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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Brixtonbulldog on August 16, 2009, 04:58:30 PM
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My ex and I are still close and we hung out yesterday. Had a good time but she told me she thinks she is a "borderline personality." Anyone who knows about this knows how devastating this disorder can be and I just started reading about it. Everything seems accurate and describes her issues It can be just as destructive to friends, family, and relationships as it is to the individual.
Anyone has any personal experience with this or dealing with someone suffering from it? I feel there isn't much I can do to help especially since we're dealing with the break-up at the same time.
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ask her if she has ever thought about seeing a therapist, its really easy to self diagnose yourself with disorders, illness, sickness etc...I studied psych in college and every new disorder we went over I could see myself exhibiting some of those symptoms. I would definitly push her to at least sit down with a psychologist or psychiatrist and have a conversation with them. If you two end up staying together then I would recommend you that you either see her therapist with her or seperate, like you said these disorders can be very destructive to relationships, family, life in general and you knowing more about her situation(if it is indeed what she thinks it maybe) will help you two deal with it together and help you understand what the disorder is and how you may be able to help the situation as well.
If she does decide to see a therapist I cant stress this enough DO SOME RESEARCH on them dont just go pick one out of the yellow pages.
If she is against going to a therapist as alot of ppl are b/c of the social stigma against and the idea therapist judging you. Assure her that its not like that(or shouldnt be anyway) and that its just sitting down and having a conversation more then anything else.
Hope this helps bulldog
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My ex and I are still close and we hung out yesterday. Had a good time but she told me she thinks she is a "borderline personality." Anyone who knows about this knows how devastating this disorder can be and I just started reading about it. Everything seems accurate and describes her issues It can be just as destructive to friends, family, and relationships as it is to the individual.
Anyone has any personal experience with this or dealing with someone suffering from it? I feel there isn't much I can do to help especially since we're dealing with the break-up at the same time.
my ex girlfriend had it. me and her were really close friends for over 2 years, and then we started going out. i then learned that BPD was a secret she had been hiding from me and i can see why now. she cant even function properly unless she is on her meds. the relationship lasted 4 months and i lost a girlfriend and a best friend. i cant even talk to her anymore, her family had the doctors put her on enough meds to were she is their own personal robot. her cousin tells me she cant even remember her 4 year old sons name sometimes, because the family has her so medicated.
i would also like to know some stuff i could have done to help her more, because in my eyes i exhausted all efforts before her complete freak out.
bench
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My ex and I are still close and we hung out yesterday. Had a good time but she told me she thinks she is a "borderline personality." Anyone who knows about this knows how devastating this disorder can be and I just started reading about it. Everything seems accurate and describes her issues It can be just as destructive to friends, family, and relationships as it is to the individual.
Anyone has any personal experience with this or dealing with someone suffering from it? I feel there isn't much I can do to help especially since we're dealing with the break-up at the same time.
There ain't a darn thing you can do except run away fast in the opposite direction and be thankful you didn't knock her up.
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I worked with a few people with BPD and my buddies wife is BPD.
They will always be difficult people and some times down right dangerous.
I take my hat of to any one who can live with such a person I could never.
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::)
hi!
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::)
hi!
whats up with yo phat ass ;)
bench
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Personal experience, for most people they get better as they get older. Whether that is because you are able to retrain your brain, or you learn to avoid "triggers" or situations, or a combo of both, I don't know. There are varying degrees also. Some people can't function in society minimally at best and only if highly medicated, others are highly functioning and it is mainly close personal relationships that see it. Meds can help you deal but it really comes down to learning coping skills and making yourself think a different way. DBT can be effective, but most people have to go through all 4 modules at least twice to grasp it. Getting a therapist trained in DBT is a must. Learning to THINK a different way than you have your whole life is very very difficult. :-\
Brixton, feel free to pm me if you would like, I am not on that often anymore but I get email notifications of pm's. I can give you some 301.83 personal insight. ;)
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whats up with yo phat ass ;)
bench
Finally saw a thread I had some expertise on! ;D
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Damn, I had a whole nother post and then it got wiped out! >:(
Brixton, breaking up with her and trying to help her probably is not going to really help her. You need to get her to a doc who can properly diagnose and treat her and stay out of her life for now. Giving her any false hope that you will be in her life is going to keep setting off that rollercoaster.
2 Books off the top of my head are "Walking on eggshells" and "I hate you, don't leave me". I have a few more that are more indepth on the psych end off it, "New Hope for People with Borderline Personality Disorder", and "Imbroglio: Rising to the Challenges of Borderline Personality Disorder". This last one I have tried many times to get through and have to stop because it triggers me. :P
But she should really see someone before she goes labeling herself and getting worked up over that.
All right, that's enough for me tonight on this!
ps- hi drkock! ;D
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Damn, I had a whole nother post and then it got wiped out! >:(
Brixton, breaking up with her and trying to help her probably is not going to really help her. You need to get her to a doc who can properly diagnose and treat her and stay out of her life for now. Giving her any false hope that you will be in her life is going to keep setting off that rollercoaster.
2 Books off the top of my head are "Walking on eggshells" and "I hate you, don't leave me". I have a few more that are more indepth on the psych end off it, "New Hope for People with Borderline Personality Disorder", and "Imbroglio: Rising to the Challenges of Borderline Personality Disorder". This last one I have tried many times to get through and have to stop because it triggers me. :P
But she should really see someone before she goes labeling herself and getting worked up over that.
All right, that's enough for me tonight on this!
ps- hi drkock! ;D
Great ideas. First, she was the one to break it off. She said she "doesn't think she can handle the expectations of a relationship right now." Sucks to be me.
We still talk several times a week and she recommended "I hate you, don't leave me" as well. The "walking on eggshells" I have bought for myself on Amazon.
As far as therapy goes I think she's pretty close to starting it. She just switched jobs and she's never had a lot of money so insurance doesn't start for another month or so. She did say she found a therapist (or psych, can't remember) that she will hopefully be seeing soon.
This really blows but she's smart, I'm pretty compassionate, and there are still a lot of feelings between us. I won't predict what will happen but she knows I'm there for her when she needs it. Until then I'm not getting my hopes up and I'm trying to focus on other things.
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Oh, and she wasn't the one to label herself that. A therapist diagnosed it when she was 15. Now the literature says that such a diagnosis should be withheld until adulthood but she's 21 now and it's pretty much proven to be dead on.
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Borderline Personality Disorder? Sounds somewhat lame to me. Here in England they call it Bi-Polar Disorder...
Well I think that's what you're talking about anyways. Read Carrie Fishers novels: she has nice names for her moods.
Also: the Unquiet Mind. A great book.
I've always thought genius and feeling one's moods acutely was a wonderful thing. I think you'd be daft to say bye bye and take the prozac instead.
here's a website: new here in England, called Time to change. Google it and read the forums.
They're trying to change society's view of people with mental health issues, those (1 in 4) of us who rant and rave but are often funnier than most. It's sponsored by two mad Brit comedians, Stephen Fry and Ruby Wax, both of whom have come to the fore and pronounced that they are bi-polar (have uncontrollable moods) and are proud.
Trouble is, the website is full of totally sad victimized peoples droning on about how badly they've been treated.
Borderline Personality Disorder? uh huh.
I'd sooner be called mad.
xL
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She said she "doesn't think she can handle the expectations of a relationship right now."
that's not "BPD" or any of your new fangled diagnoses, that's typical Freud. Everyone who isn't quite coping simply shuts down
xL
Contrary to everyone else who has posted on this topic, I would ask that you not cut her off from your life. Perhaps you could let her down gently? You could be there when she is ready to again face this big bad world?
There's nothing worse than everyone waltzing off into their perfect worlds agreeing you're mental, being sent to re-hab >>>and not having anyone there to greet you when you come out.
Or.. perhaps the reverse. Perhaps it would be best if you were not there. Do not be there on the night someone calls the 999 and she needs to be taken away. My theory is that if I'm alone there'll be noone to call the ambulance, so I'll make it another day.
Oh Flower? in my experience it doesn't get better with age or time. If things are not dealt with they fester. If friends and family waltz off, it's too difficult. Sadly Mr Bulldog's ladyfriend needs someone to talk to, to listen and to be there.
The physco-talking-helpers and Cognitive Behavioural Sciences people you can see about all of this are few and far between.
I've always said "I don't need a shrink 'cos I don't live in LA. Or I don't need a shrink 'cos I have good friends to talk to.
& I'll stay away from the Lithium and Prozac.
xxxL
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Linda,
Bipolar disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder aren't the same thing.
People who don't want to take their meds for whatever reason aren't relieved of responsibility just due to having chemical imbalances. At some point even the truest of friends will eventually run out of patience with those people. My criticism is when people don't take meds but are too 'out there' for realizing which behaviors sent everyone packing.
My warning to Brixton about the DNA was simple because there's a lot of genetics to these disorders.
No one being responsible to their own stuff is going to deal with an impaired person, on purpose. Brixton will probably do the wrong thing (for him) out of guilt and end up dealing with a lot of drama.
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too true. you're right of course. thank goodness I avoided marriages and especially children...
xL
but "borderline"? come on ! what kind of diagnosis is that? I couldn't bear being borderline, I'm an all or nothing kind of person !!!
>>all you need are a few good friends who understand you.
this new drama with 1 in 4 being told they are a weirdo because they laugh and cry often is a mad new phenonemen.
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If you think Bi-Polar and BPD are the same thing, then please don't offer your "thoughts". :)
With BPD people CAN get better as they get older especially if they have worked on it. BPD is all about not having the coping skills that most people develop. It's not that someone gets angry or sad, but the degree they go to and how long they can hold onto those feelings. That is why I said to Brixton it could make it worse for her to get over the breakup if he is still actively in her life. She could cling to any sign of kindness he gives her and take that as hope for the relationship and be broken up with over and over again. But if she was the one to end it, then she already does cope with things pretty good and if he wants to be there as a friend, then he should be. With BPD most things are viewed as black or white, no grey. Today the person is the greatest, and the next day they can be the most horrible person on the face of the earth to someone with BPD. Any slight, imagined or real, can be blown so far out of proportion that soon every thing is thrown in there and it becomes a full blown crisis. You have to actually retrain the way your brain thinks to cope with things. It is like telling someone that you now have to not only call the sky green, but actually see it as green, it is very hard to do. Your coping skills are developed as a child, the child has tantrums and gets easily frustrated when it doesn't get what it wants but as they get older they learn how to deal with those emotions more appropriately and move on. For some reason with BPD learning how to cope with emotions doesn't happen in the brain, it is like you have no emotional skin. But it seems like Brixton's friend here already has a good grip on what she has to do and is dealing with it, knowing is half the battle. If you don't know that how you feel is not "the norm" then you never try to relearn your thinking process.
In DBT therapy, which is usually done in a group setting, you learn the steps that most people do without thinking on how to deal with an emotion. It really is hard because you not only have the feeling but you have to pick it apart and learn how your thought process should change to cope better. That is why most people go through group DBT 2 times or more. People can say "just deal with it and move on", but with BPD that is not that simple. You can't let things go that easily and like drkock said, you can end up pushing people away who can't deal with it, you destroy relationships. That's why there is so many books for family members of people with BPD and how they can both help the person and have their life too. A person has to understand what it is like for the person with BPD, but still not let them run them over like a freight train. BPD does not give you an excuse, but it should give you more understanding if the person is actually working on behavior coping skills.
Brixton, she can look into the Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Linehan who pioneered DBT. There is a book and a workbook. It really is better to work with a trained therapist in a group setting, but it might help her to see what the exercises are and the modules are. I would hazard a guess that she is in the "highly functioning" category based on her awareness and her ability to say she can't have a relationship right now.
Good luck to her, and don't listen to drkock, he is a pessimistic perfectionist who I could find a couple of axis' to label him with. ;)
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Oh, there has been some call to change the name of Borderline Personality Disorder because it doesn't really describe it, but no consensus has been reached. I do agree with my good friend Linda :) that Borderline? what the heck is being "borderline"??? I was told that when I was 17 and brushed it off because it was never explained to me and never therapeutically properly treated (and I could actually be diagnosed that young or younger because you have to exhibit it for at least a year and I can go back to my very early childhood and give examples now that I know). 15 years or so later I finally figured it out and lost all those years when I could have been more proactive instead of dealing with life the way I had been, knowing really IS half the battle.
Brixton, I hope your friend realizes she has the opportunity to not go down some paths because she does have the power of knowledge on her side. I can only imagine what different paths I would have chosen or done if I had been correctly treated. Oh well, that's life! ;D
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Oh, there has been some call to change the name of Borderline Personality Disorder because it doesn't really describe it, but no consensus has been reached. I do agree with my good friend Linda :) that Borderline? what the heck is being "borderline"??? I was told that when I was 17 and brushed it off because it was never explained to me and never therapeutically properly treated (and I could actually be diagnosed that young or younger because you have to exhibit it for at least a year and I can go back to my very early childhood and give examples now that I know). 15 years or so later I finally figured it out and lost all those years when I could have been more proactive instead of dealing with life the way I had been, knowing really IS half the battle.
Brixton, I hope your friend realizes she has the opportunity to not go down some paths because she does have the power of knowledge on her side. I can only imagine what different paths I would have chosen or done if I had been correctly treated. Oh well, that's life! ;D
you have the pin, don't you?
;D
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you have the pin, don't you?
;D
took me a second, but I got that! Now you know why it is TEAL. ;)
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took me a second, but I got that! Now you know why it is TEAL. ;)
hehe :-*
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oops, sorry, wrong again...
Mistake to claim that things don't get better with age and time. Obviously they can do. If you have someone to talk to who understands and loves you - just as you are, here and now and today - and more importantly if you are able to understand yourself and accept that your mind works a bit differently from most ?
What I meant was that if not treated properly, mental health issues will balloon and perhaps one day pop. That is why I said that it would be best if Mr Bulldog were to not dump his ex on the big heap upon which many people land.
You are so right to advise that he bow out gently, it would be best all round. Your ex is doing you a huge favour and I'm amazed at her awareness. Others would get clingy.
I was just slightly miffed at the 3rd response he received where he was told to run the other way and be thankful he'd not knocked her up. Which was, looking back, totally appropriate and very funny...
Don't understand pin (is that the pin to burst the bubble or is that your personal identification number?) doesn't matter, lost in translation.
Sorry. I was wrong and am very obviously unable to distinguish between the many BPD's we are nowadays told exist and are diagnosed with. I was told I was hyper when young and I'd slam the table with my fist and say "But I'm not being over dramatic!" I thought that was funny but it pissed people right off. Took years to understand that my mind is simply just full of too many things...
I self diagnosed and self-medicated. Grass was my chosen calm-down option. You don't wanna even imagine me on coke ! But I tried everything, irregardless.
It's about self awareness, not self esteem. I'm used to being bullied and I'm used to being let down. But I no longer take it personally, I now accept that others simply don't have time or don't understand or perhaps don't want to be bothered. That's fine.
Your ex has done you a huge favour and you must bow out graciously.
I don't know. I didn't have huge family or childhood issues, I led a blissful life. I have no clue how come my brain is wired differently. I think I'm okay and I know I'm fun when I'm in the right mood. When I'm not, I stay home and listen to mad music and google and mess around on the internet and leave everyone alone.
It didn't help though when I was very much let down by someone I truly cared for. Took me a while to get over it...
But as ~flower~ knowingly says, That's Life. I wouldn't change mine one iota.
This life is fantastic.
More so, I think, for peeps (slang for folk?) like me. It's intense and it's truly wonderful.
with mad love,
xxxL
Sinatra sang:
"That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.
I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around
I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.
That's life
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly
I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race
That's life
That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My
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oops, sorry, wrong again...
Mistake to claim that things don't get better with age and time. Obviously they can do. If you have someone to talk to who understands and loves you - just as you are, here and now and today - and more importantly if you are able to understand yourself and accept that your mind works a bit differently from most ?
What I meant was that if not treated properly, mental health issues will balloon and perhaps one day pop. That is why I said that it would be best if Mr Bay were to not dump his ex on the big heap upon which many people land.
You are so right to advise that he bow out gently, it would be best all round. Your ex is doing you a huge favour and I'm amazed at her awareness. Others would get clingy.
I was just slightly miffed at one of the first responses he received where he was told to run the other way and be thankful he'd not knocked her up. Which was, looking back, totally appropriate and very funny...
Don't understand pin (is that the pin to burst the bubble or is that your personal identification number?) doesn't matter, lost in translation.
Sorry. I was wrong and am very obviously unable to distinguish between the many BPD's we are nowadays told exist and are diagnosed with. I was told I was hyper when young and I'd slam the table with my fist and say "But I'm not being over dramatic!" I thought that was funny but it pissed people right off. Took years to understand that my mind is simply just full of too many things...
I self diagnosed and self-medicated. Grass was my chosen calm-down option. You don't wanna even imagine me on coke ! But I tried everything, irregardless.
It's about self awareness, not self esteem. I'm used to being bullied and I'm used to being let down. But I no longer take it personally, I now accept that others simply don't have time or don't understand or perhaps don't want to be bothered. That's fine.
Your ex has done you a huge favour and you must bow out graciously.
I don't know. I didn't have huge family or childhood issues, I led a blissful life. I have no clue how come my brain is wired differently. I think I'm okay and I know I'm fun when I'm in the right mood. When I'm not, I stay home and listen to mad music and google and mess around on the internet and leave everyone alone.
It didn't help though when I was very much let down by someone I truly cared for. Took me a while to get over it...
But as ~flower~ knowingly says, That's Life. I wouldn't change mine one iota.
This life is fantastic.
More so, I think, for peeps (slang for folk?) like me. It's intense and it's truly wonderful.
with mad love,
xxxL
To quote Tina; "What's love got to do with it?"
Loving, hanging out with or showing compassion to a disabled person is fine. The reality is that their issue (whatever it is) typically can monopolize all of your time and energy making any normalcy impossible, especially if they aren't properly/consistently medicated. The downside to meds is that they work. There are too many cases where people miss the 'edge', 'ups and downs' so living as a normal, typical person is just to darned boring, LOL!
I'm a huge fan of CBT but only in cases where the issue is a case of wrong thinking as opposed to chemical imbalance or faulty receptors. I pretty much view it like any other disease.
If someone was a diabetic very few of us would say "Just love them more and skip the insulin!". :) For some strange cultural/social reason we don't like to admit friends, family or ourselves have chemical issues until it's too late.
I applaud Brixton's ex for getting help. There's really just no good reason for him to be overly involved in her business at this point, especially considering he'll probably be dating someone else soon and no one needs to do with extra drama on purpose.
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gonna google Tina, thanks !
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a disabled person
trouble is we don't look - nor are - disabled and I refuse to be called as such. we just think faster.
in fact we are far more enabled than most...
Anyways, you're right. noone expects needs or wants a moody or mental girlfriend
given the choice, you'd prefer the low-IQ daft dyed-blonde with fake boobs type, surely?
madly,
xxxL
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trouble is we don't look - nor are - disabled and I refuse to be called as such. we just think faster.
in fact we are far more enabled than most...
Anyways, you're right. noone expects needs or wants a moody or mental girlfriend
given the choice, you'd prefer the daft dyed-blonde with fake boobs type, surely?
madly,
xxxL
Labels don't matter, Linda.
No matter what cute spin we'd love to put on things, medical conditions are being discussed. It's certain diabetics love cake, LOL! If a diabetic said "I love how cake makes me feel and don't mind the occasional crash. There's nothing wrong with me, it's just that my body processes sugar different than yours does.", we'd all start talking about amputations, retinopathy, nerve damage, etc... When someone with a mental disease says "it really doesn't suck that bad once you're used to it" everyone says OK. :)
I'm more a butt than boob guy. Don't take it the wrong way, they're appreciated but don't really make women more attractive to me and they barely get noticed.
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too true. my bestest oldest girlfriend who was diabetic lived in my flat whilst I went to work. I'd come home and she would've cut up all my magazines and made a scrapbook, spent the rent money and have eaten a six-pack of chocolate donuts, dyed her hair orange, put on my turquoise wrap and gone into a coma. We'd have to phone the ambulance and take her in to Emergency and give her a choccy bar to be going on with. She taught me how to do her insulin injection, but never gave me time to do so.
Maybe we all have addictions and multiple neurosis? Perhaps we are diagnosed with conumdrums and deal with them as best we can? Maybe we all deserve what we get? (Susie died of aids, at 30, by the way, after falling in love with a bloke who had messed about).
I think each and all of us have little idiosyncranicies (sp). And some are better than others.
Survival of the fittest?
Mental health issues get noticed if perhaps you scream or cry. You either find help or you don't. Then you just get over it, somehow.
Or if you live in or dislike an insular place like the US of A, you go get a gun and kill everyone. Sorry I'm being countryist...
I believe that legs are a girls' best asset...
or perhaps brains.
the bits inbetween you can alter and improve as you wish at the gym. And your legs whilst at it.
xL
where's ~flower~ when you need her? it's nearly 5pm here so you lot in the US on the eastern coastal time zone must be up by now?
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Linda,
God has gone this long without making any perfect people and probably will not start now.
It's just a matter of if a person wants to intentionally deal with someone else's issues on a daily basis. :)
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Yeppers. For sure. Too true.
But you sound holier than thou and as if you've never suffered...
madly
xL
>>>see the about the weather thread and thereby perhaps take on board how others braver than us live?
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I applaud Brixton's ex for getting help. There's really just no good reason for him to be overly involved in her business at this point, especially considering he'll probably be dating someone else soon and no one needs to do with extra drama on purpose.
Who are you to decide what he should or shouldn't do? That is for HIM to decide. He alone knows the whole situation and what he can or can't deal with in his life.
You really are a pompous self involved ass drkock! Why don't you continue to keep your life in neat little boxes and stop thinking people should live their lives the way you think they should.
For once I can honestly say Linda makes more sense than you do, and I respect what she has said in this thread.
I sure hope your kids are and continue to remain perfect, whatever will you do if they are flawed? :-\
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not sure whether 'tis best to let this thread lie or whether to carry on...
So I carry on.
We all get upset when other peeps decree things ought be as they say so.
Life would then be bloody boring, wouldn't it?
I prefer things to be unbelievable, weird and fantastic, they then seem to have utter syncronicity.
Stuff which is total madness often makes so much sense ! Plus it makes you laugh...
with mad love,
xL
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Who are you to decide what he should or shouldn't do? That is for HIM to decide. He alone knows the whole situation and what he can or can't deal with in his life.
You really are a pompous self involved ass drkock! Why don't you continue to keep your life in neat little boxes and stop thinking people should live their lives the way you think they should.
For once I can honestly say Linda makes more sense than you do, and I respect what she has said in this thread.
I sure hope your kids are and continue to remain perfect, whatever will you do if they are flawed? :-\
Easy for someone in your position to say.
I really don't see how deciding to deal with someone's issues or not is being pompous. Since they're no longer dating his being a good friend and supportive is cool but most chicks aren't too much into having their dude hanging out with or "Being there for her" all the time.
He could marry her make babies with the same issue for all I care. He should just be honest with himself when making the decision.
My initial post was pretty much tongue and cheek. It wasn't until Linda blurred the definitions that a serious reply was warranted. I know plenty of people who have married, had kids with, dated, banged, treated, work with, etc.. those who have depression, Bipolar, BPD, and a lot of other stuff going on. Those who stay in the situation too long eventually get burned the heck out, it's human nature.
I don't like neat boxes and no one is perfect. Not the point at all, I just know what works for me and which situations would be a poor use of time. It's a pretty simplistic thought process. A PETA person probably wouldn't date someone who loved steak. :)
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It's pompous that you expect people should live by YOUR terms that you have set in your life.
Every situation is different, every person is different. Brixton did not give any details on how their relationship had been, so to just tell him to move on when he obviously cares is not your place to say.
Again, I hope your kids remain perfect and you won't have to deal with any issues with them and they have to deal with people like you. :)
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It's pompous that you expect people should live by YOUR terms that you have set in your life.
Every situation is different, every person is different. Brixton did not give any details on how their relationship had been, so to just tell him to move on when he obviously cares is not your place to say.
Again, I hope your kids remain perfect and you won't have to deal with any issues with them and they have to deal with people like you. :)
Brixton asked for opinions and some were given.
Obviously, an opinion that honest might come across a little harsh to someone in your position. Since it was his thread, those were the feelings being taken into consideration.
You and Linda do bring up some interesting points but asking what I'm legitimately curious about would hijack the thread.
I only know what does/doesn't work for Jake. :P
No one's perfect.
All kidding aside: I feel Brixton should be a good friend but not overly involved in her daily life. There's not a darn thing he can do to be helpful, and remain fair to himself, beyond that.
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I appreciate all the opinions given. The relationship had been great up until about 4 days before the break up. But that's how fast this can happen with a disorder like this. It's a roller coaster like you cannot imagine.
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I appreciate all the opinions given. The relationship had been great up until about 4 days before the break up. But that's how fast this can happen with a disorder like this. It's a roller coaster like you cannot imagine.
All the best, Brixton.
I hope our nonsense didn't stop you from getting reasonable opinions. :)
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Brixton asked for opinions and some were given.
Obviously, an opinion that honest might come across a little harsh to someone in your position. Since it was his thread, those were the feelings being taken into consideration.
You and Linda do bring up some interesting points but asking what I'm legitimately curious about would hijack the thread.
I only know what does/doesn't work for Jake. :P
No one's perfect.
All kidding aside: I feel Brixton should be a good friend but not overly involved in her daily life. There's not a darn thing he can do to be helpful, and remain fair to himself, beyond that.
Brixton asked for information on how to help this person, not whether he should be with her or not. And if you had read my first reply I told him to cut her off. That was based on my thinking he broke up with her, instead of her breaking up with him. After finding out she ended it with him and her reasons for doing so, I think he can be in her life. But that really is between both of them.
Really, there is not a darn thing he can do to be helpful without being fair to himself? You mean what YOU consider being fair. Seems to me like this girl has her head on pretty good and is very aware of what steps she should take to better her life, and it seems to me that Brixton really cares about her, something I seriously think you even have the capability of doing about ANYONE given how quick you are to tell everyone to kick someone to the curb and go out and get the next person, no biggie.
You are a very shallow and hollow person drkock, I pity your children if they ever are "flawed" in your eyes and how unfair it will be to you to have to deal with them.
Go start another thread and ask the questions you want to ask. I can hardly wait. ::)
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All the best, Brixton.
I hope MY nonsense didn't stop you from getting reasonable opinions. :)
fixed :)
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Brixton asked for information on how to help this person, not whether he should be with her or not. And if you had read my first reply I told him to cut her off. That was based on my thinking he broke up with her, instead of her breaking up with him. After finding out she ended it with him and her reasons for doing so, I think he can be in her life. But that really is between both of them.
Really, there is not a darn thing he can do to be helpful without being fair to himself? You mean what YOU consider being fair. Seems to me like this girl has her head on pretty good and is very aware of what steps she should take to better her life, and it seems to me that Brixton really cares about her, something I seriously think you even have the capability of doing about ANYONE given how quick you are to tell everyone to kick someone to the curb and go out and get the next person, no biggie.
You are a very shallow and hollow person drkock, I pity your children if they ever are "flawed" in your eyes and how unfair it will be to you to have to deal with them.
Go start another thread and ask the questions you want to ask. I can hardly wait. ::)
~flower~,
I promised Stella a certain standard of behavior in exchange for posting here and will let this go. If you really had difficulty or took umbrage to my heavily edited comments it's relatively certain an honest, unvarnished response here would go over any better. Additionally, such commentary would more than likely reduce other's enjoyment of the forum.
We'll just have to agree to disagree. Brixton's question was about his ex gf, not you. Everything in the world isn't about you and you're not the only person affected with BPD. Having/being something and internet access doesn't make people experts expert.:)
Almost everyone I've ever asked the question has said no, LOL! I'm not really interested in the yes or no response, but the reasons people give.
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Anyone has any personal experience with this or dealing with someone suffering from it? I feel there isn't much I can do to help especially since we're dealing with the break-up at the same time.
A few years back I called up one of my dearest friends (kind of a second mom). She said she couldn't talk because she was on the other line with her daughter who was in a bad way. I had always known "Lisa" had "issues" but never quite understood them. We're only 3 years apart and I've known her since she was born (mom and 2nd mom are best friends). Over the years she seemed to live a normal existence ~ excellent student, military, married, kids, etc. (although now divorced). After some quick prodding I asked if Lisa seemed suicidal and she said yes. Since her mom lives in another state and I was only about 20 mins from Lisa, I drove over there (with a police escort - got pulled over for speeding). Little did I know what I was getting into.
When I first arrived she was curled up in a ball on the floor. There were razor blades all over the place - that scared the shit out of me. I later found out she was a "cutter". After talking awhile, she seemed to "snap out of it". Actually, she seemed very normal, articulate and funny. Spent the night talking and catching up and over the next couple of months I would make daily trips over there and learned more and more about her disorder. Her medication was messed up and it seemed like her Dr. was constantly making changes to it. I sat in on a couple of her psych appts. and also met separately with the Dr. Actually, I was able to lend some insight into her childhood. What she refused to acknowledge or blocked out was that she was sexually abused by her father beginning at a very young age (like 1 or 2). He also allowed his friends to abuse her too. What a sicko >:( We were unable to convince her to "check herself in". Eventually, her mom was able to convince her to move to her state. I haven't seen or heard from her since, nor has her mother since shortly after moving there. It was an extremely exhausting couple of months. I hope she's okay.
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~flower~,
I promised Stella a certain standard of behavior in exchange for posting here and will let this go. If you really had difficulty or took umbrage to my heavily edited comments it's relatively certain an honest, unvarnished response here would go over any better. Additionally, such commentary would more than likely reduce other's enjoyment of the forum.
We'll just have to agree to disagree. Brixton's question was about his ex gf, not you. Everything in the world isn't about you and you're not the only person affected with BPD. Having/being something and internet access doesn't make people experts expert.:)
Almost everyone I've ever asked the question has said no, LOL! I'm not really interested in the yes or no response, but the reasons people give.
I think it should be everything is not about YOU drkock. :) Here is Brixton's original question:
Anyone has any personal experience with this or dealing with someone suffering from it? I feel there isn't much I can do to help especially since we're dealing with the break-up at the same time.
He asked for anyone with personal experience with it or who suffers from it. He did not ask whether he should be involved with this person, but appeared to be trying to be a part in their life and help this person if he could so wanted ACTUAL EXPERIENCE comments, not your PERSONAL thoughts on having this person in his life at all.
Seems to me I am the most qualified to speak in this thread, and I gave pretty balanced comments based on what he said, which I altered when I had more information.
You want to start a thread about should people date crazy people or not, that would be a whole nother thread that has nothing to do with this one. :)
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I think it should be everything is not about YOU drkock. :) Here is Brixton's original question:
He asked for anyone with personal experience with it or who suffers from it. He did not ask whether he should be involved with this person, but appeared to be trying to be a part in their life and help this person if he could so wanted ACTUAL EXPERIENCE comments, not your PERSONAL thoughts on having this person in his life at all.
Seems to me I am the most qualified to speak in this thread, and I gave pretty balanced comments based on what he said, which I altered when I had more information.
You want to start a thread about should people date crazy people or not, that would be a whole nother thread that has nothing to do with this one. :)
Next time you take the time to quote someone, please read their post. :)
Your experiences only apply to you and really don't lend any expertise beyond yourself.
My interactions (both personal and professional) with those with issues and/or family and friends only lends perspective, not expertise. Someone in your position is probably too close to the issue because your 'normal' really isn't the same as that of someone unaffected.
Brixton really can't help much and probably feels a little frustrated. I mean really, if someone was clinically depressed a few hugs and saying "cheer up, things aren't so bad, suck it up" just won't help. That's not a case of my being mean, unfeeling, liking neat boxes or anything else simply a medical fact.
I'd much rather give hugs than drugs but there are just a lot of cases where people would not get well. :)
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::) Yes, it clouded my comments so badly that when I thought he had broken up with her I told him to stay out of her life. ::)
Being that I actually read his his posts and I believe I came to the correct conclusion that he genuinely wants to help her, I answered him with actual information he could use and pass on to her. Unlike you I will not tell him what he should do, but actually answer helpfully to what he asked.
Now isn't it ironic that I could do that, and you could not? I did not let myself cloud my responses, but you did.
I feel very sad for you that you think there is not a thing that he could do to be productive in her life. :-\ At least his ex is addressing her problems unlike some people who walk around thinking they don't have any (do I really have to say the codes you could be classified under?) 8)
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::) Yes, it clouded my comments so badly that when I thought he had broken up with her I told him to stay out of her life. ::)
Being that I actually read his his posts and I believe I came to the correct conclusion that he genuinely wants to help her, I answered him with actual information he could use and pass on to her. Unlike you I will not tell him what he should do, but actually answer helpfully to what he asked.
Now isn't it ironic that I could do that, and you could not? I did not let myself cloud my responses, but you did.
I feel very sad for you that you think there is not a thing that he could do to be productive in her life. :-\ At least his ex is addressing her problems unlike some people who walk around thinking they don't have any (do I really have to say the codes you could be classified under?) 8)
If his girl had diabetes I's say "Tell her to clean up the diet and take meds as prescribed" this is no different. I wouldn't ever say "just try some hugs and do all the injections for her".
We're all different but I do find your take on the comments amusing. You're starting to read a little too much like Earl1972, LOL! He'd rather believe anyone who disagrees with his very rigid ideas about compassion is a sociopath or narcissist than risk entertaining the thought of being wrong. :)
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If his girl had diabetes I's say "Tell her to clean up the diet and take meds as prescribed" this is no different. I wouldn't ever say "just try some hugs and do all the injections for her".
We're all different but I do find your take on the comments amusing. You're starting to read a little too much like Earl1972, LOL! He'd rather believe anyone who disagrees with his very rigid ideas about compassion is a sociopath or narcissist than risk entertaining the thought of being wrong. :)
No, you are misreading my comments. I have no problem with you or anyone who dates people based on their own personal standards. If the OP was asking if he should be involved with this person instead of asking what he could do to help this person, and your reply was he should not be involved, that would be fine. I'm sure some dialogue would ensue about your reasons but I would respect that as YOUR opinion.
You instead decided to make it about yourself instead of what the OP was actually asking and trying to get information on. But you get a point for a grand attempt at misdirection! ;)
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If his girl had diabetes I's say "Tell her to clean up the diet and take meds as prescribed" this is no different. I wouldn't ever say "just try some hugs and do all the injections for her".
I was loling so much at your second paragraph I missed this one! ;D
It doesn't even make sense? What are you going on about or what is the point you are tying to make? If you read the posts you will see a lot of stuff SHE will have to do on her own was suggested. Also books for Brixton so he might better understand how he can be supportive or just understand what she is going through. Is it just convenient for you to overlook those? Since it is you and I going back and forth now I certainly never said to just hug her and she didn't have to do shit. ::)
lololololz
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Oh dear, this is getting serious ! People are having slanging matches !
I'm sorry, I may have started it, I went all a little florid 2 pages back and rather than being my ordinary normal low-key personality, (lol?) I started pontificating.
Noone knows the answer (comeon ~flower~?) and noone pretends to.
Except perhaps you know about you and I'm learning about me. Sorry, but I think the bloke you are having discourse with hasn't been horrid.
He's a normal chap with a right brain and a left brain and is being logical.
You and I and Brixton's ex all have multi-faceted brains. We can think of 20 things at once. Sometimes with rainbow coloured fireworks going off in the background. So we'll never ever see eye to eye.
lets please just all agree that mental health issues affect everyone.
xL
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flower? are you still really young, like under 30? Brixton's ex is 23 or something?
I promise you, by the time you're 40 everything will make sense...
Things, as you said, get better with time. Provided that you get to talk to and relate with like-minded peeps who understand. Or folks who make you think.
madly
x
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No, I am not really young. :P That's why I know things can get easier in time and she has the opportunities to make some good decision on taking care of herself so she can avoid a lot of the drama I wish I could have.
drkock is not horrid, he is just annoying sometimes. ;D We are actually having some interesting discussions along these lines down on the X. I am personally inviting you to participate if you desire to Linda. :)
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We are actually having some interesting discussions along these lines down on the X. I am personally inviting you to participate if you desire to Linda. :)
I got banned off the x y and z (joking) and also the gen topics whilst at it?
think I'm only just now allowed back on the girlie board...
xxxL
(had to quote you in order to make page 3 make some sense...
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I am personally inviting you to the X Linda. You may post in that thread or any others. But I will give you a friendly warning that the rules are not quite as clear as they are on this board. ;)
Up to you. :)
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Well the BPD thing might have been a part of it but now it seems as if the feelings just up and vanished for her. Great.
And here I thought I was helping by giving her space but apparently we were just "right for that time in her life and she's thankful for the experience."
Wonderful. Funny how fast shit goes downhill.
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Hope you're doing OK BBD!
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you got treated like a piece of meat! cool
;D
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lol PWND
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Well the BPD thing might have been a part of it but now it seems as if the feelings just up and vanished for her. Great.
And here I thought I was helping by giving her space but apparently we were just "right for that time in her life and she's thankful for the experience."
Wonderful. Funny how fast shit goes downhill.
You're lucky things are over, for now. :)
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Borderline Personality Disorder Brain and Gene Function Mapped by New Research
Newswise — Mount Sinai researchers have found that real-time brain imaging suggests that patients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are physically unable to activate neurological networks that can help regulate emotion. The findings, by Harold W. Koenigsberg, MD, Professor of Psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, were presented at the 11th International Congress of the International Society for the Study of Personality Disorders (ISSPD), held August 21 – 23 at The Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York. The research will also be published in the journal Biological Psychiatry.
Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), Dr. Koenigsberg observed how the brains of people with BPD reacted to social and emotional stimuli. He found that when people with BPD attempted to control and reduce their reactions to disturbing emotional scenes, the anterior cingulated cortex and intraparetical sulci areas of the brain that are active in healthy people under the same conditions remained inactive in the BPD patients.
“This research shows that BPD patients are not able to use those parts of the brain that healthy people use to help regulate their emotions,” said Dr. Koenigsberg. “This may explain why their emotional reactions are so extreme. The biological underpinnings of the disordered emotional control systems are central to borderline pathology. Studying which areas of the brain function differently in patients with borderline personality disorder can lead to more targeted uses of psychotherapy and medications, and also provide a link to connect the genetic basis of the disorder.”
http://generalpsychiatry.blogspot.com/2009/09/borderline-personality-disorder-brain.html
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Cognitive behavioral therapy: detecting triggers, avoiding them, regulating emotions. As with many impulse-regulation disorders (PDD-NOS, ADHD, CD etc) a reasonable percentage of sufferers' symptoms lessen over time. In practice, Borderliners can be a royal pain.
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Cognitive behavioral therapy: detecting triggers, avoiding them, regulating emotions. As with many impulse-regulation disorders (PDD-NOS, ADHD, CD etc) a reasonable percentage of sufferers' symptoms lessen over time. In practice, Borderliners can be a royal pain.
Typical people are a pain too!! :)
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we can safely assume that everyone is a pain in the arse at many times in our lifetime, that includes 'typicalos'!
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Borderline Personality Disorder Brain and Gene Function Mapped by New Research
Newswise — Mount Sinai researchers have found that real-time brain imaging suggests that patients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are physically unable to activate neurological networks that can help regulate emotion. The findings, by Harold W. Koenigsberg, MD, Professor of Psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, were presented at the 11th International Congress of the International Society for the Study of Personality Disorders (ISSPD), held August 21 – 23 at The Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York. The research will also be published in the journal Biological Psychiatry.
Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), Dr. Koenigsberg observed how the brains of people with BPD reacted to social and emotional stimuli. He found that when people with BPD attempted to control and reduce their reactions to disturbing emotional scenes, the anterior cingulated cortex and intraparetical sulci areas of the brain that are active in healthy people under the same conditions remained inactive in the BPD patients.
“This research shows that BPD patients are not able to use those parts of the brain that healthy people use to help regulate their emotions,” said Dr. Koenigsberg. “This may explain why their emotional reactions are so extreme. The biological underpinnings of the disordered emotional control systems are central to borderline pathology. Studying which areas of the brain function differently in patients with borderline personality disorder can lead to more targeted uses of psychotherapy and medications, and also provide a link to connect the genetic basis of the disorder.”
http://generalpsychiatry.blogspot.com/2009/09/borderline-personality-disorder-brain.html
Good post.
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Cognitive behavioral therapy: detecting triggers, avoiding them, regulating emotions. As with many impulse-regulation disorders (PDD-NOS, ADHD, CD etc) a reasonable percentage of sufferers' symptoms lessen over time. In practice, Borderliners can be a royal pain.
DBT is preferred, similar to CBT, Dialectical behavior therapy. Yes, as it can get better as you get older. I think that comes with learning how to deal over time, or like you stated avoiding or knowing your triggers. (which is why I like pets better than people ;D hi drkock!) Low functioning Borderliners can be a royal pain in practice. ;)
Good article Princess L. :)
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don't forget to wear your pin
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don't forget to wear your pin
;)
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;)
:-*