year.. she thinks we were supposed to meet and be together..
I think she doesn't tell me about the emails bc they are really innocent and doesn't want me to think anything differently. Do you girls do the same, i.e. email and ex occasionally and not tell the husband or bf?
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We've been dating roughly a year.. she thinks we were supposed to meet and be together..
I think she doesn't tell me about the emails bc they are really innocent and doesn't want me to think anything differently. Do you girls do the same, i.e. email and ex occasionally and not tell the husband or bf?
Oh yes woman check when they can.
No matter how paranoid a man is woman are twice as bad.
It is almost like a disease for many of them
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The stuff about 'relatives' could be code for bangin'*. :)
*Note: I know how much you love that word, Estella.
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I think you are in the wrong for checking her email, if I were her I wouldn't like that even if I had nothing to hide. It would make me feel as though you didn't trust me...would you like the reverse?
I am still good friends with one of my ex's and we email or chat occasionally on the phone. If he were to visit I would "ask" my boyfriend if he had any problems with me seeing him, or I would invite him with. An email or phone call to me from him would be like getting a call from my brother, not that important and defnitely not something to be worried about.
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I think you are in the wrong for checking her email, if I were her I wouldn't like that even if I had nothing to hide. It would make me feel as though you didn't trust me...would you like the reverse?
I am still good friends with one of my ex's and we email or chat occasionally on the phone. If he were to visit I would "ask" my boyfriend if he had any problems with me seeing him, or I would invite him with. An email or phone call to me from him would be like getting a call from my brother, not that important and defnitely not something to be worried about.
She passed up a chance to be trusted by not telling him in the first place. At this point she's probably testing him and knows the e-mails are being checked.
Personally, I'd stop checking the e-mails and ask her one more time. If she lies, boot to butt with no explanation.
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it is odd however that she doesnt tell you about it even when asked.
Oops I missed that part.
coltrane, does she lie about it?
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Oops I missed that part.
coltrane, does she lie about it?
I'll ask if you've heard from your ex.. and she'll say no. I know she doesn't like him sexually anymore or see herself with him.. but why wouldn't she tell me? It's gotta be bc she is afraid of my reaction...
great posts so far guys! Thanks!
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I'll ask if you've heard from your ex.. and she'll say no. I know she doesn't like him sexually anymore or see herself with him.. but why wouldn't she tell me? It's gotta be bc she is afraid of my reaction...
great posts so far guys! Thanks!
Could she be thinking of another ex in her mind when you ask her? One she hasn't heard from? Or do you ask about him by name?
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no, it's by name..
i feel like she's afraid to tell me they still occasionally email bc she will think i will think there are still feelings... but if she'd just tell me, i feel like she'd gain that much more trust..
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i feel like she's afraid to tell me they still occasionally email bc she will think i will think there are still feelings...
This sounds like a possibility...and maybe she feels it will become a big hassle when there is simply nothing to it.
I think I'd not worry about it and quit asking her about him.
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Thanks..
i know i shouldn't be looking at emails either.. i'm gonna stop that also
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I still say boot her.
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I think you are in the wrong for checking her email, if I were her I wouldn't like that even if I had nothing to hide. It would make me feel as though you didn't trust me...would you like the reverse?
I am still good friends with one of my ex's and we email or chat occasionally on the phone. If he were to visit I would "ask" my boyfriend if he had any problems with me seeing him, or I would invite him with. An email or phone call to me from him would be like getting a call from my brother, not that important and defnitely not something to be worried about.
Agreed.
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maybe she is thinking you are asking if they are actually talking when an email can seem so inconsequential...
or it could be like you said, she doesn't want to bring something up that may cause a fight or insecurities when there is nothing there to worry about.
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So long story short, my girlfriend had given me her email password awhile back to check something for her. So, as most of us would do, i now check it every so often.
when you're comfortable enough in your own skin you won't need to do that kind of crap regardless if she gave you the password or not....
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Coltrane,
I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are for checking her eMail.
As far as trust issues go... in my opinion, YOU are the one who has shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
Lose the password before you lose your girlfriend. Just my 2 cents worth from a woman's POV.
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Coltrane,
I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are for checking her eMail.
As far as trust issues go... in my opinion, YOU are the one who has shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
Lose the password before you lose your girlfriend. Just my 2 cents worth from a woman's POV.
I see your point jag... i know i shouldn't check it, but isn't it kinda human nature to wanna trust someone... and if the means of proving it to yourself manifests itself (ability to check email) wouldn't one wanna do so?
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when you're comfortable enough in your own skin you won't need to do that kind of crap regardless if she gave you the password or not....
I agree with you Geo to a point.. just seems like curiousity is part of human nature..
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I see your point jag... i know i shouldn't check it, but isn't it kinda human nature to wanna trust someone... and if the means of proving it to yourself manifests itself (ability to check email) wouldn't one wanna do so?
Judi is wrong.
Save yourself some hassle and boot this chick.
You were wrong for checking her e-mail as she was for lying about contact with an ex. Two wrongs don't make a right.
I'll give her the benefit of doubt and say the obligatory "there's probably nothing going on and she didn't want you to make a big deal over nothing". Even put in the best light possible it comes down to the fact that if she'll lie about this, there are other things she'll lie about too.
My GF has the password to e-mail, credit cards, computer, etc... because there's nothing to hide but I also don't lie about crap.
You're probably young and won't listen but some day hindsight will clearly show she should have been booted.
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I see your point jag... i know i shouldn't check it, but isn't it kinda human nature to wanna trust someone... and if the means of proving it to yourself manifests itself (ability to check email) wouldn't one wanna do so?
It is human nature to want to trust someone, ...but checking her eMail is not trust.
It demonstrates a definite lack of trust, ... and if you require proof to trust her, ...then there is no trust.
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It is human nature to want to trust someone, ...but checking her eMail is not trust.
It demonstrates a definite lack of trust, ... and if you require proof to trust her, ...then there is no trust.
pretty true
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It is human nature to want to trust someone, ...but checking her eMail is not trust.
It demonstrates a definite lack of trust, ... and if you require proof to trust her, ...then there is no trust.
Again today the were emails back and forth... all petty. When i asked about if she's heard from him, she bold face lies to me.
I know there isn't anything sexual going on still as i know she finds him repulsive. But why not tell me? I tell her when my ex's communicate?!
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Again today the were emails back and forth... all petty. When i asked about if she's heard from him, she bold face lies to me.
I know there isn't anything sexual going on still as i know she finds him repulsive. But why not tell me? I tell her when my ex's communicate?!
Boot her ass before it's too late.
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did you think that maybe she doesn't tell you becuase she thinks that you may not really want to hear about it? Maybe she doesn't think that you will react accordingly and make her think that you can't trust her to hold communications with other people, which we now know you don't trust her. let the email shit go. She is with you, that's all you need to know.
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Boot her ass before it's too late.
everything else is great though.. it's just why doesn't she tell me? Ladies? Is she afraid i won't believe her that it's innocent perhaps? I just don't get it.
I'm sure she is done with the guy... i'm positive actually from reading emails about him to her friends..lol.... i know, i'm awful...
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did you think that maybe she doesn't tell you becuase she thinks that you may not really want to hear about it? Maybe she doesn't think that you will react accordingly and make her think that you can't trust her to hold communications with other people, which we now know you don't trust her. let the email shit go. She is with you, that's all you need to know.
I've told her before that by her telling me stuff like this, it only makes me trust her more.. i.e. so tell me.
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she probably feels that you are pushing her too much, asking her about him. shows insecurity. again, give her privacy back.
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Again today the were emails back and forth... all petty. When i asked about if she's heard from him, she bold face lies to me.
I know there isn't anything sexual going on still as i know she finds him repulsive. But why not tell me? I tell her when my ex's communicate?!
Maybe she is well aware of your inordinate obsession with this ex. She realizes how insecure you are about him,
...and doesn't want you to suffer from erectile dysfunction. like I said, lose the password before you lose your girlfirend.
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everything else is great though.. it's just why doesn't she tell me? Ladies? Is she afraid i won't believe her that it's innocent perhaps? I just don't get it.
I'm sure she is done with the guy... i'm positive actually from reading emails about him to her friends..lol.... i know, i'm awful...
If she's done with him why would there be e-mails to friends?
You are getting played. She knows the e-mails are being read. This is all a game so you'll look like more of a jerk than she does when this finally blows up in your face. Instead of being the guy who booted a lying chick you'll end up whining about how it's all your fault for checking the e-mails.
Chicks are smarter about stuff like this than men. :) I doubt there's a female here who believes she isn't on to your snooping. Reads to me like you're hooked up with a princess who is never 'wrong'. Maybe she just feels entitled to more attention than one guy can give so still talking with the ex seems relatively right
Boot her ass before it's too late.
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The reading of the emails cancels out the not coming totally clean about the ex.
You're even.
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The reading of the emails cancels out the not coming totally clean about the ex.
You're even.
i so expected something more complicated from you. Always surprising me!
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The reading of the emails cancels out the not coming totally clean about the ex.
You're even.
No they don't.
Booting her is the only way to make things even.
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No they don't.
Booting her is the only way to make things even.
That's the advice he's looking for, so what you said is fine. You're right, she knows he's looking at emails. Duh. :) Doesn't mean she's doing anything wrong. Maybe she just not sure and wants an out and his reading of the emails gives her the chance eventually to say he's suffocating her. Maybe she really wants to trust him and is testing him. Who knows. Doesn't mean though that she's screwing around or doing anything wrong. Maybe, she just doesn't want to get really involved with someone who invades privacy without permission. Guys who beat women usually do that. On the other hand, maybe they're both 18, where these kinds of things matter and you have to ask others what to do.
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Chicks are smarter about stuff like this than men. :) I doubt there's a female here who believes she isn't on to your snooping.
(http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/rotflmao.gif)
Shhhh... he's suppose to learn the hard way. ;)
What's that w8m8 always says ..."Stupid should hurt".
He needs to lose the password before he loses the girlfriend.
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I still say boot her.
Xs 2
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Again today the were emails back and forth... all petty. When i asked about if she's heard from him, she bold face lies to me.
I know there isn't anything sexual going on still as i know she finds him repulsive. But why not tell me? I tell her when my ex's communicate?!
I think drk maybe said this but maybe she has an inkling that you are snooping on her and is testing you to see if and when you will say something....at which point she will flip out and break it off.
Good Luck, doesn't sound like it is a very strong relationship to me.
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All the emails are totally harmless.... and she doesn't know i'm looking at her emails..
i think she just doesn't tell me bc she is afraid of my reaction and losing me.
This girl quit her good job and is moving to a different state (my state) bc of me.. she is TOTALLY into me. That i know.. i think she is just scared i may boot her if i found out... bc i wouldn't understand that there are no feelings.. but just a past.
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let it go. you are doing more damage to the underlying relationship than good.
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let it go. you are doing more damage to the underlying relationship than good.
i know.. you're probably right.. and if anything, i've already proved to myself by reading them that there is nothing with the ex...
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All the emails are totally harmless.... and she doesn't know i'm looking at her emails..
i think she just doesn't tell me bc she is afraid of my reaction and losing me.
This girl quit her good job and is moving to a different state (my state) bc of me.. she is TOTALLY into me. That i know.. i think she is just scared i may boot her if i found out... bc i wouldn't understand that there are no feelings.. but just a past.
She knows you're reading the e-mails.
Do the right thing: tell her to keep the job and move the heck on.
I hate to admit this but women are smarter than the typical man in most (some would say all) ways. Thinking you're smarter is a sign of arrogance and simply means you're underestimated her.
Take this from a man who knows hoes and game. You are getting played. She may be a sweet chick and the communication could be totally innocent but you're still being manipulated on many levels.
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She knows you're reading the e-mails.
Do the right thing: tell her to keep the job and move the heck on.
I hate to admit this but women are smarter than the typical man in most (some would say all) ways. Thinking you're smarter is a sign of arrogance and simply means you're underestimated her.
Take this from a man who knows hoes and game. You are getting played. She may be a sweet chick and the communication could be totally innocent but you're still being manipulated on many levels.
Thanks for the advices.. but i must disagree... This girl is crazy about me.. i could go on and on about it on here (and my base for saying it isn't just what she's told me). She is scared i may find out about communications with the ex and would dump her. It's gotta be why she hasn't told me... i should mention that she has told me before about communications... just not all of them...
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:) :)
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hahha..
you're right Migs.. youre right.... ;D
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:) :)
Migsy,
Why do we even bother? No one has ever won an argument with another man's hard-on. :)
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cock fights are never a good thing.
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cock fights are never a good thing.
There's an old saying: When the dick gets hard, the mind goes soft. :)
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Maybe she is well aware of your inordinate obsession with this ex. She realizes how insecure you are about him,
...and doesn't want you to suffer from erectile dysfunction. like I said, lose the password before you lose your girlfirend.
LOL ouch but theres truth in this coltrane you are obviously insecure about your relationship and their relationship. Im not saying I blame you after all she is lying about talking to him even if it is benign and Platonic. Its obvious though that youre not going to stop so i think kaje is right you need to break up man. If you dont you will keep checking her email it will come out sooner or later whether she knows already or you bring it up b/c you cant take it anymore and you will more then likely break up then. Do yourself the favor and dont drag yourself through the shit just make a clean break.
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Well she is moving here in a matter of days.. took a new job here.. she gave up everything to move her to be with me.. i think that speaks volumes..
i'll keep you guys posted.. i honestly think she just doesn't wanna scare me off with news that she correxpondes with him more than she tells me...
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Well she is moving here in a matter of days.. took a new job here.. she gave up everything to move her to be with me.. i think that speaks volumes..
i'll keep you guys posted.. i honestly think she just doesn't wanna scare me off with news that she correxpondes with him more than she tells me...
There are things people only learn the hard way.
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There are things people only learn the hard way.
Boy o boy... you must've really really been screwed over before to be such a woman hater!
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Boy o boy... you must've really really been screwed over before to be such a woman hater!
No need to get defensive, LOL!
Being that close to the situation makes seeing what is obvious impossible.
Enjoy the ride!!
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Well she is moving here in a matter of days.. took a new job here.. she gave up everything to move her to be with me.. i think that speaks volumes..
i'll keep you guys posted.. i honestly think she just doesn't wanna scare me off with news that she correxpondes with him more than she tells me...
I agree that does speak volumes, The FACT that you cant or wont stop checking her emails also speaks volumes...I agree with kaje i dont think this will end well. You wont let it go, she probably wont stop emailing with him, it will come out sooner or later better now then in a week or two...so either let it go completely or address the situation now.
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No need to get defensive, LOL!
Being that close to the situation makes seeing what is obvious impossible.
Enjoy the ride!!
not defensive at all, but i think you're being very near-sighted due to past relations of your own.
Thanks for your advice though. :)
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I agree that does speak volumes, The FACT that you cant or wont stop checking her emails also speaks volumes...I agree with kaje i dont think this will end well. You wont let it go, she probably wont stop emailing with him, it will come out sooner or later better now then in a week or two...so either let it go completely or address the situation now.
It's not so much that she does communicate with him (basically about nothing)... it's more that she doesn't feel comfortable telling me.. i've always told her i am understanding about ex's ect.. and she has told me about some of his emails... just not all..
i'm totally overracting here...
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It's not so much that she does communicate with him (basically about nothing)... it's more that she doesn't feel comfortable telling me.. i've always told her i am understanding about ex's ect.. and she has told me about some of his emails... just not all..
i'm totally overracting here...
All that is besides the point im trying to make
You will not stop reading her emails, she will more then likely continue emailing with him and lying to you about it(for whatever reason) this will eat away at you until you either bring it up or you get caught either way its bad...so like i said either stop reading them(probably not gonna happen) or communicate with her about it if you dont like i said it will just eat away at you and like kaje said earlier the relationship as a whole.
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well she is moving and will have a different email account anyway.. so i have to stop..
Thanks for the advice though
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Well she is moving here in a matter of days.. took a new job here.. she gave up everything to move her to be with me.. i think that speaks volumes..
So does the fact that you are reading her email.
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Let me correct your sentence before Migs, Judy or Tony does it. :)
well she is moving and will have a different email account anyway.. so i have to stop.. but i won't stop wondering.
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Let me correct your sentence before Migs, Judy or Tony does it. :)
damn you took the fun away from it, lol
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damn you took the fun away from it, lol
I bet she's smart enough to use the same password next time. :)
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I bet she's smart enough to use the same password next time. :)
hahaha no doubt he will try
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That's the advice he's looking for, so what you said is fine. You're right, she knows he's looking at emails. Duh. :) Doesn't mean she's doing anything wrong. Maybe she just not sure and wants an out and his reading of the emails gives her the chance eventually to say he's suffocating her. Maybe she really wants to trust him and is testing him. Who knows. Doesn't mean though that she's screwing around or doing anything wrong. Maybe, she just doesn't want to get really involved with someone who invades privacy without permission. Guys who beat women usually do that. On the other hand, maybe they're both 18, where these kinds of things matter and you have to ask others what to do.
And guys who are insecure about their position with the woman in their lives.
Stop reading the emails Coltrane. And stop asking about them and the dude, or you will drive a wedge btween the two of you, and possibly even driving her towards the dude. Then next you'll be saying is "see I knew you were seeing him"
If the table full of food, why complain. Enjoy it, until it runs out.
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If she's done with him why would there be e-mails to friends?
You are getting played. She knows the e-mails are being read. This is all a game so you'll look like more of a jerk than she does when this finally blows up in your face. Instead of being the guy who booted a lying chick you'll end up whining about how it's all your fault for checking the e-mails.
Chicks are smarter about stuff like this than men. :) I doubt there's a female here who believes she isn't on to your snooping. Reads to me like you're hooked up with a princess who is never 'wrong'. Maybe she just feels entitled to more attention than one guy can give so still talking with the ex seems relatively right
Da-yum
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Save yourself some hassle and boot this chick.
that'll never work...
if he's so whipped he has to check her E-mail, then he's probably too whipped to fire her...
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that'll never work...
if he's so whipped he has to check her E-mail, then he's probably too whipped to fire her...
Never thought I'd ever have to do this but....... Geo, you're right. :)
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And guys who are insecure about their position with the woman in their lives.
Stop reading the emails Coltrane. And stop asking about them and the dude, or you will drive a wedge btween the two of you, and possibly even driving her towards the dude. Then next you'll be saying is "see I knew you were seeing him"
If the table full of food, why complain. Enjoy it, until it runs out.
You're bright. :)
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deedles!
i just like saying that
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deedles!
i just like saying that
I like saying miggly. :)
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Happy Easter! i ate your chocolate bunny :-[
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Happy Easter! i ate your chocolate bunny :-[
It's tomorrow, really! Happy Easter to you and your family.
Fine if you ate the bunny. I ate all the shellfish. Hehehe
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meanie!
i'm making steak with a sauteed mushroom sauce, potato salad, corn, and some other yummy stuff. I have some Spanish garlic shrimp too. Any fun plans?
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meanie!
i'm making steak with a sauteed mushroom sauce, potato salad, corn, and some other yummy stuff. I have some Spanish garlic shrimp too. Any fun plans?
You make me think of food, then I look at your avatar. Then I think of food. Do you think men have breast fetishes because of being breastfed, or is that just a urban myth.
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I think it's more of a social programming phenomena. We see that breast are nuturing to an infant, making them healthy and strong. There is a vitality that exudes from the breast. Over generations, this becomes more engrained in the mentality of the womans bussom. Thus a strong connection becomes establisehd. Then food/feeding becomes somewhat synonymous with the breast. Since such a correlation exists, so does the fetish or want of breast adoration or worship. Breast, are divinely woman. Albeit there are man boobs, breasts are a sign of of comfort and appeasment. Men create much stronger visual cues and thus physical cues when exposed to a womans breast or even to food. Even in nature, animals know to feed from the breast. Areola's darken, nipples engorge etc. All this so that the child can find suckling easier. Men (the gender) have basic needs. Food, shelter, physical stimulation are the 3 primal ones. Breast cover 2 of these 3. Even sex idols of ancient society depict fertile women as being big hipped and largeley endowed in the breast. The womb, could itself depict shelter, thus satisfying the 3rd primal need of men. However, breast are much more visible to men than other parts, butt excluded. Plus they are really fun to play with. They jiggle and bouce. It's lilke a jello slinky! ;D
you seriously thought I was going to keep this as a totally serious reply? tsk tsk.
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Post all the emails and let us decide. Viewpoints from no one involved. :)
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hmm good idea
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So long story short, my girlfriend had given me her email password awhile back to check something for her. So, as most of us would do, i now check it every so often. I see she still communicates with her ex of 6 years on and off.
She tells me he just wasn't the one. The emails are very non-suggestive of anything going on behind my back. She never tells me about talking to him, even if i ask. They are usually just emails about they're family members getting married and the like. Nothing too fancy. And never an "i miss you" or an ending with "love, ____"
All in all she has been a great girl and i've been given zero reason to NOT trust her.
Should i be upset she doesn't tell me about these? Or is it kinda normal?
I'll let my girlfriend answer..
Honey would you be ok if i did mantain a casual relationship via -email with an ex?
Reverse the situation and be honest with yourself....how'd she feel?
...sometimes, i'm just in one of em hit one out of the ball park mood! ;D
I suspect, if she is back from lunch , Lauderdale shall answer shortly l
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I'll let my girlfriend answer.
I suspect, if she is back from lunch , Lauderdale shall answer shortly l
:D
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:D
i say it in jest but as i always say " i trust you darlin, i just dont trust the nature of the beast"
the fact that he brought it up in the first place says a lot more, humans pick up subtle signs in behavioral
changes amongst close ones that are only now starting to be understood....
or i could just go back to the ole cliche " no smoke without fire"