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51  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Anybody use heroin? on: February 04, 2014, 08:09:56 AM
When I was a commercial airline pilot, it helped me relax and concentrate when landing.
52  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Jay Cutler's Rolls Royce on: January 31, 2014, 09:59:19 AM
What is a shmoe ?

Is it like a shoe ?
53  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Sex adventures of Kriss Akabusi on: January 30, 2014, 08:18:03 AM
This is so surreal and entertaining. Pork_Chop you have a unique style of thinking and writing.

This isn't my handy work friend.

More here:

http://krissakabusisexstories.blogspot.co.uk/
54  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Sex adventures of Kriss Akabusi on: January 30, 2014, 07:27:34 AM


BUCKINGHAM PALACE

Akabusi sat in the park throwing bits of sausage roll at a one legged pigeon as the winter sun beat down on his ebony dome like Ike on his first wife. He'd picked up two sausage rolls and a Steak Bake from Gregg's at the station and found a quiet spot in the park. The Steak Bake had given him serious heart burn which only a bottle of Tango could put out. He'd bought a bottle of Lilt instead. All in all it had been a shit day for Akabusi.

His accountant Harvey Goldenblum had called him earlier and confirmed that his £117,980 mansion in Brickhills had been repossessed by the National Lottery. Akabusi had become addicted to online scratchcards and things had got so bad he sold all his medals and naked pictures he had of Norris McWhirter. The ten quid he had got on eBay for the lot hadnít made a big difference.

On the upside the cool air of the wind brushed against his expresso chassis like Rolf Harris on canvas. He felt his tremondous length growl like a waking tiger - it wanted feeding and he knew it only ate pussy. He popped his hand inside his grey dungerees and pinched the increasingly engorged helmut to quell it's mounting excitement. He brushed pastry flakes into a pile and then necked the lot of it. It made him feel good. Like a man again.

He made a little pooh behind a tree and headed over the road to the Palace.

Akabusi had been to Buckingham Palace before - he picked up some mickey mouse MBE back in the day. He hadn't disgraced himself and poor old dead Diana had welcomed a fanny patting. Today Akabusi and Roger Black were receiving a little badge to thank them for not killing any spastics on a outward bound trip to the Brecon Beacons. The Palace didn't know that a little window slurper had fallen off a cliff and Akabusi and Black had buried the body in a shallow grave. Hopefully feral cats and foxes would do the rest.

Akabusi mingled with the crowds of Lords, Ladies and fucking Tanni Gray Thompson. Tanni managed to get invited to all these things and the Palace had excellent access due to the Queen Mother. Akabusi didn't need any encouragement from Jim Davidson, who was receiving a knighthood for services to race relations, and pushed Tanni into a broom cupboard and jammed the door. Hopefully the feral cats and foxes would do the rest.

The Queen appeared. Akabusi couldn't help but feel a sudden rush of blood and cum rush into his empty brown wheely bin and his giant testes twitch like a black body builders pectorals. His proud onyx majesty rose to attention as everyone stood. He looked like a brown flag pole and his flag of spunk and a little piss was attempting to unfurl. As Her Majesty went by his erection fell to it's knees quicker than a Romford secretary. She was minging.

Akabusi was fucking confused. He was expecting Helen Mirren - that glorious old milf that he'd seen on a pirate dvd the night before. The reality was some old bird who he suspected had bristols like burst balloons and a clunge as crusty and useless as a Conservative Peer. His sword sheathed and his balls bowed Akabusi went off looking for pussy elsewhere.

Akabusi headed down to the stables. He liked horses, they knew what it was like to carry such a dead weight betwixt ones's thighs and he often used to train with Desert Orchid at the Linford Christie Track. The sessions would often end with mutual masturbation from which Akabusi would keep Orchid's horsefat and sell it to Arabs. He didn't know what Orchid did with his though.

Kriss let the buckles of his smart dungerees slip to the shit covered hay and let the fetid air of the stables circle him scum round buy one get one free deals. "Do you ride Mr Abakumisi?" said a female voice from behind Akabusi. He froze. The lady was so full of plums he felt like he felt when he'd teabagged Janet Street Porter.

He slowly turned around looking like a chocolate Challenger tank heading into battle. Before him was a brunette dressed in tight cream jodhpurs, white blouson and a pair of patent leather riding boots that would bring a tear of cum to any man's cock eye. He knew that beneath the riding gear were at the most two sparking bristols and a clunge as smart and as bald as Helen Rollinson. But not as dead.

"Do I ride? What do you fucking think!" he roared with a laugh so loud the horses bolted into the yard and killed two OBEs and a bloke in an electronic wheelchair. His sceptre rose to knight the girl whose tight jodphurs were becoming wetter than a child at an Art Malik birthday party. He was going to get royally laid.

"My name's Kate. Kate Middleton" she said with a voice as silky and hot as a balti fart in tight jockeys. Akabusi became so hard he thought some girl was going to put Excalibur into it. The future Queen let loose rivlets of brown hair and loosened the buttons of her blouson. Akabusi wasn't one ot stand on ceremony so he tore her top off like a Zulu at Rourke's Drift. A pair of epic creamy white bristols store at him like Paul McKenna's eyes. Kate ripped off her jods and stood before Akabusi naked - her glistening axe wound beckoning him to bow at her feet.

Akabusi tore into her like Henry VIII at a Toby Carvery. His hands were all over her like the old Empire and some of the acts they were committing were just as horrific. He plunged deep into her like a jousting event and felt her cold regal body rub against his hot black tribal like years of oppression. She was greedy for cock and Akabusi wasn't one to disappoint. He thought later that she might make a career as a sword swallower if this Queen shite didn't work out.

Within hours it was over, Kate lay a mangled mess of white flesh, medals, horse sh*t, cum and vol au vents. Akabusi pulled out of her like Hong Kong, letting his weeping willow of brown muscle to roll around in the hay. Akabusi was sure that his rampant manslush had reached the inner sanctum and he broke into a wide sh*t eating Akabusi grin as he thought of a brown baby being born to the royal household in nine months times. "Try explaining that you bitch!" he roared.

He could hear the constant banging of Tanni Grey Thompson somewhere in the Palace so he bent down over the sated, upper middle class spunk vessel, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

The End.
55  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Sex adventures of Kriss Akabusi on: January 29, 2014, 02:47:11 PM


NEW SUIT

Akabusi was uncomfortable unless he was wearing a pair of dungerees or stark bollock naked so he walked into the Jimmy Savile Row tailors with trepidation. He needed a new suit for a Tanni Gray Thompson testimonial he was speaking at.

"If you could slip out of your dungerees, Mr Akabluisi" entoned the fay tailor. "It's Akabusi" said Akabusi as his laugh filled the cluttered shop like an arsehole on creampie.com.

Kriss let the straps of his denim dungerees snap and the fabric rushed passed his polished espresso chassis leaving him standing naked. The rarefied air of the tailors brushed against his black and curlies like a fart in a tanga brief and for a moment he felt like a black Messiah.

"Miss. Portensa will measure you up" said the tailor as he disappeared out back for a tug and a weep.

Portensa strolled into the room and immediately Akabusi felt a twinge in his king size plonker. She was wearing a little black dress which he knew concealed a fantastic pair of tits and almost certainly a clunge so tight it shopped at Poundland.

"Just relax, Mr Abakuski, while I measure your inside leg" she said with a French accent richer than a Guinness shit. As Kriss felt the cold metal of the tape measure climb up his leg, he could feel his black boa fill with blood quicker than tampon on the first day.

Before he knew Miss Portensa was handling his growing concern like Pat Jennings. She pulled apart her dress to expose her smooth white skin, epic bristols and a fanny more hairy than Richard Keyes back.

He ploughed into her like a tighthead forward and plunged his now diamond hard cock into her like he was staking Dracula. Within hours it was over, Miss Portensa a useless pile of tit, minge and spunk and Akabusi panting and sweating like a multiple rapist.

Akabusi rolled up his mickey and pulled on his dungerees. "What about the suit Mr Abakusi?" breathed Portensa.

"F*ck it. I'll wear me dungerees. It's only Tanni f***ing Thompson" roared Akabusi as he bent down over her bloodless torso, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.
56  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Random pics on: January 28, 2014, 09:51:25 AM



 Huh

 Grin
57  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Mickey Rourke is going for the health look on: January 25, 2014, 07:40:25 AM
He is awesome, his face makes him if anything  Cool
58  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Side Effects of Steroids (homemade youtube video). on: January 23, 2014, 02:51:31 AM
She needs a good back-hand.

Annoying or what?
59  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: HS kid bench presses 515 x 3 with little effort on: January 22, 2014, 06:48:26 AM
massive oak tree legs.
60  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Arnold Schwarzenegger - Current Arms (from TODAY) on: January 22, 2014, 04:38:16 AM
he looks rotten for 66.

Looks 86.
61  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Sex Face on: January 18, 2014, 11:01:39 AM
Eh? a pair of bong-eyed homo's gives you wood ?
62  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Sex Face on: January 18, 2014, 10:53:26 AM
 Grin
63  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Whats the worst thing you ever said to your boss? on: January 18, 2014, 07:23:07 AM
"I'll spoon your f*cking eyes out like pickled onions and eat them."

Oh how I miss being an airline pilot.
64  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Sex Face on: January 18, 2014, 07:10:09 AM
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSTpJi7bCzY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSTpJi7bCzY</a>

Pretty accurate.
65  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: your name here on: January 18, 2014, 06:31:07 AM
I was going to call myself pOrK_ChOp

But only c*nts use those upper and lower case names.
66  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT on: January 18, 2014, 06:24:15 AM
Killing one of my pigs in the yard with my chain saw as the other pigs watch.

67  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Woman gets phone stolen - nude selfies and home porn appear in her drop box on: January 16, 2014, 01:40:52 PM
A rare tree pig mating with it's sibling.
68  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: King Tamali... a long time ago... kind of entertaining... not sure.... on: January 16, 2014, 01:37:08 PM


His mid section looks like a well-fed wood louse.

Head like a f*cking medicine ball.

He truly looks like his personality - horrible.
69  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: I was asked to "pay a visit" to a guy who beat his girlfriend on: January 12, 2014, 09:25:02 AM
Lifting is not training to fight.

Being big, muscular might intimidate most - but to a trained fighter you actually pose less risk to someone like myself.

I applaud the good intentions but be careful.
70  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: the greatest jew dies on: January 12, 2014, 05:59:10 AM
71  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Will Harris in critical condition on: January 11, 2014, 02:33:51 PM


Kidney / liver failure?

I thought it was all down to hard work................

72  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Random pics on: January 09, 2014, 02:05:33 AM
73  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Random pics on: January 09, 2014, 02:04:52 AM
74  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Random pics on: January 09, 2014, 02:01:52 AM
75  Getbig Main Boards / Gossip & Opinions / Re: Random pics on: January 07, 2014, 04:16:19 AM
Cool

fake egypt in china has snow, not the real one !
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