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1  Getbig Bodybuilding Boards / Craig Titus & Kelly Ryan Discussions / Re: Titus & Ryan: The CSI TV Sitcom on: January 05, 2006, 04:40:52 AM
Titus & Ryan: A CSI Sitcom
Written by Special Ed

<Fade in>
EXT. LAS VEGAS BUS DEPOT - 4 a.m.
Craig drops off Anthony at the bus stop. A police officer is writing parking tickets ten feet away.

CRAIG (in a low voice): You know what to do brother.
ANTHONY (loudly): Gotcha Craig. I'll be in MIAMI if the POLICE come-a-knockin'.
CRAIG: Shhhhhh!

<Audience roars>

INT. Titus Home - 4:07 a.m

Kelly greets Craig at the door.

KELLY: How'd it go?
CRAIG: Piece of cake. The "burning bandit" strikes again.

<Audience laughter>

CRAIG: I need to run out and get some CRACK. Do you have any cash on you?
KELLY: No. I'm broke.
CRAIG: Broke?? Well, how'd you pay for the lighter fluid and the barbecue tools?
KELLY: I charged it.
 
<Audience laughter>

CRAIG: You CHARGED it?
KELLY: Well they wouldn't take a CHECK.

<Audience roars>

Craig rolls his eyes at the camera.

CRAIG: Did you ever think they could trace the stuff back to us?
KELLY: What stuff?  I thought you burnt everything.

<More laughter>

CRAIG: Sheesh. Well, we can always say someone STOLE your credit card.
KELLY: Right. I could DYE my hair and look completely different. Then we could say it was someone else who used my credit card.
CRAIG: That's brilliant Kel.
KELLY: That's why you married me sweetie!

They kiss.

Craig turns to leave. Then remembers something.

CRAIG: Kelly, what time did you report the car stolen?
KELLY: It wasn't stolen Craig. You just used it.

<Audience roars>

CRAIG: You mean you DIDN'T report the car stolen?
KELLY: Filing a false police report is against the law Craig.

<Audience laughs>

CRAIG:Kelly, we just strangled, bludgeoned and burnt our houseguest to a CRISP and you're worried about BREAKING THE LAW?

<Audience ROARS>

KELLY (pulls out cell phone): Is it too late to call?
CRAIG: Just forget it Kel.

Kelly starts dialing her phone.

CRAIG: I said forget it.
KELLY: Oh, I'm not calling the police...I'm calling Mandy.
CRAIG: Why the heck are you calling HER?
KELLY: To tell her Melissa won't be able to work out with her today.

<Audience laughs>

CRAIG (crossing arms): And what are planning to tell her?
KELLY: Exactly what you told me.
CRAIG: Okay, go ahead.
KELLY (dialing): Hi Mandy, it's Kelly.  I just wanted to leave you a message telling you that Melissa won't be able to go to the gym with you this morning because she overdosed and she --
MANDY (slurring): Hello? Kelly, it's four in the morning. Melissa did what???
KELLY: She overdosed.
MANDY: And you're calling ME?? How about calling an AMBULANCE??!!

<Audience roars>

KELLY: But Craig said 'No body, no crime' and --

<Audience roars>

Craig rolls his eyes at her and drops his head in his hands.

KELLY: -- OOPS! I take back that last part.

<Audience laughs>

MANDY: Kelly, what's going on?

Craig motions for Kelly to hang up.

KELLY: Umm...Rock a bye Mandy, on the treetop...

<Audience laughter>

MANDY: Why are you singing to me?
KELLY: You are getting sleeeeeeeepy.

<More audience laughter>

MANDY: Kelly?
KELLY: It's all a dream...you're dreaming...dreaming...

She hangs up.

KELLY: How did I do?
CRAIG (sarcastic): Great. You want to call the FBI next?

<Audience laughs>

KELLY (begins dialing): F...B...I...

<Audience Roars>

KELLY (cont.): No one is answering. I guess they're not open yet.

<Audience laughter>

Craig grabs Kelly by the neck.

<Audience GASPS>

CRAIG: I love you Olive Oil.
KELLY: And I love you Popeye.

They kiss.

<Fade out>





2  Getbig Bodybuilding Boards / Craig Titus & Kelly Ryan Discussions / Re: Kelly Ryan without makeup on: January 05, 2006, 02:43:19 AM
Shocked

3  Getbig Bodybuilding Boards / Craig Titus & Kelly Ryan Discussions / Re: Kelly Ryan without makeup on: January 05, 2006, 02:12:38 AM
She doesn't have enough ass or titties for me.
well, even with all these *flaws* I'd still consider her a good ***k. Ooops, sorry for the language Wink
4  Getbig Bodybuilding Boards / Craig Titus & Kelly Ryan Discussions / Re: 12-19-05: Titus &y Ryan Murder Case - updated daily on: January 04, 2006, 10:28:02 AM
Didn't make news in much of Europe apart from some BB forums.

www.alexardenti.com
www.alexardenti.net

true.
5  Getbig Bodybuilding Boards / Craig Titus & Kelly Ryan Discussions / Re: 12-19-05: Titus &y Ryan Murder Case - updated daily on: January 03, 2006, 01:40:16 AM
damn Kelly looked awesome in those pics.
well, the body...I can agree. But the face...with all this surgery she has *completely changed* her appearance. And not for the better, I would say
6  Getbig Bodybuilding Boards / Craig Titus & Kelly Ryan Discussions / Re: kelly without craig state of mind on: January 02, 2006, 09:39:07 AM
she's probably freaking out more about those 4 remaining toenails that have yet to be painted.

The feds could have least waited until all ten toes were complete  Undecided

rotfl.
7  Getbig Bodybuilding Boards / Craig Titus & Kelly Ryan Discussions / This make me think about it... on: December 30, 2005, 02:58:13 AM
http://240orbust.com/titus/oil.htm?S=4295920

maybe they're not guity after all or if they are, well... complete dumbass.
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