I'm wondering if any of you all can relate with me on this.
For the past year i've really been into bodybuilding and i've been working out consistently and making great progress in my strength and muscle mass. I've been lifting hard, eating hard, gaining strength and growing. Besides that, i've been working a lot, chasing after pussy, and doing other normal, simple things like that.
Before this year of bodybuilding started. I was focused on travelling, working on art, and living a spiritual life for a few years. I weighed around 130 pounds and I didn't give a damn about getting big, it just didn't matter to me at all. I was more focused on meditating, exploring my depths with psychedelic drugs, and learning about religions, metaphysics, and spiritual paths.
But then I started working full time last summer, and I just shifted gears back into bodybuilding mode, like I was when I was in my early 20's. I dropped my spiritual path for a while basically, and I was just lifting, eating, fucking and sleeping for the most part. No meditations, no mantras, no attempts to center myself, none of that.
A few weeks ago I started to get back on my spiritual path. I started doing yoga again, meditating, going to the Buddhist temple, and i'm feeling more at peace, more satisifed, less desire, less impulsiveness, less chaos in my head.
It started with a Mescaline trip I went on about a month ago. Actually I went on 4 Mesc trips
By the end of them, I had really re-evaluated my life and I said to myself "what the fuck am I doing? I'm living the wrong life. I need to make some changes!"
I feel like it's effecting my drive to lift weights in a negative way. Bodybuilding is basically a hedonistic and shallow pursuit honestly. Sure there is a spiritual side to it, but compared to other spiritual paths and techniques, it only scratches the surface. And my of the driving forces for lifting weights are shallow, getting pussy, intimidating and impressing guys, egomania, etc.
I'm still lifting and havn't fallen off the wagon with my regimen at all. But my motivation is dying out. These days i'd rather focus on other things. But i'm gonna keep lifting, because I don't want to waste all my efforts for the past year.
Sometimes when I look at bodybuilders and really big strong guys on this site, I realize that I don't want to be like them at all. They are not role models to me and they are not anything I would aspire to me myself. But when I look at spiritually enlightened and highly intelligent people I say to myself "That's what I wanna be."
Lately i've just been wondering "Am I a fool for focusing on this bodybuilding shit? Should I drop this bodybuilding shit and get back on the spiritual path?"
For now, I will try to work on both at the same time. We shall see how it gos.