John Romano, philosopher, father, martyr
http://www.rxmuscle.com/articles/romanos-rage/354-the-book-of-genesis-according-to-romano.htmlIn the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth, and darkness was all around. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light, and God saw that it was good.
On the second day, God said, "Let the earth bring forth the grass, the flowers and the trees," and he gathered them all together and called this the Garden of Eden. And then God made the beasts of the earth, and cattle, and every thing that swam in the sea and this was for the meat. And God called the meat protein, and although it needed a little salt when he cooked it, he tasted it and thought that it was good.
On the third day, God created man in his own image, he created male and female. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." But, God left off the big ripped muscles and instead God created the gym of Eden and sent forth man to train and build his body himself in order that he earn such dominion over every living thing, and he thought that this was good.
On the fourth day, God looked down from the heavens and saw that man wasn't packing on any mass. This was not good. So a great light descended upon the earth and God appeared and spoke to man. "I have given you the fish of the sea, the fowl of the air, and every living thing that moveth upon the earth so that you would have enough protein. I have created a gym in the garden and taught you to train, and created bodybuilding contests and fitness and figure babes to motivate you. Why art thou still so small?"
Then, a great ball of fire erupted from the earth and the devil appeared and spoke to God, "Man is so small and weak because he does not know me!" The devil then created steroids and androgens and growth hormone and syringes, HCG, DNP, anti-estrogens, and all the ancillary bodybuilding drugs, and bestowed them upon man and said, "Use these, all of you, and you will grow big and ripped." God struck down the devil with a great bolt of lightning and created the forbidden tree upon which he hung the devil's gear and summoned a great serpent to guard the tree from man.
On the fifth day, God created androstenedione, 4-androstenedione, 19-androstenedione, androstenediol and its 4, 5, 17, and 19 varieties, tribulus terrestris, growth hormone stimulators, hormone-releasing peptides, plant sterols, methoxy isoflavones, testosterone "boosters," ephedra-free fat burners, dozens of magical herbs and other precursors to the devil's brew and told man only to use these things, for if he accepted the devil's way and used the actual hormones, man would be cast from the gym of Eden and banished from the garden forever.
On the sixth day man tried God's offerings and nothing happened. Then Eve returned from the forbidden tree and gave man his first shot of Sustanon, and although it hurt a little, he saw that the shit really worked! God saw this and was furious and once again a great light descended upon the earth and God appeared and spoke to man. "What is this that thou hast done? Thou hast hearkened unto the voice of the devil and hast taken the drugs of which I commanded thou shalt not?" Then man said, "But your shit was too expensive and it didn't work!" God became enraged and banished man who used these drugs from the gym of Eden and cast him from the garden and told him never to return. Man had nowhere to go, so he shacked up with the devil at his hardcore gym in Hell and really started geezing the juice and man grew huge and lean and very strong.
On the seventh day, while God was resting, man decided he couldn't take the heat in the devil's gym anymore and returned to the garden and kicked all those punk-ass, wimpy, motherfucking angels who didn't use the devil's drugs out of the gym of Eden and took it over. When God returned on Monday morning, the gym was filled with huge ripped bodybuilders, the devil was behind the front desk, and heavy metal was blasting on the stereo while man lifted with ferocious intensity.
God's fury ignited and once again a great light descended upon the earth and God appeared and spoke to man. "Why have thou forsaken me? I have banished thee from the gym of Eden and cast thee from the garden because you took the devil's' drugs that I have commanded thou shalt not. Why have thou returned?" Then the devil stood up in front of God said, "Yo!, back off, G, can't you see my shit works? If you didn't want them to use it, why didn't you just create man big and ripped in the first place?"
God thought a minute and looked around admiring the huge ripped bodybuilders and realized he'd fucked up. So, God left the gym and left man to train and to use the devil's drugs if he wanted, and God saw that this is just the way it is.
