6 August 2013
I. Letter to the Editor
II. Lucky Phil's Chilidogs Food Review
III. Ramy Pawn of Secretive Schmoe Sect?
I. Letter to the EditorI hate these whores who get drunk at parties and leave with alphas they just met. They won't even look at me, me with my measly janitorial income, me with my dopy aspie stare and chin beard, me a bona fide legend on the G&O boards. No, these sluts chase firefighters and flight lieutenants, actors and athletes, cool chill bros with smooth faces and square jawlines.
But I have the toilet.
Yeah, while you're out there shaking your tits for galeniko, I'm parked here jerking off to the thought of you fucked. I go for slow, leisurely strokes, detailed, almost literary, scenarios. You knock. "I need to pee!" My fist goes spastic, responding. It only takes a minute or two. I'm efficient.
Door opens. Surprise, you're drunk. Don't even bother waiting for me to finish washing my hands. You just plop on the toilet, jeans down, legs splayed. I dry my hands, ever the gentleman, not even risking a sidelong glance. "Hey, why's the seat all--"
Door closes.
It only takes one. One little RAtarded sperm to make its journey up your canal, depositing my little protein package in your unguarded womb. Yeah, he'll get to rail you tonight, but only to spooge in a balloon (I heard the crinkle when he took his wallet out earlier). If you balloon--when you balloon--odds are it will be mine. You'll think it's his, he'll think it's his, but that nose, those eyes? They're mine.
And 23 years later, when your little bundle of joy takes his little 23andme test, the sordid truth will be out. Check the scores. You: shamed slut. Him: shamed cuck. Me: laughing all the way to the welfare office.
I don't get invited to many parties.
—RAtard
II. Lucky Phil's Chilidogs Food ReviewBy guest columnist, 'booty'
"The name on the door is deceiving, it isn't primarily a Chili Dog place. Their menu has few chili food options compared to Hubba's in Port Chester and Pat's Hubba Hubba in Stamford. You can get a Chili Dog, a Chili Burger, and Salchipa's (which I am yet to try). If you would like cheese, it is a cheese sauce, which is very messy. I would recommend that they use cheese slices for the cheese dogs.
Now with all that being said, the chili alone is amazing. I would say that it's better than Hubba's or Pat's Hubba Hubba, but I am too loyal to make that call just yet. I have only had the chili dogs and I must say, DELICIOUS!!! If you want a simple chili dog, this is that place to go, seating is minimal, but there is never a wait and the chili dogs are ready in minutes. I highly recommend this place to anyone that just wants a chili dog or a bowl of chili. "
III. Ramy Pawn of Secretive Schmoe Sect?Shocking evidence was revealed this afternoon that 2013 Olympia contestant and hot new arrival on the IFBB scene, Mamdouh Ellsbiay, is secretly being promoted by a seclusive schmoe sect centred in Cairo, Egypt:
TwinkiLeaks reports that Schmoehammad El-Rothschildi, the malodorous Cairo-based sebaceous oil magnate, lobbied hard behind green doors for an Elssbiay Olympia triumph at the last Bilderberg Conference. Stay tuned, ramy-nosers.
Reinforcing these reports and unbeknownst to Ramy, a camera tracking him at the New York Pro -- site of his first pro victory earlier this year -- caught him making blatant homosexual contact with a mysterious Middle Eastern man immediately subsequent to his being announced the winner. Yet, upon being interviewed, no one associated with the promotion recalls there being such a man backstage.
Could it be Schmoehammad himself? Is Ramy willingly a part of this nefarious plot, or is he being held hostage? Anyone with information pertaining to the mysterious man in the above footage is encouraged to contact G&O Monthly. Your anonymity is assured.
