Marriage or Cohabitation?

[mahg]

I am a hopeless romantic but am shit scared of marriage and commitment for some reason. All these horror stories, men getting ass raped in divorce court, my 3 million dollar future inheritance house that a woman might try to get half of, so many issues. Plus, I have heard there are many ways a pre nup can be invalidated. So I'm thinking cohabitation (permanent girlfriend) is the better option. Discuss.

[Cap]

I am a hopeless romantic but am shit scared of marriage and commitment for some reason. All these horror stories, men getting ass raped in divorce court, my 3 million dollar future inheritance house that a woman might try to get half of, so many issues. Plus, I have heard there are many ways a pre nup can be invalidated. So I'm thinking cohabitation (permanent girlfriend) is the better option. Discuss.

Can I email one of my college papers on why not to do it?   

As a point of fact, if you are scared of marriage, cohabiting ending in break up will lead to a much likelier scenario of future divorce or so says the research but if you move in with someone you would want to marry you will have an equally good chance at marriage as those who do not cohabitate.  You will also be at a higher risk for domestic violence.  Cheers.

[drkaje]

Seperate apartments might be the best idea considering your luck at picking women.

I'll probably get married again. Not really a priority for me at this point or ever. Women always push for marriage because it elevates their social status and gives the illusion of security.

After hanging out with a guy for a few year a woman run out of excuses why her man hasn't taken the plunge. Around that time guys figure getting married is easier than finding someone new and a good way to shut everyone up. 

Marriage does change everything, however. It's always odd to me when long term couples get divorced soon after marriage. I guess losing the ability to easily bail makes marriage more stressful than long term dating or cohabitation.

[Vet]

Can I email one of my college papers on why not to do it?   

As a point of fact, if you are scared of marriage, cohabiting ending in break up will lead to a much likelier scenario of future divorce or so says the research but if you move in with someone you would want to marry you will have an equally good chance at marriage as those who do not cohabitate.  You will also be at a higher risk for domestic violence.  Cheers.

I've questioned a bunch fo that research because it really seems as if the questioned audience is biased towards the researchers beliefs.    I lived with my wife for 6 1/2 of the 7 years we dated.  We've been together almost 15 years now and I dont regret any bit of the time we lived together.   

My kid brother just went through a NASTY breakup that basically involved the woman he was engaged to moving out- her daddy manipulated her, convinced her it was OK to clean out the apartment and move out of the house they were living in together with less than 2 months before they were due to be married.  Her father basically created a gigantic disaster that ended up in the two of them having a messy, messy breakup that if my brother hadn't been living with her in teh first place, he may not have found out what her parents were capable of until after he was married.... at which point it would have been too late. 

[mbell]

If I was single I think I would have to live together before deciding to get married. If you get married, you are commiting to share everything. If that means you lose some if it ends in divorce, so be it. It's just money right? 

[JasonH]

I am a hopeless romantic but am shit scared of marriage and commitment for some reason. All these horror stories, men getting ass raped in divorce court, my 3 million dollar future inheritance house that a woman might try to get half of, so many issues. Plus, I have heard there are many ways a pre nup can be invalidated. So I'm thinking cohabitation (permanent girlfriend) is the better option. Discuss.

I'm on the fence on this one. I'm one of these lucky people who has a decent wife and we share everything equally and there's no problems (been together 7 years now).

However, I can see why people get screwed in marriages cos they rush into it thinking it's all going to work out fine.

My advice - don't take the plunge until you're 100% sure. I'm happy with the decision I made but for everyone of me, there are hundreds of others who would disagree with me.

[Cap]

I've questioned a bunch fo that research because it really seems as if the questioned audience is biased towards the researchers beliefs.    I lived with my wife for 6 1/2 of the 7 years we dated.  We've been together almost 15 years now and I dont regret any bit of the time we lived together.   

My kid brother just went through a NASTY breakup that basically involved the woman he was engaged to moving out- her daddy manipulated her, convinced her it was OK to clean out the apartment and move out of the house they were living in together with less than 2 months before they were due to be married.  Her father basically created a gigantic disaster that ended up in the two of them having a messy, messy breakup that if my brother hadn't been living with her in teh first place, he may not have found out what her parents were capable of until after he was married.... at which point it would have been too late. 

Exceptions are not the rule but they can happen.  In terms of your bro, family pressure is a major reason for relationship dissolution.  Is there more to that story though because it seems like there may have been issues brewing and your bro could have seen them coming before marriage unless his then-in laws were completely fake people all the time.

If I was single I think I would have to live together before deciding to get married. If you get married, you are commiting to share everything. If that means you lose some if it ends in divorce, so be it. It's just money right? 

Not if you are working or selling your house to provide for the other partner's past life style.  If you are the successful partner, you will lose more than you think, especially if there are kids.  Put everything you can in your name and get a prenup (and provide her/him with counsel to ensure that a judge might one day see it as fair).  Bottom line, no marriage is safe, no relationship is safe...the real question is, how much money can you store in cash for that rainy.  When did Noah build the Ark?  Before the storm, before the storm.

[24KT]

There are winners & losers on both sides and both sexes in the marriage & co-habitation game.

The bottom line is know what you expect from the marriage or co-habitation arrangement going in,
and make sure your partner understands your expectations, as well as their own.

Only through mutual understanding can you have any hopes of making any arrangement work.

Character counts more than you can possibly imagine, ...and certainly more so than people give credit for these days.

[Playboy]

I am a hopeless romantic but am shit scared of marriage and commitment for some reason. All these horror stories, men getting ass raped in divorce court, my 3 million dollar future inheritance house that a woman might try to get half of, so many issues. Plus, I have heard there are many ways a pre nup can be invalidated. So I'm thinking cohabitation (permanent girlfriend) is the better option. Discuss.

I hear you. Especially with the alarming divorce rate. The main thing is that you take your sweet time and make sure that "she's" the right one. If you both truly love and respect eachother. I realise that its easier said than done.

[Vet]

Exceptions are not the rule but they can happen.  In terms of your bro, family pressure is a major reason for relationship dissolution.  Is there more to that story though because it seems like there may have been issues brewing and your bro could have seen them coming before marriage unless his then-in laws were completely fake people all the time.

It caught him completely by surprise.  She told him that she had a friend with a sick child---which she did ad she was staying at the friends house for a few days to babysit for her so that the friend could keep going to work.   Apparently during that time her father called and announced he was on her way and was moving her back home, if my brother really loved her, he'd follow her.   She, for whatever reason, couldn't tell her daddy no as her parents went through my brothers house and packed up everything.   She also couldn't call my brother to tell him what was happening.  They went so far as to remove sugar and pasta from their canisters and put it in gallon freezer bags and take the canisters with them.  My brother literally came home to an empty house---he walked in through the garage, which was essentially untouched, to the kitchen, then saw the letter and the living room.   You tell me that shits not fucked up.   And it was literally within days of their wedding. 

[Cap]

It caught him completely by surprise.  She told him that she had a friend with a sick child---which she did ad she was staying at the friends house for a few days to babysit for her so that the friend could keep going to work.   Apparently during that time her father called and announced he was on her way and was moving her back home, if my brother really loved her, he'd follow her.   She, for whatever reason, couldn't tell her daddy no as her parents went through my brothers house and packed up everything.   She also couldn't call my brother to tell him what was happening.  They went so far as to remove sugar and pasta from their canisters and put it in gallon freezer bags and take the canisters with them.  My brother literally came home to an empty house---he walked in through the garage, which was essentially untouched, to the kitchen, then saw the letter and the living room.   You tell me that shits not fucked up.   And it was literally within days of their wedding. 

Definitely a harsh move to do.  Not quite sure I can even fathom why the father would do that within days of the wedding.  He did not like them cohabiting or their relationship period?

[Vet]

Definitely a harsh move to do.  Not quite sure I can even fathom why the father would do that within days of the wedding.  He did not like them cohabiting or their relationship period?

He had been somewhat difficult throughout the wedding plans---was refusing to walk her down the isle.  There were some religious differences (My family is Catholic, her family is Bapticostal Fundamentalist Weirdo) but they weren't between my brother and his ex-fiance, they were her parents.  He was always nice to my brother and talked about how much he liked him.  His final word was he wanted his daughter closer to home---my brother and her lived about 3 hours from her parents and if my brother loved her, he'd understand that and give up a very, very good job and move closer. 

[24KT]

Sounds to me like there were 3 people in your brother's relationship, ...and he didn't know his fiancè very well.

Sounds to me like the father-in-law did him a favour. He should be grateful, call it a day, ...and move on.

[Palpatine Q]

If I was single I think I would have to live together before deciding to get married. If you get married, you are commiting to share everything. If that means you lose some if it ends in divorce, so be it. It's just money right? 

It's not "just money" when 90% is yours

[Monster_Everything]

Get married and bang prostitutes. Win win situation

[tonymctones]

gezz man thats rough but i agree it sounds like they did him favor...In response to the original question. The research does support that cohabitating before marrige leads to a higher divorce rate, not sure why. And even if you dont marry the girl if she lives with you long enough shes gonna be your common law wife and you'll get screwed anyway. I guess just try and pick a good one and hope for the best