hey Croatch!

[FitMandy]

you should compete in the getbig contest---   use it as a warm-up show and then peak for your fourth victory at the lavarun invitational!

there's a ziploc bag in room B that has some protan and dreamtan you can use, it'll help to cover up the tattoos. 

you better start taking the udo's oil out of your PWO shakes right now, and cut out the strawberries and cream melt.downs. 

oh, and make sure you get some color on your feet this time, okay?  they're lookin pretty pastey, your sock line is outta control.

you'll do great, make sure you smile and show your teeth on game day!

[The True Adonis]

you should compete in the getbig contest---   use it as a warm-up show and then peak for your fourth victory at the lavarun invitational!

there's a ziploc bag in room B that has some protan and dreamtan you can use, it'll help to cover up the tattoos. 

you better start taking the udo's oil out of your PWO shakes right now, and cut out the strawberries and cream melt.downs. 

oh, and make sure you get some color on your feet this time, okay?  they're lookin pretty pastey, your sock line is outta control.

you'll do great, make sure you smile and show your teeth on game day!

Did Kelly tell you to do all of that?

[240 is Back]

you should compete in the getbig contest---   use it as a warm-up show and then peak for your fourth victory at the lavarun invitational!

there's a ziploc bag in room B that has some protan and dreamtan you can use, it'll help to cover up the tattoos. 

you better start taking the udo's oil out of your PWO shakes right now, and cut out the strawberries and cream melt.downs. 

oh, and make sure you get some color on your feet this time, okay?  they're lookin pretty pastey, your sock line is outta control.

you'll do great, make sure you smile and show your teeth on game day!

Wow.> Sounds like Mandy Polk is taking shots at Croatch!

Mandy, I thought you were a sweetheart?

maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself, but i feel that i have no one else to turn to, so i thought i would go to my mayhem family and friends with my gripes. right now i'm preparing for the team universe competition and i feel utterly and completely alone. much of my motivation comes from within, and it has always been that way. however, right now i'm waving my white flag.

i feel so alone that i have contemplated not doing the show, despite the fact i'm a little over two weeks away. it's not because the prep is stressful or i feel i might not be ready. it's because i feel dead inside.

i pride myself on being a consistently positive person. a friend once said to me, "one thing's for sure, no one can take away your joy." well, they were wrong. i'm not trying to be melodramatic here, but this is honestly how i feel right now.

if you care to continue reading how i got to where i am now, i'll take you through the sequence of events:

1) i moved to las vegas with my boyfriend, excited to start a new career in a new place with new friends-- essentially, a new life. i was also going to be able to train under one of the most accomplished fitness professionals in the history of the sport. i was really looking forward to it.

i formed a very close bond with this woman. besides a coach, she became a friend and a source of inspiration. what she taught me in the time we knew each other i will value for the entirity of my competition days. she exited my life as quickly as she entered; the reality of her life and decisions is devastating- from an outside perspective and on a personal level. i will, however, always value what she taught me and the friendship we had in our time together.

some of you may be somewhat familiar the situation i described above, but if not, it is not essential you know the details. just know that now i am involved in an ongoing legal situation involving the woman and many others, and it is somewhat stressful. i try not to think about it.

2) during said "stressful situation" the boyfriend with whom i moved to vegas, was unsupportive. he attacked my actions, character, and decisions. he also demanded more from the relationship when i had given all i could. he did not get me anything for my birthday. things had been very strained for a while, and i had taken all the emotional abuse i could stand.

i called my parents looking for advice and support, but they did not really tell me anything. i decided it would be best to just leave, even though i could barely afford to, as my training business was just getting off the ground. i took my things while he was at work one night, and moved in with a friend from the gym who had offered me a good deal on a room.

3) i dropped my trainer at 14 weeks out. i'm not going to name names. this person wanted me taking thermos and doing double cardio sessions at 16 weeks out, with no fat and no added fat in the diet. i wasn't even out of shape!! i was not willing to do this, so we had to part ways.

i still approached my contest prep with enthusiasm, and really enjoyed the day by day experience of training and training my clients. my business was starting to really do well by this point.

4) my parents. they have been uninvolved in my life, but we have maintained contact.
i have been trying over the last twelve weeks to get my parents to come to this show. it's not just to see me, i want to see them!!! my mother had offered, when i was about 13 weeks out, to arrange my trip through her travel agent for her business. supposedly, they get great deals. the show date would get closer and closer, and still no trip. i ended up arranging it myself, of course. two weeks ago, i offered to her to cover the room for she and my father, if they could just get plane tickets. i told her if afforability was an issue, that i would cover the plane tickets as well. she insisted that her agent at work would her out and that would not be necessary.

yesterday, i received a message from my father, stating it would not be possible for the two of them to attend (they're divorced, by the way) due to the cost of the trip. i called him and told him that i had been prodding for him to make arrangements, or at least tell me whether or not he would attend so i could cover the trip, for quite some time.

i told him i should not have to beg for attention and i would not anymore. no more contact please, with the exception of an emergency. he had nothing to say. i called my mother and said the same thing. they both ended the conversation with me as though they were hardly affected.

5) it seems my suit designer has flaked on me. she told me twelve weeks ago that i would be taken care of and not to worry about it. she wouldn't accept a deposit or payment at that time, but i offered. we have what i would consider a close, personal relationship as well, for two years now. she calls herself my "big sister" and we have spent time together outside of competition-related activities, as well as a considerable amount of time on the phone.

i spoke with her yesterday, and now she acts like she doesn't know what i'm talking about when i tell her she said she would outfit me for the show. it is stressful, but more hurtful on a personal level. i can wear the same one and two piece that i wore for this show last year, but three months ago i had tried to make arrangements to avoid that scenario. i followed up at least three times since, so it's not like she forgot.

6) i asked someone that i would consider a friend, if i could rent a suit from her. let me add that i have lent my suits out to three people this year, without asking for payment. i did this because i felt it was the right thing to do, and i would want someone to help ME out in a panicky situation.

after this girl's failure to return my call, she explained via text message that she was broke and only had two one-pieces. i said i understood, despite the initial hurt and frustration. i reasoned that she would help if she could, and she must be in a bad spot. because she's a friend, i felt it would be right to help her if i could. i wrote to her "okay, no worries!  i'll ask someone else. are you staying at the host hotel? you can stay in my room for free, i'm just a few minutes from the venue. two beds, if you're comfortable with that, my offer's out there." no thanks, no nothing, she just responds "i have a roomie"


SO, now that i've written you a book, if you've made it this far... i'm sipping on a cocktail of desperation and frustration with a twist of depression. i know i'm just feeling sorry for myself. but i do not understand why this is happening, as i have tried to go out of my way and be kind to others. i was so positive but these events have worn me down and i have nothing left.

i am not motivated to continue with my prep. i know i will probably do the show anyway, because i said that i would and i always follow through, but at this point i don't really want to. i never thought i would say that about something that gives me so much happiness and fulfillment, but that's where i am right now.

thanks for listening.

[FitMandy]

wasn't taking shots at all, he's my buddy, he'll know what i'm talking about and get a good laugh.

[Croatch]

wasn't taking shots at all, he's my buddy, he'll know what i'm talking about and get a good laugh.

Monster Swolleness.  Hope all is well.

Some guys here are such idiots. Your logic just failed you, "bro". You have the ability to compete in this contest with food and glutamine, don't you?  What a bitch, I mean we have already gotten the point that guys like yourself and Adonis are so much better than the rest of us.  Go curl up and die punk.

Translation: I took 3rd place out of five at the Mississippi State local county fair Lightweight Division B, Class C, Section 8.  Lost $1500 on my monster cycle, got a trophy, and $50 gift certificate to Al's Super Sups on Main St.

[Mars]

Those were good times.  That may have been a year ago?  It was funny when Sarcasm said I looked like I was one step away from jumping off a bridge or something...hahaha

Haha yes that's something only a leader of The Squad can come up with.

[sarcasm]

you should compete in the getbig contest---   use it as a warm-up show and then peak for your fourth victory at the lavarun invitational!

there's a ziploc bag in room B that has some protan and dreamtan you can use, it'll help to cover up the tattoos. 

you better start taking the udo's oil out of your PWO shakes right now, and cut out the strawberries and cream melt.downs. 

oh, and make sure you get some color on your feet this time, okay?  they're lookin pretty pastey, your sock line is outta control.

you'll do great, make sure you smile and show your teeth on game day!

hey "Mandy" did you ever get that second hand posing suit you needed? maybe if you hang out on the street with a cup in your hand you'll collect enough change to buy one, hahahaha, monster dignity, no wonder your parents can't stand you.

[Mars]

Haha.

[tom joad]

Translation: I took 3rd place out of five at the Mississippi State local county fair Lightweight Division B, Class C, Section 8.  Lost $1500 on my monster cycle, got a trophy, and $50 gift certificate to Al's Super Sups on Main St.

so i guess you're not a fan of Arvilla's road to compete.