It's not that simple. I was diagnosed type 2 bi-polar. What it means is that I am strongly bi-polar but not a true clinical bi-polar sufferer. For me specifically I go up just a little above baseline and then bottom back out into hardcore depression. That lasts a few weeks then for a week or two I hover between stable and mid-manic, then plummet back down to depression. I tend to drink when I am depressed. A lot.
Tried prozac and lamictal but neither made me feel very good. The prozac made me indifferent, the lamictal a straight up zombie. As I do not have health insurance I am not sure what to do. I can see the school clinic for free, I might try that.
For the last few years, the cycle repeats and my workouts go like this- for two weeks I hit it hard, eat perfect and my body comes TO LIFE. Like nothing you have ever seen before. I go from a lean guy with a great build to a legitimate bodybuilder. Great shape lines muscle bellies, great back legs shoulders etc. I truly believe in my heart that genetically I am elite.
But something happens, dunno if there are triggers or what, probably not, but suddenly I get out of class and at night (this always happens at night) I just crave alcohol. Bad. But the craving isn't like what you would think it is, it's more like I am on top of the world and excited, full of energy, and for some reason the alcohol just sounds like the greatest thing in the world. For some reason NOTHING in my mind tells me its a bad idea. I just go for it, without thinking.
Next thing I know I am in the dumps, I haven't eaten much for a week, two three weeks, haven't set foot in the gym. I get borderline suicidal sometimes. Like, what's the point? Get my degree, make more useless money, maybe get married, get old. Why bother?
Then I start coming out of it again. My posting here on Getbig tells me I am coming out of another slump. Will probably work out today and if not for sure tomorrow and the next two weeks or so I will be back on the ball 100%.
Not sure what to do honestly. This is probably not the best place for advice, but at least it feels good to tell SOMEONE. I do not think anyone can relate to what I go through. But that is me in a nutshell.
If I can get my head right, the sky is the limit. I do not know. Been going to church for a few months now with a good friend, great church really. I am hoping if I level with my buddy, he can help me get on the right track and stay there. I really envy the guy, how he is always level headed and always makes the right decisions. He never seems to struggle with anything, very strong character. Something I would like to strive for. We will see.
Anyone want to throw me a bone here, feel free. I also have ADD, not that it really matters. Guess it mighte.
Sounds like you have a substance abuse problem in conjuction with your bi-polar issues.
Everything you have stated sounds like a classic case of alcoholism, you go through a bender, go throug the following depression when when you get sober, then go through the phase where you brain recovers, then the alcohol cravings hit you again.
When you get that giddy-full of energy-alcohol craving, thats the key.
You might check into some substance abuse counseling in addition to the bi-polar thing. I know you probably dont want to hear/believe it, but its exactly the same shit I went through. The prozac, etc isnt going to help cause the cravings are whats starting your cycle.
Trust me, Ive been through everything youre describing. You may well be bi-polar, but a lot of people that believe they are bi-polar are really alcoholics and when they get they alcoholism/addiction under control, the mood swings vanish.
