Baking

[calfzilla]

You cut half the prize with me I'll sort you out a recipe.

Acually I don't even know what the prize is, if anything at all.  Just hoping to get a drunken bj from the girl leading the contest thingy lol. 

[calfzilla]

If thats the case. I got your back. Send me the rules and regs. I'll send you the winning recipe. 'Tis the season.

Hmm I don't think there are rules.  Just bring a great tasting desert.  I assume it should be non-alcoholic cuz it's a school. 

[calfzilla]

Chocolate all the way then. Simple, not expensive, tasty, whats the date of the party?

Dec 18th I think. 

[Tapeworm]

I don't want to work in a fucking bakery. I'm 33, I don't hang out with a crew of scrawny teenage "welps" whatever the fuck that is and I have no interest in blistering skin off my forearms trying to be like mommy. Nice cupcakes...fag.

[calfzilla]

What exactly did I fail at? There's nothing wrong with a man cooking a meal, I do all the time. But a fucking cooking contest at work? That's just a wee bit gay and I'd imagine the overwhelming majority of them are women. Obviously you took offense because cooking is your passion. If so, I apologize...fag.

I agree.  If I were to bake a cake, I think I would have a sudden urge to have sex with another man.   

[webcake]

Lot of people here intimidated by men with muscles who also happen to make fucking awesome desserts.

[11venthhour]

Look man I'm sorry but I just don't see the urge in entering a desert baking contest with a bunch of chicks at work ok?

yup because hanging out with women is gay, especially if you are trying to hook up with one of them. yup thats gotta to be gay, bay will be chiming in on this very soon with the underworld of baking contests.
yup knowing how to do things on your own so you don't have ask someone or spend more money than necessary thats sounds gay too.
all around homo

[11venthhour]

Do yourself a favor and look up the definition of intimidated ok. Matter of fact look at what you just typed...gay.

nothing like a homophobe on a BB board

[webcake]

All i know is that this thread was about baking but you come along and start talking about sucking dick.

[webcake]

Good to see you have come to your senses.....

[11venthhour]

If that's the only way you can hang out with women then you my friend need some help. Do you hang out at pta meetings? Tupperware parties? Knowing how to do things on your own? That's all you got? If you're interested in a woman you don't have to enter a fucking desert baking contest to get in her pants but you guys are such fucking big time players who am I to say anything. You guys OWNED me ok...

homo its a work party, ever been to work anywhere beside a fast food joint or a gym.

owning epic bringing it back 4 years there bud.

[Tapeworm]

You seem a little threatened by baking, crust-of-iron. 

[11venthhour]

I've never been an employee in either. I don't use the terms "epic" or "owned" but I know the majority of losers here get
off on it so I figured I'd give you what you want since for most here this is their life. Notice how long I've been a member and my post count. That should tell you something. There's no point in continuing going back and fourth with you betty crocker wannabe's. My girlfriend cooks for me and she's damn good. I understand you losers have absolutely zero game and you think that's the way to get your dream girl. So go bake a fucking fruit cake and tell us all about how you bagged her...

she cooks for me too so its nothing really to brag about

[calfzilla]

I think the moral of the story is to not fuck with calfzilla.  Obviously I am far too powerful and have too many friends. 

Excuse me for liking desert and pussy. 

[CalvinH]

Just bring vodka.

[Eyeball Chambers]

Cannoli are very easy if you have a deep fryer (you're Scottish, right?  ), cannoli tubes (cheap to buy), and a pastry bag.  (Also basic kitchen stuff like a rolling pin, mixing bowls, spoons, sieve for dusting, etc.)  Always popular and a lot more interesting than the cookies & pies you'll be up against.  You might even be able to just buy the cannoli shells and knock up a filling (don't fill the shells until serving), so all you'll need is a large pastry bag.  Can't go wrong with chocolate and maraschino cherry, or dark chocolate and candied orange imo.



A midrange effort would be something like a choux pastry - easy to knock up and bake into cream puffs or eclairs and basic fillings don't require much skill (unless you are totally inexperienced in the kitchen).



I don't know much about dessert wines but you probably can't go wrong with a...erm... white one.  A little of the right booze in fillings can really set them off but don't go overboard or you'll give people the wrong impression of you.  

Don't attempt anything beyond your skills, like trying 6 kinds of petit fours if you've never made a pastry before.  Better to do something simple and do it well.  Don't try to make puff pastry if you've never done it before (although you can buy it frozen) and keep entirely clear of sfogliatelli unless you own a dough sheeter!
  
If you're feeling really lazy, just prepare a selection of cheeses and a white wine (non-dessert).

Let me know if you want the procedure for these or anything else.

Slurp 

[WillGrant]

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